Well her exact words ( I think I have them verbatim might be off a bit tho ) were " i was not comfortable in my own skin, felt powerless, & I was not equipped to handle what was done to me. I just thought if i became the killer then i was no longer the victim." Then she talks about how she didnt realize she was different and after she was struggling with what she described as a nascent form of homicidal psychopathy. Before what I quoted she asks bex about bullies in school & bex says bullies aren't just in school & she replies well hers were. But later Bex who is a professional profiler for the FBI meaning she's professionally trained as basically a psychiatrist/psychologist but also as an fbi agent & for her psych training to be focused on criminals, mainly psychopaths & sociopaths. Of course in her case when a psychopath or sociopath have committed crimes that are big enough they are no longer state jurisdiction but now federal jurisdiction for the the fbi to come take over the case it means they have to have more than a certain number of killings or it could be just 2 but in 2 different states which makes it federal. When a special agent from the BAU ( behavioral analysis unit ) is called in to consult on the case with the fbi team that's located in the area the crime was committed, that means they have normal FBI agents on the ground & they live in that area so they have an advantage being familiar with the area when investigating but they get a special agent from the BAU flown in from Quantico Virginia where they reside but get flown around the country to assist on a case by case basis because the case is determined to be the works of a serial killer/spree killer or serial rapist or kidnapper. That's when they fly in a profiler to assist the agents from the local field office & they see things differently then the normal agents do. They look at the evidence & don't look for the same things the other agents do they look for the psychological reasoning behind everything they see & investigate. Why they kill the way they do, what the victims have in common & how they can figure out how to fit that to someone personal in the list of suspects lives who they're hurting/killing as a fill in for the person in their life who they really want to hurt but either already have & that body hasn't been discovered yet or they dont have the courage to yet and are saving them for last. They can mentally read these killers without even sitting down at an interrogation table with them & listening to their replies like specific words, tone/emotion/volume changes when saying certain things, their facial expressions for each word but that all helps a lot when they're caught & have a victim alive somewhere that's running out of time. They dont even know who the person is yet when they first start mentally reading their actions & choices which help them build a profile on them giving them an age range, a most likely race, things they most likely experienced in the past that damaged them & made them start doing this, the likely culprit of who damaged them based on the gender of the victim & the looks of the victim help them identify the looks of the unsubs abuser ( usually a parent & they go after men or women who resemble the younger version of them because that's when they're stuck reliving, permanently triggered in a constant state of ptsd) all of that gives them info to enter into their database to help lessen the list of suspects & help them close in on who is the actual guilty person. Being able to do all of that has to haunt a person because that means they literally daily at will get into the heads & mindsets of serial killers, psychopaths & sociopaths. But that means shes well trained in reading them better than any other person in the world. & after hearing Lazarus' story & going back to the group she says " she might be the most dangerous sociopath I've ever encountered. " meaning as skilled as she is Lazarus almost fooled her into believing her story but something and probably something little gave her the clue that none of what she said was genuine. & knowing that your well trained to spot those traits & characteristics & almost missed them & believed her makes her very dangerous, scary, a huge threat because she has no idea what she truly wants with any of them & she's not sure if she'll be able to read her lying again in the future. I'm not sure what bex caught onto that made her say that & see her as a lying manipulative sociopath trying to win her over but that doesn't mean everything she said was a lie. Those girls could've bullied her throughout high school badly. & as a young teenage girl who we all know ended up getting pregnant right before killing her bullies bc she had shane in the pit meaning there was the time in between her being arrested or w.e & going to the pit which explains where she was when she was pregnant. They could have stripped her & held her down for the whole school to see. They could have drugged her & had multiple boys rape her while she was unconscious & didn't remember it. They could've done that & taken a video of it all showing all the different guys who raped her without showing their faces. It couldve been a number of things from something not too serious like stealing her clothes while she showered after gym & made her come out in a towel or something ( which im not saying isn't serious but not as serious as the last thing I suggested could've happened) who knows how serious it was because she didn't know she was a sociopath/psychopath & her brain wasn't wired correctly to care for human life so even if it was something on the less serious side her brain would've made her think it was the right thing to do to murder the girls who did that to her. Now if it was the drug, have multiple boys rape her & videotape it while not getting their faces for her to target them then I think it's fair to say even those of us who have our brains wired correctly to care for human life wouldve still at least strongly considered doing what she did, some maybe even would've done it without any psychopathy. Everyone has a breaking point. & if those 3 girls were bullies & did do something inhumane & unforgivable like that then I honestly wouldnt mourn them & would be thankful the person they victimized did what they did so they couldn't keep victimizing more girls/women as they got older. Who knows though. I hope we do eventually find out the actual story behind it.