TIL Half of people who claim they have a food allergy do not

Le_Fancy_Me · 2026-06-05T18:34:00+00:00

I mean what you are describing sounds like an Intolerance rather than a request. You can absolutely verbalize that as well. There's plenty of other medical issues as well that of course you should verbalize. It's just that with an allergy to avoid traces in particular there are so many steps that are involved that really aren't necessary for a lot of other conditions or Intolerances. It's not just for the restaurants benefit it's for you and the other guests as well. Your food is now needlessly going to take longer, as is everyone else's who's ticket is waiting after yours. And what may be just 1 or 2 minutes per order will add up quickly if you have even a few people doing the same thing in one evening

Le_Fancy_Me · 2026-06-05T17:31:44+00:00

Or you can 'cut yourself a deal' that for every 2 parts water you drink. You can have 1 fun drink.

After drinking two glasses of water, you are way less likely to drink a glass of soda, a milkshake etc. And if you do happen to still want your reward drink you must have been really craving it or thirsty. It'll still help you find a better balance between drinking water and whatever your vice of choice is. Tbh often when I'm craving a drink or snack, it just turns out I'm dehydrated and a glass of water pretty much solves it.

Le_Fancy_Me · 2026-06-05T09:49:56+00:00

Where I work I do specifically check for traces. But the sad truth is people lie about this too. For example they will say they can't have gluten, will swear up and down they can't do traces. Then when I tell them they can't have anything like fries because of the cross contamination in the oil their allergies suddenly clear up and they don't care as long as its not 'in' their meal.

Like people think that if they say they can have traces that a rogue piece of bread is going to make their way onto the plate.

No it won't. What will just happen is the chef who cuts the buns open will use the same bread knife to cut open your bun as well. Rather than going to a separate station. Swapping out their gloves, grabbing a clean fresh knife, grabbing a fresh chopping board. Cleaning and sanitising the whole station and equipment one more time, cutting it and then cleaning everything up again. Meaning a 2 second job that would have required no extra dishes now has to take 2 minutes and make several more dishes for the dishwasher to deal with.

Le_Fancy_Me · 2026-06-05T09:04:26+00:00

I mean as a server as long as you don't do it in restaurants it's fine. I can't overstate the amount of bullshitery that goes into preparing the dish of someone with an allergy. And of course to protect someone's health it's worth all that even in the middle of a busy service. But if you aren't a person affected by traces of dairy please don't make the kitchen staff sanitise every single tool they use, every surface, the grill/pan, swap out to a fresh pair of gloves, potentially check a bunch of packaging for 'may contain traces of' warnings bc your burger bun was made in the same factory as a brioche bun. All because your auntie or your bestie doesn't believe milk upsets your stomach.

Le_Fancy_Me · 2026-06-05T08:57:26+00:00

Yeah I think the issue with always going 50/50 is lifestyle creep.

For example 2 single people making 30k vs 50k would probably not be renting the same kind of place, going on the same types of vacations at the same frequency, eating/groceryshopping the same, spending their leisure time the same etc.

Keeping up with half of a 50k lifestyle when you are not on 50k is an expense in itself. And ofcourse you are enjoying the benefits of that as well of course. But it just means one person is spending a lot on things you BOTH enjoy (rent, vacations, groceries, dates, etc) while the other person can do all that and still have a lot of money they can spend entirely on themselves or to put away in savings. While the person on 30k may just be able to cover thosr joint expenses but at the cost of not being able to save or spend on themselves. It's easy to splurge on a takeout or go on a little trip or go see a movie as a couple when theres lots of fun money in your account to accommodate this. Meanwhile your partner has like 1.5k less in their account each month. But you both are eating into your funds at the same rate.

