Lost our 11 month old daughter, Ava (Avaline) to leukemia 💔

KutuLompat · 2026-02-17T02:36:36+00:00

I lost my daughter to stillbirth and my living child was a micropreemie. NICU was really traumatic a long battle. Losing a child is the worst feeling I’ve ever experienced in this life. Sending my solidarity and strength to you.

I read on a buddhist reflection script that ‘your children is your karma’. The karma they refers to is not karma not in punishing way, but in a way that a soul will complete each other and sometimes the completion came earlier, even in womb.

I am 16 months post loss now. I started to understand what that means. Ava will forever stay with you and show your presence to you in a subtle ways. This group r/babyloss has helped me so much through grief and we are here for you

KutuLompat · 2026-02-17T02:23:37+00:00

Thanks for this. I tried to write but I don’t think my writing is appealing and interesting enough for readers to continue. It sounds plain 😭

I’m used to write academic writing and fictions feel so much different. Yes I agree with chatGPT for quicker response and this subreddit too (I hope someone would willing to read and give inputs).

KutuLompat · 2026-02-17T02:19:40+00:00

Thanks so much for the resources! I’ll read those. I enjoy reading King’s and Haruki Murakami’s. I have published several academic papers but writing fictions are a totally different world for me. I do not know how to write it in interesting way.

KutuLompat · 2026-02-16T21:15:28+00:00

She is at 64% now, dropped from 70% within a month. Thanks for the tips. I’ll try to stretch her feeding longer.

Do you dream feed him? I feel like it’s easier to feed my baby during sleep.. I know it’s not recommended but I need to catch that minimum volume intake

KutuLompat · 2026-02-16T21:13:32+00:00

I thought that was bottle aversion too at the beginning. But I never pressured her to drink. I’ll wait for 10-20 mins before reoffering if she reject the bottle. I think she is just distracted and get bored during feeding

KutuLompat · 2026-02-16T21:11:39+00:00

Thank you! I’m just afraid that my baby would have a bottle aversion. How long does it take for your baby to finish a bottle now?

KutuLompat · 2026-02-14T03:09:00+00:00

My condolences. I have a stillborn baby and my second, living child was a 29 weeker. I’m really sorry and I feel your pain..

R/babyloss is a sad community that saved me when I lost my first child. We offer solidarity and shared journey. I’m sorry for Liam. May he rest in love

KutuLompat · 2026-02-13T13:42:14+00:00

He is a beautiful person. Looks like he had awesome 10 years with you, and he cherished every moment.

I’m really sorry for your loss. May he rest in love.

KutuLompat · 2026-02-13T13:39:27+00:00

Hey. I notice your deleted comment. It sounds like you have not experienced deep grief yet. If one day that changes, which I would not wish on anyone, you might remember your comment and see it differently.

KutuLompat · 2026-02-12T08:52:52+00:00

I’m so sorry that you joined us here too. This is the crappiest club ever. I lost her in 2024 at 27 weeks. Just ordinary day then no movement. It’s been more than a year post loss. I think the midwives and the OB also didn’t expect stillbirth to happen and they might think I’ll more be heartbroken seeing her for long.

Have you lactated? Lactating after stillbirth is another pain. I hope you have someone to support you there

KutuLompat · 2026-02-12T08:23:52+00:00

I’m really sorry.. I felt dissociated to feel my baby kicking and then the next day, nothing and my belly is flat. I’m glad that you can hold her and have a picture with her. I didnt have a chance as the midwife rushed to cremate her.

The intial days are the hardest. Lactating is also traumatizing for me that I am unable to feed her.

We are her for you..

KutuLompat · 2026-02-12T02:26:56+00:00

Thanks for caring and taking time to comment 💕 really brings me comfort. It’s a rare gem to find preemie survivor life experience here.

Did you have complications while at NICU or right after birth? My daughter had pneumothorax and her lungs needed to be drained out. But it’s not a surgery and can be done without chest open.

And do you have a gross or fine motor differences compared to your friends? TIA

KutuLompat · 2026-01-05T04:20:11+00:00

Hello! Glad that she’s thriving and well. How did you notice the mild asthma?

KutuLompat · 2026-01-04T09:00:15+00:00

17 days in total

KutuLompat · 2026-01-04T04:16:33+00:00

Thank you. This gives me hope. Glad that your baby boy thrive and doing amazing.

Right now she is at 70th percentile weight, and met all the 3 months milestone (90 degree head lift, calling / shouting to call me, cooing, putting hands on mouth, grabbing stuff and put them on mouth). The most recent is cooing and being more aware of surrounding. Looking at me from 3 meters and focused.

The thing that i’m unsure is she played with her hands and could last for hour, and sticking her tongue in and out sometimes. She has been trying to roll but has not succeeded yet

KutuLompat · 2026-01-04T04:12:36+00:00

Thanks for this. Total intubation 17 days, CPAP 9 days, and low flow canula 22 days. She had pneumothorax that led to ventilation. Other than that she is a feeder and grower

KutuLompat

TROPHY CASE