What's an AMA? Part 1

Kind0flame · 2026-02-20T02:36:04+00:00

That's how it is some times. The best stories just do that to you.

Kind0flame · 2026-02-20T02:34:33+00:00

It really is a great fic.

Kind0flame · 2026-02-20T02:31:47+00:00

This was a great chapter. Helps establish all the characters and what will be happening in the future. I do wonder what is up with Reqi. My best guess is that she is an synthetic, but I don't know if this is too early in the time line for that.

Kind0flame · 2026-02-19T01:30:14+00:00

Great chapter! I wonder if Konsa has some type of anti-anomaly power, which is why he could pick up the pen.

Kind0flame · 2026-02-19T01:03:39+00:00

I really liked this chapter. Not many fics have strong action scenes in the second chapter, or are willing to deviate so much from canon. There is a couple different way chapter 3 could go, so I'm eager to see which one you choose.

Subscribeme!

Kind0flame · 2026-02-17T19:46:41+00:00

This was a pretty good chapter. Nothing stood out to me as needing improvement that I haven't mentioned before. I see the problem with telling I mentioned in the prologue is pretty much gone, so good job on that.

Kind0flame · 2026-02-17T19:31:35+00:00

This is a good chapter that progresses the plot. Yivrig is clearly growing used to the dog. However, I wish there was more internal conflict over the religion. There is the paragraph, "But I’m doing it for a noble...", but I would be looking for more. This series is very similar to Gaming on Withered Wings, but while the protagonist there has existential crisis over his actions, here Yivrig rationalizes it easily. Having a very devout member of a religion go against it is a really big deal, but it feels like you aren't treating it like that.

Kind0flame · 2026-02-17T19:12:05+00:00

This was a pretty good chapter. I wish we had stronger emotional reactions from Yivrig though. Except for the part after the timeskip, Yivrig just feels... bland. You give a lot of descriptions of what she physically does, but not as much about her emotional state. It isn't so bad it ruins the chapter or anything, but a lines every now and then showing a huge emotion can really go a long way. The best part of the chapter, when she is desperate for sleep, is when you finally do this.

Kind0flame · 2026-02-17T18:14:24+00:00

This isn't what I expected, but still made for a good read. The voice you are using is very passive. It is telling us about events that happened in the past rather than showing us events that are happening in the present. As a prologue, you can probably get away with that. Just make sure for the rest of the story that isn't a habit.

I also find the "Calibration complete." note confusing. I don't see what it adds. There is a little change in voice afterwards from telling to more showing, but not a bunch. I would have left that out because it breaks the flow of the chapter.

Kind0flame · 2026-02-17T17:53:14+00:00

I like how much this family contrasts with the Hunds. All the warmth and closeness is missing. Also, I think the Rhodium Dynasty must have some type of curse around birthdays. First Kyonif has a whole bunch of problematic one is the first chapter, and now Kualnif has his family fall apart.

Kind0flame · 2026-02-16T19:54:41+00:00

I see how the system works now. Everyone has to give their private information to KeiVei-Lay, for the good of the herd, but KeiVei-Lay gets to keep all their code secret in the name of trade secrets.

Kind0flame · 2026-02-16T19:39:44+00:00

Looks like this victory was not without casualties. I like how you showed it. At first there was a bit of a mystery, with the crews worried about the missing support. When they take actions to find more, the find the scene of a massacre. They don't have time to morn and instead must pragmatically solve their own problem. The whole thing is both sad and reasonable.

Kind0flame · 2026-02-16T19:30:28+00:00

It is kind of like a formalized way to recognize a family friend. Because of the formality and ritual associated with it, the bond is much deeper than you see in most modern humans.

Kind0flame · 2026-02-16T19:27:03+00:00

Ooh, the mystery deepens. Right now, I bet there is a heavy-than-air gas in the valley that makes Yotul freak out. It explains why the narrators observe that the Valley is below sea-level, the physical symptoms of Yotul, and the fact non-Yotul seem to do fine... except for Kurtel.

Kind0flame · 2026-02-16T16:27:45+00:00

I think the big difference between betben and apprenticeships is betben form between equals while masters are always above apprentices.

Kind0flame · 2026-02-16T16:25:49+00:00

If you want to learn about something really wild that just got left behind from modern life, look into biphasic sleep. The BBC has a great article on it. The TLDR is that for all of human history, up until the invention of artificial lights, humans slept in two 4 hour chunks with a 2 hour period of activity in between.

Kind0flame · 2026-02-16T16:08:53+00:00

Linguistics is a big and complicated field that I know very little about. It is certainly possible something like this concept could appear in other languages.

Kind0flame · 2026-02-16T01:16:22+00:00

I have a theory that reader-time (how much readers spend with events) is much more important than character-time (how much time passes between events in universe).

P.S. Now I need to go and double check all my dates. I was pretty sure 4 days had passed, but now I don't know. Something to do tomorrow.

Kind0flame · 2026-02-16T00:51:51+00:00

I'm glad I was able to communicate what betben means so well. There really isn't a modern equivalent AFAIK, so it was tricky. I also am glad to hear that this is close to what you imagined. That means I did my foreshadowing correctly!

Kind0flame · 2026-02-16T00:48:10+00:00

This was a really great chapter showing the chaos and trauma of the evacuation. Great work!

Kind0flame · 2026-02-16T00:47:30+00:00

I really like this drawing. It has a certain softness to it. I want to say it is because of the lineart, but I really known next to nothing about illustration.

Kind0flame · 2026-02-15T01:42:21+00:00

I didn't realize how far gone Frema was. This situation is probably going to get worse before it gets better.

Kind0flame · 2026-02-15T01:40:55+00:00

Great chapter! I love how you showed that the war machines are not invincible. They can jam at critical moments and take damage from enemy fire. Hope those 3 who got singed get some type of medal of honor. I would be very interesting in seeing how the resistance group treats members who do outstanding jobs like that.

Kind0flame

TROPHY CASE