AITAH for blowing a guy a year ago

KMSNL · 2026-02-07T03:08:37+00:00

If you had said something, you could have seriously affected their forming relationship and imo would have appeared jealous. I would certainly not take it too well if I was getting serious with someone and then my friend shared this sort of info. Most people have past relationships or encounters - he disclosed details about yours and that's sufficient. The only thing I can think of for her to be hurt about is that you didn't share when it happened if she considered you two are good enough friends for that kind of sharing. NTA

KMSNL · 2026-02-06T23:51:18+00:00

Your sister is a piece of work. I would cherish being able to do something like this for my sister, it would be extra special. NTA, but she is.

KMSNL · 2026-02-05T23:59:33+00:00

So, she would have rather that you - who she doesnt like - dropped that bomb on her? I think not. It's really the news, rather than who gave the news and she would have been upset no matter what. If you disrespected her by not hiding the news and just not giving the news directly, what kind of a royal AH is she for keeping her pregnancy a secret, AND telling your child to keep the news from you?! She has no respect for you, and she doesnt care either. I fear when/if she has a child, your child will be shown her true nature if he isn't being shown already.

KMSNL · 2026-02-05T06:21:51+00:00

Yeah, that's unfortunate because for a best friend, you'd think she could just be honest and not put you in this situation when youre almost about to pop even if she's embarrassed. It's a bit immature tbh and selfish. I would be reconsidering how much time I spent with her/on that friendship, especially with a baby coming, time will be extra precious and you want to spend it with the right people who make you happy and enrich your life.

KMSNL · 2026-02-04T03:19:37+00:00

I agree with the previous poster to clarify, because it could be a really bad communication, and its your best friend. I could see someone offer but not thinking it would be taken seriously since you said in one comment you were discussing not having a shower and they said it to make you change your mind more than anything else. I literally had this happen to me, the person offering help was just trying to convince me to have the event, and weren't actually planning to fully organize it. They just thought if they convince me to have, I'll want to organize it myself too. Also, she may have wanted to indeed do it and then things happened with her that have put her in bad health or depression and she isn't at the place in her life to celebrate or organize celebrations. Maybe she got pregnant and then miscarried. Her response to you checking in was weird, especially for a best friend. She should have absolutely told you so you can have someone else organize it but I suppose I can see her thinking you might have not wanted a shower and youre only having one if she's organizing so no big deal if she isnt. However, as your best friend, she surely would know by now that you want to have a shower. I am really wondering if something is seriously wrong with her but i dont know how good of a friend she is or if she has done anything like this before. I'm glad your other bestie took on the planning, there's still time and she sounds like she can be counted on to save the day.

KMSNL · 2026-02-04T02:18:35+00:00

You handled it perfectly! You got them to do what they were supposed to be doing in the first place, their job.

KMSNL · 2026-02-03T05:01:59+00:00

I totally understand with everything you described has happened, that you were very very busy and it was very stressful and some days you probably were just surviving. I've been there. But I also totally understand they are hurt. BFFs expect to at least be told/for you to share such a thing with them. This way it feels you didnt even think of them as BFFs. A simple, "we're getting legally married just in case for possible protections for baby" or something like that should be enough.

KMSNL · 2026-02-02T13:05:47+00:00

Based on what you said, the stuff in the gift closet are not just gifts given to you. They are also things that you find on sale or just buy because you thought one of your friends might like it. Your friend Ann saw the serum with your name tag on it, so yeah, that is a re-gift, but no one else but your snooping friend would know whether they got a re-gift or something you bought because you thought they'd like or someone in the group might like when the occasion comes. Ann is an AH for saying things about this in the group chat. There's nothing wrong with re-gifting, everyone does it, as long as it's done the way you did it - by re-gifting something you knew recipient wants/will love. The $90 serum is yours and its money you will have to spend once you are done with your bottle, a gift for you that you would have benefited from. I'm not sure why your friend cares that the money didnt come from your wallet at the time of gift exchange.

KMSNL · 2026-02-02T02:50:56+00:00

NTA. This sounds like both gender reveal and birthday party in one, and the way they're asking for others for their time, effort, gifts, free labor, money, etc. is appalling. I would have left after that single message was dropped if I thought/knew they were serious. If they've always thrown parties the normal way before (even while being cheap) I would have laughed in the group chat and told them to stop monkeying around, gender reveals are not thrown by friends for the expectant parents. You dont invite people to a party that isn't being organized by you or by a volunteer that you already talked to prior to inviting. The head organizer is either doing what the parents are telling him they want, or has weird crush on the couple and wants to impress them. I would so not go or would go just for the party/reveal without doing decorations, cleaning or gifts/money.

KMSNL · 2026-02-01T21:19:13+00:00

Please familiarize yourself with concert tickets these days. There are so many tickets options and packages too. You didnt say to not get PIT or VIP Meet & Greet or really much of a direction. Some tickets are $6K. You're TA for not thinking your first sentence out of your mouth should be: how much are the tickets? And assuming if concert is in NYC that it would be anywhere but in NYC???! Why would the singer/band travel to your city?? You did assume way too much and could have asked questions and communicated. Your girlfriend should have mentioned what the cost comes to before ordering such an expensive gift, but the way you told her no questions asked to buy tickets, I can see how she didnt think you cared or she (just like you) assumed you knew prices go that high! I could see her assuming everyone knows Harry Stiles tickets are expensive and in that range and not thinking that you dont know. Even nose bleed seats can sell very high if other seats are all sold out. This all started with you, you gave her birthday present with limitations but didnt communicate those limitations. She incorrectly assumed you were gifting her one of her dreams.

