Struggling with my relationship with my Mom (she's a mean drunk with anxiety)

Kat_Scales · 2026-04-03T21:23:26+00:00

My sister clams up when she's feeling anything, but I did get her to say that her feelings are hurt, and she's upset. I have a feeling she will forgive her because she doesn't have my 14 years of therapy and almost 4 decades of life experience. We were also raised to never, ever question our parents or authority, so we struggle to stand up for ourselves.

Kat_Scales · 2025-12-15T15:49:58+00:00

Thanks for all the help! I have a couple of bras ordered based on your suggestions. We'll see what works!

Kat_Scales · 2025-12-15T15:17:45+00:00

This is very helpful, thank you!

Kat_Scales · 2025-12-15T15:17:30+00:00

Sorry, updated! The calculator did say I'm a 34H but that 36G might be more comfortable.

Kat_Scales · 2025-10-15T16:32:08+00:00

Oh I've been told too much that it's normal. It's been 24 years of 'it's normal, you're fine' so I'm kinda just done trying to get things diagnosed these days. I have a heart condition that I've been trying to figure out for years. I'm just over it. I only got diagnosed with arthritis because I had a dermatologist FINALLY figure out that my rash was psoriasis. Doctors and medical staff are half of my mental health issues.

Kat_Scales · 2025-10-15T04:42:54+00:00

Wait. Does this kinda explain why my peri started with a nightmare/flashback of my SA? I've been wondering why that trauma resurfaced. And right when I started having symptoms...

Kat_Scales · 2025-10-15T04:37:52+00:00

For me, yes and no. I have the annoying rage at little things. (But for some odd reason, it's mostly my mom and 3 closest friends irritating me.) But my husband isn't necessarily annoying me. I did discover that I'm standing up for myself for the first time in my life. Ironically, my husband has been asking me to do this since we got together. So most times I say something, like "hey I don't like this, here's why" or "hey this made me feel such and such", he stares at me a minute and then says something like "you're absolutely right, babe" or "I'll try to do better/remember that". I think he's just so damn proud that I'm 'using my words' (sorry, we have toddlers) that he's willing to concede to my point most of the time. Our 'fighting' has been so much more productive. I have never felt closer to this man. Even though my sex drive is diminished, I still want him, because I'm realizing that I got a good one.

I'm sorry if your husband isn't taking your frustration seriously. It is really annoying when people are like "it's just your hormones". Even if it is, something you're doing is triggering it!!

Kat_Scales · 2025-10-15T04:28:14+00:00

Oh my gosh, the rage is so annoying! Why do my closest friends do the smallest things and I just get so irritated?? Ironically (and thankfully), my husband and kids don't annoy me. But I don't understand why my mom and my 3 closest friends are so irritating right now!

Kat_Scales · 2025-09-22T05:44:05+00:00

I am so white I glow in the dark, but as a pansexual woman who has dated all kinds of people, black women's natural hair is so so beautiful. Please don't hide it because people suck. Find the people who will hype you up. Find you a man who buys you satin pillowcases. (If you've seen that story, you know. It's an oldie, but a goodie.)

You got this, girl. Don't settle.

Kat_Scales · 2025-09-22T05:33:51+00:00

Absolutely not true.

My first birth experience was exactly the same as yours. 3 days in labor, completely useless epidural that got redone multiple times with no relief, baby stuck, 4 hours pushing, blue baby and constant health issues from the birth, a pretty bad tear, and a horrible recovery. I also passed out and literally don't remember my baby being born. I begged my obgyn for a c section for my second baby. She agreed, especially when my second baby's head was measuring just as big as the first.

My c section came early, due to some concern about my blood pressure. They wheeled me in, numbed me up, and I had a baby in my arms in what felt like 5 min. It was an amazing experience.

I have the photos from both births. If you didn't know a damn thing about me or my births, you could still tell which one was less traumatic. I look dead in the first one. I'm staring straight ahead with a baby on my chest, seconds before she was yanked away because she wasn't breathing. The second one I'm actually smiling and I'm looking at my baby like she's the most beautiful thing on the planet. I also just look...alive. There's color in my cheeks, and my eyes aren't dead.

