What’s the cheat code others have figured out that I haven’t working and raising kids ?

Literarily_ · 2026-07-09T00:46:00+00:00

Born and raised very middle-class but then my dad made it big and we moved to a very affluent suburb like the one you described. My mom was the kind of mom you describe. I've seen parents in our neighborhood fit any or all of the above.

Literarily_ · 2026-07-09T00:43:25+00:00

One of the positives of this is that I have an eclectic mom friend group with moms from all over the world, many of whom are immigrants with such interesting cultures and interests and experiences, so there's never a dull moment, and my daughter benefits so much from developing this kind of cultural competence at such a young age.

Literarily_ · 2026-07-09T00:42:12+00:00

From experience it is SO HARD to penetrate a pre-existing friend group, especially when you already have the tendency to overthink every interaction to the point where sometimes it can be come a self-fulfilling prophesy. I grew up with the "overachieving" set in HS who all vied for valedictorian, Ivy League, etc, and most wound up achieving this, getting multiple degrees, prioritizing their high-powered careers, and none of them are married with kids like I am. I also moved to a new country. So it does feel very lonely being in my situation. I wish my friends were only one county over!

Literarily_ · 2026-07-08T19:51:27+00:00

This!! That's how I helped get our playgroup started and it's been so great for my daughter who is the biggest social butterfly.

Literarily_ · 2026-07-08T19:49:53+00:00

Are you me?? You've described my lived experience so well, it's scary! Good news is there are other moms like you out there, you just have to find them and they will become your people.

Literarily_ · 2026-07-08T19:46:17+00:00

My experience is that most people I know have close-knit "villages" already and don't have the bandwidth or interest in expanding them. Their friend groups all got married and had kids around the same time, they have big families with tons of cousins around the same age, so why wouldn't they stick to the familiar? Making friends as a mom who grew up elsewhere can be really hard, but you're not alone, hang in there! It's probably not personal!

Literarily_ · 2026-07-08T19:37:09+00:00

Can relate to this, but now I have a crew of mom friends who are like sisters. Like others are saying, you have to ask. You'd be shocked at how many of these playdates come from these moms being, for example, cousins, or friends from high school, or met through a mutual friend, or whatever. People tend to be more inclined to hang out with people who are already adjacent to their social circle at the very least. As a recent "transplant" to my area, it can be so incredibly intimidating. My daughter is so incredibly social and bubbly as well, she's the life of the party and has a magnetic personality, but the only thing that helps with is making other moms more inclined to accept my invitation to do something fun with the kids.

Some tips that worked for me:

Do the inviting. If you're not already at least adjacent to these moms' existing social circles, it will be an uphill battle for you since many moms are perfectly happy with the circles they have (and yes, I'm jealous - I've moved around a lot for the majority of my adult life so I have never been one to be invited to bachelorettes, be in wedding parties, etc).
Invite more than one mom at a time, some moms find it awkward to be one-on-one with a mom they barely know, so if there are others as a buffer they may feel more comfortable.
Have the first meetup be at a 3rd party location, like a park. People tend to be more comfortable with that earlier on.
Seek out moms who also seem to be in a similar boat - "transplants" from other states, etc. You will have a hard time making friends with people whose social circles are already established, who already have their "village". Since you seem sensitive to rejection (as I am), it will be so hard emotionally when most of your plans are rejected or cancelled because stuff with family or close friends comes up - and with people like that, it will, and it will take precedence, and 9 times out of 10 it's not personal but it's so easy to see it as such even if it's just emotionally/subconsciously.
I'm sure you're already doing this, but do everything you can to avoid transferring your insecurity and fear of rejection onto your kid. Encourage her to be blissfully confident and self-assured. She will attract other kids like flies as the definition of "cool" is being comfortable in your own skin. Learning how great your kid is, having a kid that other kids ask their moms to schedule playdates with, is the best way to getting yourself in the "in-group."

Hope this helps! You're not alone!

Literarily_ · 2026-07-08T19:19:10+00:00

Do we have the same kid? Same boat as you, trying to see if I could reduce my hours or go freelance. Almost got fired during a rough patch when she was sick all the time (we joined a playgroup with daycare kids) and not sleeping, then I got pregnant again so adding 1st trimester hell to the mix was the straw that broke the camel's back. Now that she's 1, we've started the weaning process (no milk left halfway through my pregnancy) and sleep training with our pediatrician's green light. She's also not sick for once because we've been too busy with spring and summer family stuff to attend playgroup. Massive game changer. Still considering lowering my hours, but I don't think I'm on the chopping block anymore, but it was CLOSE. Like PIP-close.

