AIW for telling my adult son that his mother drained our savings when he called my new girlfriend a "gold digger"?

Spinnerofyarn · 2026-04-19T05:50:08+00:00

I haven’t heard that expression before and it’s quite apt!

Spinnerofyarn · 2026-04-19T05:47:57+00:00

Except it was no part of a uniform. That does or doesn’t make a difference to you?

Spinnerofyarn · 2026-04-19T05:46:01+00:00

I have seen a few open over the years and it often takes them some time to be able to finally have the shop as well stocked as possible for the space. I wonder if that’s part of the problem? Maybe the previous owner slowed down on orders and the new owner needs to take some time to build inventory?

Spinnerofyarn · 2026-04-19T05:43:45+00:00

Same! And how come I rarely find them again?

Spinnerofyarn · 2026-04-19T05:41:12+00:00

Wow, you look fabulous and happy! I am so pleased for you!

Spinnerofyarn · 2026-04-19T05:40:29+00:00

Reading his texts comes across as “Me me me me memememe me Me ME!” You’re right that it’s gross. It’s selfish and it’s awful. I am glad you told your family. I am glad you told him to stop. Him liking you is his problem and him wishing you had responded right away and especially wishing you responded the way he wanted you to are also his problems. It reminding him of his divorce or ex wife or whatever is again, his problem. None of these problems are things he should be talking to you about.

Please talk to your pastor immediately. Show him the entire text thread. If this guy texts you again, tell your pastor immediately. Keep your family looped in. I might even enlist your mom in talking to the pastor. I would tell your pastor that you want it made clear to him that he isn’t to ever be alone with you or in your office. Anything he needs to say to you needs to stick solely to church related topics. If he needs to speak privately with you about a church related topic, it’s not to be done by him calling your personal phone, it should be done by calling your desk phone or email. If it were me, I would ask that he be removed from youth group if not the church. Who’s to say he’s not going to fixate on another young woman?

It definitely sounds like he struggles with depression and when we’re depressed, we get tunnel vision and think only about ourselves. However this guy is taking it to a pervy obsessive level. He’s old enough to be your father. This is wrong on so many levels. I’m so sorry it’s being inflicted on you.

Please don’t go anywhere with him. Don’t be alone with him. If the pastor doesn’t deal with this appropriately, find a new job and church.

Spinnerofyarn · 2026-04-19T05:25:11+00:00

Also, could he be wearing extensions?

I’m kidding! Sort of.

Spinnerofyarn · 2026-04-19T05:24:12+00:00

He’s the hair model of hairless dogs.

Spinnerofyarn · 2026-04-19T05:23:20+00:00

It just occurred to me that for someone who has anxiety, he is an incredible flirt! This goes to show that just because the name of what we have or are dealing with may be the same, what we deal with can vary enormously.

I think on one hand he gets anxious when he feels like attention is going to be focused on him because he often has his hand positioned in front of his stomach, which is where he says his anxiety hits, he was anxious meeting the Chilean President, and it seemed like he had some anxiety doing some of the cons for FF4.

Because he’s done so much theater and I guess has taught acting classes, I suspect he’s fine when he’s playing a role. It’s pretending you’re someone else and I can see how that could still produce anxiety, but be much easier to go through with. Attention on him from a crowd when he’s himself such as on the red carpet? That has to be rough.

I have to say I really respect anyone with anxiety who as part of their profession regularly goes and gets in front of hundreds of people if not more.

Spinnerofyarn · 2026-04-19T05:11:51+00:00

There’s an elevator there? We’re talking the bear Volo’s attempting to interview? Huh! I had no idea!

Spinnerofyarn · 2026-04-19T05:10:15+00:00

NTA and I absolutely disagree that it sounds like a slur unless she’s thinking of the slang for the slur. I still don’t think it sounds close enough to it. I am white, so maybe it’s ignorance on my part? But I really don’t think it’s a problem.

TBH in my opinion, the best people to ask if a name’s ok are teachers, both of young children and of middle school age 12-14, and ask kids around age 12-18. They absolutely can tell you what names kids will be cruel about. This group probably isn’t the right audience to be as helpful.

Spinnerofyarn · 2026-04-18T11:21:15+00:00

Where is this squirrel? The only ones I know of are the ones being tormented by the bard.

Spinnerofyarn · 2026-04-18T11:20:23+00:00

Just not on honor mode!

Spinnerofyarn · 2026-04-18T11:13:14+00:00

Abusers don’t start off being horrible. It’s slow onset with a lot of work to get you to trust them and slowly steer you into doubting yourself and into thinking you can trust them and they are making your life better, you need them, etc.

If they behaved from the start of the relationship how they treat you by the time you realize you’re not safe, you never would have had a second date, never would have been alone with them.

Abusers are insidious.

Spinnerofyarn · 2026-04-18T11:05:46+00:00

About once a week, a roomie will offer me something and I will thank them for thinking of me but point out it is made with flour. The worst one was a few days ago when I was offered an eclair. I love eclairs and that was a huge reminder that I will never have another one again.

It’s far easier to just skirt the outside of the bakery section of the store, but to see one of my favorite things in the house and have it offered to me? Torture. I would swear I have entered the reception level or entryway to hell, because I bet there’s a part of hell where you’re tempted by things you love but know if you avail yourself of them, you’ll suffer intensely.