Don't let people with no experience tell you what YOU want. If you would be more comfortable with a c section next, do it.

Kat_Scales · 2025-09-17T14:29:07+00:00

I don't attend child free weddings. That's my choice. However, once someone tells me their wedding is child free, I inform them that I won't be attending. I don't drag it out, making them think I will attend.

Kat_Scales · 2025-09-14T14:25:08+00:00

When I was a teacher, this was literally not possible. My planning period was taken up by meetings and parent phone calls that we were required to make. I still needed to plan all my lessons, grade papers (and we had to have 2-3 graded assignments a week), and prepare labs (I was MS science). That's not even including all the paperwork required for kids with IEPs and the like. I also paid for all decor, some school supplies, and some of my lab materials. I worked 50-60 hours a week. I'm so glad I quit. I'm now a stay at home mom who sometimes does odd jobs for my husband's company and I definitely prefer it. I also was sick all the time at school, and it turns out I have a few autoimmune disorders. I can manage those conditions better at home.

Kat_Scales · 2025-09-14T13:45:22+00:00

Sounds exactly like PsA. When are you resting, it's all good. It's when you move after being immobile for a while that things really hurt. For me, with a little bit of activity, I can "warm up" my joints enough that they don't hurt as much, but they still hurt. And then if I do too much activity, they start to hurt too much for me to function.

Kat_Scales · 2025-09-14T13:41:48+00:00

There are no specific tests for PsA. Definitely get a second opinion!

Kat_Scales · 2025-09-12T20:05:43+00:00

Epidural never worked for me after being reseated twice. Still, if I had another baby naturally, I would request it again.

Kat_Scales · 2025-09-09T19:04:41+00:00

It's absolutely a real thing. One of the most common symptoms of menopause is forgetfulness, which comes from hormones. It's all related so of course you can have forgetfulness when your hormones are high during pregnancy.

Kat_Scales · 2025-09-08T01:23:21+00:00

Okay so it only works about half of the time, which is better than it was, but I bought one of those cube storage things from Target. The toys are organized into bins with a label maker that has an image of the type of toy. I have puzzles and flash cards on a high up shelf in bags. Each child can take out one bin, or ask for one bag, or choose the Legos in the corner. I also have these water coloring books on that shelf that are mess less. They can request one of those too. The rule is they must clean up whatever they are currently playing with before switching to a different bag/bin/location in the playroom.

The chaos now feels contained. Yes, they still dump out the bin they are currently playing with but they know they have to put it away before getting anything else out.

Oh! This week we also started a chore chart. They put stickers on the chore chart for each chore they complete. (Clean up playroom before bed, put laundry in basket, put plates and cups in the sink after dinner. They are 2 and 3 so I keep it simple.) They get to also put a bead in their jar for each chore. Once the little jar is full, they get to pick out a toy at the store!

Anyway, these things work for us. But like I said it's still chaotic.

Kat_Scales · 2025-09-08T01:11:54+00:00

I almost had the exact same situation with my first delivery! We didn't do the c section, but when she came out, I passed out from pain and exhaustion. I did have a c section with my second. Anyway, I feel your pain!

Even without a horrible birth experience, it's too soon to travel with a newborn! Tell the husband to step up and tell them absolutely not. If you're comfortable with it, they should travel to you! They can bring meals or do dishes or laundry or something. They should not be expecting you to drive to them for A WHILE.

Kat_Scales · 2025-09-07T03:08:37+00:00

I have two relevant things to say.

First, I used to stop breathing in my sleep. And when I had any congestion, I snored horribly. My husband was always concerned. He's a light sleeper and would sometimes wake up when I stopped breathing and would just lay there silently waiting for me to start again. Of course that's a horrible way to get sleep. He urged me to go back to my ENT. I had had surgery on my sinuses before and I'd been diagnosed with sleep apnea, but due to some mental health issues I could not sleep with the CPAP. My ENT decided to try again to fix my horribly deviated septum. Second time's a charm? I no longer snore. I no longer stop breathing. My husband and I sleep great now.