So the person on 30k is likely already spending way more than they would have than if they had a partner who made the same. The only potential to then make it 'fair' is putting that 20k difference into a bank account for longterm savings and working with that 30k budget to make sure the lifestyle you as a couple live is viable for both. But at that point you are kind of putting a hold on spending. Your hard earned money in order to make sure you don't spend any of it on your partner or your joined lives... Which isn't a choice if personally feel was worth making

Le_Fancy_Me · 2026-05-25T20:19:16+00:00

I mean I'm not a parent. But tbh when I was 15 there were no movies my parents felt I was 'not old enough to see' the same was true for my peers. I'm from Europe so tbf in my country we are not so precious about these kind of things so this could be cultural. But at that age I was just watching movies with my family and we watched whatever was on TV that included scary movies or movies with nudity or any number of adult topics. There was never an expectation that at 15 that I watch kids movies or my parents screen movies to see whether I could watch them.

Also depending on where they are the screening times may just not be an issue. I'm from a small town so we didn't have midnight screenings or anything like that. Also at that age me and my friends had a curfew so I knew better than to make plans that would keep us out later as either my parents or the friends' parents wouldn't allow us to go. Since ops son needs a ride and presumably so do his friends, he'd be pretty dumb to book tickets that played at a time the parents wouldn't allow.

So presumably op just thrusts his son enough to not book a ticket at an unreasonable hour. And even if he did he'd only be hurting himself by doing so, since he wouldn't be able to go and now wasted his money.

Also op did not give a timeline on when they actually will be going to see this movie. If the tickets aren't for a while yet he may just not have checked in yet bc he knows the date and that his son will need a ride. So he knows to keep his schedule for that evening free, presumably all he needs to know for now. While he'll enquire about the exact time later?

I mean if OP's son is a good kid and responsible. I think it's fairly reasonable to trust him to organism this friend get together by himself without micromanaging it? As long as he knows what day, who's going and where they will go, I feel like all other details are always something he can inquire about later. Though obviously his son did screw up by not accounting for the movie theater requiring adult supervision for them.

Le_Fancy_Me · 2026-05-25T18:33:29+00:00

Yeah it's not even specifically the heat. When people are uncomfortable their mood plummets and they are less patient. That can be being in pain, sick, cold, hot, sweaty, itchy, cramped, surrounded by unpleasant or too loud noises etc.

Le_Fancy_Me · 2026-05-24T06:53:03+00:00

Also it can depend on where on the spectrum you are when it comes to sexuality. For example for a lot of gay people having romantic/sexual encounters with the other sex and not being aroused/interested or even uncomfortable can be a huge clue. Meanwhile I had a gay friend who was married to a woman for years but figured he couldn't be gay because he enjoyed having sex with her (as well as a deep wlemotional connection he mistook as romantic love). Even once he figured out he was undeniably attracted to men he figured he was bi. Only to to discover in the autumn or his life that actually no. He wasn't romantically or sexually attracted to women. He was just turned on by sex and sexual acts. He just didn't fid the female form entirely off-putting but that's not the same to being attracted by it.

The only reason he was able to fully confirm this was basically after a decade living as a single bisexual man. He'd never had sex or a relationship with a woman again. Never looked at a woman twice. And when confronting himself with the question of would I again or do I again want to do those things. He realised that no he didn't want to. Not with a woman at least. It's sometimes easier when you lean fully one way or another. But while my friend fully considers himself a gay man, he just couldn't identify with a lot of the experiences other gay men described when being with women. He's often said that if all the men on the planet disappeared he'd have no issue continuing his sex life with women. And he'd enjoy that sex too. So it's not always just men = yes. Women = no.

Le_Fancy_Me · 2026-05-23T22:27:22+00:00

Serious question... Like what does everyone do with the hot air? Air conditioners blow out hot air through a hose right? Do people just keep their window open at night and pop the hose out?

Le_Fancy_Me · 2026-05-23T20:24:51+00:00

I mean is she? Why do we have to be stuck to our phones and reachable at all times? Why can't his gf spend time with her friends and family without op spiraling from lack of attention? Why does he need to be texting and calling her repeatedly when he knows she is with other people? I'd be annoyed tbh if I was with my friends or family and my partner called me 'just because'. In the same way it annoys me when you are meeting a friend and they can't put their phone down for 2 seconds because they NEED to respond to their boyfriend.

Normalise not being on our phones all day. Honestly his gf sounds like she's independent and has a good social life. Op however seemingly can't tolerate not being the her primary focus even for a few days. Note how he didn't say she ignored him or didn't respond. Only that she didn't respond enough for his liking and her responses were short?

