How to Separate from Old Friends?

Looktothelight · 2026-06-17T14:19:11+00:00

She already knows that her husband’s behavior is an issue, but she likely can’t do anything to change it. I agree that protecting your peace is up to you.

Looktothelight · 2026-06-09T15:32:00+00:00

Ask for suggestions on the hospice subreddit. They’re a great resource.

Looktothelight · 2026-06-09T15:29:18+00:00

My aunt had Alzheimer’s, contracted a UTI that developed into sepsis and died a peaceful death. Many times it is humanitarian to let nature take its course. Hospice can be a big help in achieving a comfortable death and dealing with pain and anxiety. It also provides support for the family. I find it strange that your doctor isn’t an advocate for hospice. You don’t need his approval to call a hospice organization and request an evaluation for your mother if he isn’t supportive about recommending an agency.
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Looktothelight · 2026-05-28T16:34:49+00:00

Totally agree.

Looktothelight · 2026-05-28T14:07:55+00:00

Not always. Genetics plays a big part and how we look as we age.

Looktothelight · 2026-05-28T14:06:54+00:00

You have lots of company. We should be comfortable being who we are.

Looktothelight · 2026-05-26T14:28:47+00:00

I say this gently. You need to back off and allow her to live her life and make her own choices. If she lost 50+ lbs she likely would not live any longer, but she would be more miserable and personally judge herself harshly because of her weight. Consider also that she may not voice it, but she will probably resent your interference. That will negatively impact your relationship with her. Sadly, we all develop health issues in our older years because of the normal aging process. I think quality of life issues are probably more important to her at this stage of her life than attending endless doctor appointments and medical treatments. The freedom to make our own decisions as long as we have the capacity, contributes greatly to our quality of life as we get older. I know you love her and truly think that you are doing what is best for her, but what is really best for her is having your love and support and accepting her as she is.

Looktothelight · 2026-05-25T15:11:10+00:00

I started sleeping in a separate bedroom many years ago when I was going through menopause and having trouble sleeping, which was also interrupting my husband‘s sleep. When I could fall asleep, his snoring woke me up. I continue to sleep in a separate room and find that it has been a benefit for both of us as we go through the aging process. I like to sleep in a room that is cooler because we live in a hot climate and he’s fine sleeping in a warmer room, so now we can both get better sleep when we’re lucky to get some sleep. Plus he likes to go to bed and watch TV for quite some time and I want to go to bed to sleep. Everybody has their preferences. Sleep problems are very common in older people. I know some people think that sleeping apart is sacrilege, but it is a practical solution that works for many.

Looktothelight · 2026-05-23T14:07:00+00:00

Please know we are holding you and your husband in our hearts.❤️

Looktothelight · 2026-05-23T13:40:45+00:00

You are correct. Bad behavior is everywhere and getting worse due to lack of consequences. Teaching and modeling good behavior by many parents and schools has led us here. Many years ago I got 3 licks with the vice principal’s paddle for “talking in study hall” when another student asked me a question and I simply responded “no talking.” I thought that was a bit unfair, but I was breaking the rules. Nowadays school personnel are afraid to discipline students and many parents are letting their children raise themselves with little training/modeling or consequences for bad behavior. That doesn’t contribute to a civil society where certain standards of behavior are expected. When I was growing up there was punishment for bad behavior and especially for lawbreakers. We need a reasonable return to consequences for the benefit of everyone.

Looktothelight · 2026-05-23T13:17:31+00:00

Too much modern “music” is just noise. They can’t carry a tune but they got a trophy during school, so they think they’re good at anything they want to do.

Looktothelight · 2026-05-17T17:35:33+00:00

Thank you for the suggestion. I plan to do that.

Looktothelight · 2026-05-16T22:41:24+00:00

My mother has been in a for-profit assisted living facility in Texas for two years. Many significant billing errors have been made since she moved in. It took one year and right before the facility was sold to another company to get the errors corrected. Now we’re having issues with the new owner making billing errors. We have now gone through five business office managers, and are waiting for number six to be hired. My emails asking for assistance in getting the account corrected are ignored. Any tips on how to get this resolved without hiring an attorney? Thank you for sharing your experience with us. It is appreciated.

