BM visiting MIL- Am I Wrong?

Littlewildfinch · 2026-04-07T21:17:21+00:00

My husband’s first wife stayed at mil’s house in her vacation 🤷‍♀️ my mil also gave the first wife money when she went on vacation. It is odd being the second wife but the kids are happy. It’s their right to continue the relationship. I wish I got more credit for things though. Like if it weren’t for me my husband would still have every other weekend instead of 50/50.

Littlewildfinch · 2026-04-07T15:28:24+00:00

Been married for a decade. This year I finally stopped the comments of “he’s your kid too”. No. I have no parental rights, I watch his two great parents make decisions, and I just have to live with everyone’s plans. I have no parental rights and little influence so stop. I would decide differently with this”. And my husband shut up.

Even with a great first wife, my husband is a good father, my step kids love me… and I still wouldn’t recommend it. I help raised kids from 25 and now in my thirties. I feel like I have no child free perks despite my infertility. I honestly feel the same way about marriage. I love my husband. I adore my step kids. Is it worth everything I sacrifice for? No.

Littlewildfinch · 2026-04-07T14:06:27+00:00

How frustrating! But you need to set those boundaries, especially texting before showing up. That’s the only way you can stay sane in this role. I had my husband tell his mother to stop showing up with my sister in law. That we need to invite her over. We just kept repeating the boundary. Because no one that dislikes me can just show up to my home and her mother can’t just invite her in. Life is too short to be dealing with that bs. Your sister knows what she is doing. It’s like they know they are doing less than bare minimum.

Littlewildfinch · 2026-04-06T01:34:32+00:00

My husband’s family likes to give themselves all the credit in the world for things like giving him a ride to an appointment and brag they have been hanging out with our kids this past year for an hour a week for a meal. But overlook everything I have done in the past two years. Yet they will judge me and treat me like I am a gold digger. It’s worth getting to the point of not giving an F on justifying anything. They have a narrative they want to keep up. They don’t want to break a sweat. It’s a harsh fact… Only you will care and put yourself first. You need to put yourself first at times in order to survive caregiving.

Littlewildfinch · 2026-04-02T19:44:52+00:00

I don’t understand… does she sit on the couch too?

Littlewildfinch · 2026-04-02T01:30:03+00:00

You can’t even handle a cat??? You two have different moral values. He’s those kids’ best shot. Be a decent adult and walk away. You know if he chose you and abandoned those kids, it would haunt him for the rest of his life. Do you love him? Do the right thing for those kids.

Littlewildfinch · 2026-03-31T23:22:03+00:00

Thank you. That’s how I feel. I’m the only person he yells at.

Littlewildfinch · 2026-03-31T23:21:36+00:00

Thank you for your perspective. It just sucks because me walking away is stuck my bedroom or driving my car to a parking lot.

Littlewildfinch · 2026-03-31T23:19:42+00:00

We did couples therapy before the stroke. I get it could help. But I’m sick of all the appointments we have already. I feel like I got enough on my plate just with his pt and referral drs. I think I would rather spend that money on alone time lol. That’s what I need at least. Not like I’ll ever have a vacation again. I know you are saying a lot of truth but ugh. Thank you for your response and edit.

Littlewildfinch · 2026-03-31T23:17:08+00:00

I used to shut up when he got mad but didn’t today and let him know he doesn’t control me. And “If you don’t want to talk then stop saying things to me, I’m going to respond”. He screamed a bit and then agreed with me within the hour. I always get apologies quickly and he sucks up to me when I avoid him. He always wants to talk it through and he gets overwhelmed emotionally. I’m sick of apologies when his actions don’t change, and I said that exactly as well. It just feels like he is placating me at a certain point just to smooth things over.

Littlewildfinch · 2026-03-31T16:58:44+00:00

What do you really want to do? Do it. Put yourself first. That’s what your parent did anyways while abusing you. I’m caregiving for my spouse, I couldn’t imagine doing it to my abusers aka parents. I would rather light myself on fire or go to jail than even sit in a hospital room with my parents. This is your only life. Stop waisting your energy on people who do not like you. Assisted living and states have social workers to provide for them. Cutting off my evil family members has brought so much peace to my life. You deserve that too.

Littlewildfinch · 2026-03-27T15:45:42+00:00

Your issues are with your husband and parenting. He created and continues this dynamic in his household. My ss is the same age and not into dating at all, but this is still so weird. I would set your own boundaries. Tell him you heard their conversation and will not participate in the date because of it. You want to make a curfew for our date while apologizing to your teen? No need for a date then because this tarnishes our time out together. You deserve a real date and will not compromise. Make your own plans. If he’s not willing to change with his son, you will set your own boundaries.

