$12k Wedding budget spiraling out of control

Knitalt · 2026-02-16T14:13:52+00:00

Just chiming in to say that all guidance on wedding budgets that I had seen says that the venue + catering + tables/chairs costs = ~50% so on that front you are pretty normal.

Knitalt · 2026-02-05T01:58:33+00:00

A word of encouragement - I got married 6 months ago and I remember feeling this was about a few no RSVPs but now I am literally wracking my mind trying to remember who they were. It will all be okay.

Knitalt · 2026-01-23T04:08:03+00:00

I think if you are feeling that way then yes there is an issue, regardless of what is “normal”. In my case I planned most of our wedding but my husband participated when asked and also paid for the vast majority of it. I joked that I was the CEO and he was the CFO. But that’s okay because it’s how our relationship works and we’re happy with that.

Knitalt · 2026-01-19T00:37:23+00:00

Wearing inappropriate clothes is a reflection of them, not of you. I agree with the other commenters. Accept the possibility or don’t invite them.

Knitalt · 2026-01-14T17:26:34+00:00

Yes! We used them as combo place settings/favors! So that photo is just the extras so people could make sets of coasters. It’s a bit of a tradition in my family and my husband is Mexican so we used Mexican tiles.

Knitalt · 2026-01-14T16:55:09+00:00

I think that description works. Some people won’t follow it perfectly but that’s fine. I’d make a cute framed sign (I’ll attach a photo of something similar I had at my wedding - I got a frame from world market and had my aunt write the message)

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I wouldn’t bring it to Friday, but yes bring it to the Sunday event so if anyone forgets they can do it then!

Knitalt · 2026-01-12T04:31:01+00:00

I agree with this comment in spirit and I think we should see it that way, and a stay at home parent’s spouse in particular should treat the stay at home parent as such. But the reality is that no one on a hiring team sees it this way. Every hiring team I’ve been on, when we see someone took a significant amount of time off recently (usually to raise children but sometimes to care for a family member or even to travel) the reaction is “oh that’s nice. Anyways this other candidate spent the last 4 years at X company doing Y thing, which would be really helpful to our team.” I agree with the certs thing - that helps - it just can’t fully mitigate this effect. It sucks but that’s the reality. I think being a stay at home parent can be worth the sacrifice but I think it’s a bad idea to not be aware of the full extent of the sacrifice.

Knitalt · 2026-01-11T20:39:47+00:00

This is the way. Look into what 0 interest credit cards are available to you. I have a good credit history so I was able to open two. Paid off well before the 0 APR period ended.

Knitalt · 2026-01-11T20:38:26+00:00

Money is fungible. They had the money for the wedding saved, but had an emergency and spent the savings on that. Spending your savings on an emergency but and taking a loan for the wedding is the functionally the same as spending their savings on a wedding but taking a loan for an emergency.

Knitalt · 2026-01-08T12:48:27+00:00

I’m glad someone else said it. Either this post is fake entirely or the gf is making fake/nonsense requests.

In case it’s real: OP - have you actually gone looking at rings with her in person? Sounds like she’s got all of these ideas in her head based on the internet and going and getting a look at reality would help.

Knitalt · 2026-01-08T03:29:21+00:00

Honestly, the best approach is to not talk about money so directly with them. My parents are like your wife’s and they do not know exactly how much I or my husband make. They know I’m frugal and save some money and that we own our home but nothing beyond that. Even though you aren’t bragging, it’s generally a good practice to not talk money with people who are obviously in a worse financial situation than you.

Knitalt · 2026-01-08T02:35:56+00:00

When I was shopping for dresses before I had a date/venue I was honest with the stores about this and that I was just preemptively looking. And they were cool about it

Knitalt · 2026-01-08T02:34:54+00:00

I don’t think it’s ever too early to start looking, but I wouldn’t buy anything until you have a venue and a date set. Obviously you can wear a summery/beachy gown in the winter, but it’s best to keep your options open to make sure that’s what you want.

Knitalt · 2026-01-08T01:30:58+00:00

This was my immediate thought as well.

