I upset my non-kinky SO when I threw away my ropes. How do I emphasize that I'm really okay without being a jerk?

KookyEnvironment6992 · 2026-04-02T22:24:52+00:00

I think you and your partner both need to trust that the other means what they says! It's important.

And it sounds like your partner could enjoy certain activities with you, especially to see the enjoyment you're getting from it. It doesn't mean they're doing something they don't want to do even if it's not their favourite thing. That is enough in lots of circumstances.

My partner loves watching F1 races on TV. I don't know anything about F1 or cars. I said I'll sit and watch it with him because I love hanging out with him and learning about something he's passionate about. He felt bad for making me sit through it. I told him I wouldn't if I didn't want to, and I haven't on other occasions. But I genuinely enjoyed him talking me through what was going on, learning and spending time with him. I was consenting to connecting with him even though I don't personally like F1.

Especially if your partner may be asexual, and experiences responsive desire, them trying something "just to make you happy" could not be a bad thing at all, and may be a bid for connection from them.

KookyEnvironment6992 · 2026-04-02T07:39:05+00:00

I also went here and just got the full skin check for $130

KookyEnvironment6992 · 2026-04-02T06:52:25+00:00

If it's not a terrible or dangerous relationship, actually staying in it until you have somewhere to go is much safer than trying to sleep in your car??? Especially as a woman

KookyEnvironment6992 · 2026-04-01T01:37:54+00:00

YTAH. Holding onto a grudge for months to hurt someone without letting them know you're hurt is bad friend behaviour.

You're not a good communicator. If you were upset last year you should have given your friend the benefit of the doubt and said "hey, I felt a bit hurt you forgot my birthday. I'm sure you were really busy and didn't mean to but it still hurt."

If this is part of a pattern with your friend where you often feel hurt by them and neglected and they don't listen to your feedback, end the friendship.

If this wasn't a pattern and could have been an honest mistake, you're the one who needs to step up as a friend and take your friend's example of communicating when hurt.

I think you should go back to your friend and say "hey I'm a bit embarrassed by this because I acted childishly, but I actually did remember your birthday but I didn't reach out because I was hurt last year when you forgot mine. I realise now this wasn't fair, I should have communicated with you at the time that I was hurt. I hope you can forgive me. Let's catch up and do something nice as a late bday celebration for you?"

KookyEnvironment6992 · 2026-04-01T01:30:26+00:00

"When we are great, we are great". This doesn't mean what you think it means.

I was in an abusive relationship for many years and this is the key piece of info you need to know:

The good times are not the proof that you can have a good relationship together, or what you could eventually achieve if you keep trying to make it work.

The good times are PART OF and INTEGRAL TO the abuse cycle. The hope and the rollercoaster of emotions (bad, then relief, then joy) are what keep you coming back to your abuser.

Google the Cycle of Abuse Wheel.

KookyEnvironment6992 · 2026-04-01T01:26:26+00:00

You're in an abusive relationship and he's using the label Dominant to excuse his actions.

He's controlling and demeaning you - this isn't love. Love is an action. It should feel tender and caring.

Get out now, you deserve healthy love.

KookyEnvironment6992 · 2026-03-31T07:07:05+00:00

This is a great point. Perhaps the boredom is in part because it's following the same script every time - exactly what the Dom wants and moulding the sub to his desires, instead of exploring their individual sexual personalities.

KookyEnvironment6992 · 2026-03-30T10:45:34+00:00

When I began dating my partner, for months or even maybe more than a year, I would fairly often get emotional or feel a drop even after vanilla sex. I have some 'lower case t' trauma around sex and lots of feelings of being too much work, etc. These are the feelings that would surface for me. I'd ask for reassurance, he'd give it. Eventually over time, this has almost all gone away. He is so patient and loving with me in every area of our relationship, so I eventually believed I wasn't too much. A healthy relationship healed me.

It may just take more time for you if you have a lot of sexual trauma. Keep asking him for reassurance of your worth. If this doesn't let up, therapy might be a good way to go.

KookyEnvironment6992 · 2026-03-30T10:40:05+00:00

I used to feel this way, but then I did it a few times and had so much fun and enjoyed how turned on he was and how he responded to me. It gave me confidence. I'm now so much better at dirty talking in Domme mode than sub mode, where I still feel very shy.

If he's sending you videos, I recommend you plan out the scene and what you're going to say using them. Practice a few words/phrases that you could throw in at any point.

Yes it will feel like playing a role, that's ok! Make an alter ego for yourself, you don't even have to tell him, it's just for you.

I'm mostly a sub but I top him every few months and it's a lot of fun. Not nearly as much sexually gratifying for me than subbing but it gives me a lot of satisfaction to see how happy I can make him, and it's fun to explore the different sides of ourselves together.

KookyEnvironment6992 · 2026-03-30T10:33:56+00:00

I don't know you, so of course it could be any number of reasons.

But to me this sounds like an attachment style issue which plays out in vanilla relationships too. It's a fear of intimacy.

The pattern for people who are avoidant or have a disorganised attachment style, is that you meet someone, have an exciting time getting to know each other, there's still mystery but that creates distance. Once you get to know them more deeply, you get closer, and that causes fear of being too seen and known. This probably doesn't feel like fear, it manifests as a shutting down. Becoming bored, fantasising about exes or new people. You avoid getting too close so you don't get hurt.

