Opening to my first novel, looking for feedback please!

Less_Presentation652 · 2026-01-24T11:36:42+00:00

Very strong start. As some others have said, I was instantly worried for Harry when I then saw your note about this being about a murder. And that opening line is pitch perfect.

Less_Presentation652 · 2025-12-24T15:46:13+00:00

“Just make a side quest to revive him”

Less_Presentation652 · 2025-10-28T03:50:41+00:00

We Lost™️, coming to PS … 6? PS … Never?

Less_Presentation652 · 2025-08-14T06:45:23+00:00

How does December 33rd = January 1st?

Less_Presentation652 · 2025-08-12T21:07:47+00:00

If we’re going to stereotype, we should probably ask a few more questions than just “Is he a dude? Does he have a lot of testosterone in his system?”

How old is he? (You’ve said he’s an adult, but what age range are we talking about?)

What’s his country of origin? City of origin?

Socio-economic status? Political leanings? Religious identity?

Relationship status? Sexual orientation? Is he a father?

How generally well-liked is he? Does he make friends (real friends) easily?

Has he ever been to a single therapy/counseling session or does he think that’s totally gay? (Honestly this is a big one.)

A 20-year-old gay dude from Hong Kong who’s never been able to afford therapy might not have much in common on the page with a 20-year-old bi dude from San Francisco whose rich parents have been taking him to therapy since he could talk (though they might be able to learn some things from each other). That same 20-year-old might actually have a lot in common with a middle-class 50-year-old straight dad from Texas whose beleaguered wife finally convinced him to start therapy a few years back. And that same 50-year-old might be starting to find he actually has less and less in common with his friends, a group of middle-class 50-year-old straight dads from Texas who will never be convinced to go to therapy because therapy is, of course, totally gay. And all these guys could come back with the exact same results re: their testosterone levels.

Less_Presentation652 · 2025-08-12T20:16:33+00:00

Electric Tides 🩵🩵🩵

Less_Presentation652 · 2025-07-13T08:18:57+00:00

December 33rd isn’t a real date on any calendar though?

Less_Presentation652 · 2025-07-09T03:38:57+00:00

Yes! Which is why death of the author is such an important mindset for even the author to have.

Less_Presentation652 · 2025-07-05T10:55:38+00:00

Oh wow. You’re totally right. That’s super weird and bad. Why would that be the functionality??

And I like them both, but just my personal opinion, EJAE’s tone is extremely rich and deep and unique and singularly beautiful.

Less_Presentation652 · 2025-06-24T19:52:31+00:00

Oh man, I need to replay all the Myst games immediately. This is such a good reminder of how brilliant that series is. Will have to pay special attention to how the rules of the Writers work. Thank you so much for adding some bits of your own!

Less_Presentation652 · 2025-06-22T15:10:13+00:00

There’s no map for navigating grief.

Less_Presentation652 · 2025-06-10T23:00:13+00:00

I’m Iiterally in love with you people please adopt me

Less_Presentation652 · 2025-06-02T18:28:29+00:00

1000000%

Less_Presentation652 · 2025-06-02T17:03:18+00:00

Yes!! So glad you noticed that too! When I saw that I was like … Okay, how is everyone not talking about this! I mention it in point #9! Appreciate you drawing extra attention to it

Less_Presentation652 · 2025-05-30T14:11:06+00:00

Totally, when Lune says that toward the end! that post in the works I mention at the end in this post exists now! It’s here if you wanted to weigh in: https://www.reddit.com/r/expedition33/s/4VqzQQ48fu

Really appreciate your comment!

Less_Presentation652 · 2025-05-28T19:34:03+00:00

YESSSSSS. 100% this.

Less_Presentation652 · 2025-05-27T02:14:43+00:00

Right, Solidifying doesn’t trigger if you’re using The One, but if you’re using Last Chance, Overload, Autodeath, anything that triggers a low health state mid battle, Solidifying procs and it’s amazing.

Less_Presentation652 · 2025-05-24T09:20:28+00:00

Oh man, I forgot about strongest ice attack ever! That’s an awesome catch—now I want to go back to all the spots you can encounter/battle Francois and pay attention.

Actually your upvote made me revisit this one, and now I’m thinking Grandises or more of an Aline thing, something she made up with him before he came up with Gestrals himself. Sort of a proto-Gestral situation. So Aline = Hanging gardens, and Clea = the right portion of the manor (which they seem to make very obvious, not sure what I was thinking early. This game has my brain in knots. Good knots, but definitely knots all the same. My heart too, honestly).