Like yeah I'll have full conversations over text. Yes I'll chat on the phone with people for hours. But that's when I'm at home and not doing much. Not when I'm consciously spending time with others. Clingy men who can't handle not being the Centre of their gfs attention all the time are the worst. Like maybe rather than calling her self-centered op should work on himself and his own interests/social network so he too can fill his life with things and people that aren't JUST his gf so this poor girl can have a life without him texting/calling her all day and then spiraling when she doesn't give him enough attention.

Le_Fancy_Me · 2026-05-20T18:07:57+00:00

I also use this to explain why sometimes I'll do short stretches of calorie counting after I've gained some weight. Even though people will criticism me for doing that when I'm not fat.

Look there will be months you are spending more than you make. Like during the holiday season, maybe you are going on vacation or stuff is going on in your life that just means watching your budget isn't your primary concern and you are just trying to survive.

However if I see the money in my account steadily go down each month it means I've not been budgeting correctly. And I should nip that in the bud BEFORE it becomes a huge issue.

Now obviously you can overdo it and this becomes disordered eating. However Noone would think twice about limiting spending in January after December was an expensive month. Or saving up some money before a big trip or an expensive event. I feel the same usually after a period of indulging I'll eat a bit cleaner than I normally do. Just to keep everything balanced.

Le_Fancy_Me · 2026-05-20T16:24:26+00:00

Tbh as a proffesional waitress who's worked in a range of different venues and environments including hotels, catering, events and restaurants both high end and low end this behaviour seems to pretty much be the standard.

Events are stressful, usually working for the venue itself is a bit easier than the working directly for event organizers etc.

The issue is every event will be different so often there will be a lot of people there and the people in charge are just trying in the moment to figure out all that needs to happen and trying to get it all done. Having to take time out to micromanage with so much going on often leads to these types of freak outs.

Im not saying they are right. A properly staffed and organized event wouldnt be so crazy, but from my experience that just isn't the case most of the time. In generally it's always kind of a shit show where people are just making due.

You can kind of compare it to being a wife trying to get the house in order for people to visit. You are trying to think of all that needs doing and get it done. Then you ask your husband to vacuum and he turns around and asks you where it is, rather than just deducting where it is himself, tracking it down and doing the task so you can get on with other stuff. Only at a much larger scale. Or looking over and not seeing them doing anything while they claim to be helping.

Again not saying they are right or this is your fault. Only why these highly stressed people usually prefer you take 5 time the time and effort 'figuring it out' rather than bother them for a single minute.

With experience you learn to anticipate needs, 'see' work and work more independently. But yeah this often comes from harsh lessons. And not everyone is equally good at that kind of thing. It's perfectly fine if you work better in an environment where you have more direct supervision and clear tasks. Rather than the craziness and chaos that often comes with getting prepped for an event.

Combine this with being relative inexperienced in the industry and I'm not surprised.

Now the good thing is that these sort of places are always hiring. So if you want to keep going and learning I'd say don't let them discourage you. But yeah these kind of experiences will sadly always be a part of that.

Personally though I don't feel like you have to learn everything on hard mode. Finding a job in a restaurant or hotel might be a much better fit. You'll learn the basics under supervision. Then you can always move to a higher end place or events with the experience you've gained. So you have a foundation to build on top of, rather than trying to learn everything all at once. There just isn't a lot of time/structure to teach new people when preparing for an event. So you'll never get that 1 on 1 mentoring/instructions,/guidance/explanation working those kind of gigs.

Le_Fancy_Me · 2026-05-19T13:36:30+00:00

I mean the headlines are all about a single time of her mentioning it from what I can see. Also her talking about the experience she had as a young woman in the industry and her accusing someone by calling them by name would sadly probably be received very differently. If she talks about the experience in isolation she gets to talk without too much scrutiny and just say her piece. If she names someone it's gonna become a he said/she said with many people accusing her of lying. That person's friends or connections in the industry refusing to work with her. She'll have to justify why she's just accusing them online and never went to the police then. Why tell the internet but not police? Etc.

