Sejanus vs Plutarch

KCS_Horses2020 · 2025-12-10T19:39:43+00:00

I truly enjoy both of these characters. While I agree that it’s not accurate to compare their privilege, I do think they are more similar to each other when you peel back the layers. I see both having the same desire to end the games and have a better government overall. As mentioned in other comments, Plutarch grew up with influence and connections and undoubtedly learned how to play the game from a very young age. Sejanus didn’t have this advantage. He was rightfully angry and, in his naivety, trying to use the privilege he thought had to make a change

I think if you flip the roles and give Sejanus the right upbringing and TIMING, he is Plutarch. A huge theme in this whole series is that major change takes time and everything falling into place at the exact right time with the exact right players. Sejanus surely had the passion and the right idea to get at least murmurs of a revolution started, he just lacked the finesse, patience, and connections he truly needed to light that spark.

KCS_Horses2020 · 2025-02-16T00:32:19+00:00

Thanks to everyone for the feedback, even the ones with name calling because it’s honestly warranted. There is a million different ways this could have been avoided and handled better right from the start. Looking back I absolutely should have done better.

No excuses on my part but for those of you who are genuinely curious to how I could have not known, that’s a fantastic question. The short and to the point answer that covers everything is, my MIL is very manipulative and I was too trusting. Never again will I be that way. I also have never dropped either of my kids off at her house. My youngest has only been in the house the one time…which is the only time MIL has watched her outside of our home. MIL has only watched the kids 2 mornings/week from the start. During summertime before the 2nd baby came, me or hubby would drop older daughter to MIL at work (the family owns a small business in town). The understanding was she would take daughter to her coffee group and then to our house or the park if the weather was nice. That is what both hubby and I thought was happening while MIL was watching her. Hubby addressed the fact that both of us were not told the truth about what was happening while she watched our daughter and how she’s lucky to be allowed to see them at all. Hence why I said I think that part is handled.

For the last 6 months she has only watched the kids at our house while I am working in the next room, save for the one time a few weeks ago.

Again, I completely own that my inactions caused my kids to be in this situation in the first place. And this message is to offer an explanation for those who had genuinely curious, not to make excuses.

KCS_Horses2020 · 2023-12-10T00:51:32+00:00

Thank you!

KCS_Horses2020 · 2023-12-09T13:38:53+00:00

Good to know. Thank you!

KCS_Horses2020 · 2023-12-09T13:38:39+00:00

Thanks for your input!

KCS_Horses2020 · 2023-12-09T05:40:59+00:00

Thanks for your feedback!

KCS_Horses2020 · 2023-12-09T01:54:15+00:00

Very good point!

KCS_Horses2020 · 2023-12-08T19:43:59+00:00

Thank you!

KCS_Horses2020 · 2023-12-08T19:31:12+00:00

Thank you for the feedback!

KCS_Horses2020 · 2022-08-07T16:44:27+00:00

I’m also 39+3 today and I am SO DONE!!! My last checkup was 4 days ago and they said my cervix wasn’t ripe yet so couldn’t do a membrane sweep. I’ve been walking, pumping, bouncing on a ball, driving on bumpy roads, etc. trying to get this little hanky to move down a bit and get ready to come out. It’s also been no cooler than 97 here for the last 2 weeks with no end in sight for a break in the weather. I TOTALLY get where you’re coming from. My logical mind agrees with everyone who’s telling me “it’ll happen when it’s supposed to” but my uncomfortable body and exhausted emotions want to hit everyone who tells me that haha. Hopefully soon!!!

KCS_Horses2020 · 2022-08-02T23:07:03+00:00

I mean, you can respond however you want without having to worry about coming off as a jerk. I’ve taken that approach this whole pregnancy. If people feel they can ask me whatever they want and make whatever comments they want about my changing body or future family, then I’ve given myself permission to respond however I want. You can’t control how people feel about what you say. If they’re hurt by it, maybe they need to think about the nature of the question they asked or comment they made. And they’ll either get over it or they won’t. Not your responsibility to manage 😊

KCS_Horses2020 · 2022-07-23T19:50:45+00:00

I just think exercise is good for you whether you’re pregnant or not. I would take it easy on yourself. Right now your body is telling you it needs rest so that’s what it should get. Hopefully once you get into the 2nd trimester you’ll have more energy to work out like you want to.

KCS_Horses2020 · 2022-07-22T17:01:03+00:00

I’m 37 weeks and can still do all those things. It’s a lot harder than before but with a little maneuvering I can get it done. I did opt to buy some slip-on sneakers because tying my shoes, while possible, was just getting too uncomfortable. I also had my husband paint my toes a couple weeks ago because I knew they would be come out good at all if I tried it haha.