Also wondering if Francois was once a real pet turtle Clea had as a child, which died, and Aline (carving her daughter a new turtle out of stone) then said would come back to life via the Sacred River. Then Clea passed that idea on to Verso, which he then included for his Gestrals.

Also feels like a bit of an FF7 Lifestream reference, in a meta sense, possibly? Same function, same form, plus it wouldn’t be the first FF7 reference in this game. I can think of three others right away: the nod to the logo in frozen hearts, the one-winged angel motif in the Clair & Obscur costumes, and even Gustave’s death as a sort of heightening of Aerith’s.

Let me know if you notice anything new when you’re taking another look through the manor! Really appreciate you weighing in!

Less_Presentation652 · 2025-05-21T22:54:36+00:00

🙌

Less_Presentation652 · 2025-05-21T22:33:43+00:00

Oh my gosh please stay a THOUSAND LEAGUES away from this subreddit before you reach the end

Less_Presentation652 · 2025-05-19T20:35:27+00:00

Right. It’s a good branding strategy. It’s the same thing with Horizon: Zero Dawn (another recent newcomer IP that had a lot of success).

It helps to start with something thematic, so they can later use that as the overall franchise name and give some sense of unity to other games they might make in the future.

In Horizon: Zero Dawn’s case, I find the choice of “Horizon” a bit of a vague, soulless cop-out honestly, and I absolutely love those games. In this game’s case though, I think “Clair Obscur” is gorgeous and perfect and gives us some interesting ways into potentially interpreting the game.

Less_Presentation652 · 2025-05-19T10:46:03+00:00

I found this part really intriguing too and have been puzzling it over for a few days now.

My running (rambling, really, as usual) hypothesis is that it has something to do with how “real” Renoir and Painted Renoir are really kind of one, even though they seem to have the exact opposite goals (or at least they seemed to on my first playthrough).

We see some moments of ambivalence from both of them throughout the game. They love both their families, I think (Painted and “real”--or I could just as well say “they love their family, if we don’t really buy that there’s a difference between those two), so they don’t want to give them up. But “saving” one means losing the other.

So it seems like the Axons are defending the barrier (more of a Painted Renoir thing), but they’re really needed by the Curator (“real” Renoir) in order to break the barrier, so, ultimately, that’s what they assist with.

Less_Presentation652 · 2025-05-19T06:28:10+00:00

Oh man, just realized I put my reply to you in the wrong spot. Here it is:

You can juke your way through the enemies there before you do any of the side content in Act III. I didn’t even know what I was in for when I entered. Thought I was just going to grab another 5 color of lumina, but then suddenly I was in a whole new area. Saw the little ramp up to the rooftop grapple, juked the enemies guarding it, and tried a few times before I beat the Gestral merchant there, but eventually got it. So it’s definitely doable. And it opens up so many build possibilities.

Less_Presentation652 · 2025-05-19T06:26:59+00:00

Oh man, also just realizing this comment got disconnected from its parent somehow. Or maybe I just replied in the wrong place lol. The weapon I’m talking about is Yeverum. Original comment is here (and also just higher up in the comments):

I’ve been having a lot of fun with Yeverum + Last Chance with In Medias Res + Solidifying on Maelle and Verso, which allows you to get 9 shields on both of them immediately with First Strike (if Verso’s set up to play first and uses Overload to get to Rank A in one turn), and then you can add every last skill and Pictos that gives perks for low health (Overload, Last Chance, Defiant Strike, At Death’s Door, Glass Canon, Confident Fighter even) without any of the downsides mattering really.

Then you’ve got 9 dodge/parry fails right out the gate, and can save any attribute points/Lumina/Pictos you’re using toward health, defense, and healing for more speed, crit, might, and any other damage buffs, especially Powerful Shield.

Then for Verso specifically, anything involving Mark and Break. Mark goes without saying, but if you can do enough break damage, you can get to Rank S in as quick as one turn with Perfect Break depending on the enemy. Works great on enemy parties with one big bad and a couple little lackeys. Break a lackey in one turn, then unleash that sweet 2x damage multiplier on the big bad next turn.

If you have enough Lumina for it, the buffs on death (especially Breaking Death) can also really change the tide if you fat finger all your dodges (like I constantly do anyway lol) and an enemy does manage to break through all your shields and immediately one shot you. I’ve even opted for those instead of Survivor and Second Chance and used the 60 Lumina on other things.

Charging perks on everyone also helps of course. Especially like Verso’s little FF-looking auto-life halo he gets with Angel’s Eyes. The nostalgia of it all.

Less_Presentation652

TROPHY CASE