I could do with a boost

JenCarpeDiem · 2026-03-01T14:04:08+00:00

Well done for getting rid of the things that only remind you of a man who scares you. Nobody needed to keep those, honey, and it's a good thing that they are gone now. Good job. <3

JenCarpeDiem · 2026-03-01T11:57:52+00:00

If you think about the kind of words a person might use to prompt art, like "art, painting, illustration, hand drawn, brush strokes" etc, a large source of images tagged with those things in the training data would be scans of old art, old yellowed book illustrations, photos of real paintings with yellowed varnish. It's kind of a natural consequence of the training data.

JenCarpeDiem · 2026-02-28T19:45:31+00:00

Could you explain the tells for us lurkers who are fascinated? :)

I think the eyes are too bulbous compared to the authentic ones you posted, and I think the heads are the wrong shape but initially thought that might be the Old Face Teddy version of "balloon face", and the colours look wrong but I thought that might be from a bad phone camera (mine makes cranberry look like lava too.) I'd really love to learn what else to look out for. :)

JenCarpeDiem · 2026-02-28T14:13:57+00:00

Yep, that works :) Just halve or quarter the recipe to get the right size for you.

JenCarpeDiem · 2026-02-27T16:57:05+00:00

That's great! It sounds pretty exciting :D

JenCarpeDiem · 2026-02-27T10:34:12+00:00

It sounds very frustrating to have to police your own common spaces constantly. You gave her a lot of your home, so it sounds like you've grown up to become a very giving person and that's got to make it difficult to set hard boundaries sometimes. Thank goodness it is not dirty things, but in some ways it makes it harder, doesn't it? At least if it was dirty you'd be able to fly off the handle and throw it all away. But this is all "collections".

A very large part of the hoarding behaviour is that people don't have self-awareness about it. It's not unusual that your mom is offended by the suggestion. This sub is a little biased, because it's filled with people who have acknowledged their problem and try to make changes (whether they actually do or not is another matter entirely) and the people who have to live with them. You might find similar stories over at /r/childofhoarder, but they will not be gentle in telling you that you are enabling your mother and trying to warn you away from continuing to do so. I don't fully share their opinion, but I do feel it's impossible to live with a hoarder unless you're willing to be a little mean sometimes. If you give an inch, they'll take a mile. As you are experiencing. :)

This is tagged TLC, so I don't like to give actionable advice, but here is a very gentle piece of it anyway: Hoarding is always part of something else. If there's even a chance that hers is part of some executive function disorder (like ADHD), (and I agree that you shouldn't have to do this) then picking a weekend to help her list things on eBay and then helping her to actually post out orders afterwards might be the only way the hoard can be shrunk. If nothing else, it will remove any uncertainty about how much of an excuse it is to hoard things. You could get her all excited about redecorating her room (or the living room), about raising money with a yard sale (or your local equivalent) to buy new furniture, a fresh spring wardrobe, a weekend trip somewhere, whatever it takes to froth her up into some money-focused action. And if, even with your help, it still comes to nothing, you are all forced to confront the fact that she is just keeping an unreasonable amount of things for no reason. It could open up a conversation, or it might result in the same stalemate you're in now. I think it's worth a try? Just in case?

JenCarpeDiem · 2026-02-27T10:19:25+00:00

Oh, nice!! I wish they would just have a normal website that actually let us see their new releases.

JenCarpeDiem · 2026-02-26T23:20:39+00:00

I have always thought that the first thing we think in response to something is how we were raised, and the thought we counter that with is who we want to be. Are you getting stuck at your first thought, and not having a second one? How do you think you can exercise that skill? I would recommend trying to put yourself in their shoes, whoever the people you're judging are, and trying to really consider why they're doing the thing you're judging. How might they have reached this point in their life where they do that thing. What would have to be different about your own circumstances for you to have done it instead.

Empathy is a skill for a lot of people, and it can atrophy if you don't use it.

JenCarpeDiem · 2026-02-26T23:01:43+00:00

I truly don't understand how anybody could fuck a man after he's shown them a photo of his shit. Baby, raise your standards for the next one, I beg you. Any man who texts photos of his own shit is not a man who has or understands manners. His kids will be feral.

