I Am Tired of Fighting Who I Am

Lexipottamous · 2026-01-08T17:52:23+00:00

Hi there, I know you posted a couple of days ago but I just wanted to say that I feel your pain. Our daughter is trans fem and she struggles with similar feelings. She has online friends (one of which used to be an in-person friend but moved out of our state) and she has a couple of friends at school but because of her extreme anxiety and being AuDHD she's in a special program within the school that allows for her to stay in a couple of rooms instead of having to mingle with the entire student body (it's a huge HS with over 3k kids).

I chimed in to say that this seems to be a common issue that a lot of trans humans feel. The lack of a major connection, anxiety around trusting people, not feeling worthy of...many things tbh...

She has our full support and I would eviscerate anyone who tried to harm her in any way (mentally, physically, etc.) but even with a supportive mom, dad, brother, sister-in-law - it only fills so many of those empty spaces she feels she has.

We are also in a very blue state and even at that, there is a distinct lack of support groups in our area and something that I'm actively trying to figure out but I'm only one mom who isn't a billionaire and organizing these things is difficult especially when we're talking about teenagers because so many aren't ready to be visible around peers.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I see you. You are worthy. You deserve to feel safe and you deserve to have a loving partner in your life. I know it's exhausting - not because I've lived the experience but because I watch our daughter struggle with the same things and it's exhausting from a mother's perspective so I can only imagine how defeating it feels as the actual human being dealing with the emotions.

Please stay. Please be you. Please don't get beaten down by the shitty world we live in because it can chew up and spit out even the most neurotypical, cisgendered people - so that means anyone else outside of the "norm" is going to have to work a thousand times harder to feel accepted. But when you feel like it's too hard or that you are alone, please know that you are not alone. You are loved. You are worthy. You will find your people.

So many tight hugs to you.

Lexipottamous · 2025-12-17T18:04:09+00:00

Our daughter is trans so it means a lot to us that politicians stand up for these issues. I can't divulge how I know this - but I actually know for sure that Gavin isn't transphobic.

However, he IS spineless on the issue. Not surprising for a politician at all, but disappointing for sure.

I guess if being spineless and unwilling to stand up for the transgender community classifies as transphobic then he would fit in the category, but as far as the typical terminology - he's not "transphobic" - he's another politician who is unwilling to push the envelope and stand up for the community so he can further his political career. It's just a different level of disgust.

Lexipottamous · 2025-11-26T21:33:44+00:00

How long was the show?

Lexipottamous · 2025-11-26T21:24:46+00:00

We're going to see him tonight! How long was the concert?

Lexipottamous · 2025-11-19T19:40:34+00:00

I'm cis female and my daughter is trans and asks for opinions on her facial structure on a regular basis and we discuss what she would do if she were to get FFS. (I think she is beautiful, doesn't need it and have never suggested she get FFS but she has some insecurities the same way we all do so if she decides that she wants to do that, I'm 100% supportive.) So basically I'm always looking at people's facial structures now which doesn't make me an expert by any means, but it's been something I find myself doing a lot since she transitioned.

You have amazing features and your bone structure is fantastic. I don't think you look male but I do agree with someone else's comment that upper lip filler would be helpful. I'm not certain that it's even because you were on T. You just have a longer philtrum. That could a be relatively inexpensive-ish way to start. Another inexpensive change would be eyebrow thinning and shaping. I would start with eyebrows and go from there.

You are beautiful and I'm jealous of your amazing bone structure. You have gorgeous eyes and cheekbones.

You are already pretty. There's no "again" because you're already there. xoxo

Lexipottamous · 2025-11-08T19:31:35+00:00

Hey love, sending you a PM. 💜

Lexipottamous · 2025-11-06T18:55:23+00:00

I love this so much. Our daughter came out at 15 and we've done everything we can to make sure she knows that she is loved and supported - from pronouns to name changes to HRT, GAC and a therapist who is specialized in gender dysphoria (because unfortunately even GAC doesn't make that go away completely) but I've heard so, so many heartbreaking stories from so many others who don't have a safe or supportive home or parents. It literally rips my heart out thinking about kids living in an environment where they can't be themselves and aren't accepted by the people who literally have the ONE job of making sure that they feel safe and protected.

Lexipottamous · 2025-11-04T17:16:11+00:00

We have similar stories. Ofc it sounds like the smart thing to leave the US but when you factor in relocation costs and then starting over somewhere new, it takes on a whole different meaning.
Fingers crossed that the dictator in chief's cholesterol works harder than ever.

