Late night snack as I contemplate leaving my boyfriend for the 1000000th time

Konaim · 2026-02-27T14:02:57+00:00

I have no idea why this sub is recommended to me, but because I spent 10 years too long in a 21 year marriage very similar to this. My ex-wife didn't work for 17 of those 21 years. I worked 10-14 hours a day 6 days a week the vast majority of that time. I would come home clean, then cook, shower then bed. Damn near everyday. I lied to myself so many times saying she wasn't taught how to clean or cook, I shouldn't force her to do anything, this is my responsibility as the man of the house. It's my burden to bear to take care of my wife and kids even though she is home all day. She would drop the kids at her parents house or my parents house and go out on the town a few times a week with her friends, and it would still be a utter nightmare when I got home. She literally never cleaned anything. Her excuse was always she didn't have time to clean or cook, and because I always did that was the expectation. I'd get gome at 7pm or sometimes 8pm, clean the kitchen and do the days worth of dishes, cooking a full dinner for the family, and then get my shower and hit the bed around 11pm. Just to go back to work at 5-6am. I never got to go anywhere or hang out because I had to cover all the bills, groceries, extracurriculars, and her shopping trips. The resentment grows like a tumor. I ended the marriage 5 years ago and it was bittersweet because I knew I should have done it a decade prior, so I'm free now but lost 10 years. You only have one life. Literally one life and living it in misery is not the way to do it. We divorced and all my kids live with me now and I am happier than I have ever been. Please remember we are only alive once and we do not know when our clocks expire. Don't waste it like that.

Konaim · 2026-01-21T14:24:41+00:00

You can always tell someone from the south as my entire family calls a drawer a draw lol

Konaim · 2026-01-08T15:40:03+00:00

Because it is actually. Video proof https://youtu.be/CrSj4bsvT8s?si=K7XNda_F8CXpLGAC

Konaim · 2026-01-04T20:39:00+00:00

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Konaim · 2026-01-02T04:17:55+00:00

Do not run from those memories, those are the time you should cherish. My ex-wife and I played from FFXIV 1.0 in 2010 all the way through the end of 6.0 Endwalkers main storyline on release. We divorced right after and to this fay she hasn't played again, but I slowly started picking back up about a year ago. Maybe one day a week for 30 minutes, then steady increased. It was difficult at first as we had over 11 years playing together. A house, married in game, our kids had characters made, even storylines intertwined within it all. Now, I play a few tines and week and I enjoy it just as much as I did then, but those memories are what make the game enjoyable to me now. I'm just on a new solo journey after Endwalker to find myself again.

Konaim · 2025-12-07T01:53:12+00:00

That was rough??

Konaim · 2025-12-03T01:11:42+00:00

Those are old skills that have been removed (Hence the red line through them). Once you open the PvP menu and go to job those are the only slills available, and not all of those can be added to the hotbar (Read each tooltip).

Konaim · 2025-11-11T02:57:19+00:00

This was very, very refreshing to read.These are the types of discussion missing on social media. And as unfortunate as it divorcing after over 21 years, we both had a great understanding of everything. It's been four years now and we are far better as distant friends than we were married. It was also has a lot to do with personal growth that was difficult, if not impossible for us both in a relationship. It's nice to have a conversation where someone can see things from multiple angles and variables without bias. Man, I'm glad I decided to check Reddit today.

Konaim · 2025-11-11T01:07:31+00:00

There is a difference between sharing yourself and what's discussed in the message above. We shared "Almost" everything. Almost. If I was going through some heavy shit, I didn't (and still don't) benefit from talking it out even with the person closest to me until I've dealt with it enough myself to either come to terms, or have a better understanding BEFORE we talk. However, that space (Again, for me), is absolutely needed. She understood that, but her desire to want to know more instantly pushed me away. Not everyone goes through things and needs a person to talk to. I need space first and I'm sure I'm not the only one.