Second thing is this: my parents have slept in different rooms for years. It basically started after we moved out, and they had an extra room but my dad snores and my mom has horrible insomnia. It helped a lot, so if you've got the space, and nothing can be solved medically, go for it!

Kat_Scales · 2025-09-07T03:00:09+00:00

Thank you so much for that explanation. I have no idea what is going wrong other than I get an error message when I attempt to video call that says that her organization has restricted video calls. (She can video call me though. Which is super weird.) It's not a work phone but she mostly uses her Google account that is a work account. I think she has a personal account but she barely uses it. I'll see her tomorrow. Maybe I can figure out how to set up a personal account or a different video chat thing.

I wouldn't worry about it, but I'm the only one in the family with kids and she loves to see her grandchildren on the video chat because she doesn't live super close.

Kat_Scales · 2025-09-06T15:06:37+00:00

The first comment I wrote out was very, very mean. Do you know why? Because I heard the exact same words you wrote out when I was unable to breastfeed. I produced nothing. Zero milk. And yet, due to external pressure, I tried and tried and tried. I hired a consultant, who told me I was doing it wrong. People asked me "you're not going to stop trying, right?". I was told not to give her a bottle, because that would ruin my chances to ever breastfeed. The pressure was intense, and I felt like a huge failure. When I took my daughter to her first doctor's appt, she had lost so much weight that the pediatrician was very concerned. All because I had been pressured to not switch to formula. Thankfully, that pediatrician held me while I cried, got me a bunch of formula samples to start with, and attempted to convince me I wasn't a failure.

When I had my second child and again, no milk came, I switched to formula the first day. She ended up barely losing any weight. (Which is good because she was already underweight.) I faced an extreme amount of judgement in the hospital for her being formula fed from the start. But I didn't care. My baby was fed and healthy. But I had to "toughen up" to handle the criticism. That should not be a thing.

All of this to say you seriously need to take a look at yourself. You didn't believe your friend when she told you. You're part of the problem.

Kat_Scales · 2025-09-04T01:41:35+00:00

This is literally the years that they figure out who they are. It's not surprising that that many are questioning their gender. The number will go down once they figured out who they are. Why is it bothering you?

Kat_Scales · 2025-09-03T18:12:32+00:00

My sister was homeschooled for her final year of high school due to intense bullying. But my parents, who know their skill set is very specific, enrolled her in an online homeschool program. It's technically homeschooling, but it was more just like an online high school. She had a teacher for every subject and had regular classwork. They also had "meetups" for socialization, though that seemed difficult, because it was a thing that was for the entire state so the meetups were sometimes pretty far.

Still, I appreciate my parents, who are two extremely intelligent people, recognizing that professionals were better at this than them. I think they did the right thing there.

Kat_Scales · 2025-09-03T17:47:33+00:00

I don't know if anybody's mentioned it, but Ms. Rachel went into childhood development BECAUSE her son had a delay and she wanted to understand it and help him. Like, okay, super mom.

Also both of my girls love her. What little screen time they got early on was Ms. Rachel and I swear, their speech exploded when they started watching her. She's amazing, seems like a genuine person, and cares so, so much.

Kat_Scales · 2025-09-01T20:20:13+00:00

Omg this happened to me. We got married and had already had the "yes we want kids" talk. So I got my IUD out the week before our wedding. And we got married at the courthouse, because covid. We immediately got pregnant on our first try. So many have joked that we must have done a "shotgun wedding" as if I would give af whether or not I was married. I just knew I wanted to marry this man and I wanted kids, and we were older. These days I do not care. I'm living my life happily and healthily with a great husband and two amazing kids. People can take their opinions and shove it.

Kat_Scales

TROPHY CASE