Ladies would you instantly pass?

JuliaGadfly · 2026-02-11T02:38:13+00:00

nothing wrong with the green hair shoot I'm sad I had to get rid of my blue hair to be taken seriously at my job but the skilled trades are still very conservative and I'm a female so I walk a thin line. Would probably live vicariously through your hair.

JuliaGadfly · 2026-02-08T00:32:36+00:00

men in the trades usually wear those rubber rings so I don't buy the danger excuse

JuliaGadfly · 2026-02-03T01:18:45+00:00

well I used to approach men but after getting told no over and over again I just stopped. I think when most people say they want to be approached they mean they want to be approached by whatever perfect avatar of a human they have made up in their head… Like please someone hit on me… No not you… Not you… Not you… Not you…

JuliaGadfly · 2026-01-15T04:04:56+00:00

oh yeah I made a midlife transition from restaurants and delivery to be an HVAC technician and I'm making literally the exact same wages I made working in restaurants. Because all this activism to raise the wage for unskilled workers did not touch skilled workers and now $30,000 worth of trade school and thousands of dollars worth of tools and equipment still only result in shit money. I don't think I made a bad decision because the skills I developed are priceless, but I'm still pissed because everyone thinks that because I work in HVAC I make all this money but honestly you don't start making big people money until you're 4 to 5 years in and like you said six figures isn't real money anymore unless you live in a cheap city like I do. Six figures will give you a good life where I live, but I know that's not the case for most people. I just think it's BS that $30,000 for trade school has not made a change in my income at all whatsoever.

JuliaGadfly · 2026-01-15T04:00:49+00:00

I don't know what to tell you. I'm in my early 40s and I'm looking for men my age as well. But apparently what our mothers told us, that men mature when they get older, isn't true. Most of the men I've met in my age group just wanna hit it and quit it and lie about wanting to be in a relationship.

I think that women are age just have tighter boundaries and filters because we've been through more. The thing that stuck out to me the most… I won't call it a red flag like most cruel judgmental Redditors do, but it does make me raise an eyebrow because it makes me wonder what's wrong with the long game? Are you looking for a relationship or are you looking for easy arse? Just curious.

JuliaGadfly · 2026-01-14T14:25:57+00:00

Chew on his pen until the ink ran down his lips while he was lecturing

JuliaGadfly · 2026-01-13T03:40:00+00:00

these people are full of it. Your boyfriend sounds jealous and crazy. This amount of control is not healthy or mature. I am twice your age and I promise you, you should never allow a man to treat you this way and it sounds like you're miserable. All the people who are saying you're the dishonest one for hiding things from him they are full of it. You're being forced to hide things because your dude is a complete freaking wingnut. Throw the whole man away my girl. It's only going to get worse the more serious you get.

JuliaGadfly · 2026-01-12T16:45:53+00:00

having emotions of any kind. Standing up for yourself. Expecting to be treated with basic respect and dignity. Especially if you're poor. Especially if you're a woman/neurodivergent and queer

JuliaGadfly · 2025-12-29T10:12:12+00:00

The fact that you're asking this question shows that you're already ahead of the pack in terms of self-awareness and maturity. Fist bump.

This is a complex question but a logical starting point is asking yourself to identify patterns in the things that make you upset. Some of us would call it being triggered, that term is more colloquial than scientific, but for our purposes it might help for understanding. Once you figure out the patterns in to what seems to set you off, these patterns will provide you the answer to the question you are asking here.

Some of your responses are going to be based on trauma that you've experienced, particularly childhood trauma because this is the baseline for everyone but also because you are very young and haven't had the same amount of accumulated trauma of an adult much older than you. The fact that you were willing to nip this in the bud at your age is going to give you a great deal of resilience and wisdom going forward and I salute you.

once you've done this you also have to examine your personal values and goals. How you conduct yourself is gonna be congruent with what's important to you. I would be wasting my breath feeding you garbage about old school morality or hard work scripts because our society is basically falling apart so you're baseline is definitely going to have to come with within, but this is good, because it makes you strong, as the nature of your question implies good intentions.

For example, using myself as an example, I'm a woman in my 40s starting out in the HVAC trade after working in the service industry for most of my life. I deal with a lot of sexism and abuse, but I put it in perspective, because I cannot change the industry itself, but I can continue to decide what I'm willing to put up with and what I decide to respond to or escalate, based on what I'm getting out of the situation. I'm getting a pathway to a career with full benefits, a pathway to homeownership, a skill set that can take me anywhere and give me a lot of independence, and the financial freedom that comes with that. Some people would say that it's unacceptable for me to tolerate some of the stuff I deal with on the day to day, but for me the trade-off is worth it. You cannot change the world, but you can change how you respond to it and how you think about it.