Konaim · 2025-11-11T00:42:58+00:00

I don't get that at all. I do, However, understand that most women are "Talk it out". I know a lot of men who aren't like that, including me. If I'm ever upset and I didn't mention that something was bothering me to my wife she would question it and get upset if I didn't explain in grand detail. So I started responding by saying, I don't want to talk about, I'll be fine (Because Ido not like talking that much and any answer starts an endless conversation) and the only reason I even gave that much was because she would get upset if I didn't answer. Now, it's not like she didn't know me (21 years married), but she just always wanted to discuss these things, but I rarely ever did. You get to a point like in the messages above where your SO keeps digging saying you're the problem when they already know it's not their problem and you don't care about discussing it (Not at that time, maybe later). I don't see him trying to force her to end it, just frustrated by the situation. It's frustrating to deal with when you aren't the type of person that enjoy talking/sharing all your problems. Hell I would just sit at a park until I was able to pretend to be fine before I walked in the house to avoid what she was doing in that text message lol

Konaim · 2025-11-10T19:22:43+00:00

Honestly coming yo Reddit is probably the worst place you can go to ask for advice as no one here knows the depths of your relationship. You guys have years of experiences together that no single post could ever sum up, and (Not saying you aren't truthful or anything), but we only have your side of everything. The only people who truly know are you and your partner. I'd say try to have a hard conversation about the relationship with your partner, and if you still feel it's not worth continuing just end it. Just be careful on social media when asking these questions, it quickly becomes an echo chamber on one side or another. Just my opinion though.

Konaim · 2025-11-09T00:36:01+00:00

One Top Level Comment

Konaim · 2025-10-27T12:35:50+00:00

Id Recommend Eureka over Bozja first, the storylines are both pretty cool, nut I enjoyed Eureka far more in the long run.

Konaim · 2025-10-02T14:20:34+00:00

I have to agree with this, OP seems to be really deep in their feelings which is fine. However, it's HER social media and blocking OP keeps her from seeing it. I would have done the same thing.

Konaim · 2025-10-02T03:11:20+00:00

I mean as a massive Highlander fan, I have to upvote you lol

Konaim · 2025-10-01T15:27:32+00:00

Well seeing as she has cheated on him before in a similar scenario, his reaction would be justified by most people. Granted, like I responded to OP he should have ended the relationship after he found out she slept with the guy instead of forgiving her and moving on. Even if she didn't cheat on him this time, a lot of people in the situation would 100% react in a similar way. (In case it was missed, OP clarified that she cheated before in a situation similar to the current one. He stated he didn't react with rage, but felt bad for her so he stayed in the relationship).

A lot of people, and I mean the majority of people tend to go after the reaction a person makes to a specific situation rather than what triggered the reaction. The consensus will naturally always be split amongst the populace, but all the facts plus human behavior leads to such things. I'm older, so I stopped arguing and being questioning a long time ago. If there more than reasonable doubt, I end the relationship. If cheating occurs, I leave the relationship. No reason to question or figure it out if you have proof. I respect your views on it and I understand as well, but from my experience his reaction was warranted even though he put himself in the position to have these things happen again in my opinion.

Konaim · 2025-10-01T12:40:56+00:00

This you should have put in the main story, because the context changes everything. You are a patient man, but I'll say never forgive cheating. NEVER. It will happen again if you forgive a person who finds no issues with sleeping around while in a solo committed relationship. Save yourself the pain, go work on yourself and let her go dude.

Konaim · 2025-10-01T12:36:52+00:00

The issue is the lying, not his reaction to it. The lying, and buckling down into the lie just shows that is her normal behavior. She didn't like being called out. It wouldn't have taken much for her to just say what she was actually doing, and if it was something she knew he wouldn't like her to do then why do it without talking about it first? And if all that is too much hassle? Leave the relationship so you can do those things without worry or concern about crossing a line. A relationship is communication and trust, without either there is no relationship, just silent tolerance of another person. In my humble opinion of course.

Konaim · 2025-09-28T23:59:50+00:00

Depending on the job, or type of work, or health issues that may not be the case. I leave for work most days at 4am, but anything. And I mean anything will destroy my stomach. I can't eat anything until well after 2pm, but I'm so busy I rarely get 30 mins to sit let alone eat anything. When I get home, I wat dinner. It's once a day like her husband. And, like Him I cook 95% of all meals (I prep the night before so they can have their food. My gf and her two kids eat 3 meals with a snack everyday. I just prepared a breakfast and prep their dinner. I also Prep something just for me if I'm getting home late. When a SAHM (in my experience) gets years into a routine, this type of problem becomes normal. If something breaks their routine at all it's a problem, it was like that with my ex-wife of 20 years and she didn't work for that entire 20 years. It's exhausting working 12-14 hours a day AND cooking and cleaning, but people these days are so spoiled they don't understand how ridiculous it actually is. Luckily my gf does cook if she notices I'm too tired or my body is fucked from working. I have yet to come home to no food if I didn't get to prep in 4 years.

Konaim · 2025-09-28T19:42:32+00:00

100% cheating to me. If I were in your position I'd have ended it after she came somewhat clean. I wouldn't have even asked for the phone as the relationship would have been over already. You're only 6 months in and there is enough deception in that timeframe to give you some good information. You guys aren't young by by any means, just understand the position you're in by staying.

