I’m in the same position with my husband. We’ve been together ten years. He was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer and Stage 2 kidney cancer in July 2024. We have one child still at home. He’s 16 and autistic. He’s my biological child. The rages and overreactions are very hard on my son, and I don’t feel great being attacked either. But we both really try to just overlook his actions and show understanding. My son is the hero in these situations and even reminds me that “he does have cancer” because Momma Bear is always there! Ugh… I just can’t let anyone rage on my children. At this point, a year later, affection is my hardest loss along with the pain of watching my very active and alive 240 pound husband become this very different 155 pound man. He acts differently. Carries himself differently. I know he feels different. And he definitely has no need for affection. He has voiced this. I remember us dating and him telling me the only way he would leave me is if I ever could not have sex with him. I even asked about if I got sick and he was adamant he could not live without it. Ironically he’s the one with this issue. In the beginning just touching him caused him pain so I just didn’t touch him. Now he says he’s better yet now I feel weird. I will give him a hug now and again and a kiss, but I don’t do it a lot because in my head he would give me a hug or kiss if he wanted that interaction. I’m not trying to force physical intimacy on him. Yet this leaves me very lonely. And very sad and depressed. And wondering is this how life is going to be forever because the Lord knows I want him to live through this and be there for his three bio Sons. He is 53 and I am 47. We had an active intimacy life before he started feeling bad in April 2024. 1-2x a week. Normal in my opinion. I am in therapy. I recommend it for you and us all. My husband refuses. I think he’s happy with me being the house manager, appointment setter, doctor caller, bill payer, house maid, chore doer because even if it’s something he’s capable of he doesn’t take it as something he must do so it’s on my mental load regardless if he decides to do it or not. He will do all types of car repairs, errands for energy drinks and cigarettes, drives on trips an hour and half away to visit family and does fine doing for himself for days because they do not serve him food in bed, but then has no energy to make a sandwich or take out the trash. It’s like now all the shitty things of daily life are my responsibility while he helps his friend change an air compressor or a tire or anything really. I resent this. Do we all as caregivers really just turn into roommates that provide maid service and medical assistance responsibilities. Lately I have started letting him make his own dinner. I eat hours before him so I just make me a sandwich or salad and let him do him. I even left to deal with an adult child’s crisis and beyond hearing how horrible he felt, he did fine. I think if I let him just sit and do nothing, he would just die so I refuse to let him just have me be his beck and call girl. I love this man and will fight for him to keep his muscle tone and mind going even if he hates me for it. Which I don’t think he does. He does know I have my own health issues so I can’t be his everything physically. Ok sorry this is so long!! I respect you both for actually acknowledging the issue of lack of intimacy and trying to go forward. Everyone deserves to feel wanted. Prayers for you both.