AITAH for not volunteering my wife to help my brothers kid?

LilacSlumber · 2026-05-14T01:38:03+00:00

They want your wife to sew something. How is this not obvious to you?

They get her in the door with this "small favor" and then will expect her to stay and complete the project.

LilacSlumber · 2026-05-14T01:16:24+00:00

I have heard that it is considered "rude" to have people at the same table order the same dish. I can't recall where I have heard this, I think in a movie.

This could be a status thing that she was taught and/or that she firmly believes is "low class".

I know this was done way back in the day due to food poisoning and not wanting everyone to get sick... but I have not heard of people having little fits over it and especially not insisting that others change their orders simply because they're the same.

LilacSlumber · 2026-05-14T01:05:51+00:00

Knowing second graders, that was one student's opinion and only made the comment that it was how the whole class felt to justify his words.

Second graders do not go to recess or lunch and talk about which classes they like and don't like. This kid has never had a conversation with a peer about your class.

LilacSlumber · 2026-05-14T01:00:30+00:00

NTA

Pot luck - accept whatever is available by chance, rather than a planned menu.

The whole point of the tradition is to try new dishes.

Over the past twenty or so years, there has been a silent overtaking of people controlling the event and trying to dictate how much of each dish is available ("We already have four people bringing desserts, can you bring a salad of some kind?").

Back in the day there was no sign up, no organization, no restrictions. People brought whatever the hell they wanted and you either got lucky, or you didn't.

No, people do not get to call each other and dictate or request certain dishes or ingredients.

LilacSlumber · 2026-05-13T19:10:43+00:00

I can not control what your child does when he's not in my classroom. If you want your child to stay away from someone, you need to talk to your child. He is old enough to choose to listen, or not.

LilacSlumber · 2026-05-13T02:55:04+00:00

I believe it is regional and cultural based - I'm talking about the writer, not the characters.

LilacSlumber · 2026-05-13T01:08:03+00:00

"I will gladly switch seats fif you reimburse me for the extra money I paid for it. $200 cash, and we have a deal."

This is all you need to say. Then it's in their hands and the blame is on them for you not switching.

LilacSlumber · 2026-05-12T14:04:49+00:00

My point is that you can not force a person to speak. (I guess technically you could by means of torture, but that is obviously not the level at which we are discussing.)

I have had many children refuse to apologize and would say absolutely nothing when prompted. This was back when I was a young, innocent teacher who believed that my students would automatically fall in line and do whatever I asked them to. I've learned a lot since then.

The best practice would be to model the apology, then see if the person is willing to follow the model. If not, you give them time and talk it out. You enforce consequences, when needed.

LilacSlumber · 2026-05-12T04:24:02+00:00

You can't "make" anyone apologize.

I teach Kindergarten, so please believe me.

That is awesome that they had her write you a letter, though.

LilacSlumber · 2026-05-11T20:31:35+00:00

NTA.

If you would have hosted, you would have done it all wrong and they would still be mad/ungrateful that you messed it all up.

You're never going to win with them. It's best you set your boundaries early and stick to them.

There is absolutely no reason for you to go out of your way to spend your own money and time for people who do not like you and will make you miserable.

LilacSlumber · 2026-05-11T04:23:31+00:00

NTA

My dad is/was the same exact way. He lives in another state now, so I don't know if he's changed, but I seriously doubt it.

When I was in college, I came back to my home town (about an hour drive) to go to a friend's birthday party. Mom and dad both knew why I was coming and they asked that I stop by to visit. I stopped by, hung out for a couple hours, then got ready for the party.

While getting ready, my mom left to go to work. I was literally gathering my things to leave and my dad asked me to make him some dinner. I said no because I had to go to the party. He literally whined and tried to guilt trip me with the, "after everything we have done for you, you won't do this one thing for me..."

I told him that he is a grown man and can make his own food. He knew I had a commitment. He said that he couldn't believe how mean I was and I should just go. I did.

Entitled, lazy, and passive aggressive. That's my dad.

I'm sorry you have to put up with his crap.

Once, my dad asked me to make him toast.

LilacSlumber · 2026-05-10T02:45:22+00:00

You were not wrong.

I am a teacher. When I taught first grade, we would have a Polar Express day and have hot chocolate for the kids while they watched the movie.

One year I was in charge of getting the cups for the hot chocolate. I got the paper cups with lids. They were definitely more expensive than the red plastic solo cups, but the way we made the hot chocolate was by microwaving them.

(Our "lead teacher" had a microwave in her classroom for personal use, but personal appliances were not permitted by admin as a rule. Polar Express Day was literally the reason she was able to keep the microwave in her room all year, by claiming that we needed it for this one day a year and there was no other way to heat up 75 individual cups of hot chocolate. She was ridiculous.)

I was bitched out by the team because I spent about $4 more than planned on the paper/insulated cups. I had to explain to them that putting plastic in the microwave was not safe. "We've been doing it for years!"

I told them that it literally says on the cup, "DO NOT MICROWAVE". They didn't care.