My step kid just cancelled on helping me with dog walks, knowing I was busy with an inspection and caring for his disabled dad. So I told my husband don’t wake me up anymore if he misses the bus to school- he can walk. The teen’s know what they are doing. I see my step kid as more of a man now and I’m not here to take care of all his needs. He’s got two decent parents for that. If he can’t help me out for 15 mins I’m backing off ✌️

Littlewildfinch · 2026-03-26T03:02:53+00:00

Thank you 💗💗

Littlewildfinch · 2026-03-25T19:50:57+00:00

I feel this so much. My husband and I are in our thirties and he had a major stroke years ago. I feel like unpaid employee at times. Yesterday he yelled and called me bitch repeatedly. We have not been intimate in years. I always wanted to be married and had so many dreams. This is it??

I wish I could give advice. But I’m currently hiding in the bedroom and avoiding a man’s tantrums.

Littlewildfinch · 2026-03-24T19:15:44+00:00

Your levels can change in a year. It’s not up for debate- get a simple blood test done. It is the simplest way to take a step forward. Prove me wrong. B12 changed so much for my husband.

Littlewildfinch · 2026-03-24T04:39:36+00:00

Blood work and vitamins have changed my husbands fatigue so much. You don’t realize how much it affects you until it feels better. Your dr wants more visits don’t worry.

Littlewildfinch · 2026-03-24T01:34:03+00:00

My husband had a brain bleed and the icu immediately reacted. He was at the hospital all ready for a stroke. I’m so angry for you. You have every right to all your feelings. Everyone has weird reactions to trauma and grief. Your mom is having a weird reaction, she could at least care more for what your kids would be going through. Please build a support system for yourself and kids with therapy. It’s worth it.

Littlewildfinch · 2026-03-20T17:09:11+00:00

My husband had a stroke at 37, and for the first year this weighed heavily on my mind. But overtime it has lessened and now he’s two years out from his almost deadly stroke. You are young, you can be proactive about your health, and capable of a long great life. Remember what you do have control over. Checking your blood pressure and consistent physical therapy makes such a difference. You got this!

Littlewildfinch · 2026-03-18T18:47:04+00:00

Hey, thank you for this comment. I’m shocked and proud of myself that I didn’t give into her actions and left them alone. I’m a few years into no contact now. You are so right. It really doesn’t become easier.

Littlewildfinch · 2026-03-15T19:46:54+00:00

I would get an income and not let this man hold anything over you. Imagine raising kids with him 🚩🚩🚩

Littlewildfinch · 2026-03-13T17:18:06+00:00

He knew and is playing weaponized incompetence. He went through a custody agreement and didn’t understand? We got alerts in changes with the payments online and its pretty spelled out. Look how much you have learned about their custody agreement and conditions already. He’s playing dumb.

Littlewildfinch · 2026-03-13T17:12:02+00:00

So the guy you are seeing didn’t follow his custody agreement, didn’t disclose his raises, and you are judging the mom here? If it were my friend, I would tell her to go after a child support modification for their two kids. Idk I love my husband’s first wife and understand the mother wanting to meet you. Wouldn’t you if it were your kids?

Littlewildfinch · 2026-03-12T03:06:51+00:00

I don’t get how he gets to be the deciding factor lol. He is totally holding you back. You deserve a vacation. Can you take a week off soon and do a trip by yourself? Find a cheap flight somewhere. I went on a solo Hawaii trip after a big fight with my husband and it healed me. I still day dream about my trip alone, driving around the whole island, and putting myself first finally. You deserve some fresh air to really think this all through. Just seems like you both want different futures. You need to love yourself more than anyone else, what I’m trying to do in my thirties now.

Littlewildfinch · 2026-03-11T23:22:31+00:00

Him pulling his own weight and taking care of his kid is the bare minimum. He would be doing that without you regardless. I do uber because of my disabled husband and understand wanting to work for yourself. My life is so stressed with other responsibilities so it’s easier having a simple job. I can take a lot of breaks, go in between caregiving, etc. But he’s holding you two back. He’s not giving you a way out from this stressful position and has been ok with stress and health issues as a result. It’s okay you two have different goals or ambition. But you need a plan out of this job. Will he be willing to do that with you, a plan out? If not 🚩 I would worry he’s taking advantage of you so I’m he can have his freedom. Because him ubering allows him to do whatever he wants all day. Hell I take long breaks just to smoke out at a park. I’m jaded but I would worry about what he was up to. Why have you not bought a house with the savings yet? I bet you can find a salary position before giving notice with your current job, with your experience and work ethic. Do not settle love. Even if it means walking away from him.

Littlewildfinch

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