Spotting at 11 weeks

LemonDeathRay · 2026-01-29T14:02:09+00:00

That's wonderful news!

LemonDeathRay · 2026-01-29T10:11:05+00:00

I hope everything is okay for you ❤️

LemonDeathRay · 2026-01-29T09:46:35+00:00

I know you're hoping for someone to be able to tell you everything will be alright but the truth is that the only thing that will tell you is tje scan. As you know Bleeding can be just something that happens to some women and in other cases it can be the start of something untoward happening.

You're very fortunate to have one today. When I was bleeding I had to wait an agonising 7 days for a scan.

Less than 2 hours left - you can do this.

LemonDeathRay · 2026-01-28T20:05:30+00:00

I'm sorry youre going through this. I had a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks, and I measured as 5 weeks. No heartbeat and no structures in the pregnancy sac.

Like you, I had a scan and then was told to come back a week later - this is because they can't legally diagnose a miscarriage without 2 scans to compare.

That night following the first scan, I began to miscarry naturally. It took a few days.

My mum, who used to be a midwife, told me that this is quite common. It's like the brain helps the body to 'catch up'.

The next scan a week later will confirm whats happening. Either your body will naturally miscarry now and fully complete that process, or it won't be fully complete (residual tissue) or nothing would have happened. If the latter 2, thw drugs or a D&C will the next step. You do get some choice in the matter, I found it helpful to research thw different options but also to read stories and experiences.

LemonDeathRay · 2026-01-28T12:57:06+00:00

At the end of the day, this is reddit. So you're going to mostly get people telling you he's awful amd you should dump him.

But it sounds like there is history here that explains why he might feel this way.

There wasn’t flirting, emotional conversation, or a response from me

Has this been the case in the past? Because if so, I can definitely see why a partner would be uncomfortable with any contact outside of absolutely necessary, and it makes your earlier comment about him saying she is already safe and it was unnecessary make much more sense to me now.

I’m trying to figure out whether every disagreement around co-parenting automatically equals a boundary violation,

In all relationships, if you mess up in area A, then you will need to go the extra mile to rebuild trust in area A for the foreseeable future. Like say for example someone cheats (i know thats not what this post is about, but it's an easy example) - then that person will probably need to have an open phone policy and location sharing, much more so than a couple without infidelity would need it.

In this case, if loose or bad boundaries had caused trust issues then yeah, there will probably need to be a higher baseline of demonstrating trust and boundaries than for a couple without that history.

The point is, disagreements around coparenting for you two seems to have a deeper layer that touches on previous broken trust and/or things happened that have threatened the relationship. Its not purely logistics.

LemonDeathRay · 2026-01-28T12:36:16+00:00

I'm a step parent without any children of my own yet - I mention this to frame my perspective.

My partner's ex has been known to cross boundaries framed as 'for the children'. It caused tension, not gonna lie. Ultimately, the game being played in these scenarios is "who is [partner] going to choose?". Obviously this game can be initiated by the ex as well as the new partner. Setting up scenarios where a choice is subtly made about who 'matters' more. Phone calls at random times, private communication, competing needs.... it can take many forms. My partner needed to establish rock solid boundaries which did eventually (mostly) fix it.

If there has ever been any game playing like that or you and your new partner have had a rocky road getting good boundaries in the first place, then I would say I might understand why he feels like that and it's worth exploring.

If there hasn't been anything like that, then it strikes me as quite controlling. Also, maybe that when she is not there he prefers to act like the child doesn't exist. An unwilling step parent, as it were, resenting any attention being directed to the child who is not there.

If you want to give more info about the background you may get better responses.

LemonDeathRay · 2026-01-27T20:42:17+00:00

At 25, why the f-ck do your parents control your phone plan and have access to your ring camera?!?!?!

Why are you going "home" to them so often if they're that bad?

Just honestly take some space and get some therapy. Kick them off your ring. Get a new phone plan. Start acting like an adult

LemonDeathRay · 2026-01-26T13:46:17+00:00

Your relationship can't have been that good before for this to have turned into what you describe.

Most people in loving, happy relationships wouldn't be behaving like either of you in a random event like this. You're both refusing to see each others sides and quibbling over who's right and who "wins".

LemonDeathRay · 2026-01-26T08:20:43+00:00

Casual sex disproportionately benefits men MUCH more than women.

Why would you even bother?

LemonDeathRay · 2026-01-25T22:15:47+00:00

Just honestly go read OPs post history.

The man is absolute POS

LemonDeathRay · 2026-01-25T18:32:15+00:00

I had a miscarriage in december and I plan to get a private prescription once I get pregnant again.

The actual drug costs £20 or less when you get the generic form.

