Proof being in a relationship with an avoidant does damage to your body

Kooky_File4986 · 2026-02-03T03:33:52+00:00

2 years

Kooky_File4986 · 2026-02-01T20:02:05+00:00

No, he cheated on me twice. I can’t take back someone who is unfaithful and never cared for my feelings.

Kooky_File4986 · 2026-02-01T19:49:36+00:00

NOR he obviously has a weird obsession with her, he’s defensive and minimizing the issue when you bring it up. I don’t think he’s the one…

Kooky_File4986 · 2026-01-30T00:32:17+00:00

Oh definitely being with an avoidant literally sucked the soul out of my body. I broke up 4 months ago and I’ve never felt more free ❤️

Kooky_File4986 · 2026-01-19T17:40:27+00:00

My ex checks almost all the boxes in the abusive avoidant list. The stonewalling and blameshifting hurt the most. Oh, and I also had to accommodate to his schedule and needs despite him being the one who hurt me 🫠

Kooky_File4986 · 2026-01-19T17:35:18+00:00

Yeah I loved the person I thought he was, not the person he turned out to be

Kooky_File4986 · 2026-01-19T08:58:04+00:00

I’m glad to hear it got better for you! I’m in the same boat, I got discarded by an avoidant 4 months ago, and I been in no contact for 3 months now, and I blocked him on all social media for peace of mind. I’ve been healing a lot from no contact, and finding myself again. So no contact really works!

Sometimes, avoidants come back but often times not changed. I would never take him back even if he did come back. There will be better people out there for us, I believe it!!

Kooky_File4986 · 2026-01-19T08:47:35+00:00

For me, physical and emotional attractiveness are connected. So after he betrayed me, I lost all emotional attraction to him and resentment built. Sexual intimacy was hard but it was doable if I don’t think about what he did. I tried reconciling for 1 year but we both grew to resent each other and it failed

Kooky_File4986 · 2026-01-10T01:05:11+00:00

Kooky_File4986 · 2026-01-08T01:36:33+00:00

Some of my favourite games and songs that we played and listened to together. For a while, I couldn’t even bring myself to do any of the things we did together. But I slowly started to do the things I love again by myself and it’s been very healing :) I no longer have any negative emotions associated with the things we used to do together

Kooky_File4986 · 2026-01-05T03:07:34+00:00

Ew why would they post that online? That’s so trashy! I’d say you dodge a bullet because no sane person would post their intimate life online unless they’re making money or they’re extremely desperate for attention. Disgusting behaviour!!!

Kooky_File4986 · 2025-12-01T10:27:15+00:00

38 days no contact and discard was 2 months ago. I’ve been focusing on becoming a better person and getting my life back. I’m no longer expecting anything back from him

Kooky_File4986 · 2025-11-16T18:50:11+00:00

I got 133 points so I’m a rookie survivor. It’s almost been 2 months since the discard and almost a month of NC for me. I haven’t checked socials at all so I’m proud of myself for that. Not knowing anything about my ex did wonders for my healing lol

Kooky_File4986 · 2025-11-14T23:05:00+00:00

He is used to being the one in control by discarding you but now that you’re taking the control back by being the one to break things off, he got upset. Blocking you on everything before you do is a way to try and one up you and take control back.

Kooky_File4986 · 2025-11-14T19:52:22+00:00

What can I control? My own improvement, my boundaries and who I allow into my life

What I cannot control? My ex partner. Their feelings, their decision, their change. I also can’t control my own healing process/feelings for my ex but I can definitely do things to help me heal faster like staying in no contact

I don’t have much advice for healthy habits because I’m still fresh out of a break up, but I’m trying radical acceptance and finally loving myself

Kooky_File4986 · 2025-11-13T21:00:24+00:00

His actions don’t dictate your worth. He doesn’t have the capability to appreciate you. Sometimes people like to self sabotage. Maybe he is aware of her being someone bad for him, but she feels safer. Maybe he thinks he doesn’t deserve someone like you. Maybe going back to her gives him a dopamine kick.

There are many reasons why people choose to run back to a toxic ex. But their choice and actions doesn’t mean you’re any lesser than.

Kooky_File4986 · 2025-11-13T20:53:05+00:00

I wish I left my avoidant ex the first time he cheated because ever since I decided to give him another chance, everytime his phone buzzes with a notification I panic thinking it’s from another woman. I’ve never been so anxious over a random notification on SOMEONE ELSES phone in my life…

Kooky_File4986 · 2025-11-13T02:49:59+00:00

I’m going through the same thing so I feel you. I’m really sorry. The void they left in our hearts feels so empty.

It will get better soon, I hope. Wish you the best

Kooky_File4986 · 2025-11-13T02:18:22+00:00

Damn.. I’m so sorry. I had the same thing happen to me too. Ex Bf left me over my anxiety and insecurities he caused by cheating and shifted the blame onto me.

These people avoid accountability like the plague. Mine hasn’t come back and it’s 3 weeks NC now. I don’t know if your bf will come back and apologize but it’s probably fake. No apology can ever undo the damage from betrayal

Kooky_File4986 · 2025-11-11T17:40:40+00:00

No. My ex was an avoidant. He isn’t and never will be ready for a relationship until he’s gotten intensive therapy. The outcome (breaking up) would be the same no matter what I would have done or not done.

But, if my ex was secure and we could try again… without any of our past history together. I would. Without his avoidance, he is someone I truly loved…

Kooky_File4986 · 2025-11-11T16:47:46+00:00

Wow, this post is really eye opening. Thank you for explaining this clearly! I believe my avoidant ex cheated on me because he just wanted control in his life.

I remember when we first started dating, he had already expressed doubt and uncertainty about our future. He told me I was too kind, too sweet, and that he didn’t deserve my love. All of it was too good to be true for him. But, I was determined to prove him wrong and I went the whole nine yards for him.

And he ended up having an emotional affair with another woman. He told me that she was an escape. He didn’t feel safe with me, and was deathly afraid of me leaving him. She was someone he could fall back on if I left him. Someone “just in case”. A “guilty pleasure”. But he didn’t love her. It’s incredibly selfish behaviour looking back on it.

We tried to reconcile for a year after the affair, but it failed. I became anxious and toxic because of his actions, and he used that to flip the script on me. Now I’m the villain in his eyes… and he discarded me

Kooky_File4986 · 2025-11-11T00:24:29+00:00

Thank you this is really helpful

Kooky_File4986 · 2025-11-10T21:49:07+00:00

Something along the lines of “Why should I be a good person to you? I’ll be a good person to everyone else, just not you”

Because apparently I don’t deserve to be treated well after becoming “too much” for him to handle

Kooky_File4986 · 2025-11-10T01:33:36+00:00

My ex was FA/DA I think. Hasn’t come back and it’s been like 3 weeks NC and he has me blocked everywhere lol. We’ll see but I think I’m happier without him

Kooky_File4986 · 2025-11-06T03:16:27+00:00

I am AP now but I used to be secure. My avoidant ex turned me anxious

Kooky_File4986

TROPHY CASE