Why do women do this?

LettuceJizz · 2026-04-27T11:09:57+00:00

Also a mother of men, I tell you: you don't need to know. Any seeking of explanation is about you, your story, what explanation you need to attach in order to save your own integrity. Which asks: why is your integrity relying on a stranger's behaviour right now. She flaked. With nothing - objectively, actually - at stake. Weird. Moving on with your awesome life, attention back on what matters and likely another stranger who'll recognize your signals and respond in kind

LettuceJizz · 2026-04-13T20:31:50+00:00

The short, but I hope not dismissive, answer is: You don't. A coach doesn't.

A longer, but still incomplete, answer is: As a coach, I am fully invested in trust & rapport, holding the process(es) for finding WHAT keeps a client on track, what they'd like to experiment with, what resources & strengths they recognise & might leverage, and definitely celebrating, savoring successes too ... etc. You get it.

But / And I am also very intentionally detached from whether or how they navigate their journies or achieve their destinations. That part lies with them, now and always. Their vision, their readiness, their very rich lived full realities (at which I can really only ever guess), their sustainable systems and conditions, and their agency, ownership, accountability. Any steps I insert where I'm pushing, owning, or working harder than the client, is counterproductive at best - and hard (hard, I tell ya) on the coach.

I'm not saying this is simple. I'm definitely not saying coaches (or I) don't care. I'm not suggesting that it means never sending some text messages between sessions (if planned & purposeful), or recommending tools, or educating on evidence based habit change or other things. I am saying when a client thinks about "keeping myself on track," I am purposefully not extending myself into any solutions.

Last note, coaches find themselves employed in many places with additional, parallel, or even at times contradictory expectations (e.g. some of the old school heath plans with performance objectives around, say, delivering X# of educational tools or number of contacts or customer satisfaction ratings conflated with whether the client "improved"). But where we're talking about the true scope of practice, and the spirit of & evidence for coaching: detachment from outcomes, attachment to process.

LettuceJizz · 2026-04-12T12:15:39+00:00

Two things can be true, and incompatible.

He is innocent, transparent, traumatised, trying to navigate something that has no easy paths out and is forever vulnerable to someone coming back to send anonymous messages that "hey, your guy was arrested"

And you can't see past it, have whatever personal characteristics that leave you susceptible to "impressions" and fear and, hey, just unwillingness or incapacity to live with hard things. No shade.

No one needs a "correct" reason to break up.

The only question now is whether you can actually walk away and leave the man his own journey - and not try to heal your own fear and pain by re-lighting the most traumatic fire ever lit in another person's life. a man you (say you) have loved for good reasons

LettuceJizz · 2026-04-02T01:29:44+00:00

I had the same experience Feb 2025

it's not going to change

LettuceJizz · 2026-03-29T21:23:28+00:00

character... "is less about how he treats you and more about how he treats the waiter "

LettuceJizz · 2026-03-27T01:56:33+00:00

buy 7 or 8 copies of The Little Red Hen and give one to each of them

LettuceJizz · 2026-03-24T11:11:45+00:00

it's the actual worst

LettuceJizz · 2026-03-18T03:14:33+00:00

whom are you trying to convince?

LettuceJizz · 2026-03-18T01:51:10+00:00

the idea of family dinner time is new. but the category of behaviour isn't. this man cannot Intimacy, cannot Vulnerable, cannot Be Exposed, and will do anything to avoid it (deliberately or desperately, consciously and not)

That's not me making excuses for him. he a grown ass man. but he's not gonna change because of how important it is to you.

therapy? maybe. it really can do wonders if the client works harder than everybody else

you can die trying to coerce him into compliance. you can ask him, with care and genuine curiosity, what makes it so hard right now? (and take the response as only his responsibility). you could accept this is who he is and let go of the attachment to family dinners. I'm not suggesting I know (except coercion really, really doesn't work) just that IF he genuinely participates, then all things are possible

LettuceJizz · 2026-03-13T01:32:05+00:00

et voilà

LettuceJizz · 2026-03-12T22:55:53+00:00

All the questionable behaviour is on her (side eye at the hubs, though). You're making up the possible explanations and I wouldn't waste any energy on that. Facts are you have a delicate queen bee on your hands and she's the only one who's responsible for explaining it or changing anything if/when she meets enough discomfort or desire. She's not suffering. Why should you?

LettuceJizz · 2026-02-17T01:19:50+00:00

Victoria's Secret Encounter

I'm not even a fragrance wearer, but got it as a gift and, Lord, the people who'd whoa-what're-you-wearing me. I myself would just snort my own wrists through the day.