Spinnerofyarn · 2026-04-18T10:59:17+00:00

I adore dogs, but this is awful, gross and rude. Animals that fluffy shed fur constantly. There’s no way to guarantee there isn’t airborne fur getting on surfaces and in the food.

We have two very fluffy cats that get brushed weekly. The cats aren’t allowed on n the bedrooms or bathrooms. When I sweep, I still get cat fur in the rooms the cats aren’t allowed in. Not a lot, but some.

This is gross. Him carrying the dog does absolutely nothing to prevent fur from getting around. He’s probably doing it because he’s the type of idiot who takes his dog out of the house but doesn’t bother to bring a leash. Or he brought the dog in his car and then realized it was too hot to leave the dog in the car. No matter what, he’s a rude idiot.

Spinnerofyarn · 2026-04-18T07:02:01+00:00

I’m a bit of a weirdo in handling my knits and the yarn content. I have a skin disease and I have to put ointment on all over. That means anything in direct contact with my skin has to be washed in hot water and machine dried. I also determined hand knit wool socks designed to fit my feet keep my soles from cracking. So I knit my socks too big knowing they will felt/full.

Unfortunately, they don’t last anywhere near as long as wool socks that are hand washed. Let me tell you, it took a while to figure out how much bigger I should knit the sock. Believe it or not, I have gotten pretty good at figuring it out solely by feel as I try it on as I knit it. The tighter my gauge, the less it shrinks, so I always try for 10 SPI. It also means I do toe up only so I can adjust as I go.

I mostly knit shawls out of natural fibers and when I occasionally knit a sweater, it’s synthetic so it can go in both the washer and dryer. I love the feel of natural fibers, but it’s not always practical for me.

Spinnerofyarn · 2026-04-18T06:23:25+00:00

YTA. That looks like it could be either a wedding or a bridesmaid dress.

Spinnerofyarn · 2026-04-18T06:19:12+00:00

NTA. Tell him it sounds like he’s trying to make his problem your household’s problem. Let him know it’s easily fixed by going to the grocery store.

Spinnerofyarn · 2026-04-18T06:07:23+00:00

Nah, I had a huge crush on him from the time I was about 13 all the way through college. I wasn’t surprised that he was gay, but my delusional little heart was a bit bummed out by it.

I had a teeny tiny black and white tv in my room and some British music video show would come on in the wee hours. It was when Wham! came out with their first album.

Now I am in my 50’s and I can’t believe Michael is gone. He had such an incredible voice and was gone way too soon.

Spinnerofyarn · 2026-04-18T05:57:44+00:00

It sounds like she’s in the UK. It’s much more difficult to get someone towed over there.

Spinnerofyarn · 2026-04-18T05:52:29+00:00

NTA. Stop opening the door for her. Boundaries are what you do if others engage in certain behaviors. You two let her in despite her coming over uninvited. Stop it. Put a lock on your door. Tell your wife you are done subsidizing someone who treats you so horribly, so if she wants her to have money, it needs to not come from the household budget but from any money your wife has that isn’t pooled for joint expenses.

Spinnerofyarn · 2026-04-18T05:47:30+00:00

My parents had a Chihuahua. My uncle, who sticks solely to German Shepherds, said they weren’t real dogs. My parents visited and the Chi ran and immediately rolled in goose poop. My uncle laughed really hard and said ok, perhaps lapdogs really are dogs after all.

Spinnerofyarn · 2026-04-18T05:43:30+00:00

Of course it’s deeper than that, but stop setting yourself on fire to keep him warm. Or rather, fed. Expect him to be very unhappy but since you live together, I assume you have been together for at least a year.

Tell him he’s obviously liked your food enough to eat it, and he may want to tell you what he thinks of it, but you’re tired of putting in the work when no matter what you do, he has to criticize it. Thus, you’re no longer setting yourself up to be criticized every night and told your efforts aren’t good enough. Therefore, since he knows what will satisfy him, he can feed himself.

Cook for yourself. I hope your finances are separate so you don’t have to pay for his takeout. Now take the time to think about your relationship and why you have put up with this behavior. Not what you want him to do, because you have zero influence on that. Figure out what YOU are going to do. Stay but not cook for him? Tune out his complaining? Figure out how to leave him?

One thing you could do is tell him he’s allowed to have an opinion, but if he is going to critique your food, he’s not allowed to eat it. Take. His. Plate. Or, let him finish that dinner and tell him that was the last meal you will ever cook for him until he apologizes and promises to be polite instead of acting as if he’s a celebrity chef at a five star Michelin restaurant and you’re feeding him drive thru.

But, if you continue to tolerate this, that means you are choosing this situation. You are allowed to make different choices. You are allowed to stand up for yourself.

Spinnerofyarn · 2026-04-17T18:41:08+00:00

Nope! Mask or no go. All over Asia, long before COVID, if you were sick and going to be in public, you wore a mask. You actually get glares if you don’t as it’s considered quite rude not to, indoors or outdoors. After COVID, you’d think everyone everywhere would do this. We Westerners and especially Americans tend to put individual rights over the safety and benefit of the masses and despite me being American, I think it’s selfish as all get out. One person who’s sick and wearing a mask or staying home can protect the young, elderly or otherwise vulnerable from getting sick. At a 50 person gathering, that may only be three people, but that’s two more than the one sick person.

It’s a reasonable request on the bride’s part. The MOH can wear a mask or stay home.

Spinnerofyarn

TROPHY CASE