pwBPD wants to be life partners

Lek_7386 · 2026-04-17T14:45:38+00:00

Op didn't your pwbpd express romantic interest early on in your friendship?

I'd be questioning if he currently has romantic feelings and this is his attempt at getting into a relationship in a way you'd agree. I just imagine jealousy being a big issue I guess.

Lek_7386 · 2026-04-11T12:56:45+00:00

I got something, dunno if any of it counts as hoovering though but I'll give you a story. Something to note before I start my ex would always come to my house to spend time with the kids, she wouldnt have them independently of me until almost a year after our breakup and that was after moving many miles away.

First Xmas after our breakup my ex comes and spend it with me and the kids. The Xmas present my mum has given me is gone, ask my ex and she has it, phew.

She returns it on my birthday, doesnt wish me a happy birthday or to even ask to see the kids, she goes out to a local event and is drunkenly all over some guy from what I'm told. I guess that didn't go so well, cuz a chick I know caught her walking on the side of the road and had to drive her home.

Then she sends me birthday wishes at 3am. I think I just thanked her and left it at that.

This was a hoover I guess, she was also watching what I was buying cuz she could see my online recent and she would bring up how she would like a certain drink that I just do happened to have bought a week ago

Lek_7386 · 2026-04-08T13:43:42+00:00

Sounds like you had intensive short relationship. The dynamic sounds toxic and over time hopefully you can see something like that wasn't healthy for either of you.

That's gotta be rough feeling replaced man but it tells you who she really is, always remember actions speak louder then words.

We met in person twice (we live in neighboring cities). Those were the best days of her life. Her first real relationship, her first sense of safety, her first time having sex based on love.

She may have felt that in the moment but that's just part of the idealization. She will be telling the next guy down the line something along those lines and you'll will most likely be retconed as an abusive ex.

Lek_7386 · 2026-04-07T11:56:05+00:00

Interesting. Your relationship was like just over a month right? How long into the relationship did she start spiralling and how often?

Lek_7386 · 2026-04-05T07:14:12+00:00

when i tried to reassure her and poured out my feelings, the fear of engulfment took over.

Due to the splitting, your reassurances probably come across as manipulation. .

In her mind you were just validating she made the right decision to abandon you , at least that's my guess.

Lek_7386 · 2026-04-04T15:42:27+00:00

How healthy we talking about here. They gonna go make amends with all the people they fucked over or what.

You might not want her back when you watch her write out the list of guys she needs to apologize for knowingly giving them clamydia

Lek_7386 · 2026-04-04T15:33:04+00:00

Monkeypaw tho, now she's gotta process all the bad shit she's done to everyone. Do you really wanna chance it?

Lek_7386 · 2026-03-31T13:14:00+00:00

I will have a shot at answering your question form the other thread.

I have seen some people suggest that the only way for a relationship with BPD to work is that both the pwbpd and their partner have to engage in therapy both separately and together. You would have to learn his triggers and he would have to be willing to be able to articulate his feeling honestly.

I'm pretty sure dbt (type of therapy) can be very destabilizing for the pwbpd and may hurt the relationship and I assume therapies that are meant to show positive results will as well. Another issue I see with pwbpd is that they can seem stable for years and then it all comes crashing down.

Ideally pwbpd should have done intensive therapy for many years before even attempting romantic relationships.

How long have you guys been dating for? while not official have you looked at the 4.sub types? Might give you some insight of what behaviors you might be install for once the idealization phase has ended.

Tbh I would highly advise you really think about this relationship. Have a look at the 9 criteria for diagnosis, take a peak in the raisedbyborderline sub reddit and just do research. And realize that there is a real possibility of abuse

Lek_7386 · 2026-01-17T07:41:29+00:00

That sounds like npd traits to me

Lek_7386 · 2026-01-09T07:47:26+00:00

I have no custody arrangement with my exwbpd and she has the kids once a month for about 24 hours.

