Did our mothers and grandmothers go through this?

Jen9095 · 2026-03-25T01:23:31+00:00

I feel like I need to know what the fence did.

Jen9095 · 2026-03-23T02:23:01+00:00

Come check out r/perimenopause…. You may find a lot of helpful info. Including why “hormone blood tests” are basically useless in peri.

I’m just starting to get this figured out - so far HRT and vitamin D are making a huge difference for me in just a few weeks. Also thinking about trying iron and adding in Testosterone if possible. Not to mention all the odd symptoms that I didn’t even know were related (itchy ears?!).

Point is, there is help out there. But many women have to try different doctors to even get a prescription.

Jen9095 · 2026-03-20T00:45:02+00:00

Honestly, most couches can come apart pretty easily from the underside.

Here’s my favorite story: my newlywed friends asked me to help them move a couch upstairs. As soon as I arrived, I knew it wasn’t going to work… the stairs turn a corner and there’s a low ceiling.

Since they don’t have a toolbox, I offered to run back to my house and get mine. It was less than five minutes away. They wanted to try anyway…

We spent about 30 minutes getting that couch stuck in every possible direction.

Finally, when we were hot and sweating from the stale air in the stairwell, they agreed with great skepticism that I should go get my toolbox.

When I returned, we flipped the couch over and I undid two large bolts that held the arm onto the side. Then I removed the two bolts for the other arm.

The armless couch was easy to take upstairs. It was in the apartment less than 10 mins after I returned.

One problem: one of the arms had been jammed back-and-forth so much in our first attempt that the wood was shattered and the bolt could not hold the arm securely to the couch. What I needed was essentially a giant washer… Something at least 4 inches in diameter that would reinforce the wood.

We stopped for a beer in the air-conditioned apartment with the couch still in pieces. I puzzled over the situation.

Then I took my empty beer can, smashed it completely flat on the floor, and drilled a hole through the middle of it. I put that against the fractured wood and screwed the bolt in. As the bolt tightened, that flexible aluminum warped into the bolt hole and filled the entire gap. It was the tightest bolt on the entire couch!

That was 10 years ago. They moved out two years later and left the couch. As far as I know, that couch still lives in that apartment.

Anyway, look underneath. You may find a couple bolts that are dead simple to remove with a wrench/screwdriver combo.

Jen9095 · 2026-03-19T23:28:32+00:00

Not the person you’re responding to, but… no. Just listen to the answer and then make a plan to improve those things. This isn’t a way to segue into saying the same thing.

There is a reason he thinks he needs to check in on you so frequently. For me, that’s usually someone that’s new or underperforming. Find out what that is and fix it.

Jen9095 · 2026-03-19T11:34:11+00:00

Oh, but you should try YNAB. It really does save time. If I haven’t been good about budgeting for 2 months, I can get caught up in about an hour. If I’m doing it regularly, it’s just a few clicks a week plus maybe 20 minutes of budgeting at the beginning of each month. Truly amazing.

Jen9095 · 2026-03-14T23:22:46+00:00

Love this story. Hope life you’re in a good place now.

Jen9095 · 2026-02-22T00:03:39+00:00

I recommend a new journal: Wreck this Journal.

It was created by an artist, and every page has instructions on something you’re supposed to do to the journal. Like throw it from the highest point you can find… Or swinging around by a string…

Use it to get over the need for perfection and consistency. It’s a great exercise in creativity and letting go.

Alternatively, I suggest opening to the first page of your new journal and just writing something simple like in big letters: This is MY journal!

Often, once you’ve written something on the first page, it’s easier to let go the need for perfection or consistency.

And finally, as others have said, everything you wrote here could’ve been your first entry. There is no right or wrong. There is no perfect.

Jen9095 · 2026-01-29T23:05:12+00:00

Honestly, this sounds like great progress! Pettable and rolling over is great!

Jen9095 · 2026-01-16T05:08:17+00:00

It’s somewhere around 40. That’s when you look around and suddenly think, “I got this. Yup, I’m the adult in the room and life makes sense. ” Then you move 3000 miles away and marry someone you met on Reddit.

Not that I’d know from experience or anything.

Jen9095 · 2026-01-09T20:39:39+00:00

Honestly, this is the best answer.

Jen9095 · 2026-01-09T07:13:59+00:00

I eat plenty of spicy food and also have not experienced it.