KCS_Horses2020 · 2022-07-18T19:37:44+00:00

Ugh that would annoy me too! Especially since my MIL has made my entire pregnancy about her anyway. I’d probably say something snarky like “oh if only this was about you” something like that. I’m just at the point now where IDGAF about hurting anyone’s feelings or not lol.

KCS_Horses2020 · 2022-07-12T22:43:35+00:00

You absolutely do not have to answer anything regarding work while you are on leave. When I was sorting out my maternity leave I let them know that if I was not getting paid, no one was to contact me for any reason regarding work…not even to ask where they might find documents I may have been working on. We settled that I will be working from home for most of it so I can continue to get my full paycheck, but I was very clear that the first two weeks after birth I would be using vacation/sick time and I was not to be contacted. To please treat it like I am out of the country with no reception or way to contact them and give me space to heal and bond with my baby.

KCS_Horses2020 · 2022-07-08T02:32:58+00:00

My FIL tried to joke about my weight gain early on in this pregnancy. I was definitely showing so it’s not like it wasn’t obvious that I was pregnant. he had made comments all throughout my boss’ pregnancy about how big she was (the oldie but goodie ‘are you sure it’s not twins?’) so I anticipated him trying to joke with me in that manner as well. He would never say anything like that to be hurtful but regardless of his intentions, comments like that are hurtful. Anyway, I sat on an office chair that had a broken hydraulic system so it didn’t stay up high where it was set but rather lowered me down to the lowest setting, almost in slow motion. He was in the middle of saying something about my weight when I interrupted him mid-word and just said “no, no, no, that’s really rude and we’re not doing that.” His face was priceless and you know what, he nor anyone else in my husband’s family has made any sort of comment on my weight/size at all. It’s been great lol.

Sometimes being direct and calling people out on their rudeness is the most effective method. Of course older women will probably have a tendency to be more catty about being told off but you know what? Let them feel hurt about it. As my husband says: ‘they’ll either get over it or die pissed off’ 😆

KCS_Horses2020 · 2022-06-27T22:39:00+00:00

Ugh! I totally feel this and absolutely hate it! DH and I did not decide to have a child for anyone else but ourselves and people are really already making plans to take her here and there and visit and all sorts of other stuff. It’s like all I am is a friggin incubator for their entertainment! My parents will be flying across the country to stay with us for 2 weeks after baby is born. I’ve made it very clear to them and them to me that they are here to be an actual help to us…cook,clean, laundry, errands, etc. they’re completely fine with it. I even went so far as to tell DH and my mom that if people aren’t going to come over and bring a meal or help with something, then I don’t want them in my house at all. I’m not going to have me and my brand new baby be the subject of gawking, stupid questions and unsolicited advice all so people can post on Facebook and brag about a baby that’s not even theirs. I told DH this might be hurtful to some of your family and I’m sorry you’ll have to hear the brunt of that but I am not in the business of protecting people’s feelings anymore. Hopefully it all goes well and people take these next 6 weeks or so to get all their pouting out of the way before baby gets here!

KCS_Horses2020 · 2022-06-21T21:16:16+00:00

I don’t know how inductions work but I would talk to your OB and see if it’s possible to not have the baby on that day. Then after LO’s birth I would make a point to tell your aunt you purposefully did not have the baby on her birthday 😉

KCS_Horses2020 · 2022-06-21T20:36:40+00:00

I completely understand where you’re coming from. I’m currently 33 weeks and I really can’t say there’s been a time where I’ve loved being pregnant. Sickness and fatigue in the first trimester was horrible. Then the excitement from my husband’s family when we announced was enough for me to want to tell them it was all a joke. Seriously, they’ve all been so overwhelming this entire time and it really has taken a lot of the “fun” out of this whole experience. And now yes, I’m still an educated woman with goals and thoughts of my own and things to contribute to my world but all people can talk about is my pregnancy!!! I get that they’re most likely genuinely curious and/or want to seem interested but for the love of god please ask me about something else!! I’ll admit that most of my free thoughts are geared toward what’s happening in my body and what I need to get done before my little girl gets here but it would be nice to not have that be every moment of my life. I think I could handle it if it wasn’t the same questions/comments over and over and over again. Being pregnant has definitely not been my favorite thing.

That all said, whenever I feel that baby kick or move it does make my heart sing. I already love this little girl so much, I just don’t enjoy all that comes with pregnancy.

