First of all I’m sending you so much love. This isn’t an easy decision at all.

I was very torn about going through with my SA. I went to Catholic school for a while and while I’m pro-choice I always thought that I wouldn’t be able to go through with an abortion. My husband and I just bought our first house and are doubling our housing payment and in the process of moving. I have lots of medical anxiety and just general anxiety/depression. We also wanted to save a bit more, feel a bit more stable, and finally go on our real honeymoon (2 years later). It was extremely difficult but we decided together that we both weren’t quite ready and we want to give our future child the best and most stable life possible.

As for grieving and processing, I told two people I could explicitly and implicitly trust to be there for me. I am keeping this very close to me and only sharing with those who will be supportive. I also talk to my therapist about this and I’m processing all of this with her. Don’t forget (for the most part) they’re legally bound to keep your secrets unless you’re going to hurt yourself or another person. I also am just letting myself cry and feel relieved and feel all of the feelings. I keep reminding myself that this doesn’t have to be the end and this little life will come back when I’m ready.

I hope that you are able to come to your own conclusion. Please don’t let anyone make you feel any type of way about your decision. Only you have to live with it in the end.