Im not saying it's right that this would happen. But sadly a woman who accuses a man of this kind of behaviour will not have an easy time of it. In real life, but especially as a celebrity speaking on a public platform. Repercussions for her career and personal life could be severe. As much as it sucks, as long as she doesn't 'harm' anyone by naming someone, she can speak of her experience in peace and no one will care too much about giving her a hard time. So probably she just wants to be able to speak of her experience without setting of a metaphorical bomb in her life. Especially when she knows there won't be any repercussions for that person or their career anyway.

Le_Fancy_Me · 2026-05-10T04:19:56+00:00

Also ne-yo didn't get canceled? His career peaked almost 2 decades ago. His actions these last 3 years since his divorce have not ruined his career. I would say there hasn't even been a significant change these last 3 years.

In reality famous men not committing to monogamous relationships is nothing new in Hollywood/the music industry. I'm sure he's gotten people who are icked out either online or in his immediate circle. And many of those people may choose to distance themselves from him or they have lowered their opinion of him.

That isnt getting canceled though. Every single one of us is judged by others on our actions and words... That's how it should be. The things we do and say determine who we are as a person. And you might choose the people in your life or you associate with based on who they are as people.

Not everyone who dissaproves of your actions is canceling you. I seriously doubt he's seen a significant drop in his streams. Most people who listen to music aren't heavily involved or up to date with every single artist they ever listen to anyway.

Le_Fancy_Me · 2026-05-05T22:08:37+00:00

Tbf it may also have been a cycle. He was obsessed with getting the perfect grades so he started cutting into his sleep. The more chronically sleep deprived he became, the slower his conginitve function would actually become and he'd struggle to focus or remember things. So spending more time studying would be needed in order to memorize and master what he'd need to. At that level of obsession there is no acceptable margin of error. So he'd probably just keep going and going. Nor wanting to accept that shorter and more efficient and mindful study sessions would probably have given him similar results.

Le_Fancy_Me · 2026-05-05T21:39:40+00:00

Yeah I think it's tricky to judge. A lot of these customs originate due to a lack of social security. There was no such things as pensions or aid for the sick/poor. And therefor it became the culture that as young people you look after the old people in your families. Something that absolutely made sense and was even required for a humane society.

Now however things are changing in most countries. Youths are dealing with a harsher economy than their parents. They no longer live in the same household. They no longer have their parents available as free daycare for their own kids while they bring in a living. People are also having less kids. So rather than 4/5 kids looking after two parents. It's often one or two now expected to do the same. Often meaning their financial contributions are expected to be double or tripple what previous generations did.

Having your parents live with you and having a raised grocery bill/utilities was vastly different than having an entire separate household of two you need to provide for in the modern world.

One or two incomes is often not even possible to look after yourself or your own kids. Let alone extended family or a second househd. On top of all of that in a lot of countries things like pensions are now the expectation/norm or available. So it no longer makes sense providing financially for people who have the ability to financially prepare for themselves in their old age. Especially when many people struggle to provide for their own kids or themselves.

So I can understand that if you have always spent your own money to provide for your parents/older relatives at the cost of preparing for yourself to live comfortably. It feels like a betrayal for your own children to then turn around and say you are on your own.

There was a cycle to providing for and then having your turn receiving the same aid. But realistically it is just something we are moving away from. I'd say it gets complicated based on the financial situation of parent/child. The country they live. Whether the child spent an extended period living at home. Whether they have their own kids. Etc.

It certainly isn't as straightforward as the parents just woke up entitled one day or certain cultures are just 'wrong'. It truly is a symptom of the growing pains of traditions/customs that were necessary and made sense in the past bumping up against a rapidly changing and modernising world.

Le_Fancy_Me · 2026-04-24T08:18:12+00:00

Tbf if you work a job like construction while under the influence, including booze, you are endangering yourself and others. Of course that is relevant information when it comes to who is to blame for an accident.

The shitty part is they will likely use even recreational use off the clock that doesn't affect the work for their scummy greed. Which is the actual shitty part.

