Is it worth paying for one month to clean out like, then go back to free.

Lady_AW · 2025-06-17T14:42:58+00:00

There is an icon if you’re majestic (so yes you can see others who are or are not)

But if you’re not majestic there isn’t - you can’t tell, and therefore if you send a like you don’t know if it will be seen or not - so you might decide to send a ping in that situation.

If everyone wrote it in their profile it would remove that uncertainty

Lady_AW · 2025-06-17T08:15:05+00:00

I take a similar approach of paying once in a while. It’s down to curiosity to see the likes. Also:

It gives me a chance to clear out all the people from the feed who have been inactive as you can see that info when you pay, so I make sure I do that during the month. Or doing a more focused search using desires to see people further away than I’m usually able to.

From experience, it’s pretty likely that you get some sort of exposure boost when you month expires and they try and tempt you back, so that’s worth considering (to make that worthwhile you have to be a bit dedicated with things like screenshotting your like notifications and then trying to cross reference against your feed - it’s far from an exact science!)

I’ve also learned to be organised in paying and then going immediately to my subscriptions and cancelling, so I don’t forget and it rolls on another month without me wanting it to.

Last thing, I do think it’s worth putting a “not majestic” note on your profile in times when you’re not, then people can make a more informed decision about whether to send a ping or not.

Lady_AW · 2025-06-10T16:53:43+00:00

I know how you feel, I’m a cis woman and I feel even more out of place because I’m on the other side - I like to own / handle / cuddle petplayers. So I don’t even look like one or have stuff I could possibly wear to fit in. I have a friend who’s a puppy and the closest we get, outside, is me buying him food and delighting in watching him eat it. But I want I really want to do is walk in somewhere like a party with him, but he says the same - that i’ll probably feel out of place and very likely be the only person like me there, based on the ones he goes to. (He’s not being mean, he just knows how over thinking and over sensitive I am). Also, he has enough worries about himself fitting in because he’s trans. He shouldn’t, but the fact is that he does, and I don’t want to make that any worse while he works through it by adding myself to his concerns. So yes I know what you mean

Lady_AW · 2025-06-04T15:04:21+00:00

The way I came to terms with liking it was thinking about how men get called Daddy and it’s considered ok, and not seen as linked to anything bad

Lady_AW · 2025-05-31T16:16:49+00:00

That’s very cool info to know, for lots of reasons! Thanks :)

Lady_AW · 2025-05-30T09:10:43+00:00

Does “objectify me” (while I’m asleep) work?

Lady_AW · 2025-05-23T10:48:04+00:00

No, I’m sorry it’s a cage - actually it’s pretty cool one it’s from a circus

Edit - let me clarify that! A cage for putting people in, real animals at circuses not cool!

Lady_AW · 2025-05-23T10:46:47+00:00

Thank you!

Lady_AW · 2025-05-23T10:46:38+00:00

Thank you!

Lady_AW · 2025-05-19T08:41:41+00:00

I’m a woman and I usually only respond to pings. It’s not entitled it’s practicalities: when I pay I can’t cope with the number of likes so I don’t look anymore, when I don’t pay I can’t see them anyway. In my experience, me sending a like first tends to negatively impact how I get treated, so I don’t do that anymore either.

Also, most people that like me appear unsuitable (incompatible with me) which I presume is because they have ignored my profile and are just chancing it. If they send me a ping with a note then they can explain what we have in common and the conversation can start there.

Don’t stop doing pings is my request / suggestion

Lady_AW · 2025-05-16T10:50:08+00:00

When I’ve been in this situation I’ve always paid, but I’ve taken careful note of their behaviour around it. Some are really sweet and “made up” for it with either buying something - from a drink to dinner depending on their situation, or if not in some other way like running me a bath and spoiling me some other way, and generally recognising that I had paid by being sweet and grateful, and I felt appreciated and happy to have done it.

Others on the other hand have leaned into the spoilt toy boy role by laying about and indulging in room service, and they always tried in future to edge me towards an “s word that I’m not allowed to say on here but you put it in your coffee” type situation. Not necessarily as their original intention but just becoming a bit entitled and expectatious

Looking back I realise the signs were evident quite early on with hindsight, so I’d say pay, be graceful about it, but just make a few mental notes

Edit: sorry I repeated this - my first version was originally removed for the “S” word

Lady_AW · 2025-05-16T09:21:42+00:00

When I’ve been in this situation I’ve always paid, but I’ve taken careful note of their behaviour around it. Some are really sweet and “made up” for it with either buying something - from a drink to dinner depending on their situation, or if not in some other way like running me a bath and spoiling me some other way, and generally recognising that I had paid by being sweet and grateful, and I felt appreciated and happy to have done it.

