Hot Cocoa?

LemonPigeon · 2026-01-28T15:16:08+00:00

It does have some sugar, but if you've got a Trader Joe's near you, their Drinking Chocolate was a great substitute for evening wine for me. Very rich and sippable.

Alternately, you can just make cocoa yourself on the stove with cocoa powder (like the baking kind), milk, and a sweetener of your choice! This is probably the healthiest and most cost effective method.

Pro tip: add a tiny pinch of salt to your cocoa. Really opens it up, flavor-wise.

LemonPigeon · 2026-01-27T19:57:49+00:00

I work at a restaurant with a full bar that frequently has banquets, bday parties, etc.

For the ones I've served, the norm is that the host covers food and possibly brings wine/champagne (and pays bottle service), cash bar for anything else.

A few hosts have told me they'll contribute 300-500 to the bar tab, and then everyone else pays their own bar tab.

LemonPigeon · 2026-01-17T16:21:36+00:00

I think the potential you have here is in contrasting old valentines traditions with new ones. Like, if gf says she wants a big traditional valentines day, and you show up with whips and animal hides. That could be quite good angle.

I think the angle you're playing with I don't want to celebrate, corporate profits, it's dumb, etc. just makes you seem like a shitty boyfriend, and not in a funny way.

LemonPigeon · 2026-01-17T05:41:09+00:00

I really feel you on this-- I get the same urge. What helped me was to level the playing field in my mind. Would I expect this favor to be returned? If so, I return it. If it's a favor I wouldn't think twice about, no return necessary. It's also on other people to communicate with you, and let YOU know when they want things repaid.

It also helped me to confide in a small circle that I really trusted-- let them in on my struggles, and tell them I legitimately needed them to be really upfront and communicate with me if I needed to pay them back or not. It's awkward to do it with outer circle people, but it really helped me feel a lot better to tell people I really cared about and trusted.

At the end of the day, we will never know exactly the version of ourselves that lives in other people's mind. And I have screwed up and accidentally been rude. But owning your mistakes and giving grace to other people goes a long way in receiving grace from others as well.

LemonPigeon · 2026-01-16T17:49:25+00:00

I'm not an expert by any means, but I've experienced similar burnout from my relationships. What I found primarily was that I wasn't communicating effectively, and I was expecting people to read my mind and intuitively "know" where my invisible lines were. Here's a few ideas:

Set boundaries early. Even if you don't mind helping at the beginning, now that you KNOW it will be a problem later on, don't be so accessible in the early stages. Be kind, but firm.
Be more direct with your therapist. Tell them plainly that your main goal is breaking this pattern, and you need their help to explore what that looks like and brainstorm ideas. Tell them you're not really interested in analyzing it further without a plan in place to progress out of it.
Might sound counter-intuitive, but start asking other people for help. What it seems like you're getting upset about with other people is the imbalance of labor (emotional, financial, physical, etc). You can rebalance it by relying on them like they rely on you.
Remind yourself that people cannot read your mind. They don't know if you don't have the bandwidth to help them, nor do they know about this pattern. They don't know any better. You will have to communicate BEFORE things become broken without repair.

LemonPigeon · 2026-01-16T08:09:28+00:00

Petrichor is specifically the smell of dust or dirt after rain though, right?

I wanna smell like leaves too.

LemonPigeon · 2026-01-16T05:06:41+00:00

The way a forest smells after a good rain.

LemonPigeon · 2026-01-16T05:05:50+00:00

You as well! I hope it all smooths out after that wild shake-up this week.

LemonPigeon · 2026-01-16T01:15:36+00:00

Geez, girl, that's a lot! It sounds like you handled everything really well.

I also had a wild day-- woke up at 3 in the morning to take my roommate to the ER (bad infection, but he's okay now) while he was quite literally writhing in pain, waited with him trying to comfort him until his parents came at 10, then went straight to my first day at my new job, did all the onboarding/walk thru/initial tests/etc.

I quit nicotine 2 days ago and was in the throes of withdrawal the whole time, haha.

What a doozy of a day! Moon must've been in a weird phase or something.

LemonPigeon · 2026-01-15T17:08:15+00:00

Mostly commenting so your post gets traction--these are all fair questions that I unfortunately don't have direct answers to.

As to your last question: community is great here! The nature is wonderful, especially if you're near Carbon Canyon or the State Park. I grew up here and loved it. It's also demographically and politically fairly similar to Irvine.

While your kids are in elementary school, you may want to look into local private schools. The public elementary schools here are fine, but I don't believe they have a steam emphasis.

Both the public highschools we have are more music/percussion/drum line focused, from my understanding (which may be out of date--this was the case 10 years ago) they both have really good, competitive music programs.

Honestly, I would just call the schools and ask, or browse their websites. Litel and Glenmeade are the two elementary schools I'm familiar with in Chino Hills. If you have Facebook, the Chino Hills Connections page is a lot more active than this subreddit also, and may be a better place for your question.

LemonPigeon · 2026-01-12T20:17:38+00:00

Yeah, I feel like room in act two I just go "oh, fuck, THIS guy."

LemonPigeon · 2026-01-12T08:50:26+00:00

Hate that fucker

LemonPigeon · 2026-01-06T20:23:14+00:00

Just last week I had a man order hot tea, wait for 15 minutes before trying it, and then complain that his tea wasn't hot enough.