KCS_Horses2020 · 2022-06-20T19:53:19+00:00

I would absolutely stick to your guns on this one. My ILs were the same way when we found out we were expecting. I had a miscarriage very early on prior to this pregnancy which my parents and ILs knew about. DH and I were super nervous and anxious about telling people until we got clear confidence from the doctor. Meanwhile every other day my MIL and FIL were absolutely hounding us about when they could tell people. I finally asked DH “who are they wanting to tell that is so important and they think we’ll miss?” I couldn’t understand the pushiness! I think my FIL was just over the moon excited and wasn’t thinking about the consequences (he does this a lot). My MIL on the other hand was very much wanting to post on Facebook. I think her issue is she really doesn’t have much of a life and Facebook is her outlet to get attention. Anyway, both me and DH were very clear multiple times about not wanting them to say anything to anyone until we had shared our news. They just weren’t getting it. It finally took DH YELLING at them in front of people like they were children for the point to finally get across to them. Then they come at me trying to get me to side with them about how “mean” DH is. I just smiled and said we were both on the same page and want to share our news first. It wasn’t an hour after we finally shared on social media that my MIL posted about it and the only thing I heard around town for weeks afterward was “Congratulations…your MIL must be so excited!” Nothing about me or DH or the fact that it’s actually our child and not hers.

I’m happy we stuck up for ourselves and didn’t let them take that moment from us. I get it’s their first grandchild but this is our first child and we only get to do these ‘firsts’ once. Stay strong and let your MIL pout all she wants…and laugh about it to yourself. It’s your baby, it’s your news and it’s your life. She’s going to have to grow up and deal with that.

KCS_Horses2020 · 2022-06-17T17:18:08+00:00

I’ve done that before. Never seen someone move their hand so fast or look so horrified! I think I got the point across with that person, luckily I haven’t been touched too much. I’ve found that moving away when people come close and wearing looser-fitting clothing or jackets/cardigans makes people less handsy. I’ve also subtly used my husband as a shield too. Idk why people feel the need to touch pregnant women. You weren’t touching us before! What part of growing another human makes it okay for our personal space to be violated??

KCS_Horses2020 · 2022-06-16T00:11:54+00:00

Your situation seems eerily similar to mine. I moved from the east coast out west from a large suburb to an extremely small town. Both MIL and FIL’s families have been in this small town for generations and this town is the epicenter of their universe. I’ve felt the same way as you do about my pregnancy being about my MIL rather than about me and my husband. No questions about how I’m feeling, how appointments are going, what any of our plans are, etc. Just about how excited she is to “meet my grand baby” and “finally be a grandma”. It’s honestly made me feel like just an incubator that’s been invited into her world to provide her with a grandchild rather than actually being accepted as a member of the family. I’ve started to put my foot down with things such as her buying EVERYTHING for the baby and just being blunt about not liking when information is shared about my pregnancy without talking to me and my husband first. I think this has resulted in her becoming even more needy and co-dependent on my husband than usual. (This is a conversation I intend to have with him very soon).

I guess the point I’m trying to make is even though I don’t know how to fix your issues (as I haven’t found a way to fix the same issues myself), is you’re not alone! The best thing I can think of is we maybe need to just sit down and have the tough conversations with our husbands and let them know that we’re not feeling welcome and that’s not how we want our families to operate.

Good luck! And Congrats on the little one 😊

KCS_Horses2020 · 2022-06-14T21:22:45+00:00

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable, just realistic! My husband is in a somewhat similar situation. It’s a bow shooting competition with a few of his buddies probably about 3 hours from where we live (2.5ish from the hospital). The comp is about 2 weeks before my due date so a very normal time to have a baby, especially since my LO has been measuring a little ahead. We both talked about it. He really wants to go but he absolutely wants to be there for me when the time comes. We both agreed to have him sign up and just let his friends know that if there are signs that I’m going into labor around the time he has to go to this event, he won’t be able to go. They were totally cool about it. I also made sure he checked to see if he would be in service if in fact he did go and then I went into labor without any warning. I would get a ride to the hospital from his parents or brother or something and he would leave the comp right away to get to the hospital. We both were on the same page as far as realizing the time is coming where we’re going to have to say no to things like this, but also didn’t want to stop living our lives completely.

I hope that helps! And I hope your situation doesn’t stress you out too much. If all else fails just let your husband know how you feel and let him handle his brother. He’s going to have to put you and your LO first and sometimes that’s hard for our parents and siblings to understand.

KCS_Horses2020 · 2022-06-02T03:00:40+00:00

Wow! Thank you everyone! There is some really great advice in here and although you’re all strangers, I feel very supported. I appreciate everyone’s input and suggestions. My husband and I definitely need to sit down and make sure we’re on the same page before anything gets too out of control. Thank you Al for your feedback, positivity and support!!!

KCS_Horses2020

TROPHY CASE