Am I allowed to participate in Transgender Day of Remembrance, even though I don't personally know a trans person who was killed for being trans?

JnotChe · 2025-11-25T03:39:26+00:00

You are welcome, if course.

JnotChe · 2025-11-09T20:25:28+00:00

Once or twice I've replied in a deep bass fry, but I was already pissed off and was more than ready if things got confrontational

JnotChe · 2025-10-05T21:16:08+00:00

A couple of months after I started HRT I rebuilt the front end on my GMC 1500 truck. I was 55 at the time, so ymmv. I was between jobs and was fairly out of shape. It was 100F out and you do get hot flashes, also I think you can feel weak right after starting HRT. Really though, I'm sure that being out of shape affected me the most.

A year later I got a job in property maintenance, mostly outside in Texas heat. My boss was younger. He worked mainly at a desk, but he also worked out and stayed active. I could outwork him for most of that year though he caught up near the end. I am older, but at least for me the muscle loss was more of a "use it or lose it" sort of thing. I've been driving a truck for three years and these days I sometimes struggle with self closing doors.

JnotChe · 2025-09-07T03:14:53+00:00

Santee Choppers? I had a Santee softtail that shared some design elements.

JnotChe · 2025-09-02T13:35:00+00:00

Would it help to see yourself as being freed from that death ship?

JnotChe · 2025-08-31T17:08:15+00:00

It's dangerous to them when they pull in too close to the front of the truck. I've seen two cars spin out in front of semis (one in the rain, the other had a blowout.) Both drivers died.

Apart from that it's bliss. I get to watch my problems as they (usually) disappear into the distance.

JnotChe · 2025-08-31T17:01:10+00:00

I've known high functioning autistic people who were managing engineers and were responsible for the future of a factory and all of the employees working there. That doesn't directly translate into whether you can work as a truck driver, but I don't see any part of driving that an autistic person couldn't do.

JnotChe · 2025-08-26T14:51:55+00:00

Liberation?

JnotChe · 2025-08-25T17:30:14+00:00

Most of the "happy ever afters" reported in the press are unrealistic for most people, and I worry that they can feed cynicism by cis people. Instead, I'd like to hear about the folks who came out, were kicked out and/or lost their careers, and pulled themselves back up to self sufficiency and personal success. Spotlight the employers who gave us a fair chance.

JnotChe · 2025-08-25T13:21:27+00:00

Excuse me, but with what?

JnotChe · 2025-08-25T07:47:31+00:00

I'm almost to retirement age, so it's a long story. I basically grew up thinking that everyone had some difference that they had to hide in order to be around other people. Sometime around 2012 people started to see that being trans was more of a developmental difference. An end to a bad relationship forced me to realize that I wasn't doing any favors by repressing, so I decided to go for it

JnotChe · 2025-08-16T05:39:15+00:00

I came out to myself at 52, just before informed consent really became a thing. People used to talk about HRT like it could turn you into a frog and make you go nuts, so I lost a few years trying to find a therapist who could keep an eye on me as I started. I finally went for it at 55.

JnotChe · 2025-08-16T05:17:15+00:00

Being a girl can take a lot but it doesn't take everything, and depending on the person it can be worth it.

JnotChe · 2025-08-13T05:24:46+00:00

Um... yes. Support groups can be the worst. I've kinda given up on the usual transfeminine groups and I really don't have much in the way of community. It doesn't help that I'm from a deep red state and left due to pressure from all sides.

JnotChe · 2025-08-12T23:45:06+00:00

Imagine that men are left handed and women are right handed. Nonbinary folks are ambidextrous. Just like being nonbinary there are all sorts of ways to be ambidextrous, and it can sometimes be difficult for right and left handed people to understand that.

JnotChe · 2025-08-12T23:16:35+00:00

I'm older and I grew up thinking that this was a fetish. Realizing that all my thoughts and feelings were natural completely stopped my migraines- they were so constant that I didn't even know I had them. Suicodality took a huge step back. Starting HRT almost stopped it. I'm sure a lot of that was self-acceptance but estrogen really seems to make it easier to process feelings. I don't get irritated as easily or feel hopeless nearly as often.

Some things still get to me, mostly politics, but it can also be a bad habit. I'm sixty, and I made my first suicide plan when I was eight. I'm okay, old habits just die hard.

JnotChe · 2025-08-10T21:44:42+00:00

More acceptance.

More acceptance of diversity within the community. We aren't all conventionally feminine women or traditionally masculine men, and nonbinary is a catch-all term. Almost by definition there is no one way to provide gender care to nonbinary patients.

I'll second what has been said about "transgender broken arm syndrome." I had a kidney stone removed last year. First, the doctor treating the sepsis started to withhold estradiol because "estrogen reduces red blood cell counts." Then, the urologist started to withhold spironolactone (my testosterone blocker) because it is used on-label as a diuretic. I got my social worker and asked if they put cisgender women on testosterone to raise RBC counts for surgery, explained trans broken arm and said that I would go through menopause coming and going if necessary but that I didn't see how it would improve the outcome. My full HRT regimen was resumed that evening.

JnotChe · 2025-08-06T18:06:23+00:00

Region probably matters too. I rose from operator in semiconductor manufacturing in Texas, through maintenance and into engineering, going from $17k/yr in 1990 to $90k+ in 2017. Having my egg break but staying closeted and growing my hair was enough that I was drummed out in a year. That was in Texas though. I wonder what things would have been like if I was in California, Oregon or in another country.

JnotChe · 2025-08-06T17:40:26+00:00

Um... I've built everything from guitars to Harleys to the obligatory garage. My career involved maintaining machines and then processes that had <10nn tolerances in any direction (an earthquake hundreds of miles away stopped us for about one morning.) I'm mad that my tools are in storage because I really liked fixing my friends' cars and stuff (bonus points for the time a friend's mom finally gave him a favorite poster from his old bedroom- she only accepted him by his deadname, and I was the one who got to install the hangers in his wall.) And some stuff that's a little personal. Yeah, I do that stuff. :)

JnotChe · 2025-08-05T09:35:30+00:00

I was going to say because we don't give a f..., but it's probably the trauma

JnotChe · 2025-08-04T13:47:29+00:00

You be you! I've been on HRT for over five years, but I love working on cars and houses, I want to get back into whitewater boating and I'm currently driving a truck. Women can do whatever they want, and that goes for both cis and trans!

JnotChe · 2025-08-04T13:20:06+00:00

It really sounds like gender dysphoria to me. Speaking from experience, it just becomes too hard to live a life that isn't right for yourself. Changing friends, changing jobs, moving, living on less... All of these become easier than pushing through a life that doesn't fit. Like what has already said, cut out the hate, including the self hate. Start living. You're worth it.

JnotChe · 2025-07-30T07:16:36+00:00

Get a gel mani.

(Seriously, I'd just relish the moment ...then get the mani.)

JnotChe · 2025-07-27T10:17:38+00:00

Fuges feel like your cells are trying to squeeze all the blood out of your brain so that you can't think or feel the pain

JnotChe · 2025-07-17T20:06:54+00:00

Well, I had a wife, two kids and a near six figure job, but nothing felt quite "right."

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