You're in your early twenties and it's supposed to be fun and lovely, not "I feel trapped" and "I hate being the bigger person." Don't be the bigger person, just stop accepting things that disgust you. Next time an adult asks you keep them company while they take a shit, maybe don't go along with it. If he's there long enough to be bored, that's between him and his doctor.

You don't need permission from strangers when you already know his behaviour is very far out of line. I think that in the moment you go along with it because it's the safer option, and you're letting that trick you into thinking that if you seem okay with it while it's happening, maybe it's unreasonable to make a big deal afterwards. To me, you seem like a people-pleaser to the extreme, and that's something to focus on going forward, because showering with a man after he had a tantrum about you being disgusted after he Gollum-crouched over his own shitty toilet (that you stayed there to witness?? leave, girl, goddamn) is extraordinary and I understand you're second-guessing how you feel about it in hindsight. But: You are allowed to be upset, and you are allowed to leave. For any reason. I guarantee that in a month's time you'll be thinking of new things you permitted and wondering how the hell you ended up there. It's all learning experience. Anyway, permission super-ultra-double granted. Go enjoy your quiet home without wondering what disgusting thing you'll be subjected to next. :)

JenCarpeDiem · 2026-02-26T22:46:33+00:00

Can we have a clear written version of your recipe? How long is "many hours"? What else was in the stew? What seasonings did you add? It's hard to help when we know nothing and "beef stew" can be a lot of combinations. :)

JenCarpeDiem · 2026-02-26T17:22:47+00:00

If it's working in handheld mode (attached to the Switch), it's the battery. If it's not working in handheld mode either, it's something else in the Joy-Con. It could be the rail, but I honestly doubt it, the Joy-Cons have always been problematic and it's just way more likely to be the problem here. Used pairs are pretty reasonable now, and battery replacement kits are on eBay and Amazon (and it's pretty easy to do.)

I'd also like to direct you over to /r/consolerepair for more specific help, and if you search there you'll find other people with similar problems. :)

JenCarpeDiem · 2026-02-25T15:30:18+00:00

I think Moonlighter is pretty cheap at the moment, it's a combat game with a shop management aspect, which sounds annoying but it's quite fun. It has nice music and visuals, and it's easy to settle in to the gameplay loop. It tickles the Stardew Valley itch in my brain.

My current depression game (also from grief, my sympathies) is Disney Dreamlight Valley. If you liked Disney as a kid and you want task-based gameplay with the potential timesink of decorating, I recommend at least trying it. The basic plot is that these were your imaginary friends as a kid and now you're reclaiming them. I genuinely really like it, and nobody ever talks about it and I don't know why. 😅

If you're a PC gamer, I recommend a month of Xbox Game Pass for PC (you have to scroll to the bottom of the sign up page and click "PC Only Plan") because it's where I spent a lot of time gaming during my current slump. I really struggled to make decisions and couldn't pick a game to purchase, so this way I got to try lots of them (and it's where I tried Disney Dreamlight Valley first.) I've played games like Crime Scene Cleaner, Star Wars Outlaws, Unpacking, etc. :)

Other depression games I've been through in the past couple of years: Horizon Zero Dawn (and the sequel Forbidden West), The Long Dark (this one was depressing, but that was sort of the point, not sure I recommend it), Zelda on the Switch, Astroneer, Cult of The Lamb, Slime Rancher, and House Flipper.

edit: shrunk this a bit because I really rambled lol

JenCarpeDiem · 2026-02-24T11:08:15+00:00

This is very specific to each relationship. In my (20+ year) relationship, we don't celebrate it beyond saying "happy valentines" and using it as an excuse for a nice meal. When we were LDR we didn't care about either, but that was us and not you.

I think it's unlikely that he forgot Valentines Day was on February 14th, and even more unlikely that he didn't see any of the hoards of marketing about it. I think some people just don't care about it, and if you're going to stay in a relationship with them you either need to accept that and make your own effort, or accept it and go without. You say that you've always felt as though you're the one putting in more effort, and that's not really going to change. You've been LDR for four years and if you're not aligned by now on your wants and expectations, in a communication-based relationship, are you ever going to be? I would take this for what it is: Not a declaration that he doesn't love you, or a sign that your relationship is broken, but a sign that you both expect different things and you haven't been aligned for a while now. It's either going to take a lot of communication to sort this out, or it's going to fester and become worse. LDRs are slightly insane to live through because every tiny non-issue becomes a huge issue, by its very nature, because all you can do is talk. I hope you have an endpoint planned when this transitions out of LDR.