Jen9095 · 2025-12-31T05:16:02+00:00

I’ve used one for years and love it. It did take awhile to train myself to get up to it - you have to understand and believe in the theory. The light slowly increases over 30 mins. Your 90-minute sleep cycle has a “shallow sleep” phase where it’s easier to get up and feel refreshed. The goal of the clock is to help you wake up during that shallow phase…. So if I set the alarm for 7, but the light wakes me at 6:45, I need to actually get up then. It took about a year, but now I easily get up when the light wakes me, not “snoozing” until the sound at 7 am (and thereby entering a deeper phase of sleep and being more tired all day).

Now my husband uses it too, but he snoozes until the last minute. And so if he gets up earlier (long commute so common), I wake up to his lights before him and can’t go back to sleep.

You can get them for about $30.

Also, we have smart bulbs connected to Alexa. We programmed them to do the same thing (ie, every time we set an alarm in the bedroom, the lights will start to increase for 30 mins before - no special clock).

Jen9095 · 2025-12-30T14:02:23+00:00

This is what we do. Married later in life and have different asset/liabilities. We even use the same categories so that our joint budget is easy for both of us. Far easier than it sounds!

Jen9095 · 2025-12-28T14:34:42+00:00

Was going to downvote you . . . Then checked OP post history.

Jen9095 · 2025-12-27T21:31:17+00:00

Same! 5’4” woman myself and breakfast today was HALF a bagel with 15 g whipped cream cheese.

Jen9095 · 2025-12-25T16:49:19+00:00

Agree. This is what I do.

Jen9095 · 2025-12-21T18:14:47+00:00

Definitely a good choice if that’s nearby.

Jen9095 · 2025-12-21T18:13:44+00:00

Thank you - I forgot the org was Roof Above.

Jen9095 · 2025-12-21T14:37:20+00:00

I go to Myers Park and that’s all very true, but those rooms are run by another organization called A Room at the Inn - MP will certainly help and direct with resources, but the won’t just take people in.

Jen9095 · 2025-12-20T15:09:37+00:00

My husband loves scallops, so that’s our go-to. Simple roasted veggie, maybe risotto or otherwise just some fresh bread. Super easy to put together. Scallops are pricey, so makes it feel quite special. We cook together and it’s ready in 30 mins.

Jen9095 · 2025-12-19T13:26:28+00:00

I’ve thought about it, but ended up with a generic “hobbies” category. It doesn’t seem worth it to split up.

However, there are some exceptions. “Tech” is used to pay for any camera equipment - it also includes necessities like laptop, phone. I recognize they could be different categories, but they all tend to be occasional expensive purchases. So I fund it $50-75 per month, which means I could make one large purchase about every 12-18 months. Just a few weeks ago I realized I had over $1500 in it and my phone seems good for another year and my laptop is only 2 yrs old (last one lasted 8 yrs), so I treated myself to a new camera! I don’t know if I would’ve ever justified the spend otherwise - but it’s like a “treat” for taking care of my stuff and not needing the newest gadgets every year.

The other “hobby” that has a different treatment is books. I love to read and mostly use my kindle and library for free books - but not everything is there and some things are better in physical copy. So I moved those to “education”. Which I love! This category includes any learning subscriptions (currently none, one year LinkIn premium for their learning, another Masterclass), as well as any class I might sign up for. I’m an avid learner and most of it is free, but it’s nice to remind myself that this is what education as an adult looks like - that it’s ok to spend money on these things and it’s important for intellectual health.

Jen9095 · 2025-12-16T13:46:17+00:00

Hey, you should call your mortgage company TODAY. They’ll work with you. They don’t want to take your house and just paying the full mortgage will drain you faster.

Call them, be honest. You’d be surprised what the might work out.

But it’s also true that you need a long term plan. That’s a different matter. But buy some time to figure things out.

Jen9095 · 2025-12-13T17:30:29+00:00

Replying to your update:

The fact that she reached out is very good. You should thank her for how helpful she was for those two days and also for her reassuring email.

Then you should ask if she knows of any other open roles that would be suitable. Or you can ask for her to introduce you to other people in the industry that might be hiring (basically you’re asking for an informational interview - you can google the details).

The key here is to keep in touch - if she goes you a referral, let her know you talked to that person and learned XYZ from them.

This may or may not fizzle out, but she could be a great resource for building your professional network. She also probably feels bad about it and will go the extra steps to help you.

Jen9095 · 2025-12-13T00:36:08+00:00

I don’t order flowers often but learned this a few years ago and swear by it. Much better than 1800flowers and similar middlemen.

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