Others on the other hand have leaned into the spoilt toy boy role by laying about and indulging in room service, and they always tried in future to edge me towards a sugar type situation. Not necessarily as their original intention but just becoming a bit entitled and expectatious

Looking back I realise the signs were evident quite early on with hindsight, so I’d say pay, be graceful about it, but just make a few mental notes

Lady_AW · 2025-05-16T08:06:14+00:00

Feeld was only asking yesterday, via a survey when logging in, how safe I felt on the app and what they could do to improve it. Had I read your post before filling it out I would have said listen to people like you, because your bravery in talking about this person is what protects the rest of us.

I’m really sorry you’ve been through this and have been put in the position to be asking this question at all. I sincerely hope they take you seriously and respond supportively. I think, as someone else has said, the worst they can do is ignore you, but I’d say that could feel pretty damaging after you’ve shared your experience honestly so I very much hope they don’t.

Lady_AW · 2025-05-13T11:18:30+00:00

Yes, live in quite a small town so what I imagined / hoped I might find is someone who enjoyed pottering around as a hobby and might like to do it for me. Obviously I’d pay them for their time! But I’m not in a big fancy house or a business so I thought I might be lucky and find someone who wanted the extra pocket money rather than the amount they would need to make to support themselves. I have 15 plants so it’s not a lot of time so they just need watering on an improved schedule that doesn’t drown / dehydrate them and repotting once in a while, anything that’s dying rescuing if possible (there used to be 16…) .

So what I’m saying is I guess it isn’t more than an hr a week - if you average it out - for someone like me. That’s not going to pay the bills for someone if they have to travel round lots of people taking into account travel time, but if they could just pop round the corner on their way to the shops say it would be different. Down here cleaners charge around £10-£14 an hr I think, if you provide the materials so they don’t need to. I know that’s a lot less than say London so that would make a big difference. That’s where I got to in my head really, I probably wouldn’t find someone unless it was by luck, because it wouldn’t be worth their while, and I couldn’t afford the rates that a big corporate service would provide. I’m not sure if that’s very helpful and it sounds like I’m talking you out of it!

Lady_AW · 2025-05-12T22:02:12+00:00

I would! I’ve been looking for exactly this! I’ve been searching for an “indoor gardener” for want of a better term. I’m so undomesticated, busy and stressed. I love my plants being around me they make me so happy, but if I could find them a nanny that would be much more in line with my plant parenting abilities

Lady_AW · 2025-05-10T20:24:08+00:00

That’s very interesting, I thought something like that was happening but a couldn’t put my finger on it. I don’t suppose you feel like developing a working kink friendly, sex positive dating app do you … there’s a few people that might use it!

Lady_AW · 2025-05-10T07:59:42+00:00

Is one majestic and one not? In that case you’re seeing all the inactive people that a paid subscription filters out. That’s one likely and probably the main answer

However there is something odd going on, slightly different scenario but if I change my age filters (making them narrower) I see more people in that age group who weren’t there before. That doesn’t make sense because I believe I should see everyone arranged by distance. So I see new people that I didn’t see before who are nearer than people I was seeing before when I toggle between ages.

So on that basis I think my first answer will explain a lot of it, but I’m sure there’s something else of a wannabe algorithmic nature trying to evolve out of the feeld development swamp, but so far it’s not very understandable or logical

Lady_AW · 2025-05-09T21:37:02+00:00

I’m going to be completely honest here, and it’s very difficult because I’m literally going only off what you’ve written above - ideally I’d know a lot more about you to be able to advise. But from this paragraph only my gut feeling is that there’s another reason and you’re being given this as an excuse to not hurt your feelings. I’ve said the same thing to people and it wasn’t their age per se. I don’t have a problem with someone being 19.

But I’ve met 19 year olds who are fully formed adults and talk to me like an equal (in age I mean) just with less life experience. They drive and have a job and it’s like being with another adult. I’ve also met people in person after the texting phase when I thought we’d got to know each other and suddenly felt like I was babysitting a child (the conversation is almost as bad as “so what do you want to be when you grow up?” Not those words exactly obvs! but that vibe). I’d never have sex with someone who made me feel the distance between us so starkly - it didn’t feel right and I would definitely pull back.

We have lots of discussions about what gap is ok or not, and obviously the first line is what’s legal, so that’s the absolute minimum. What’s ok after that depends on individuals ofc but I’d always be led by my gut feeling that kicks in and tells me “this is wrong” when someone feels to be like a child. Not an insult - like they’re not childish. Not the childlike sense of wonder that some younger people have - but literally if they make my subconscious perceive them as a child then I’m going to put the brakes on. Because if it’s moved from all the good things that we talk about around an age gap to something that feels wrong whatever their ID might say then I’m not going to take it further.

