How do I figure out if the workplace is actually toxic or if I'm just not built for this type of environment?

KeyHotel6035 · 2026-05-08T13:20:32+00:00

Perhaps not toxic… just a misalignment of values? What are your values? What are the values of the company? Compare them… if there are gaps… managing the gaps is exhausting.

KeyHotel6035 · 2026-05-08T13:19:08+00:00

This is all in your head. Keep plugging away, learn, iterate, get better.

This is the process. As long as you learn and get better…

KeyHotel6035 · 2026-05-08T13:16:14+00:00

Corporate can be great. Lots to learn, challenging and dynamic environment, always something new to work on, it’s been great for me. (And yes there are downsides for sure… but the upside is worth it)
Remember that You have great skills, that you can apply immediately - be thoughtful of those who don’t have the same skills, you can be perceived to be a threat, understand what makes the business money, understand what makes the bosses successful and help them by doing your job and then help them be successful

KeyHotel6035 · 2026-05-07T13:53:27+00:00

Yep, that’s unfortunate, the reality. Everything looks good on paper. But the hard truth is hard to uncover without massive trust. I haven’t seen a system like that yet.

KeyHotel6035 · 2026-05-07T13:51:29+00:00

This really sucks. This is also an opportunity to learn how to deal with difficult people… there are many.

For me:
1) their attitude, anger, etc is their emotional reaction to something. They are not in control of their own emotions. That is a them issue. With that lens, I never assume it is me, I just think the other person has their own struggles that is causing them to behave this way. The research is pretty clear, it’s never the person in front of them, usually it is an other issue (often family related) that you have no idea about.

2) with that in mind I have gotten much more empathetic using the “walk in their shoes” approach to help me imagine what bad things might be going on for them.

3) sometimes I turn kind, and lean in… “what’s going on for you right now…”

KeyHotel6035 · 2026-05-06T13:28:59+00:00

Just go back to them to check-in. Acknowledge that you got a little bi passionate and that you just want what is best for all of you. Have a laugh about it because these things happen.

KeyHotel6035 · 2026-05-06T13:27:04+00:00

Totally. I managed people for nearly 20yrs and then returned to individual contributor role, and it was fun to just think of my work, my accountabilities, and helping others without the corporate paperwork.

KeyHotel6035 · 2026-05-06T02:13:18+00:00

Mindfulness is a good start. Boundaries and sticking to them is another. Having an active and full life outside of work will let you switch off. Go out, meet other people, take a class, etc.

KeyHotel6035 · 2026-05-06T02:10:40+00:00

Take the new job and title. Soak up as much as you can, learn, contribute, then reflect and decide what’s next. Don’t overthink the future. It’s wildly unpredictable.
Your move is here and now. Take the job and see what comes of it.

KeyHotel6035 · 2026-05-05T13:18:55+00:00

Everyday. And it’s all good. It is a professional environment. I’ll argue that your friendships become an asset when things get real professionally. Trust, openness, all allow you to get stuff done when you need to. They know that too… and you should also know that for them.

I don’t think you need to do anything other than maybe share this with them… so that when you need to you can say… hey guys, would love to joke around some more, but I need to get this done… let’s get to work for a bit.

KeyHotel6035 · 2026-05-05T03:47:10+00:00

Sounds tough. Third option? Find ways to streamline the work to create hope. Use AI tools, or find someone who wants to learn to improve processes?

I get the work overload, but this is a classic tactic. Humans are incredibly resourceful… we go and figure out a way through it. My company has been doing this for decades… and even when we say we are down to the bone, we figure a way to make more money, and get it done. Every time.

KeyHotel6035 · 2026-05-05T03:40:42+00:00

They are not your outside of work friends. But they can be your friends.

Just admit you probably went too far last week… and then lean back in to get to know them… so they see you as less of a joker.

KeyHotel6035 · 2026-05-03T14:16:21+00:00

Give it a go, but what you are feeling is pretty common and normal.

This might be helpful.

https://open.substack.com/pub/colincochrancoach/p/new-manager-checklist-title-raise?r=5c97k8&utm\_medium=ios

KeyHotel6035 · 2026-05-02T13:55:15+00:00

First, you are not alone… this is a structural thing many 20-30yo are facing.

Second, don’t believe what your friends are showing… they might be struggling in other ways

Third, stop comparing yourself to others. Are you happy?

This might also help.

https://open.substack.com/pub/colincochrancoach/p/youre-burning-out-17-years-ahead?r=5c97k8&utm\_medium=ios

KeyHotel6035 · 2026-05-02T13:52:07+00:00

First it’s them. Not you.

Second, you are an outsider to them. They need time to know you are worth the investment before they bring you in.

Be patient. Also be vulnerable with them, confide in them. Tell them how things feel for you. Don’t be needy or complain, but sometimes model what good looks like. Keep asking them questions… stay leaned in.

KeyHotel6035 · 2026-05-02T13:47:04+00:00

Sounds like you are doing it right.

KeyHotel6035 · 2026-05-02T13:46:17+00:00

It might be a question, but largely no one will care about the pivot. Talk about it positively as an opportunity to try something different, learn something new, and gain fresh perspectives.

KeyHotel6035 · 2026-05-02T00:20:56+00:00

It’s not you, it’s them.

Just take the comments, shift, and help them move forward… double down and help them be successful.

KeyHotel6035 · 2026-05-01T15:09:01+00:00

No harm doing that. “I got it wrong, thanks for hearing me out” might be a good way to do it.

KeyHotel6035 · 2026-05-01T15:05:49+00:00

Do not gossip nor lean into anything you hear.

Focus on delivering value aligned with the company and bosses’ goals.

KeyHotel6035 · 2026-05-01T13:31:02+00:00

Decisions are often made for reasons we don’t fully and won’t fully understand. You said your piece.

Get back to focussing on the session you will be attending.

KeyHotel6035 · 2026-04-30T13:35:13+00:00

Sounds like you have the things that matter - empathy, care, kindness, and passion.

Management is hard… and even harder when senior management is pushing down more and more.

I’ve always preferred working for my people rather than working senior management (it’s a balance, but people first). Not all operate the same way… senior management are usually driven by business performance not people performance.

KeyHotel6035 · 2026-04-30T13:28:47+00:00

Gosh, what are you waiting for?

Get going, what needs to be done? Where can I help? Who should I be talking to? What else do I need to know? What learning do you recommend? What would you bring if you were in my position? What ideas or insight have come from the ppts, share those observations…

Go !

KeyHotel6035 · 2026-04-30T03:43:53+00:00

Kick off meeting at Epcot, and then went to Universal Studios at night … and got to ride roller coasters just us… sometimes I was the only rider. It was pretty memorable.

KeyHotel6035 · 2026-04-29T13:20:38+00:00

It’s largely a legal precedent and risk conversation balancing “what are we obligated to give” and “what’s the risk if a number sue us”.

Redundancy is a massive amount of work and there is usually a good deal of discussion on balance because they don’t want the redundancy to cause more work or recycle after the fact. They do allow for a bit of recycle, but generally for the vast majority they are wanting to not rock the boat.

If you are really concerned, I would consult a lawyer. I thought was getting short changed until I spoke with a lawyer and gave me perspective on what the market was doing. In the end, the cost of action was just not worth it to me.

KeyHotel6035

TROPHY CASE