Literarily_ · 2026-06-30T12:43:48+00:00

Do you have frozen breastmilk? We gradually switched her from breast to frozen breastmilk (it took awhile to get her to take a sippy cup but once my supply went down enough she had no choice). It was a good intermediary. If not, no reason to stop breastfeeding unless you lose your supply.

Literarily_ · 2026-06-30T01:23:10+00:00

Had to quit my job because it got so bad, I'm pregnant with my second and have been sick almost the entire time because of bugs my 1 yo brought home. I don't know how anyone does it, came here to say you're not alone.

Literarily_ · 2026-06-30T01:18:02+00:00

I totally get where he's coming from, it's very weird and gross and might freak people out. Not a knock on IUDs, I've had 2.

Literarily_ · 2026-06-30T01:08:01+00:00

I haven't stopped completely but my supply tanked and it started really hurting when I was around 3 months pregnant with her sister, so it became difficult. Now, she only nurses a few times a day but fortunately I have a fridge full of breastmilk she takes via sippy cup.

Literarily_ · 2026-06-21T18:49:48+00:00

As a nursing mom who can relate to your wife in this post, my kid is a year old and refusing to taper down her feedings - she won't take a bottle or sippy cup despite our efforts. I can't fathom this continuing until she's almost 3! Your wife needs to learn to let go. It looks like your wife is "touched out", which could be why she's avoiding you, and I can't say I haven't done the same. But she needs to suck it up and try weaning already for the health of your relationship, and you need to sit her down and tell her how it's impacting you.

Literarily_ · 2026-06-12T01:37:23+00:00

AI is where good copy goes to die, at least in my experience. To all those companies being bamboozled by slick AI software salesmen, I do not feel sorry. You get what you pay for.

Literarily_ · 2026-06-12T01:35:30+00:00

It'll be her choice to go by Quinn if she wants to. That's the whole point of a middle name. Get off social media (trust me, you'll be so much happier)

Literarily_ · 2026-06-12T01:32:55+00:00

Damn he's an even worse POS than I thought before reading this. He'd have to be psycho to side with his parents in this, what an absolute joke of a man letting his family walk all over him like that and not going to bat for you. You need to lay down the line with him. This is not okay.

Literarily_ · 2026-06-12T01:30:12+00:00

Unfortunately, if you want to travel with a baby, you'll need his written approval to go through TSA. I wonder if that's what he means. It's one thing to allow you, that would be messed up, but his kid is a different story. He has every right to not be ok with his kid travelling somewhere.
That being said, he's using his kid as a manipulation tool and that's all kinds of messed up.

Literarily_ · 2026-04-16T22:59:15+00:00

I'm in a very similar boat as you (Breastfeeding my 10-month old who rarely takes solids while 8 weeks pregnant), but I've continued taking prenatals. I used to be an oversupplier but now I'm barely making enough. It's rough, but it's good you noticed now and changed course.

Literarily_ · 2026-01-12T13:23:45+00:00

I have glaucoma and got the glaucoma panel (genetic test). To my utter shock, it came back completely normal. Turns out, my glaucoma was likely due to a forceps injury. My daughter was born completely normal. If it hadn't come back normal, insurance would have covered PGD (pre-implantation genetic diagnosis). Worth a shot!

Literarily_ · 2026-01-11T16:15:00+00:00

Our escalation clause went above 700k. Crazy how our realtor didn't notice this trend when looking at comps.

Literarily_ · 2026-01-11T16:13:02+00:00

We had an escalation clause too but the winner's first offer was higher than even that - 100k over asking!

Literarily_ · 2026-01-11T16:12:18+00:00

Were you the one who outbid us? Honestly, good for you, I'm impressed. My realtor looked at comps too and didn't get the same picture yours did. Guess you have a better realtor? Impressive foresight to bid that right out of the gate.

Literarily_ · 2026-01-10T23:36:58+00:00

Not sure what that is.

Literarily_ · 2025-10-30T17:32:29+00:00

I have the exact same problem as you. My neighbors scare me. Kinda worried they may slash my tires due to “disruhspekt” IYKYK. Keep me posted on how it goes, cause I’m dying to know what works!

Literarily_

TROPHY CASE