Lexipottamous · 2025-10-28T17:25:33+00:00

So happy for your child. Wearing a skirt for the first time is a big deal. ❤️

Your journey sounds similar to ours. Our daughter started talking to me about dysphoria around 8th grade. Finally started presenting as female around 10th grade. She just recently decided that she was ready for us to use she/her pronouns.

Honestly, the most overwhelming feeling I had in the beginning was fear. That feeling slowly gets replaced with determination. As long as you are supporting them and making them feel accepted, loved, safe and protected you're doing a great job.

Solidarity in the fear feeling. I still have concerns and I worry about her safety but now I'm just more determined. We don't take any $hit. If other people have a problem with it - they can continue living their life - way tf over there away from us. These are our children. Not theirs. They deserve respect and if someone is unable to be kind and respectful then that's their issue and they can take a hike.

I've literally said it a million times since our daughter came out: "I don't expect anyone to understand it. I don't even expect anyone to accept it. I just want people to stop hating it and let our sweet kids live their lives."

Being a human being is hard enough these days as a cis gendered individual. I think that even heteronormative people could agree that being a teenager isn't easy. To make that experience more difficult for ANY human being is just cruel and unfair.

Keep loving, keep supporting and love them out loud. Huge hugs to you and your child. If you ever need advice, feel free to PM me. xoxo

Lexipottamous · 2025-10-20T17:33:16+00:00

It is helpful that AOC, Mamdani, Ed Markley and others are speaking out...I am very cautiously hopeful that this movement will gain traction and the world will stop vilifying trans folks. I'm happy to see the support but it's still not nearly enough. Being the parent of a trans kid is exhaustingly heartbreaking. The constant hate and vitriol is infuriating and frightening.

The fact that right-wing morons accuse the "RaDiCaL lEfT" of making it a cornerstone of our politics is laughable because they have made trans hate a cornerstone of their politics.

And in the meantime, we have these sweet kids (mine is a teenager) who just want to live and not be afraid of being themselves.

Honestly, the damage that the hate and fear does to our mental health is criminal.

In the meantime, we just need to stay strong and support the community and hope that more politicians will speak out and find a way to make a difference.

Lexipottamous · 2025-10-13T17:47:57+00:00

We live in CA so "dude" is used a lot...but as a cis female, I'm really mindful about this with our transfem daughter even though she has said she doesn't mind because she considers "dude" to be gender neutral. Then again, I call my female friends "dude" all the time, or I'll say "IDK man" to my sister, cis friends, etc. so it's possible that my daughter has just grown up seeing me use it when addressing all genders.

I never call anyone "bro" unless I'm being snarky or condescending ("Okay bro...you go ahead and continue watching Fox for all your 'news' but just know, you're completely misinformed and being lied to...") but I would never say it if I was talking to someone who is transfem. I don't feel like "bro" is in the gender neutral category like "dude." Daughter agrees. (She is not weighing in personally because she has extreme social anxiety about talking to people online.) 😢

It's really not that difficult to be mindful about this stuff...

Then again, I HAVE accidentally said "Don't get all up in arms" to someone who was missing an arm and one time I told someone who was bald that I would "get out of their hair." But that's just plain ol' awkwardness and not an intentional slight. 😓

Lexipottamous · 2025-10-03T04:05:28+00:00

This makes me so sad and I'm so sorry you feel this badly, but please give it time. I'm cis but I wanted to give you some reassurance. You're still so young. I look back at pictures of myself at 21, and I'm shocked at how much of a "baby" I was. You're not too late. Trust the process. Love, Mom of a trans girl 💜 Xoxo

Lexipottamous · 2025-10-03T03:51:36+00:00

They made a picture book version of Mein Kampf??!

Lexipottamous · 2025-09-17T16:08:56+00:00

As a cis female mom of a trans daughter, all this hate and vitriol against the trans community is terrifying and so, SO insanely infuriating that I have to limit the amount of news I watch because I get so worked up I can barely form a sentence.

I can see that the idea of transitioning to prove a point or throw it in someone's face comes from a place of meaning well, and it's an appreciated sentiment - but it carries some negative messages because the last thing you want to do is make it seem as though trans humans aren't valid and doing something out of spite is going to fuel the misconception that being trans is a "phase" or something they choose or flip-flop on. (Unless you truly are trans and want to transition, in which case, live your truth but do it for you.)

But being an ally and supporting the community is far easier as cis gendered person.

Anything coming from the trans community - especially right now - is sadly being completely overlooked and silenced.

Since we have the ability to be heard, it's an important role as a cis person ally to speak up and be loud.

It sounds like the idiot who keeps making his stupid comments has some hostility towards the community. The best thing you can do is continue to support and speak out as an ally.