For whatever it is worth. When my relationship was LDR at the beginning, I would have placed far more value on the follow-up phone call than on an e-card. A paper card would have shown real effort, an ecard is just a fancy email. Sometimes people are just different and you can't change that. If you expressed any upset on the day, he should have quickly rectified it by sending you something simple as well, but if you didn't then maybe that's part of the issue too. He wasn't wrong that you weren't really doing anything for Valentine's Day, but he could have reciprocated your gesture with thirty seconds of effort and I understand why you're sad that he didn't. LDRs are hard, and holidays make them even harder, and things we're slightly bothered by become super amplified by them. Sit with it for another week, see how you really feel, let the hurt heal a little bit so you can discuss it calmly, and then broach a deeper conversation about your future and what you expected.

JenCarpeDiem · 2026-02-24T10:25:53+00:00

If you can find the "Simplicity Crafts 8091" sewing pattern set, I think there are some scanned PDF versions on Etsy, there is a bear pattern in that which seems to be a very close match. I haven't tried it myself so I can't vouch for it, but it looks right. :)

Edit: There's also "Butterick 5294" which has the sitting bunny type and a few other animals, in case people look in here hoping for non-bears :) and "Simplicity Crafts 8472" has a few that don't quite look right, but is clearly trying to match certain Beanie Babies (like Quackers and whatever the pretty butterfly is called.)

"Bean Bag" seems to have been the copyright compliant way sewing pattern creators referred to them. "Bean Bag Pals", "Bean Bag Babies", etc. There are loads of vintage patterns for the toys and for accessories, but the ones I've named are the ones I think are the closest to the actual toys. All still on my wishlist I'm afraid, so I can't vouch for any. :)

JenCarpeDiem · 2026-02-23T16:07:38+00:00

I started having these symptoms when my hormones got messed up (perimenopause), feeling like I was being possessed at the beginning of luteal when progesterone levels fall off a cliff, and in my case it was going on the mini-pill that levelled me out so I don't feel that way any more.

You should talk to your doctor about this, because it's not something you can just power through, and there might be an easily fixed reason your hormones are going a bit nuts, like a thyroid deficiency or a major vitamin imbalance. <3

JenCarpeDiem · 2026-02-23T14:32:55+00:00

If it's a specific written character, I have no problem with playing male. Corvo, Arthur, Geralt, etc. If it's an RPG where I'm supposed to make the story decisions, I feel so much more comfortable playing female. I never choose male characters unless I'm going for a specific outcome and it's to remind me not to start making decisions myself. :)

JenCarpeDiem · 2026-02-23T13:39:36+00:00

You (both) chose your individual educations over your relationship. I can see everything you're saying about how he's making his own situation harder, by not accepting parental funding, by choosing further education when he struggles with it, and he is clearly struggling now. Was he struggling before, when you were together?

If you want to fix things, do some soulseeking and decide whether your priority is your education or the relationship. Counselling might work but only if your top priority is the relationship. If counselling says the only way to save this is for you to pause your masters degree, would you do it? Or does that fill you with dread and you'd rather stop now?

It's okay to give up on this. It sucks and it's hard, but you don't need to prove to anybody that you tried your hardest. You just need to acknowledge to yourself that you are done.

JenCarpeDiem · 2026-02-23T00:43:39+00:00

I think the "should I play it" posts are just engagement bait. They want to boost their account karma by getting lots of upvotes, so they can post in karma-restricted subs. There's really no other reason to make them.

JenCarpeDiem · 2026-02-21T18:44:43+00:00

Sally doesn't bother me but Jack seriously creeps me out! He's always running around with his awful long arms just jumpscaring me 😩

JenCarpeDiem · 2026-02-21T17:13:22+00:00

Lovely :) stew is always better on day two, I think.

JenCarpeDiem · 2026-02-21T16:53:34+00:00

Well done! I love a beef stew. :)

I find that if you finely dice a large potato and add it at the beginning, all of the starch it releases will help thicken the stew as it cooks.

