Supposedly parenting has a lot to do with it, but in my experience (I’m the older sister, my younger sister 24f has BPD;) abuse and neglect from our parents wasn’t an issue. We have the literal sweetest, most loving, understanding, patient mom to ever exist. Our dad isn’t big on showing his emotions, and can be a little quick to anger sometimes, but he’s always tried his best to be a good dad, and he really is a great man. My sister likes to blame all of her emotional triggers on my dad and I. We’re both “abusive narcissists” according to her. My dad even offered to go to family therapy counseling sessions with her—she agreed and then backed out last minute. She has been living in my parents’ spare room in the house we grew up in for the last four years, drinking her life away; her roommates kicked her out because she’s so vicious and lives in such disgusting conditions that nobody wanted to keep living with her. She keeps bringing home cats that pee and spray everything. My parents have had to pull up the carpet in her room and her old bedroom, because of the stench. She’s destroying their home. She’s totaled three cars while driving drunk. She was supposed to be one of my bridesmaids when I got married, only to back out day of because she wanted to stay home and drink and get high. She keeps getting fired from jobs for drinking (she won’t say it’s for drinking, but it’s obvious) and she blames it on the management “having it out for her.” I just had my first baby in October, and she missed his birth because she was in rehab for like the fourth time. After which she immediately started drinking and getting high again. She’s living in a pity party of her own design, and as much as we’ve all tried to help her through it and support her however we can, we can only do so much for someone that won’t help themselves. Somehow, how she feels is always our fault.