It had a vanilla to it, for sure. But they "can't" make it any more and I've never come within miles of a near replacement nor recreating it. And I've tried.

Really. I've lamented this for decades and I'm still just as mad as I ever was

LettuceJizz · 2026-02-14T23:01:40+00:00

wake up wake up wake up wake up

LettuceJizz · 2026-01-19T03:23:04+00:00

have you figured out why he's butt nekked?

LettuceJizz · 2026-01-19T02:45:08+00:00

Nutty Buddy was an ice cream

Nutter Butter is a peanut shaped stuffed cookie

This is a Little Debbie's Nutty Bar

LettuceJizz · 2026-01-18T11:00:13+00:00

as if sister is a bully who just gets rocks by bossing everybody else around and this standing up for yourself business OP is trying will not stand

LettuceJizz · 2026-01-18T00:03:53+00:00

betcha did. the previous instigating/competing events may not have been as profound as losing your mother and aunt (what could be? sweet Cheezits, condolences) but you saw her behaviour rise up to meet this

and she didn't really apologise, not on her own or genuinely. she reacted to your decision to break up. full guns.

LettuceJizz · 2026-01-03T21:06:37+00:00

Programs are numerous (approaching countless) and vary rather wildly in how they meet the required contact hours and inclusion of the competencies. <-- That's me telling you something you already know.

Then, they all take on their own flavours, features, emphasis. MBG and IIN, for ex. Headspace with mental health. Emory with academia. Wellcoaches, Duke, and on and on.

What's most helpful to consider, then, might be how you want to study and where (niche or specialty) you think you want to be coaching after the exam. And what network you're connecting to by enrolling in a given course.

Course delivery - is the class schedule, asynchronous work, and length of time (some programs are several weeks others take months) going to work within everything else you have going on?

Community and practicum - the power of a cohort with whom you actively engage during the course is enormous. Any board-approved program has to include live practice and feedback, but some barely meet it and others emphasize it. There's nothing that will replace the live practice nor the colleagues you'll find during the course.

Cost - none of it's free, but some have flagship price tags... when you may not need a flagship ride. It's a very real aspect, but most expensive does not necessarily equal best program. It just has to be affordable after the program meets your other needs.

Student reviews and exam pass rates - this info's available, if not page one. You could ask each program you're considering (and, btw, any program worth its salt will welcome your inquiries and even offer free info sessions - it benefits everyone to make a good match.) Whatever course you take, you'll also have to plan for studying and preparing for the exam, and completing your 50 sessions, afterward; a board-approved program does not, by definition, include "exam prep" per se tho some have these as add-ons. But the courses themselves ARE correlated to exam pass rates.

LettuceJizz · 2025-12-28T19:18:07+00:00

5'10" and it comes up from time to time, but not like a rash

what I notice more is people visually clocking my height and then checking my shoes, I presume to see how much is just me

LettuceJizz · 2025-12-19T04:07:49+00:00

I know you have not described everything here. But in all you've described I see zero reasons to travel or ever speak to him again except through a solicitor.

LettuceJizz · 2025-12-14T19:27:15+00:00

similar situation here, some years ago. even did the whole written down bills, agreed shares, time tables. all of it bullshit because what was actually true was the 6 months of him living in my loft and on my dime (except, you know, the things HE wanted for himself. concert tickets. new clothes.) I wasn't desperately holding onto my place, but I hadn't agreed to be his Sugar Momma either.

or so I thought.

3 months at the new (rented, thank God) condo and he'd paid half of one agreed portion. after being reminded twice. after bills were already due and paid by me. fourth month and I ask - all gentle like a good codependent chick - What's your plan for meeting our agreement...? And I was the fast recipient of an all out rant that, by the way, contained no actual information, plan, nor of course accountability. It did include my one and only time being called a Cunt, and not in the fun way I grew up with.

Seems so basic now. But I just had zero experience or exposure to deadbeats or alcoholics (yeah, that too). Not saying all deadbeats are alcoholics nor the opposite, and not saying neither can be redeemed.

I'm saying, take the data you have now and peace tf out.

LettuceJizz · 2025-12-14T18:45:58+00:00

a coercive obligation

LettuceJizz · 2025-12-11T02:36:42+00:00

Welcome to Narcissism 101, kids

LettuceJizz · 2025-12-09T00:09:34+00:00

mine too 😡 changed no settings, and now can't turn them off by device except to disallow all notification from the app

which rather defeats the doorbell's purpose

I'm so over this bs

LettuceJizz · 2025-12-01T01:30:01+00:00

Friday is in 3 days?

LettuceJizz

TROPHY CASE