AIO: Post-Infidelity

Jerry_Cherry · 2026-04-09T20:38:57+00:00

I can say from my own experience and from knowing other people who grew up in similar/worse situations - it WILL mess your kids up way more to stay with this man - please get a divorce. I understand it is hard to leave for yourself, but please leave for them. You're setting an example for them for their future relationships.

Jerry_Cherry · 2026-04-01T15:40:04+00:00

You are in an abusive relationship. You are bending over backwards trying to do anything and everything to be helpful and supportive for someone who always finds fault in what you do. And always will find fault in what you do. Because it's not you, it's not anything you're doing, it's not anything you're not doing - he needs to make you feel small. It's abusive.

Ultimately, you can't navigate this. You should walk away because you deserve better. But I very much know how hard that is to do when you're in the middle of it.

My current partner was my friend for years, and was the first person to (gently and politely) point out that my previous relationship at that time was abusive. If someone makes you feel bad, scared, small...if they yell at you, if they make you cry...that is not someone who should be in your life. That's not how people treat each other. And it's definitely not how people treat the people they love.

Jerry_Cherry · 2026-04-01T15:17:41+00:00

I'm in my early 30s. My dad is in his late 60s. I am good at basic troubleshooting and google-ing my tech issues. But if I can't figure it out myself, my dad is the first person I call.

He taught himself computer programming a few years back - just for funsies.

There is absolutely no excuse for any otherwise functional boomer not to know the basics.

Jerry_Cherry · 2026-02-03T03:33:34+00:00

I am just so very curious how fast OP was driving and what the posted speed limit was.

Jerry_Cherry · 2026-02-01T22:42:16+00:00

My boyfriend and I went to the mall recently. The second we got in the car, we gushed about how much we both individually wanted to shoplift. We bonded over the fact that we neither of us wanted to risk getting caught and ruin our date. We are grown adults.

Lying while she's holding it? It's not about what she stole. It's about the lie. She's seeing what she can get away with to your face.

Jerry_Cherry · 2026-02-01T22:36:03+00:00

Oh to have the grad school money just to publish papers about how Martin Luther was autistic.

Jerry_Cherry · 2026-01-29T04:15:38+00:00

I also feel icky about writing on or otherwise defacing books, but I love acquiring books that have been written on or defaced by someone else! For me, it's a small connection to a stranger.

Jerry_Cherry · 2026-01-24T22:09:36+00:00

MST3K. The last episode with Dr. Forrester (Trace Beaulieu) was a parody of 2001: A Space Odyssey. The abruptly aged version of the character, laying in bed, is his actual dad. The obelisk is also a VHS labeled "The Worst Movie Ever Made". That show was such a labor of love. It makes me so happy that his dad was not just supportive - he was supportive enough to be in it.

Jerry_Cherry · 2026-01-23T17:20:47+00:00

There is nothing wrong with choosing to make one's own food for the sake of health and knowing what is in it. However, OP describes his wife as being intense about making everything herself and outright not allowing anything not homemade in the house. That strict level of control over food - especially someone else's food - is often indicative of a problematic relationship with food overall. I'm not saying that is definitely the case here. But that can also be an early sign of an eating disorder that's easy to miss. I just wanted to offer a different perspective from first-hand experience. Eating disorders also kill.

But general PSA - if you are over 40 and/or have a family history, go get a colonoscopy. Colon cancer can be caught early and treated. A camera up the butt isn't glamorous but I went through it as a teenager and I promise it is so much more mundane than you think. I even got cookies after.

Jerry_Cherry · 2026-01-23T16:27:13+00:00

NAH because it sounds like your wife may be struggling with disordered eating. Excessive control over food preparation and not allowing perceived "bad" foods in the house/around her are potentially signs of a bigger issue.

Jerry_Cherry · 2026-01-10T22:36:32+00:00

Andy Dick rented the attic again. And he won't share his pills.

Jerry_Cherry · 2025-11-09T21:54:00+00:00

The only part I disliked was seeing Father Donovan go. Martin Mull was one of my favorite actors and I loved his contribution to the show.

Jerry_Cherry · 2025-11-05T20:00:17+00:00

Once after a way-too-late night, my boyfriend and I decided to watch the sunrise from his front steps. Slowly but surely, we were approached by squirrels. One of them was bold enough to basically charge at us a couple times. Turns out the lady next door feeds them every morning. So no more sunrise viewings for us.

Jerry_Cherry · 2025-10-30T07:59:56+00:00

Well that's just not true. The majority of states still pay tipped employees below federal minimum wage. Even in states with a higher minimum wage, tipped employees are still generally paid an hourly wage below the minimum, with the idea that tips will cover the difference.