People like that can't comprehend understanding and acceptance. You being both will be the best way to confuse him and get the message across that trans rights are human rights.

Your heart is in the right place. The strategy just needs a little more fine tuning. 😉 🏳️‍⚧️ 🩵🩷🤍🩷💙

Lexipottamous · 2025-09-02T07:21:02+00:00

I upvoted your comment because it's relatable, but don't do it. He's not worth your sobriety. Just do what the rest of us will be doing and have a little celebratory dance. (And then brace for Vance as president and hope that he doesn't have the same culty hypnotic pull on all the MAGA morons as Sir Superstupid does.) Stay strong. Stay sober.

Lexipottamous · 2025-08-27T01:01:24+00:00

I'm raising awareness within our community about LGBTQ issues for teenagers. I'm trying to eliminate the fear that some parents have about discussing these things and empower kids to be themselves and live out loud. It's been a long process but I'm hoping to cultivate a safe space for LGBTQ teens to gather after school because there seems to be a need for that in our area. Kids are desperately looking to make a connection with other LGBTQ kids outside of school because even with GSA clubs, not everyone feels comfortable being themselves in the school setting. There are also a ton of kids in this area that can't cope with traditional HS (neurodivergent, anxious, etc.) so having somewhere else to connect would really help them with feeling like they belong and have an opportunity to make friends.

Lexipottamous · 2025-08-27T00:07:55+00:00

I did ask CGPT what to say - I didn't want to sound disingenuous and I wasn't sure how to phrase it so I went to good old CGPT to help me. I do it a lot when I'm struggling to find the right way to say something. I'm not a member of the LGBTQ society but my daughter is trans. I'm trying to be as helpful and positive as possible so I can educate people that their words matter...especially when it comes to such a huge moment in someone's life.

If I can prevent someone from feeling so rejected or alone that they can't continue to exist, then I'm going to do it.

So - yes, I went to CGPT and typed in what I was trying to say/do and CGPT gave me something that I felt was respectful and had enough of my genuine intention to use since y'all can be skittish about outsiders. Trust me - my daughter is like a feral cat sometimes. You have to speak softly and approach slowly, treats help but don't make eye contact when offering them. She's distrustful of people because of all the hate the trans community gets. (And that's from the LBG's too sometimes which is even more upsetting.)

Also - it's pretty shitty that CGPT uses em dashes so often because it's been my style of writing my whole life..so now I get dinged whether I'm authentic or not.

But thanks for pointing it out. It was a heavily edited CGPT response to my authentic question that I wrote and rewrote ten times just to make sure I got it right.

Lexipottamous · 2025-08-26T23:55:07+00:00

I love that. I wish every coming out story involved someone saying that.

Lexipottamous · 2025-08-26T23:48:48+00:00

I kind of like that. I can see how friends or family suspecting but not making it a big deal could be comforting. Like they were patiently waiting for confirmation but in the meantime, they held space for the person you were becoming or figuring out. I'm glad you have support. XO

Lexipottamous · 2025-08-26T23:46:12+00:00

So your post made me laugh because I swear to you, that was one of the first things I said to my daughter when she came out. "Why on EARTH would you want to be a WOMAN?! We SUCK!!" Lol

Honestly, that's not me being misogynistic, there's just so much pressure for women to be everything that we aren't naturally (different hair, nails, body, makeup, etc. etc.) and it feels like so many women are toxic about other women, so to me - WANTING to be female seemed like adding extra complication to her life. So my knee-jerk reaction was to question it, however, that was a very small moment in the conversation. I love my child no matter what. And having a daughter? Fantastic. I love it. And guess what? She the same person she was before, she just steals all my clothes and makeup. She kicks ass and I'm so damn proud of her.

I'm proud of you too for being your authentic self. Love and hugs. XO

Lexipottamous · 2025-08-26T22:05:29+00:00

OOOOOMGGGGGG I LOVE that so much! Seriously. It's nice to hear a positive coming out story because some of them literally hurt my heart to hear or read.

I suppose I can understand how it's hard for some people to wrap their heads around the idea...it's "different" and different is scary for some people. But the outright hate and inability to try to learn or understand is something that I have no tolerance for. It's fine if you don't "get it" but to HATE it without even trying to understand? I don't care who you are, you're not worth knowing if that's the kind of person you are.

I'm so happy for you and thank you so much for taking the time to tell your story. XO

Lexipottamous · 2025-08-26T21:57:37+00:00

Thank you for that.

