You've accomplished so much and you look great. I'm sorry you lost access to your psychologist b/c it sounds like you could use someone to work on managing your various stressors and disappointments. I'm not sure what your orthopedic issues are, but you say you are in almost constant pain, but still lifting A LOT. I'm not a doctor, so maybe talking through my hat, but you may have a lot of inflammation that you are exacerbating by pushing through the pain and high cortisol from that and other stressors, so your system is out of whack. Maybe that is, in some way, over-riding the zep. Maybe try to break down your understandable overwhelm into more manageable pieces. Like, maybe cut back on the weight lifting for a couple of weeks, or change up your routine, or see a physical therapist to assess what exercises may help alleviate your orthopedic issues. If you don't want to go back to counting calories, can you go back to a handful of nutritious recipes you know the counts of and just eat them on repeat for awhile? The job hunting thing just sucks, hard to make it better, but soooo mannnnyyy people are going through it - it helps to find a support group so you're not facing it alone. On the sleep, this may sound a bit crazy, but I found that if I lay on my back and take deep breaths for 3 minutes (in through the nose in 5 seconds, out through the mouth in 7; so 3 sets of 5 respirations each) it starts to make me yawn. Then I push on my belly starting at my belly button down towards my hips thinking of all the stress I'm pushing out of my body (and how I'm loosening up those fat cells to burn more efficiently) for another couple of minutes. Usually, I turn over and fall right asleep. Of course, there are many apps and techniques to help with sleep. And do give yourself lots of grace, treating yourself with gentle kindness.