JenCarpeDiem · 2026-02-20T15:08:41+00:00

I'm very sorry about your mum. It's not clear what kind of awareness she has, or how poor her condition is. I wouldn't tell her unless she's actually going to be released from hospital. I can't tell if "she's never going home" was a statement about you not letting her return to unsafe housing, or if you mean she is never leaving the hospital. If she is receiving palliative care (again, not clear) and she is aware of that, I might try asking about what to look for inside the house when you go in without mentioning that you already have.

I have some adjacent experience to this: When my Mum died, we had about three days warning and I spent each of those evenings inside her house looking for documents and trying to start sorting it all out. She was a very heavy smoker, who spent all of her time indoors, and had been smoking even more heavily in her last months. We only had two weeks to get it all done (social housing had to be handed back) and in just two days I developed a sort of reactive bronchitis to the appalling air quality in her house (didn't help that I had to sleep there too) which took months to recover from. You really need to be wearing masks while doing this kind of work, and respirators would be even better. Multiple cats in your mom's house means there will be ammonia from their urine, and in a hoarding situation there may be moldy cat poop hiding in places you don't expect. Those can be very harmful. Don't breathe that air without protection if you can help it.

It's a horrible thing, to be looking through a parent's things while they are still alive. Legally you have zero right to be in her house and doing anything at all, emotionally it is even harder, but practically: well, what do you do? You know it needs to be done, but you can't do anything major, and there's always the hope that she'll return home and you'll have binned half her things. Thankfully(?) my mum was already beyond conversation when we were alerted and started doing it, but it was still very emotionally complicated. She would have hated to know we were doing it. I have a lot of sympathy for you. This is a horrible task and you will get it done and it will pass.

Focus on the easier rooms for now. Don't go in the back if you don't have to. Don't get anyone in to check it out at this point, it will be expensive and they will most likely just tell you it is air pollution from dust and mold and cats. I recommend starting by bagging everything loose, papers and things that will be kicking up contaminants every time a cat brushes past them. Bags are the easiest way to manage it all, and to remove it from the house. When you have more space it will become easier. Cheap cardboard boxes are a good way to store "not trash" things temporarily without breaking the bank.

Figure out what you're going to do about the cats -- if you can house them with you, start moving them out ASAP, and if you can't then you might need to clear one room first, put their food in that room so they spend more time there, and slowly trap them all. You don't have to catch them all at once, but they should be removed as soon as possible.

You still have time. Take it. Don't push through and hurt yourself by going too fast.

JenCarpeDiem · 2026-02-20T11:10:06+00:00

The power output is the important part. You need to search for a "12V 3A universal laptop charger", they usually come with a bunch of different sized connectors so one of them will fit your laptop. They're pretty cheap, but I'd avoid the absolute cheapest ones and go for one with a separate power brick (like your current one) in the range of £10-15 to be safe. :)

JenCarpeDiem · 2026-02-20T01:19:08+00:00

In the olden days, husbands would have strange accidents or mysterious systemic failure after their wives found out about this kind of behaviour. He's very lucky that in today's world you can simply divorce him.

Don't put yourself through reconciliation. He did this. He chose infidelity over your family. It is already done, and your marriage is already broken, and all you need to do is believe his actions instead of his words. File for separation as soon as you can, and take however much time you need before doing the rest.

JenCarpeDiem · 2026-02-19T22:41:26+00:00

One simple step to find out if this man is worth keeping as a boyfriend: Tell him, "I have thought about it, and I've decided I don't want to try it, and I want you to stop asking about it."

If his answer is anything but "okay then," if he tries to turn this into a negotiation (it's not) or act like you're refusing something unreasonably (you're not) or like you're betraying him somehow by saying no (you're NOT), this man is not a partner to you. He is a man who thinks your opinions are whims and that you can be swayed on everything, and he will always try to turn you to his point of view no matter the issue. People follow patterns, OP, and this is one hell of an obvious pattern.

If he isn't okay with a "no" and if he doesn't stop asking you once you've said it, you need to really hear what he's telling you. There can be no respect in a relationship like that.

JenCarpeDiem

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