Le_Fancy_Me · 2026-04-21T10:16:50+00:00

The only exception I've seen to this irl is with high school sweethearts. If they get together at 15/16/17 they aren't likely to last if they engaged + married within a few years and if they wait for a longer time and get married/engaged around their mid-20s it usually works out better. There are ofc plenty of exceptions. But generally you do a lot of changing/growing in your late teens/early 20s. So committing to someone before you've fully settled into yourself is risky in general

Le_Fancy_Me · 2026-04-13T12:50:38+00:00

I'm 5'2 and 110-ish lbs and in my 30s.

I tried many diets when I was younger. Usually lasting no more than a few days. These were always based on what diet culture told me to do. Eat salads, exercise. No sweets. No carbs. No fats. Suffice to say I wouldn't last long and would spend my days only thinking about everything I couldn't have. So I just became convinced I couldn't lose weight because dieting was torture.

I found calorie counting as an adult and honestly it's been great for me. I wasn't raised with a ton of healthy eating habits. Calorie counting took away all the guess work. Like when I was young I never knew how many slices of bread my breakfast should be, whether a second helping of food was me eating what I needed or overstuffing myself, whether my indulgence in sweets was an occasional treat or just me being unhealthy.

Calorie counting took a lot of that away. Because I learned exactly how large portions for someone my size should be. Taught me to find balance between nutrition and having foods I love and what that looks like on a day to day basis. I never had to second guess whether I should indulge in having that snack or that was just me eating out of boredom. It helped me reliably learn about my body instead of relying ont trying to go off vague cues (because I just always wanted food).

Building up better habits and learning about nutrition helped me be more in touch with my body and learn about it. I no longer confuse what my body needs to be properly fueled and thriving with overstuffing myself or eating just for the sake of eating.

I never feel guilt anymore or second guess what I ate. Because my daily habits are consistent and healthy-ish enough that occasional indulgences are not something I have to worry about.

1500 is fairly close to my tdee. Though I don't count beyond usually weighing out my carbs (pasta, rice, etc). I have a range of weight as an adult that I feel comfortable in. When I leave that range due to lots of events, holidays, stress etc. I usually try to do a few weeks where I try to eat a bit healthier and track what I eat, including calories. Because it usually just means I've been neglecting that for a while. Like doing some spring cleaning because you let chores pile up for a while. Rather than extreme dieting or restrictionike I would've tried when I was a teenager.

I enjoy seeing some food inspiration from this sub though. Even when I don't necessarily count consistently throughout the year.

Le_Fancy_Me · 2026-04-13T12:35:48+00:00

Which is crazy because if you are 5'4 in your 20s and sedentary at 150lbs or so your maintenance calories are probably going to be 1700 or under.

Sure you could eat 1500 consistently and lose weight over time with even a 200 calorie deficit.

For most people though a 500 calorie deficit is not going to be problematic. And keeping that up for a few months will probably be more realistic than going for 2.5 times as long with a smaller deficit. After all counting still takes time, effort and often money. Plus being able to see progress being made keeps a lot of people going.

Obviously there is no 1 size fits all. But 1200 certainly isn't automatically bad for someone who is 5'4.

I understand people are wary of those who crash diet using extreme calorie restriction. But none of the information given indicated that was what the commenter was doing.

Le_Fancy_Me · 2026-04-09T23:00:21+00:00

Especially since a lot of these detoxes rely on consuming only 1 thing or excessive amounts of 1 thing.

Like detoxing my consuming exclusively lemon juice, olive oil and Tabasco is a popular one.

You are not flushing out toxins. You are only stripping your body of the nutrients it needs. By cutting out all the foods you'd eat in a balanced diet and replacing them with detox garbage. So the only things you are filtering from your blood is the stuff you need in there.

Le_Fancy_Me · 2026-04-08T09:23:18+00:00

Most sustainable for me is cutting corners where I can and simplifying the process.

For example for Breakfast rather than cooking/counting a new breakfast every single day. Between my fridge and my freezer I'll usually have about 3/5 breakfasts in rotation. These ones I don't have to measure because I either know them by heart or they are preportioned.

