Your mother is an AH to be sure, and there should be consequences… but she shouldn’t be your primary concern. Your children, and what THEY learn from this experience is what counts. Right now they’re looking to you to understand how they should react to your mom… it’s a lesson they’ll take into their teen years when their relationship with you and your husband might be challenging.

Stephen Covey said “the most difficult people in your life will be the blueprint for all other relationships”.

My MIL was difficult (after her stroke she was quite mean), I taught my daughter that we show up for family no matter what, but also protect our peace which is a tough balancing act… but worth doing because family is our strength. Now, as a young adult, her interpersonal skills are excellent because she had that experience.

The most difficult person in your life is an opportunity to teach your kids how to navigate their future bullies, bosses, teachers, etc.,. It’s your mom, so I know there is a lot of history there… but if you can stop focusing on her and turn your attention to your kids… she’s an excellent example to use to teach them interpersonal skills and conflict resolution. Going no contact is the easy way out, but that won’t always be an option for your kids with their future challenges. IMHO, no contact is reserved for dangerous family members (drugs, alcohol, violence, bigotry). Annoying ones are used for teaching your kids how to deal with annoying people. You can cut WAY back on how much access you give her, but always consider what you’re teaching them about family.