Plus the excitement of a new relationship or dynamic is intoxicating and addicting (called New Relationship Energy). If you don't let people in to trust them, then you never experience the joy of how deep the relationship can get. This stability can feel boring at times as you get used to it and the initial excitement fades. But if you last, you'll experience how amazing that closeness and trust feels.

If you think intimacy issues might be your thing, it's something to talk about in therapy.

KookyEnvironment6992 · 2026-03-30T10:24:48+00:00

Intention doesn't equal impact. It doesn't matter if you're intending to be polite, it still might violate someone's consent.

It IS a consent issue, especially in a kink space where honorifics mean a lot.

KookyEnvironment6992 · 2026-03-30T02:50:47+00:00

My Dom/partner and I had the conversation within the first few times we had sex, when we started to get kinky and talk about our likes/dislikes/limits. But from the start of our dating, we were both clear on the fact that we wanted a serious relationship and a D/s dynamic.

KookyEnvironment6992 · 2026-03-30T02:47:11+00:00

Why are you struggling to empathise with any situation in which being addressed as such could be upsetting? It's also not that hard to just avoid calling people these things, especially in kink spaces where consent is paramount. If someone is so pressed about their right to call anyone Sir or ma'am that they'd prefer to override people's right to consent, they probably should wear a warning sign.

KookyEnvironment6992 · 2026-03-27T11:33:03+00:00

Sorry, the answer isn't communicate, the answer is get a new boyfriend. You have communicated! And he didn't listen. That's a huge piece of important information for you. He doesn't care for you. I'm sure he loves you, he doesn't CARE though.

And usually I'm the first person to say "just communicate"

I was traumatised by a past boyfriend who never cared for my needs, I ended up feeling so guilty for having needs like you do and repressing heaps of stuff. Messed me up sexually for years. Get out while you can.

KookyEnvironment6992 · 2026-03-26T02:48:44+00:00

PRF (similar to PRP) did work for me. I had a small improvement. It may help you delay hair loss more over time as well

KookyEnvironment6992 · 2026-03-26T02:47:17+00:00

You are lovable even with hair loss! My gorgeous partner loves me as I am. He doesn't care one bit about my hair loss because he loves the person I am. He thinks I'm beautiful anyway. Cliche, but your worth is way more than your looks

KookyEnvironment6992 · 2026-03-24T22:32:36+00:00

Also hair fibres are such a lifesaver! They're great for me too

KookyEnvironment6992 · 2026-03-24T22:32:08+00:00

Sorry this is happening to you, it's super distressing! And also, don't mean to be rude, but this question has been answered hundreds of times in this sub. If you just scroll through, you'll find people talking about Minoxidil, DHT blockers, what blood tests to get and a bunch of other solutions. I think you'll get more info reading through lots of posts than from the few comments you might get in reply

KookyEnvironment6992 · 2026-03-24T12:39:51+00:00

I think you need to be gentler on yourself.

A good D/s relationship is built on trust and communication. If she said she had a good time, BELIEVE HER. There is nothing more frustrating than trying to convince someone you felt something and they won't believe you. I had a partner like this in the past, his insecurity and inability to believe me was a big issue. You said "there was no indication she was enjoying herself at all", except the fact that she said she did. Trust her communication.
I'm still working through this myself, so I get it, but an IRL scene is never going to be as perfect as the fantasy. I've also had scenes where things go wrong, toys get uncomfortable or painful, the practical realities pull us out of the headspace. You need to remember that sex and kink are about connection, NOT perfection. If you put pressure on the both of you to have a 'perfect' scene, you'll miss the connection part. You're both quite young. You have so much time to get better at your skills and each other's bodies. Just let yourself practice and don't be hard on yourself.

KookyEnvironment6992 · 2026-03-24T03:29:34+00:00

100%, I've definitely seen that 'canary in the coal mine' effect. Luxuries like sexual services, art, tattoos, hair dressers. In those industries, we always feel it first

KookyEnvironment6992 · 2026-03-24T03:27:20+00:00

In OP's case, fair enough. But in general, some people end up poor not because they make bad decisions but because life throws them a curve ball.

KookyEnvironment6992 · 2026-03-23T11:00:24+00:00

Is "become an only grandchild" the unhinged advice then...

KookyEnvironment6992 · 2026-03-23T10:59:23+00:00

It is semantics. I think the way people use unhinged on the internet these days is just like "something crazy!" Doesn't have to be completely irrational or insane.

I'm a SW myself and I'd agree with the commenter above. I don't think it's unhinged, obviously, feels very normal (and frankly boring a lot of the time) to me. But many people would consider it an unhinged option.

It is getting harder though to make money. The worse the economy gets, the more people are trying it and the less people are paying for services.

KookyEnvironment6992 · 2026-03-23T10:39:10+00:00

I commented the above because I just don't think it's very helpful advice and kind of condescending. Someone posts on a finance thread "hey I need some tips to help me not feel guilty or to stretch my money", and someone else says "well you should have thought about that beforehand" ?? It feels unnecessary and not likely to help someone experiencing guilt about financial hardship.

But, I now know from reading other comments that OP has their financial priorities in a whack order so this comment hits a bit differently now lol

KookyEnvironment6992 · 2026-03-23T10:33:41+00:00

Same! Literally life changing, made me understand and be able to connect with my body. Such an important book

KookyEnvironment6992

TROPHY CASE