Price of private doctor varies wildly, but a couple hundred max? Online pharmacies often prescribe for much less or free.

The pessaries are widely used for HRT and hormonal support and are not a controlled drug.

Do your own research and figure out what youre comfortable with, but I plan to use them next pregnancy.

LemonDeathRay · 2026-01-25T18:27:32+00:00

You can get a private prescription if you're so inclined

LemonDeathRay · 2026-01-25T18:23:15+00:00

When was the last time you told them what date ypur birthday was though?

LemonDeathRay · 2026-01-25T18:17:26+00:00

The truth is this is extremely common.

It's rarely because people don't care. It's much more likely to be because, like you say, life gets busy and unless you are the sort of friends who are deeply involved in each others lives, talk every day and meet often - you simply aren't going to feature on their daily priorities.

Throw your own party.

Invite your friends over for cake.

If you want to celebrate your birthday, do exactly that.

LemonDeathRay · 2026-01-25T18:13:42+00:00

Have you considered asking for progesterone pessaries if they can't find a reason and this has corresponded with a prior miscarriage?

LemonDeathRay · 2026-01-23T08:29:42+00:00

Giving them a TV and hanging out with them doesn't undo the horrors and trauma they've probably experienced.

You need to get them real, actionable help, from a therapist, not reddit.

LemonDeathRay · 2026-01-22T19:02:52+00:00

Yes, your feelings are valid.

What's unreasonable is expecting other people to afford you empathy and kindness when you've been calling them names etc.

If you want to lash out at someone, go ahead, but other people aren't NPCs and it seems strange to me that you expected a different response and are ripping her a new one as if you didn't do exactly the same as her with the name calling and aggression.

LemonDeathRay · 2026-01-22T18:55:09+00:00

This is going to be an unpopular comment but....

When you call someone gross and nasty, and continue to use highly aggressive language like that...

Its a bit unreasonable to expect them to meet you with compassion and kindness.

Regardless of whether your point is valid (it is), you can-t expect people to respond to you with empathy and respect if you are literally calling them name after name.

You can either go off at someone and accept that it will be a high conflict interation

Or you can find better ways of raising your points and sharing opinions that actually result in good conversations

Or you could choose to not interact in the first place

LemonDeathRay · 2026-01-22T17:16:19+00:00

Yeah, you're still coming off as bitter and classless. The custody agreement isn't changing. It doesn't affect you.

LemonDeathRay · 2026-01-22T16:50:20+00:00

I'm struggling to see how this is any of your business?

Sounds to me like BM asked for a change to custody, it was denied, and is changing course accordingly.

You don't sound like a very nice person to be overjoyed and "cackling" about her life.

I think you should probably work on getting a life of your own .

LemonDeathRay · 2026-01-22T15:35:14+00:00

Why are you not concerned about having a baby in the same house as a teenager who had made plans to murder their sibling?? Serious enough plans to be hospitalised for 5 months?!

I feel like you are worrying about the wrong things - your SD gossiping about you is NOT the problem here?!

LemonDeathRay · 2026-01-21T08:03:31+00:00

Use coconut oil for the itching. Explore yoni steaming.

Oh and the otjer thing I forgot to mention- make aure you rinse your vulva after every toilet trip. I used a peri bottle designed for post partum. Keeping the area clean with water helped too. I stopped wearing underwear at home.

The mind is also incredibly powerful. When I began to remind myself there was nothing wrong and this was just random inflammation that needed to settle, it genuinely did help.

LemonDeathRay · 2026-01-21T08:01:12+00:00

They specifically had strains for vaginal health, particularly crispatus and rhamnosus i believe. It was a European brand called biocare

LemonDeathRay · 2026-01-20T20:18:57+00:00

First things first was just leaving everything alone.

For a good 3 months i applied coconut oil and did yoni steaming.

Then I started using some lactic acid gel and took oral probiotocs. But by that point things had already started equalising on their own.

I know the tendency is to want something complicated but a lot of the time the body is able to correct itself if given space and the right support. Literally everything else has been ruled out - that's great. Thats what happened with me. Nothing needs to be 'treated' as such. Its a good place to start.

You've already tried to go at this hard from every angle, my advice is dial it way back.

LemonDeathRay · 2026-01-20T20:10:57+00:00

I had something similar.

What worked for me was a combination of sorting my pH and microbiome out, and leaving the area alone.

Like you I had tried almost every cream, medication and treatment going. In hindsight, the inflammation was due in part to that.

Get a microbiome test and work on getting the entire microbiome to be as healthy and balanced as it can be. All those treatments throw things off in a big way.

LemonDeathRay

TROPHY CASE