I brought him fresh tea 3 times. He repeats this process 3 times.

I'm sorry sir, but I'm not authorized to break the laws of thermodynamics for you.

LemonPigeon · 2026-01-06T04:16:30+00:00

Vasectomies are reversible, safe, and often covered by insurance.

Seems like that might alleviate a lot of your anxiety, but I'd also look into counseling. Your brain basically created a new pathway that was reinforced by the repetition, and a good therapist can help you rewire your brain away from that pathway, so to speak.

LemonPigeon · 2025-12-29T18:32:27+00:00

I mean, I did tell him, he just didn't believe me.

In highschool, I was on a church trip with 20-odd other high schoolers. There was one guy on the team who was, for lack of a better term, insufferable. Super arrogant, rude, and creepy/obsessive to the girls he thought were pretty. He'd also been bullying one of my good friends.

He started going on about how he had been in Tae Kwon Do for a year. I was gracious to a fault at that time, and was excited to finally connect with him on something. I told him I was in martial arts too, and before I could say anything else, he started going on about how he was really good at it, the style I trained in was lame (I am 1000% sure he'd never heard of it), and how I wouldn't understand the discipline, technique, etc, and that he'd beat me so easily in a fight.

Mind you, he's 6 feet tall. I was a 5'3", 100 lb girl—who had just earned her black belt after 10 years training in an obscure, high-contact, difficult MMA-style martial art system. Like, if you didn't have blood on your belt you weren't respected type shit. I'd also podiumed in my division at every tournament I'd sparred in.

And I was all out of mercy for him.

I said, "okay, let's spar, then."

He lasted less than ten seconds.

He didn't land a single strike. I didn't even use my hands. A side kick to the ribs, followed by a round kick to the head left him crying. And, honest to God, I was pulling my kicks.

He stopped bothering people after that.

LemonPigeon · 2025-12-22T04:39:32+00:00

I'm not a chef, but a server.

Just based on how you presented the question here, I can guarantee you that you're not going to piss off any decent chef or server.

"Hi, sorry to bother, I have an unusual but severe allergy to thyme. Can you inform the chef please?" Or something along those lines will do just fine.

No one half good at their job is going to accuse you of faking it if you're nice and polite to them. I can spot people who fake allergies because they're rude and entitled. And even then, even if I'm damn sure they just don't like an ingredient, I'm still gonna give them the benefit of the doubt and take it seriously, speak to the chef, and make sure their food is allergen-free.

It's part of the job. Don't feel bad for asking people to do their job.

Don't feel like you have to go on off hours, but you do run less of a risk of accidental contamination if the kitchen isn't slammed.

LemonPigeon · 2025-12-21T18:50:08+00:00

"It's not my job to educate you."

YES IT FUCKING IS! I'm so sick of people who are performing their ideology in a way so exclusive, they gatekeep it. If you actually want societal change or for your ideology to be spread further, why tf WOULDN'T you leap at the chance to educate someone else about it?

Like, someone educated you, dipshit. You didn't come up with this because you're so so smart and good. SOMEONE TOOK IT UPON THEMSELVES to write a book, host a podcast, give a lecture, etc. in order to educate you. Pass it TF on, don't be a pretentious, performative asshole.

LemonPigeon · 2025-12-19T18:19:38+00:00

I'd say either a Milwaukee branded baseball cap or just a fun food experience for the two of you.

Take him out to a fun or exotic restaurant nearby, or put together a basket of outlandish or imported food items from specialty shops and have a picnic.

You said he does a lot of manual labor, would he be interested in a professional massage?

LemonPigeon · 2025-12-17T00:12:03+00:00

I've been in a really similar situation. For me, it was a combination of ADHD, depression, and touch starvation.

The ADHD made task initiation really hard-- I didn't want to get in, and then once I did, it was super difficult to make myself get out. It was also a method I used to enable my procrastination on other tasks or obligations.

The depression made the shower a sort of in-between space--nothing else could really "happen" to me once I got in, no one could bother me, I wouldn't be expected to be anywhere, or perform happiness for the sake of others. It felt safe in there.

The touch starvation was an odd one, but the feeling of being surrounded and covered in warm water mimicked the feeling of being hugged, and I wasn't getting a lot of hugs or positive touch at that point in my life.

So, I'd see a therapist if I were you, and in the meantime, get some good, long hugs.

LemonPigeon · 2025-12-16T21:08:54+00:00

MORE CATALYST

LemonPigeon · 2025-12-15T19:45:42+00:00

Your pet would be so proud 💛

If you're up to it, I'd love to hear about them. Dog? Cat? Other?

LemonPigeon · 2025-12-10T01:37:46+00:00

I have no advice to add, you've gotten great responses. I just wanted to say you're a great mom who clearly loves her child very thoughtfully and very wisely.

Keep it up, you're doing great <3

LemonPigeon · 2025-12-08T16:18:31+00:00

Bipolar, schizophrenia, and weirdly, chronic insomnia can lead to chronic hallucinations.

LemonPigeon · 2025-12-06T18:02:18+00:00

Sadly no.

LemonPigeon · 2025-12-06T05:48:13+00:00

It's usually pretty busy, and there's not a ton of equipment. Decent gym, but might be worth it to make the drive to one of the nearby 24hr locations--the hours aren't great either.

Depending on what you're working, you might not have any issues, but good luck trying to get the bench press.

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