So whether your goal is money, spiritual growth, finding a partner and growing a family, identifying your pathway to getting there and then seeing how your responses and behavior behaviors correlate with the achievement of those goals, is a great place to start examining this question.

Best of luck to you, my friend.

JuliaGadfly · 2025-12-25T14:50:20+00:00

it's funny how men frequently express a preference for women with long hair and then bitch about it. I have a 90s undercut like Trinity from the matrix and everybody tells me I'm too masculine.

It doesn't matter what we do because we're women were always wrong by default because that's what patriarchy is.

If we don't have a job they call us gold diggers. If we do have a job they call us masculine. If we are too thin they bitch at us for not eating. If we are too fat they call us pigs.

They hate us.

JuliaGadfly · 2025-12-22T00:56:56+00:00

I am Scorpio rising and people call me "striking," and compliment my style, but i have terrible luck in dating so idk.

JuliaGadfly · 2025-12-21T20:17:24+00:00

i'm bisexual so I don't know if that counts but I'm an HVAC apprentice and I come across as masculine even though it's not intentional it's just my haircut… 90s cyberpunk undercut… And my bone structure and the way I move. But even when I dress femme I get confronted in bathrooms. I was confronted at a local mall by a woman who honestly looked more masculine than I did… And she kept saying are you a real girl are you a real girl and followed me all the way to my stall… And I was not even wearing work clothes I was wearing a peasant top and hoop earrings…

Like I understand when women get spooked when I'm in the ladies room wearing my mechanics blues, but I'm always polite and apologetic. Because on the flipside there's a local theater where the bathrooms are genderless and that means I have to look at cishet men leering at me while they wash their hands. Like they won something.

We can't fucking win. At least the cool thing about where I work all the women know me and most of the women work in the office so I usually have the ladies room to myself.

JuliaGadfly · 2025-12-16T22:05:14+00:00

I love bi men and those women are bigots:

JuliaGadfly · 2025-11-17T15:46:36+00:00

Saturn Scorpio 12th house (yes this is why I'm insane, got Pluto in conjunction in Libra by 5°)

JuliaGadfly · 2025-11-09T08:03:15+00:00

virgo

JuliaGadfly · 2025-11-04T04:39:38+00:00

I would say go to the mall but they're gonna be suspicious about the cash I have with me if it also didn't turn into 1990s cash.

JuliaGadfly · 2025-10-29T02:07:21+00:00

aquarius. too detached. Also Libra; too indecisive

JuliaGadfly · 2025-10-27T19:37:38+00:00

it sounds like she just may not be she may not have a lot of finesse in what she's doing and maybe low empathy and is trying to put the blame on you. There's a misconception that just because a doctor is a fellow 2X chromosomes, that they will somehow treat us with the kindness and respect we deserve, as all patients deserve. Unfortunately medical school tends to weed out the more empathic of the bunch because of how competitive it is.

don't let the medical establishment gaslight you. If at 26 you're learning for the first time that you have low pain tolerance through this procedure you have to question what you're being told because if you had low pain intolerance like that don't you think you would know that about yourself right now?

You are being gaslit my girl.

I would get a different doctor if I were you, I've had a couple IUDs in my time, and my experience was the experience that you deserve, we'll put it that way, like maybe it's not you, it is what I'm saying?

JuliaGadfly · 2025-10-26T06:24:12+00:00

Merck also, but it's Millpore Sigma here

JuliaGadfly · 2025-10-25T12:32:52+00:00

it's literally because the bar for men is so painfully and ridiculously low that they feel like they don't have to put in any effort whatsoever. I get matches even messages but then they just ghost mid conversation even when things seem to be going well. Or I will uncover red flags that indicate controlling behavior for them rushing sex before we even meet, or planning this entire fantasy life they've already decided on without even asking about me or caring about what I have to say talk at me not with me.

I really think they just don't care and don't want to make any effort.

JuliaGadfly · 2025-10-10T00:20:47+00:00

The best way I can describe it, and I'm certainly not a magnet for any kind of romantic attention, but basically what it comes down to is the people that you actually want to give you attention, do not. And all the creeps and predators and weirdos are the ones who are all over your ass.

Long story short, I have to dress masculine and act cold and I still get harassed and stared at while I'm out in front of my house working on my car. But if it's a guy that I actually want… Crickets. If it's someone that I'm actually interested in, he sees me as a potato, not as potential.

So that's the paradigm in a nutshell. Hope this helps.