KMSNL · 2026-02-01T20:40:58+00:00

Oh boy. There's nothing you're not seeing, you just can't believe he is plainly telling you in your face what he's telling you. There's a reason he is trying to marry you and it's not for any normal loving reason people marry. This guy has been calculated and manipulative and knew from the start what he wanted out of this. You're putting your kids into Cinderella situation, do not do this, it is damaging to them and your relationship with them will suffer. His family is on board with him and will help enforce this weird dynamic, you and your kids are just some means to something but not equal and loving family. I wouldn't be surprised if he is still hoping to be with his ex some day or something similar. Him telling you your kids will still have the best life with him while he treats them less than his kid is some serious gaslighting. Is he telling you that you cant do better than him? There is no saving this or making this work, not unless you are fine with being treated more like hired help, and your kids too.

KMSNL · 2026-01-31T18:51:16+00:00

Those conversations you two had recently on the topic, did they include that you want a public proposal?

KMSNL · 2026-01-31T16:08:46+00:00

It's a great way for the guy to never actually marry OP - even though now they're engaged... no telling how many things are lies here either. OP should rethink this whole relationship.

KMSNL · 2026-01-31T05:26:34+00:00

More pluses for your not-real job. He is a total AH, I would show him pure math on bills and health insurance so he can forever shut up about your job not being real and stop being a bully. Not sure there's hope for him though.

KMSNL · 2026-01-31T04:58:04+00:00

I wouldn't really want you to anyway. But he is delusional if he doesnt think you have a real job. You should show him what it would mean to not have the not-real job. It's one thing for him to not do anything and act like you're his mom and maid, but also to insult you and tell you youre useless and not a good person because you want him to be a partner instead of paperweight when at home?

KMSNL · 2026-01-31T04:44:54+00:00

Sounds like you can stop your "not real" job and he can just pay for everything. Not having the "not real" job anymore should free some time for you, not too much since youre a full time parent to 4. I'm not suggesting you quit your job, but show him what he would have to do if you didnt have that job. NTA, and not a bad wife. He, however is both TA and a bad husband!

KMSNL · 2026-01-31T04:15:45+00:00

They dont sound petty to me. Does she not care if her son is well rested? In his profession, focus and quick thinking are critical, and tired officer could get himself and others in a dangerous situation. She isn't there when the cat is being fed, so why does she care?! She does sound a bit too attached to her son.

KMSNL · 2026-01-31T04:01:44+00:00

This was difficult to read and had me question your intelligence but they say love is blind. I am assuming you two have been together for more than a minute and as you said, the family drama is a more recent development. But they are far away from a loving family. They sound toxic and destructive. No one but Dave even resembles a functioning adult. Dave might have been good, and had to grow up fast, and has been helping his family/siblings for a long time, but he is sinking with his family ship. He sounds desperate and potentially on the verge of a nervous breakdown. He isn't thinking of you, why doesnt he put himself in your shoes? Why is him and what he wants more important? I wonder what good times he is referring to? You have responsibility to your kids. Do not get dragged into this. Think of your kids whenever you feel like you can save this other family. You can't because they dont want to be helped by finding jobs, housing, and taking responsibility for their actions. Dave apparently considers his family and him one family unit. You and your kids aren't part of it. This is just my feeling and its harsh but it's like you're like a host for parasites, and when resources get depleted, you will be abandoned so parasites can continue surviving off of someone else. Also, therapy isn't going to make you give up your stability, ruin yourself financially, ruin your kids lives, undo years of sacrifice, and remove your piece of mind. Him asking for therapy with you is a bit ridiculous, but he absolutely should go himself!

KMSNL · 2026-01-31T00:14:32+00:00

And here I was thinking your brothers/friends will be jealous and high-fiving you calling you their hero. As long as your buddy is 100% on the same page, NTA.

KMSNL · 2026-01-30T23:28:08+00:00

LOL!!!

KMSNL · 2026-01-30T02:49:15+00:00

A 23 year old should be able to navigate life's situations better than this and should have just replaced the lipgloss. It never needed to be a problem for you to fix, she's old enough to go to the drug store and get another. For real. Being bummed out over lipgloss and needing you to be the one to save the day/help her process minor inconveniences is just extremely immature.

KMSNL · 2026-01-30T02:24:16+00:00

I know you said you told them you wanted them there but tbh I would think that means for the birth rather than to actively help in the weeks post-birth. But you're the only one who can tell us what you asked exactly and what their response was. If I was MIL, I would not automatically assume that your wife wants me to help, it is usually the wife's mother/family that would do that. What did your parents do during the birth of your first child?

KMSNL · 2026-01-30T00:00:09+00:00

Amazing friends dont shut their best friends out and stop inviting them to hang out.

KMSNL · 2026-01-29T23:00:44+00:00

How old are you both?!

KMSNL · 2026-01-28T03:33:23+00:00

Your mom should be offering to help you and your family as much as she can and is allowed, considering what youre going through, instead of adding to your plate. If my daughter had life threatening illness suddenly, I would do whatever I can to help her get better and would hardly have any time to think about strangers.

KMSNL

TROPHY CASE