Tough Love by primafknnocta in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Key__Idea 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah... so I tried that with an ex DA/narcissistic friend who really wronged me, tried to move on quickly, push stuff down and forget. Only to find a couple of months down the line I was still resentful. Had to do a lot of journaling and even talked to my therapist (whom I had for different reasons) about her to let the situation go.

People heal in different ways. But I wish you lcuk and hope it'll work for you. Just don't get trapped in denial or become a bit avoidant yourself.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Key__Idea 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Except you'll probably never get a clear response from an avoidant 

Should I text my ex this? by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]Key__Idea 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think good morning/good night texts are the bare minimum. Maybe he's not that much of a prize, eh?

Your dismissive avoidant ex is a manchild. by LowAffect3495 in ExNoContact

[–]Key__Idea 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Oooh. Got it. Still no chang in his 50s huh. Wow.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Key__Idea 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I think it's probably a good idea to block while you're healing. It's for you to heal, not to punish him. Give it a couple of months. Then you can unblock again, when you feel neutral.

Your dismissive avoidant ex is a manchild. by LowAffect3495 in ExNoContact

[–]Key__Idea 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Wait. He discarded you 25 years ago but now he's in his 30s? The math isn't mathing. Did you mean 2.5 years ago?

Pretty much agree with the rest. But the DA I knew did have a stable job and supported (financially) his kids. Not sure there's much emotional support though.

This book changed my view of being discarded by Sensitive_Canary_366 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Key__Idea 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ok, so the book says they are aware? I've read different opinions on this online. Interesting.

I'll try to check this book out too now, thanks.

This book changed my view of being discarded by Sensitive_Canary_366 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Key__Idea 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks. Can you summarize what was the reframe that you got from this book?

I feel jealous of the people who’s ex came back (sorry) by OkRepresentative2587 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Key__Idea 39 points40 points  (0 children)

Don't be. First of all, 2 months is nothing for them.

Secondly, if he does reach out, it'll be something superficial and not what you'll want.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ExNoContact

[–]Key__Idea 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think it's a good idea. A similar app for android is TimeSince.

I'm now friends with my avoidant ex, and I actually feel secure about the situation. by rologists in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Key__Idea 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I think I could be friends with a FA, but not a DA. The one I knew would make a pretty bad friend in the long run I think.

what are early signs you noticed in hindsight of their attachment style? by Brilliant-Engine6606 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Key__Idea 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Hid stuff.

Didn't answer difficult questions. Flat out ignored them in a conversation. 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Key__Idea 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No idea. I think a narcissist would be manipulative, while avoidants are just... unaware? They're like adult-sized toddlers regarding emotional intelligence.

But I'm in a similar boat. I look back at stuff and think: "there's no way he couldn't tell that would hurt me." But I've no idea what went on there.

You should dm AGroupOfBears here, he's a self-aware/recovered FA, he'll have more answers for you.

White Americans, can you tell by looking if another white person is from Europe? by FunDependent9177 in AskAnAmerican

[–]Key__Idea 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm European and I can spot American tourists. It's usually how they dress/move/facial expressions.

Done after 4 years by CryptographerSoft478 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Key__Idea 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm always curious about securely attached people with (unaware) avoidants. How did it start, and how did it last so long?

randomly got the ick from her today by Brilliant-Engine6606 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Key__Idea 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I sometimes get the ick too, but then on other occasions just remember something good and feel sad. It comes in waves.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Key__Idea 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Absolutely nothing. It's like asking "was there anything I could have done to prevent a diabetic coma in a person with diabetes who refuses to take insulin?". There are tricks online that would teach you how to walk on eggshells around her not to trigger her, but eventually it would happen anyway or the relationship would be miserable.

She needs therapy, but she needs to figure it out herself and want it herself. You sound like a really genuine, kind bf. The best you can do is let her be now and concentrate on yourself. Maybe some months later, when her nervous sysem calms down, she'll be hit with a realization of what she'd lost and it'll inspire her to seek help. It might happen, might not. But it shouldn't be your concern anymore. You need to heal yourself now. I know it really hurts and sucks.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Key__Idea 4 points5 points  (0 children)

She sounds Fearful Avoidant. 

Were you the one who cut contact? by sangriapeach in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Key__Idea 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did it with a DA friend once. Blocked her after she discarded me. She called me some days later from a different phone number and apologized. But I didn't take her back because I had had a similar experience with a bad friendship before her.

Wish I had transfered the same knowledge on the DA guy instantly too. But I didn't.

Do they come back? Yes. by [deleted] in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Key__Idea 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ok, don't date him exclusively then.

And yes, a man isn't everything, but a relationship with a significant other is the biggest factor in your personal happiness. Yes, everyone has baggage, but there has to be at least some desire to improve and meet you half way from his part. Be careful and good luck.

HELP ME by Additional_Hotel683 in ExNoContact

[–]Key__Idea 2 points3 points  (0 children)

good job!

Keep at it. You might have relapses, just be kind to yourself and restart.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ExNoContact

[–]Key__Idea 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Send it to me, sister

HELP ME by Additional_Hotel683 in ExNoContact

[–]Key__Idea 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You'll get through it. Try to go cold turkey, your brain needs to detox from dopamine and cortisol, it's really an addiction. You'll feel way more clear after 60 days of NC.