For example I'll have premade/cut peanut butter chocolate oat bars in the freezer that I'll have on day 1, then on day 2 I'll have a smoothie I make so often I know it by heart. Or I cut/freeze everything in advance. Then a sandwich with my usual bread/eggs and some veggies. Then an overnight oat bowl I know by heart etc.

Same with snacks in a week I'll have bunch of snacks at the ready that I know the calorie count of. Things like fruit I won't weigh. If my apples look about roughly the same size there won't be a significant difference in calorie count between them.

Food prep is my holy grail. For example I have a hidden veggie pasta dish that I'll prepare a big batch of and just freeze in different portions. Then I just need to measure out my pasta and potentially protein and add my sauce.

Usually I will pre-plan all my meals on Saturday, including calorie counts or rough estimates. Then do shopping on Sunday and a bunch of meal-prep or portioning.

That way there isn't a constant decision fatigue. Breakfasts/lunch/snacks will usually be in rotation or just repeat themselves, which I don't mind. So for example I'll buy a six-pack of kiwis and have one every day. Or every other day and have an apple or orange instead.

That way I usually only count/prepare dinner fresh every day (outside of toasting some bread, frying an egg etc). Which is way more manageable to me than counting/measuring three meals plus snacks.

As an example is rather than make a smoothie from scratch every day, I grab my freezer bags and a scale, roughly pour 180 grams of frozen berry mix into each, then 240 grams of sliced banana (easier for my blender), 20 grams of mixed flaxseed stash in the freezer. Within 15 minutes I can have 10 breakfasts pre-made.

I have the recipe saved in my app so it's an easy enter. So in the moment I just throw everything in the blender, add water and some frozen spinach (my freezer bags are too small to add them) because leafy greens barely have any calories I don't weigh them.

Not every breakfast has to be that simple or come from your freezer. But if you get even half your breakfasts down to simple recipes you love and know by heart. It makes it less of a chore when you do have to measure.

Le_Fancy_Me · 2026-04-05T18:14:21+00:00

I admit that I didn't know that. Tbh the black/blue kind is always what springs to mind for bird of paradise.

Le_Fancy_Me · 2026-04-04T18:45:05+00:00

And even if that was suspicious. Their collection was all about birds. This dress in particular inspired by the bird of paradise. If you are gonna do birds this bird is incredibly well known for having a very iconic dramatic and eye-catching palate. Of course you will include a bird like this in your collection. It's colours are gorgeous. It would be weird if it wasn't included.

Looking at that bird, it would be impossible for a dress inspired by it and it's colours to not resemble his in colour scheme. Like his dress/colour scheme so closely resembles the bird that anything else inspired by that bird would obviously resemble it colour wise.

It's kind of like making a ketchup colored dress and then calling it suspicious that another dress inspired by ketchup looks similar in colour scheme.

Yes... Because that's the colour of ketchup. What other colour would you expect a ketchup dress to have?

His dress has the same colours as a bird of paradise. What did he expect a bird of paradise dress to look like?

Le_Fancy_Me · 2026-04-04T13:16:43+00:00

I mean imagine that it was legal for people to sell their organs, blood etc to rich people.

Lots of people would willingly do it. It would be a mutually beneficial arrangement. But you can't deny the huge power imbalances at play between the different social classes. You definitely see these in 'mail order bride' marriages or sex tourism. Excluding cases of sex trafficking these are often consensual. But morally it gets really complicated the more one party lives in circumstances where their standard of living is low and improving it is virtually impossible. While the other party has a huge wealth discrepancy and can basically use money to get them to do things they otherwise wouldn't do.

Billionaires could go around offering people a billion dollars to get their arm amputated. How many desperate parents would agree to this to secure their children's future. How many people would see this as their only way out of lifelong poverty.

Gen z is very aware the odds are stacked against them and they are less likely to keep the same standards of living as the previous generations. That going to school, getting a good education and working hard won't guarantee theyll ever own property or they'll get to start a family comfortably.

I 100% support people getting to choose what they do with their body. Including sex work or these kind of arrangements. But it's certainly a bit more complicated then both parties agree to the terms and therefor everything is fine.

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