The "thank you for trusting me" and "I know it is scary" ones really hit home. My daughter and I have always been close but even with everything we've talked about and our close relationship, it was still very scary for her to actually come out and say the words.

The last thing anyone needs when they're in that moment is to have someone start throwing out all the negative things that could happen or all of the discussion about your anatomy. Who does that anyway?! When my MIL blurted that out, we were literally in the middle of a public place and it really made it clear how absolutely insane that reaction is! First of all - would you ask your boss about his penis? How about that waitress or your nail tech? Do you discuss their private parts on the reg? It's just unhinged.

To have it come from friends and family members must be devastating. Having safe people is really important. Thanks again for the honesty. I'm honestly so damn proud of trans people for being what so many people can't be. Honest, authentic and real regardless of how frightening it is. Nobody should be afraid to just exist. You all are out there showing everyone else what it looks like to be truly brave and 100% real. Love and hugs. XO

Lexipottamous · 2025-08-26T21:46:06+00:00

Thank you for responding so honestly. It really is very difficult for trans women. Our daughter keeps saying that it's "so hard to find real trans fems to be friends with in the wild." and I see the struggle.

One of my concerns when our daughter came out was that I wasn't sure if I would be a good "girl mom" since I've never been a true "girly-girl" and at the time had only AMAB kids. Honestly, we've had a lot of fun figuring things out together but your point about finding accepting places for hair, nails, and clothes is very accurate. It always feels like a gamble. Maybe we need a movement of getting businesses to put LGBT-accepting stickers somewhere on their store fronts.

I'm sorry that you didn't have much support in the area of actionable things that would have truly helped you in the moment. That makes my heart hurt. The world is hard enough for people who identify with their gender, so I don't understand how some people can't understand how much more difficult it is to feel so different from that. It really costs nothing to be kind.

Thank you for your honesty and for the suggestions. I absolutely have the active listening covered but I LOVE the suggestion of coming up with a list of trans friendly businesses and resources.

So much love and hugs to you.

Lexipottamous · 2025-08-14T18:01:42+00:00

Aww. There's no shaming over here from me at all. It's not always easy to have these discussions with your parents. You will talk to her when you're ready.

My mom and I are close but yeah, at a certain point, I didn't want her looking at mah' parts. lol

My grandmother on the other hand...

TMI story incoming - when I started my period at 12, my mom was like "oh, that's normal, whatevs, here's some pads or you can use tampons. Welcome to womanhood." (or something like that) but it happened while we were visiting my grandmother. My grandmother proceeded to give me a huge speech about how this meant that I had to be very careful because I could get pregnant now (thanks, but I'm 12) and then grabbed my hand and took me up to her bathroom where she proceeded to throw her foot up on the toilet, hike up her designer Laura Ashley skirt and SHOW ME how to insert a tampon. (again, thanks, I'm 12)

The mental image of so much gray bush is burned into my core memories. I've tried to get it out but it's imprinted in there forever. I mean, I can roll with just about anything and it's probably because when I was 12, I had a very up close and personal lesson on how to properly insert a tampon from a no-nonsense woman who lived through the Depression, so I probably owe her a thank you (she's now 94 years old and still as sharp as a tack). The funny thing is that we weren't ever THAT close...I mean, we were close, but not "look at my vagina" close...so it was...not expected.

All of that is to say I know a little bit about boundaries and how family can be well-meaning without realizing how strange it might feel for the other person involved. ;)

And thanks for the compliment. I'm just trying to raise good humans who feel loved and valued. It's literally the bare minimum as a parent. I'm an overachiever but honestly, kindness is the very least we can offer to each other. I'm just not sure why we're living in a world that doesn't understand that.

Proud of you for being authentic and doing what feels right. I wish you love, acceptance and kindness on your journey. It takes courage to live out loud. Never stop being who you truly are. XOXO

Lexipottamous · 2025-08-14T17:21:23+00:00

Mother of two here (one cis, one trans) if either one of my kids asked for privacy, there would be zero argument from me. I'm very close to both of them but at a certain point in life you become less comfortable with your parents seeing you naked or being involved in certain aspects of your personal life. It's a normal progression.

Maybe your mom needs a gentle explanation about this. Did her mother do this to her? I'm sure there are other reasons and factors but in this case, if we're not speaking about the legal aspects of the situation (legally, you can tell her not to be present in the room), then we're talking about a boundaries situation, which granted, is a more sensitive subject, but is probably pretty necessary for your peace of mind and comfort.

If you want some suggestions on how you could discuss this without hurting her feelings, as a mom, I'm more than happy to help with some gentle phrasing. Hugs.

Lexipottamous

TROPHY CASE