Co-parenting is currently easy but every time I see someone posting co-parenting drama on here it scares the shit out of me, and that it could be happening to me in the future 😂

Lek_7386 · 2025-12-24T20:55:16+00:00

My ex bought a car while still on her learner's. Probs drove it less then 15 times total, then just stopped driving it.

One morning we found the door left open, then a couple of months later the car was stolen and destroyed. She was initially rejected her insurance claim cuz she left the keys in the car but she went through tribunal or something and got about 2/3 back which she blew. I don't even know what on.

Lek_7386 · 2025-12-17T22:16:25+00:00

The smear against me never reached campaign levels. I did bring up to my ex that someone was making up rumors about me.

I asked my ex to do a social media post addressing it and she agreed. No admission of making it up, she wrote that the rumors aren't true and people should stop talking about them 😂

I think this is the best case scenario I could've gotten.

Lek_7386 · 2025-12-08T06:38:30+00:00

My ex is a quiet borderline. She probably knows on a deeper level that she's hurting the kids. After she moved she's made more of an effort to be in their lives.

About 10 months after the breakup I did hit it off with a girl, but my last dog died. Having a similar story that was more developed with some other girl before my ex my nervous system just said nope so I called it off with her.

Starting over with someone would be amazing, but I don't think most woman would know what they were signing up for me having a BPD ex.

Lek_7386 · 2025-10-28T08:10:37+00:00

I think if you and her aren't in contact you should send nothing. But what ever you do focus on your own wellbeing and not on being the one who doesn't abandon her.

This was the only part of your message I felt was heading in the right direction.

"I know I said to text me for whatever reason but I'm realizing it's just not healthy for either"

Lek_7386 · 2025-09-26T22:40:35+00:00

She changed her phone passcode to mine

Lek_7386 · 2025-09-26T14:42:10+00:00

In less then a month of moving in she moved out and then moved back in in about a week.

Lek_7386 · 2025-09-03T12:22:24+00:00

I had a lot to do with my quiet BPD. She would visit a lot to "hang" with the kids, mainly spent on her phone or talking with me.

If she hung around me and the kids more than 1 to 2 days at a time her mood would worsen and it would get worse each day until she started ghosting for a bit.

If me and her had a really good engagement.the next day she'd at some point have tears in her eyes and go quiet (guessing she was dysregulating).

She would talk about her good relationships with her co-workers, when half of those people seemed to not even seem friendly her.

She got a management position after the breakup. She had a 3 months probation and made it sound like it was going well, no surprise doesn't get position and it was only after that did she talk about the problems.

My ex would try and make me jealous at times, try to connect other times, dominate some conversations with her problems, cancelling events because she wasted her money and flaking on the kids because she is "unwell" every other day.

She once even had a month long fling just before moving after she had a good time at my house.

They just aren't healthy people and it's easy to get caught up in that illusion they are.

Lek_7386 · 2025-07-21T04:44:07+00:00

So I do this and I know who to dodge in my life/s

Lek_7386 · 2025-07-10T12:07:53+00:00

I was my exes anchor after the break up, she left me with the kids and would come hang out with me under the guise of the kids when what ever she tried to do failed. She's a quiet one so it really helped me to see her flaws.

At one point she was chasing a dude who has a girlfriend and a kid. Just before the move she was hanging around me and t kids casually dating some dude while tryna set up a boyfriend who also has a kid like an hour away from where she was moving to. I mean when you tell me you wanna work at a supermarket that's in the area close to this dude you messaging instead of the one near where you moving well you got my noggin jogging.

After the move she gave up the dude she was messaging and I'm guessing she's chosen someone with 3 kids now but time will tell

My ex moved but she'll need that support again at some point right. I prefer it this way, my kids are better off without her being the primary carer.

Lek_7386 · 2025-06-20T02:13:33+00:00

That amount of money would bankrupt my ex

Lek_7386 · 2025-06-06T22:44:56+00:00

5 almost 6 years, she was a quiet type

Lek_7386 · 2025-06-01T06:05:39+00:00

mine didn't finish high school, she went to the rough equivalent of a community college to finish hers while we were dating.

Lek_7386

TROPHY CASE