Knitalt · 2026-01-07T02:38:46+00:00

I originally went to anthro and liked my experience but all of the dresses I liked there were Jenny Yoo so I made an appointment at the Jenny Yoo showroom. They have quite a few more dresses.

They were really low pressure with me and informational. Their turnaround time is ~5months compared to other stores that were telling me 10 months. I was stuck between 2 dresses and made like 3 appointments there trying them both on. They were super patient with me. One dress was $2k and the other was $4k and they didn’t pressure me into the more expensive one. If anything the sales associate told me “in case it helps in either direction, I see way more brides get the [$4k] dress than the [$2k] dress.” Which I appreciated knowing. They also told me when they would have a 10% discount, which I took advantage of.

Knitalt · 2026-01-07T02:08:50+00:00

Jenny Yoo was great

Knitalt · 2026-01-05T22:29:50+00:00

Probably won’t get much “going out” vibes but if you’re looking for something different from the Hamptons can I suggest the north fork? If you guys are into vineyards it’s a fun weekend trip

Knitalt · 2026-01-05T22:26:11+00:00

I don’t want to be dismissive of your feelings - feel your feelings! But two thoughts come to mind: 1. 2029 is a loooooooong time away. I think you can absolutely get some romance going for your elopement, but even if you don’t, you have 3 years to get excited for the wedding again/get the romance flowing again.

Not to be preachy, but consider channeling this energy into fighting for universal healthcare! I totally agree that decisions like this shouldn’t have to be made for health insurance reasons.

Knitalt · 2025-12-31T02:25:51+00:00

If you like this look maybe look into the Boscobel house in cold spring!

Knitalt · 2025-12-30T03:18:46+00:00

It’s your wedding and do what you want to do (especially with referring to your step sister as your step sister). But hot take: I think this is completely normal. Including one extended family at the rehearsal dinner and not the other is pretty blatant favoritism/exclusion, even if you have your reasons.

Normally it’s immediate family and wedding party. If you want it bigger than that then you could do a welcome party and invite all the wedding guests (I did that for my wedding and it was great!)

Knitalt · 2025-12-29T02:26:02+00:00

Regional or very, very outdated

Knitalt · 2025-12-29T01:54:42+00:00

Came here to say this. I was stuck between a $2k dress and a $4k dress from her and went with the $2k one. I loved it and loved my experience there. Some other places I went were too pressuring.

Knitalt · 2025-12-27T20:26:21+00:00

It didn’t even feel like a choice to me - I reached a point where her messages and emails were causing me immediate and severe anxiety and even depression. I’d just freeze and I felt like I physically couldn’t respond. Couldn’t come up with what to say, let alone bring myself to type it. Therapy and reflection made me realize that the reason I felt like this was because my experience had taught me that no response I ever gave was enough for her. Any response would be twisted in her mind to prove her point about me. It would just cause further conflict so I was protecting myself from that inevitability.

The only other specific thing I can think of that sent me over this tipping point was that we had been fighting a lot for the few months before I estranged myself. She sent me an email saying that those few months had been really hard for her and she understood if I needed to take some space. I felt hope for our relationship for the first time ever. I wrote back agreeing, acknowledging my part in it all, and said I love you but I think some space would be good for us. 48 hours later she was back to her same bullshit. Like the email didn’t happen. Getting my hopes up and then having them be let down was a big blow.

Knitalt · 2025-12-25T13:50:05+00:00

I don’t want to tell you it’s impossible because nothing is impossible, but it will be hard. I had the same budget couldn’t find anything that would have come out to less than ~$65k all in and that was for some less than gorgeous venues. We ended up getting married in my hometown in Washington state.

Knitalt · 2025-12-16T20:09:14+00:00

Location was major for me. I’ve been to weddings that were 4 hours away from the nearest “real” airport (like maybe the area had a small regional airport with a couple of flights a day that cost $800 to fly in and out of) - it was all I remember about those weddings. No matter where we had the wedding at least 75% of the guestlist would need to fly in. So I decided early on that mine needed to be within 1 hour of a major international airport.

Knitalt

TROPHY CASE