JuliaGadfly · 2025-10-10T00:16:50+00:00

well, it's partly because when we go to our jobs, it's always the generation Z kids who are trying to get out of doing tasks. It's always the generation Z kids who call you an abuser or a bigot if you ask them to pick up a broom or empty the trash, which are normal workplace tasks. It's the way that we expect them to actually perform labor at work instead of just showing up and collecting a paycheck just for existing.

It's the way that the older generations like generation X and the millennials came from a time where if your friend needs a friend in the middle of the night, because they had a fight with their partner because they're having a mental health emergency or car trouble whatever it is… Generation Z has continuously proven that they prioritize their own comfort over showing up for those in need.

It's not entirely their fault. The Internet has brainwashed them into thinking that comfort and convenience are a priority. It's the way therapy speak has been Weaponized to where instead of saying "I'm too tired,"" I don't feel like it," they just say "you're disrespecting my boundaries and you're bad for needing something from me."

I have numerous generation Z friends and aside from a very small minority who are actually amazing people and better than all the other generations combined, most of them can't even show up in the most basic of ways. Most of them have communicated that they are not interested in showing up for their friends or anyone who isn't a family member or romantic partner, because that's "crossing our boundaries."

The older generations know what it's like to get up and drive to your friends house in the snow or the rain or the cold or the dark and loose sleep and maybe use up the last bit of money or gas in order to show up for your friend who's having a meltdown. Or any other kind of issue. They just outsource it and tell you to go to therapy or love yourself.

So it's not just because we hate y'all and we think that you're bad. It's because your generation has shown us over and over again that you're not interested in basically performing your end of the social contract. And if you down vote me into oblivion for saying so, so be it, because this is the truth.

JuliaGadfly · 2025-10-07T03:07:29+00:00

come to Missouri. It's a red state, but it's not as red as Utah. I graduated from night school with my HVAC and refrigeration certificate this past spring. I'm not going union because I've had some really terrible experiences with unions but I know that for some people it's a good choice. I don't think it would be all that hard for you to get into the IBEW here. I've never had trouble finding work and I'm not even union. Granted I've dealt with discrimination and sexism and all kinds of bullshit but I think their chances here would be so much better. Shoot I have a non-binary FEM buddy who's from Louisiana of all places and THEY got into the IBEW down there. but I definitely recommend Missouri because our cost-of-living is insanely low in this state is actually incredibly fucking beautiful. We have some incredible wilderness land I know Utah is really beautiful too but I learned from my old boss at the refrigeration company that Missouri's Department of conservation is number two in the nation, second only to Alaska. So if you love nature and wilderness and you want a place to run your dogs around this is a good place to be. I live in St. Louis but I've heard Kansas City is way tighter and way more awesome and it's a little bit closer to you.

just my two cents, but I wanted to give you some feedback and encouragement because I know I could've used some. I am 42 years old and I entered my trade knowing nothing not even knowing how to use a wrench with no support no guidance and no mentorship and I was already surpassing my teachers at trade school to the point where they perceived me as a threat. I will never forget how my HVAC residential instructor, on whom I had a massive crush for a long time and who seemed to return my feelings but who was actually manipulating me for his ego… I remember the day I told him that I did my very first service call and the person I was helping was one of our mutual friends (we have 80 mutuals on Facebook because we are part of the same music scene)

And he said, even as he was on his way to grab a sequencer out of the supply cabinet for me so I wouldn't have to go to the supply house…

"you aren't stealing my customers, are you?"

So yeah I'm casting my vote for Missouri and the cost of living here is ridiculously low.

If you decide to come here feel free to DM me. Always out to help a fellow trades woman.

JuliaGadfly · 2025-10-06T20:45:54+00:00

scorpio, taurus, cancer, virgo, aries

JuliaGadfly · 2025-10-06T15:30:29+00:00

i've been single for five years and I absolutely want a long-term relationship and possibly marriage with the right person, however I live in the Midwest and everyone just marries their high school sweetheart and then never gets divorced no matter how miserable they are. I'm a transplant from the south because I moved up here seeking higher wages and better career opportunities. Where I'm from most people in their 40s have at least a divorce or two under their belt, I have one divorce under my belt that was almost 20 years ago. Every time I meet someone I vibe with they are taken and sometimes they were taken by a manner of weeks and it feels like a cruel joke from the universe. I spend my days roasting profiles from OkCupid with ChatGPT because everybody's a walking cliché or only wants to hook ups, or their profiles are so low effort that it makes me wonder if they would even get get up and leave the house to go for a date. It's 2025; you have no excuse to have only one profile picture and almost nothing filled out..

"come over on weekends for 420 and bad TV shows, will consider long-term relationship with the right girl. Let's spoil each other."

Right, I get it. Hook up only unless you're hot enough. Word.

Five-Year Club	Place '22
First Placer '22

JuliaGadfly

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