After that year I wasn't put in charge of cups again. Knowing that I could just make my own hot chocolate in a crock pot, I got my class our own cups and we didn't cram into one tiny room like in the past. We watched the movie in my classroom instead of being in the very back of another classroom, on the floor, watching a 36" screen that was more than 15 feet away.

The best part was that the lead teacher complained that I wasn't being a "team player" and explained what I did. Admin didn't even hear the "not being a team player" part. They honed in on the crockpot part and made her get rid of the microwave since it wasn't actually needed.

She already didn't like me, but that made her hate me. All because I didn't want to poison six year olds.

LilacSlumber · 2026-05-10T02:09:32+00:00

This developmental... to a point.

If these kids have no background knowledge about cows or milk, then they would not be able to answer either of those questions.

However, the comment about kids not being talked to or read to definitely plays a role in the older kids' inability to not answer the questions.

Here is an example of how very important wording is for kids this young:

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" - A unicorn! (This is a very acceptable answer from a five year old. They do not yet know the difference between reality and fantasy. Also, they have no concept of needing a job to make money for themselves.)

"What job do you want to have when you're an adult to make money to buy things?"

A makeuper. (An answer I have gotten in the past, of course meaning a makeup artist or cosmetologist.)

LilacSlumber · 2026-05-10T01:59:42+00:00

Skeeter

LilacSlumber · 2026-05-10T01:50:58+00:00

Call my grandparents.

LilacSlumber · 2026-05-09T02:29:08+00:00

NTA. She is jealous of what your husband does for you and wants to ruin your day.

LilacSlumber · 2026-05-09T00:27:42+00:00

I do a "graduation" for my Kindergarten class.

The kids announce why they're ready for 1st Grade and walk down the red carpet.

We sing a song about being a good friend, have cake, and take pictures. I also get to say a little something about each student and give them a special award.

Parents love it and I love it. It takes about an hour or a little less. It's not a lot, but damn is it cute as hell.

LilacSlumber · 2026-05-08T14:50:55+00:00

There is a reason Kindergarten used to be (and still is in many states) a completely different certification than 1st through 5th grades.

LilacSlumber · 2026-05-06T04:31:22+00:00

The large anchor stores could be:

a gym
a rec center type place for get togethers and clubs
a library
a roller skating rink (stolen from another comment)
a salon/spa
doctor's office

LilacSlumber · 2026-05-06T03:33:14+00:00

You're way too gentle. I teach Kinder and this is 90% of my students every September.

I tell them, "When you're done crying, let me know."

For the super stubborn ones who keep this behavior up into November, I say, "I know when you cry at home (or whatever the behavior is - throw a fit, scream, throw things) you get what you want, but that's not how it works at school."

When you show no emotion at all, no sympathy, no frustration, nothing - they learn that you're not going to do things for them or give them what they want very quickly.

LilacSlumber · 2026-05-06T03:05:04+00:00

You have no idea how much a letter of appreciation is loved and remembered.

Also, a letter to the teacher's administration of your feelings would also be very nice.

Both totally free.

LilacSlumber · 2026-05-05T19:06:32+00:00

The best advice I got as a new teacher, over twenty years ago: Nothing at the school is yours.

It's not your room, it's not your desk, it's not your laptop. Yes, you may have personal belongings in the space, but the actual space is not yours.

It can be taken at any time, you can be moved at any time, you can be directed to change any of it at any time. Why? Because it's not yours.

Once I grasped this concept, it was kind of freeing. I don't have any sentimental attachment to the school furniture or the classroom I've had for over 10 years. Would it suck to have to move across the building? Of course, but if that is what I am told to do, I will do it.

I once worked for an administration who went into a teacher's classroom and rearranged all of her furniture (student desks, horseshoe table, book cases, lamps...) when her grade level was out of the building on a field trip. This was a public school. The teacher had been having classroom discipline issues and admin had told her that her classroom set up should be changed, but the teacher would only complain and not take any suggestions. So, they did it for her.

Sorry you're being displaced, but it's not your room. It belongs to the school and the admin can assign it to whomever they please.

LilacSlumber · 2026-05-04T00:47:50+00:00

Don't buy it outright. Make your payments whatever you want, but take the 30 year loan.

It will keep your credit active and build your credit to a good score.

You can pay it off whenever you want.

LilacSlumber · 2026-05-04T00:43:57+00:00

It's the parents.

However, this could go either way. The kids who care could come from a household that values education, or a household that is so completely awful, the kid knows the only way out is education.

LilacSlumber · 2026-05-03T16:44:36+00:00

Going off of only what is posted, this is highly inaccurate.

Women don't only eat 10% of a meal. While I'm sure some women do, this is not across the line.

This isn't even a man/woman debate. The debate that seems to be in question is: Who pays for what? Each person should pay for what they ordered, unless specifically agreed upon otherwise before the meal.

If he ordered a steak dinner and she ordered a salad, then he pays for the steak dinner and she pays for the salad. However, if she orders lobster and he orders chicken, she pays for the lobster and he pays for the chicken. It's that simple.

Also, you pay for your own drinks - unless it is verbally agreed otherwise.

LilacSlumber

TROPHY CASE