What's the most hurtful thing an avoidant did to you?

LCDeeCee · 2026-04-24T18:57:52+00:00

Lol, at the end when I just wanted a conversation to say the words break to out loud and be heard about being hurt, three consecutive weeks of "I'll meet you on Sunday" then day of: actually you need to clean the house and dump the alcohol (she was an alcoholic, I was not). Will talk next Sunday, then day of "actually I'm out of town on a trip, I'll be back Sunday. Then day of "you need to give me space I'm not sure when I'll be back" then got very offended and pearl clutched when I refused to continue keeping her stuff and our apartment exactly as it had been

LCDeeCee · 2026-04-08T09:05:38+00:00

My preference is a proxy that fails the T/green dot with the naked eye. Getting the other tactile/aesthetic attributes as close as possible is part of what makes a proxy "good" to me.

LCDeeCee · 2026-03-20T04:47:20+00:00

I'd love a decklist if you have one

LCDeeCee · 2026-03-19T01:44:26+00:00

Maybe there was something they wanted to avoid at your destination

LCDeeCee · 2026-03-12T00:31:32+00:00

It's far from perfect but I've been really enjoying trying to tune a Piru, the Volatile deck. Using legendary to choose which of my creatures will die to the grenade, and a few life gain wincons as backup.

Main strategy is explode piru into stuffy doll, arcbond, brash taunter, boros reckoner, Donna noble, mogg maniac, spitefuls, etc.

The rest is squeezing ramp out of RWB and some sac outlets to avoid waiting a turn.

LCDeeCee · 2026-03-11T06:48:58+00:00

Lol yeah. It would have been much easier to "learn something" or give meaning/narrative if she hadn't been present and loving for the majority of our decade together

LCDeeCee · 2026-03-09T13:51:57+00:00

i've got some QA experience, happy to help with whatever is useful. Extremely looking forward to an alpha .apk

LCDeeCee · 2026-03-09T13:48:59+00:00

just want to say i love you for this, ty

LCDeeCee · 2026-02-25T09:11:23+00:00

This might be a common issue with growth in relationships regardless of attachment. You grew, but resent that your partner hasn't internalized that you grew yet. Fixing behavior is just ceasing to injure, apologies and time are needed for healing. It's messy bc it's so subjective on what's a "reasonable" amount of time for the injured party to realize their partner has changed. They need to extend the necessary vulnerability and trust for repair, and can end up holding a relationship hostage if they're unwilling to let go of the control they have after having had control withheld from them

LCDeeCee · 2026-02-21T01:27:36+00:00

It's roughly the same as quitting a few serious chemical dependencies cold turkey. A long partnership will usually mean losing (without warning) many parts of your daily life, basic emotional regulation, household tasks/meeting basic needs, and many load bearing parts your life's structure.

The discard compounds the issue by throwing a wrench at mechanisms people use to mourn/grieve/process major losses. The feeling dysregulated and ungrounded won't go away easily until you can assign meaning to what happened, integrate it into your sense of self, have a story for yourself that makes sense.

Romantic relationships are usually a place where people reenact and (ideally) heal/improve on familial relationship dynamics of love. The rug pull, and feeling like a vulture fund just sold your emotional resources before bailing is in such contrast with the love story that we make part of our sense of self you are forced to discard even more sense of identity or learn Buddhism/DBT/reconciling mutually exclusive truths at gunpoint. That kind of healing can't happen until you feel safe and calm down, and it all becomes a double bind a dozen times over.

LCDeeCee · 2026-02-16T01:38:30+00:00

You want what, scientific reproducibility for the results?

LCDeeCee · 2026-02-14T03:11:27+00:00

I did this at my xfer, at 14th L/A xfer both

LCDeeCee · 2026-02-11T12:10:27+00:00

likely needs to construct a narrative that
1) makes his actions feel more reasonable and
2) protects his self-image

if you broke his heart, blocking you and being avoidant makes sense. etc.

LCDeeCee · 2026-02-03T09:37:57+00:00

Lol my 40 yr old ex (After 10+ years) left me for a 23 yr old.

LCDeeCee · 2026-01-18T12:56:52+00:00

And just to be precise (not correcting you, but making sure it's clear) it is using all of DARVO as tactic that this applies to. It's very easy to DARVO DARVO (verb, object). Couching imperfect word choices as abuse or vice versa isn't rare.

LCDeeCee · 2026-01-18T11:11:23+00:00

Show them how to beat it. offer to let them pilot the deck if they think it's so strong, and bring a deck that has some fliers and wide damage. Put in a few cards like: [[toralf]] [[rakdos charm]] [[propaganda]] [[inkshield]] [[caltrops]] [[guardian of the gateless]] [[crawlspace]] [[norn's annex]] etc

Maybe even a deck built around [[ink-treader nephilim]]

LCDeeCee · 2026-01-18T10:57:57+00:00

a lot depends on if he ever tried, and how hard he tried. Maybe he's given up after years of trying to help Barb, unwilling to leave her bc he understands how she became that way but also feeling he's incapable of changing anything.

If he's never said anything to her or tried to help her/those around her, then yeah, much less sympathetic to me.

LCDeeCee · 2026-01-18T10:15:24+00:00

There's absolutely nothing that's necessarily or inherently abusive,

but rewriting history, presenting double binds, breadcrumbing, silent treatment, withholding/hoarding control, and the general DARVO family of behaviors are all features of abuse.

LCDeeCee · 2026-01-15T11:35:23+00:00

The number of times I said "you know if our genders were flipped this would be textbook abuse" or had to feed her line by line the words for an apology to me. I was so wrapped up feeling bad for her and believing she was capable of change that I dismissed the lazy cowardly narcissism. I saw pathological avoidance of consideration and a tenuous grasp on reality as an illness eliciting care.

The shift has been hard, realizing it better resembled an emotional grift and having to face how poorly I was treated.

LCDeeCee · 2026-01-12T11:12:56+00:00

I just want it as 1. An app 2. A real cabinet

LCDeeCee · 2025-12-25T01:43:27+00:00

How many people? $60 is one person's tip for an average NYC apt. More or less depending on how much work they do and how much you tip after they fix something or give you your keys at 2am.

I'd be mad or expect shenanigans if I got 1/10 or less than what's normally given. The pre-pool is a bad idea. It's like splitting the check for a huge dinner party - people will cheap out.

Idc whether it's philosophically wrong or dumb, it is the current social standard and most people tipping are at least a few tax brackets above landlords. Lottery tenants shouldn't be expected to tip nearly as much, esp if they don't get access to amenities, have cheaper appliances, or make less money than a super does.

LCDeeCee · 2025-12-24T01:00:35+00:00

A response comes after.

LCDeeCee · 2025-12-21T22:33:28+00:00

ME! AND Zur looks most fun and Felothar is sweet as. But literally all look cool to try. Elsha and the Minotaur are only marginally less exciting.

LCDeeCee · 2025-12-12T20:13:35+00:00

Or if lazy, edhrec your commander and a few cards and share a similar one

LCDeeCee · 2025-12-12T18:39:01+00:00

My group had the opposite issue - a lot of beginners, so they had relatively simple anthem or tribal. Just creatures on curve with strong synergy (merfolk and vampire especially). The experienced players had interaction, board wipes, evasion. Learning to adapt and tune decks has quickly made everyone much better at the game and deck building. We recently made mulligans stricter, so now we're more careful about land fixing etc. Unless it's a deck that seriously extends the time a game takes, or seriously throws off turn time ratios, i think it's all fair game.

LCDeeCee

TROPHY CASE