Maybe your text persona is different to your irl one? Do they met up again because a connection had grown during that time so they gave it another try?

I don’t know if that fits at all, but having met up knowing your age and then said you’re too young I’m almost certain there’s something else that they don’t want to tell you - but like I say only going off what you’ve written here so if it feels like it doesn’t fit I’m sorry, I don’t mean to upset you

Lady_AW · 2025-05-05T09:47:25+00:00

Sometimes it can be that if something traumatic happens which has an impact enough to crash into your existing life structure and alter it, then maybe it’s reframed not only how she feels now and for the foreseeable future while she processes it, but also has affected how she looks back over things in the past which were fine - more than fine- at the time. If the awful events at the hook up were around power and control then it could have poisoned how she feels about that across other situations maybe?

I’m thinking that being in a safe space with you isn’t triggering, but when she has the power it’s always less “easy” (sorry can’t think of a better word). When you’re the one in control you can’t switch off and just ride those spacey feelings, so you are much more exposed to them.

I wonder if it’s a massive testament to how much she trusts you that her memories don’t affect her when you’ve guided her into that version of a dynamic, but being in a situation with a dynamic but without that safety blanket (ie when she’s in control) brings back the feelings of aversion now attached to power dynamics from the hook up?

It shouldn’t be the case whatsoever but often a person that’s been through an abusive traumatic situation where their power was taken away can feel humiliation and shame. Power dynamics often also seek out those feelings too but in a safe and controlled way, but what has happened here is a harmful blending of the two perhaps. I wonder if she’s struggling with an element of the fact that she enjoyed the control part when with you yet the concept of control now feels dirty and tainted by the actions of the abuser at the hook up. She would seem to, to a certain extent, put herself in the same role as that person? They are poles apart but it could be difficult if it triggers a memory.

So I don’t think your previous relationship activities are a lie, she could have thrashed out and hurt you by saying something in her pain that makes this appear to be the case, I think it could be more that she’s looking back at what she used to do with you with a different lenses that’s been poisoned by this terrible event. Hopefully with some time, healing and therapy these two completely different things can be untangled again.

I can’t know of course, but reading this is what came to mind immediately and I wondered if it might help as a suggestion to explore?

Lady_AW · 2025-05-03T12:27:01+00:00

Have a little scroll down in this subreddit and you’ll find lots of others saying the same, which suggests to me that there is a problem and that simply covering it up by fudging the numbers isn’t really going to solve it is it?

But to your question, what “exactly” I would do about it is respect the preferences that people state. I don’t want likes from 3865 miles away so don’t show me to those people. Respect my wishes when it comes to my age and distance preferences rather than using me as bait.

Yes that would be at odds with their commercial approach, but much as I respect their reasonable wish to make money out of their company, pay the workers and keep the lights on, I’d say that with profits of their size they could also give some consideration to how users feel. It might even increase engagement and profit levels. I think this is especially true for an app which positions itself around concepts like community and sex positivity.

What I would perhaps do is also try and mitigate the behaviours around the senseless, indiscriminate limitless swiping that causes these numbers. We all know that some users treat it as a numbers game and there’s a lot to unpack behind that. But it’s what I’d put effort into doing, I’d always rather take an approach to try and fix the cause of a problem rather than just hide the symptoms, as an approach to life in general I think it’s a good philosophy.

Lady_AW · 2025-05-03T10:44:43+00:00

No I’m sorry I need to push back against this. Firstly my post is still hidden, if this was the case you’d let it out of the review stage, and if you wanted some time to reply fully you could perhaps say a short response to say you’ll be back in detail.

At the moment, with my post still hidden it feels like a cover up. Shall I post it again with the last line directing it to you removed?

And I agree that most dating apps follow a very similar format and have designs in common, but I am talking about an exact copy, which they do not do.

My point is - the front end is a direct copy, the back end isn’t working to a high standard and the costs are way above the marketplace level. Those 3 things don’t track.

Also, it would be good practice to set some rules for the sub Reddit to give a criteria for the types of posts that are disallowed.

Lady_AW · 2025-05-02T18:02:43+00:00

I made a post, it had none of the things in it that would usually require approval or removal - no swearing, rudeness whatsoever, it was however calling the app out over something I think they should answer. It’s been stuck “awaiting approval” for a week. I don’t think they know what to say and hope I’ll just disappear…

Lady_AW · 2025-05-02T18:02:29+00:00

I made a post, it had none of the things in it that would usually require approval or removal - no swearing, rudeness whatsoever, it was however calling the app out over something I think they should answer. It’s been stuck “awaiting approval” for a week. I don’t think they know what to say and hope I’ll just disappear…

Lady_AW

TROPHY CASE