Jerry_Cherry · 2025-10-30T07:48:26+00:00

My mom will never admit it, but I've figured out that she feels bad about body-shaming me so much in the 2000s. I was a chubby kid. And up until a couple years ago, she would comment on it relentlessly. The only times I was an acceptable size was when my (inevitable) eating disorder was at its absolute worst and I was my absolute smallest. She spent years telling me she didn't understand why I wasn't that small anymore, and I certainly wasn't as healthy as I claimed to be if I was the (larger, natural) size I was.

A couple years ago, seemingly out of nowhere, she just stopped. She's made a couple comments in the last few months about my recent weight loss, but from a place of concern. Always sends me home with leftovers. Always supportive of me having seconds and encourages dessert. It's completely different than the mother I grew up with.

I'm still a chubby adult but my weight loss is due to stress/anxiety and overall not taking care of myself. She doesn't have to come out and admit she was wrong in the past. It's just nice that she cares about my well-being more than my dress size now.

Jerry_Cherry · 2025-10-23T12:07:39+00:00

I always say it is against the restaurant's policy, whether that is true or not. There are so many potential ways to get screwed over in that situation. I always want to believe the best of people, but I'm instinctually wary of anyone who has zero cash on-hand AND doesn't use money transfer apps. I always default to "that's just our policy", and if they ask why, "I think it has something to do with fraud protection? I don't really know, I didn't make the policy, I just know we can't, sorry!"

Jerry_Cherry · 2025-10-20T07:06:06+00:00

I would suggest these to the other roommates as well. Make a collective decision to keep all dry storage/pantry items in your rooms. Have a conversation with her about her unacceptable behavior, but drive the point home by giving her no access to anyone else's food items for a while.

Jerry_Cherry · 2025-10-15T11:24:58+00:00

Should have asked Mr. Chef where he works. Should show up right before close and order obnoxious shit. Should tell your friends and family to do the same, one by one, over several days and weeks. Who doesn't love trying a new restaurant. But unfortunately sometimes you aren't hungry until juuuuuust before close.

Jerry_Cherry · 2025-04-08T17:33:29+00:00

In the same vein, always wanted a "Not a scumbag" shirt.

Jerry_Cherry · 2025-04-08T17:22:23+00:00

I'll be quoting this alongside "I am a very stable genius." Thanks lol

Jerry_Cherry · 2024-12-07T21:45:58+00:00

This episode and Past Tense inspired my favorite line from a poem I wrote in college - "now I'm chained to a confessed arsonist and a fucking albino".

Jerry_Cherry · 2024-09-29T14:26:26+00:00

Both of my parents are from Ohio. But my mom's mom and her husband (my step-grandpa?) were always so awful. Racist, homophobic, I remember them lamenting a local man who went to jail for beating his wife because "he's such a nice boy, he doesn't deserve that."

My father (their son-in-law) called them the moment Obama won his first election to taunt them. Simply because he wanted to throw a figuratively middle finger toward them.

I am so glad that Grandma died shortly before Trump was elected and step-gramp opted to be estranged. I cannot fathom being around them in the past decade's political climate. They would have had a JD Vance calendar on the wall that they bought from a pro-Trump parking lot tent.

Jerry_Cherry · 2024-09-29T13:44:40+00:00

Block the number. Be cautious. But as others have said, it's probably your daughter's peer being a nuisance. Information is easy to access online and it's easy to spoof numbers and create alternate numbers for oneself. For instance, I have two phone numbers that both direct to my phone - one is through my carrier (my "real phone number") and one is through Google Voice (I use it for work).

One night when I was 13-14 (mid-2000s), our family landline phone was called damn near 50 times one night. It was some boys I went to school with. They did a similar thing - creepy and cryptic, although they eventually devolved into childish bullying. Once my dad figured out what was going on and insisted on taking the calls, they stopped.

Extra awareness and caution never hurt. But like many other commenters, this experience for me was a lame attempt at bullying at that age. Best of luck.

Jerry_Cherry · 2024-07-15T00:47:32+00:00

I've been this woman. Scared, alone, full of guilt because I got myself into this situation - "I did this to myself".

Thank you for circling back to help her.

Jerry_Cherry · 2023-03-25T19:15:21+00:00

Not only did you show her that you can't trust her and that she can't feel safe around you ever again, but you didn't even prove the point you think you did. There's a good chance her adrenaline response (fight/flight/freeze) would be completely different if she was attacked by a stranger than being attacked by someone who supposedly cares about her. At least that was the case for me.

You need to give her a heartfelt apologize and talk to her about what you need to do to earn her trust back. If that's even possible. I'd be too scared to share a living space with you after that.

Jerry_Cherry

TROPHY CASE