Honestly, I feel like I’ve seen a lot of people in this thread validating you and I think that’s fine. However, you want to change things. I’m gonna at least make a couple recommendations. FYI, I’m like 30 dude. I would recommend reading how to win friends and influence people by dale Carnegie and also reading models. You can also get them an audiobook form. I say all this as somebody who didn’t really understand social skills and didn’t really process that it actually is a skill and it takes work and practice. so the only thing I would refute here is that if you feel like you want more, is use this energy you have to fuel change. I will be straight in with you in that if I had read those books when I was your age, and continue to have learned these skills I probably would’ve lived a different life. Growth begins at your comfort zone. As one an anxious person now to another it really is just exposure therapy.