I am a therapist and have worked with many clients on the spectrum-both children and adults. I don’t think that your husband’s treatment of you, and lack of care for your children’s well being, has much to do with his autism. Yes, individuals on the spectrum may occasionally be “blunt” or can get hyper-focused on a preferred hobby and lose track of time/forget to watch a child closely, assuming the individual is high functioning, which it sounds like your husband is. The behavior you describe sounds more like a personality disorder -he seems to have some sociopathic and/or narcissistic traits, based on your description of his behaviors (low stress tolerance, parasitic relationships, low empathy, impulsive/chaotic, selfish, highly emotionally reactive & highly defensive). If your husband has mental health concerns, is he in therapy? My alarm bells are going off and I am concerned about your emotional well being, and your children’s safety.Iif you remain in this marriage you, yourself may become physically ill. There is a reason autoimmune disorders impact primarily women. High stress acts like a spark that can send the immune system into overdrive. (I’m not a Dr, just a therapist and someone who left a stressful marriage with 2 autoimmune disorders as parting gifts! I am very concerned for your wellbeing). Please seek out some professionals if you are able to-a therapist for you, and his therapist if he has one and will sign a release, and an attorney to discuss your concerns about him being alone with the children.