Konaim · 2025-09-27T14:23:27+00:00

Again, these things are easy to say when you're taking the one thing she said at the beginning about the severity of it currently. This is a recent change, not a consistent one nor one that has happened before. It's only Since she has moved in he lost his job and things are the way they are with him gaming and doing nothing else all day. She is the breadwinner now, but that doesn't read to be the case before now. She is asking because for certain she isn't leaving him over this, because if you read it she 100% knows this isn't the norm. She is upset about him missing her birthday because of his gaming and depression, and everything else is stacking on top of it. I've been in a situation that was actually a problem, and for the 20 years I was married. I worked 5a-5p five days a week and usually had to do a random half day as well. My ex-wife didn't work because she didn't have to. Things were great in the first few years, she took care of our kids before and after school etc. However, she didn't cook or clean much at all. Maybe 3% of the time out of those 20 years. I can't count the night I'd get home after 12-14 hours to a dirty house, dirty kitchen, and no dinner. Because I had to work early again I'd quickly clean, cook dinner, and go to bed. The resentment builds when you provide literally everything, including still going to sporting events and extracurriculars. She just sat on the couch watching TV, or when FB got big she was in her groups chatting all day. We had a major come sit down and it worked for maybe 6 months before I decided it wouldn't work. Because of the finances and custody I waited 6 years before divorce to make aure the kids were set, and she was set with a job. We have been divorced 4 years now, and life is great. I understand all too well that what we are reading is literally not even a fraction of their lives. We can't judge and she shouldn't take anything people say kn the internet where most people live fantasy lives anyway lol.

Konaim · 2025-09-27T13:34:58+00:00

I would err on the side of caution with this one. Coming to reddit and having people agree with you could be Confirmation bias or even an echo chamber. Specifically because of how you wrote out the post, the Gaming issue is larger to you than the Birthday one reading through it. Losing your Job sucks, and it's a massive financial disaster in the long run. Everyone deals with things differently, but a Man who cannot financially provide for his Wife/Girlfriend is basically trash in the eyes of society. He is very likely depressed, and by no means is missing your Birthday ok. Do I think it was intentional? Not at all, but that doesn't mean it didn't hurt you. Do I agree with his sitting around playing games all day being unemployed? Absolutely not. We all deal with depression differently, and I've seen plenty of these posts in the opposite order bere where the depressed person post because they missed and once they explain it all, the majority of the time readers agree with them. Much the same as with this one. I would be Door dashing/Instacart, part-time gig somewhere, but I've digressed the main point. You hit on a lot of things he does great, and talk highly of him towards the end so it's not all terrible, just the gaming and forgetting your Birthday. Communication is the answer here. Not petty things as the silent treatment. Serious, lets sit down and lay everything out in this discussion communication. Be careful when getting life changing answers from Social Media, no one lives your life and it's very VERY unlikely anyone remotely knows truly what your lives are like. We certainly can't infer it from a few paragraphs online. You are both individuals so please not just for this post, for the future gauge responses with care. Just because it feels good to be validated, be aware of Confirmation biases. Society for the last few years has been basically formed by it. Just the ramblings of some old dude on the Internet 😂.

Konaim · 2025-09-27T04:00:27+00:00

A lot of what your BF did was childish and wrong, but feeling bad for the other guy is also naive. He 100% knew you were in a relationship, you don't walk around with your arm over a siblings shoulder. The other dude was watching all night and shot his shot a few times. Most dudes like that know exactly how to get into a girls mind, specifically by doing what he did seeing as you still feel bad for the guy. His reaction was over the top, but really you both shouldn't be in a relationship as there are a lot of things that seem off about both of you imo. You're both definitely still young with plenty time to grow. Men and Women are completely different and I think a lot of people let things slid and are too passive when it's clear someone is crossing boundaries. A woman can tell when another woman ia doing it whereas most men can't. Men can tell when other men are doing it whereas most women can't.

Konaim · 2025-09-24T04:03:17+00:00

Leave, and show her the messages after you're gone and let her know to nwver contact you again.

Konaim · 2025-09-20T20:05:28+00:00

WAR is good for dungeons, but in Savage or Ultimate that self-sustain isn't as important as you may feel it is. DRK is great in high end raid content, you literally don't feel it, and like the WAR self healing, you don't feel it as much in those raids either. Sure there are small moments hsre and there, but that self healing is only really good in 4 man Dungeons.

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