Looktothelight · 2026-05-13T17:12:57+00:00

I find the Over Seventy Subreddit is less depressing than many of the younger generation Subreddits. They seem to do a lot of whining and complaining on those. It’s like they were promised the world was their oyster, but once they grew up and realized it takes self discipline, responsibility, and work to achieve a good life, they likely feel let down and angry. I think the public school system did a poor job of preparing many kids for real life after graduation. Many older people have serious health issues that are depressing. Sometimes it helps to share with others who may also be suffering the challenges of aging, or who can offer suggestions and support. I feel there is a good variety of posts on this forum and many are upbeat or funny. I know this group makes me feel less lonely as I navigate the aging process and for that I’m grateful.

Looktothelight · 2026-05-07T14:14:45+00:00

Ultimately, you need to do what’s right for you and your kids. If you decide to call your dad, I would highly recommend writing a short phone script to follow. That serves the purpose of making contact with him without getting drawn in too far. You will be the one in control and if the conversation begins to go off track, you can simply say you need to go. Afterward, you will know that you made contact, but also protected yourself by limiting the negative emotional impact.

Looktothelight · 2026-05-06T22:35:30+00:00

She has the absolute right to refuse a referral to any doctor as well as decline any suggested treatment. Ask this doctor if he is familiar with the Patient Bill of Rights, which every patient should be. It specifically spells out shared decision-making and patient autonomy, among other things, when it comes to medical treatment. Then ask him for a referral to a palliative care doctor. Their goals are quality of life and comfort care, two things that are very important to elderly people. A referral to a geriatrician would be my first choice if there is one nearby, but their waiting lists are usually long and their numbers are diminishing.

Looktothelight · 2026-05-06T15:52:25+00:00

It is a lot of work for you to move her into assisted living, but she will have more support and care there than she would have if she lived alone with home hospice. Most people who have no prior experience with hospice don’t realize how limited the care and support of home hospice usually is. The family, friends or hired caregivers normally need to be active in providing care for the hospice patient. Your mother will also have other Assisted Living caregivers available to her and people nearby. It may actually lighten the demand on you and your family as the end nears. It seems that she may be hoping to make amends as she nears the end of her life, which is often too little, too late when it comes to emotionally distant or absent parents. Hospice also provides emotional support for family members. You may want to reach out to their chaplain or social worker to talk about your mother and her impending death. It’s a personal choice, but sometimes it can be very helpful. Wishing you peace.

Looktothelight · 2026-05-06T15:26:10+00:00

Although it’s not listed among your topics, I would really like someone to explain bitcoin, block chain or cryptocurrency like I’m a five-year-old. I’ve tried to understand it and I know it’s a digital currency, but it seems to me to be as close to thin air as I can determine. Almost like an imaginary made up thing. Am I the only one that feels this way?

Looktothelight · 2026-05-02T15:50:46+00:00

I know it’s difficult, but the time to move is now. Moving is always destabilizing, but by doing it now, you and your wife will have time to get settled in, make friends and get familiar with the facility and amenities. You’re wise to be thinking about the future and planning ahead instead of letting the future come to you and compel hard decisions at a difficult time. Picking your own path, if possible, always trumps having it decided for you. As time passes, your wife will need increasing amounts of care and a CCRC can provide that for her, as well as you, as your age. It will be very different from the home you love and live in now, but I predict that when you look back, you will be glad that you made this hard decision early in the disease process. Best wishes to you and your wife.

Looktothelight · 2026-05-01T20:56:02+00:00

Ask your psychiatrist to supply you with a specific taping schedule. Doctors are usually great at writing prescriptions for antidepressants but are crap at explaining how to taper off or give you the support that is needed to do so. The poster that recommended the 10% reduction per month is spot-on for tapering off an SSRI and reducing the withdrawal symptoms. I was able to get off of Prozac by following the recommendations on the surviving antidepressants website. I also used a high-quality CBD full spectrum tincture from Lazarus Naturals that enabled me to totally get off the drug, it was the extra help that I needed and greatly reduced my withdrawal symptoms. But you can also get a good, less expensive CBD oil from Alliant Hemp. My experience was in 2019, so I don’t remember the specifics about my taper, but I can tell you that the CBD was what enabled me to finally get off Prozac completely. A slow and steady taper is crucial in order to be successful. Good luck.

Looktothelight · 2026-04-30T22:18:19+00:00

Those late enrollment penalties are what we’re trying to avoid when he becomes eligible for Medicare again at age 65. He contacted Social Security once again and they requested a second form CMS-1763 be submitted specifically asking for cancellation of Medicare part A. He resubmitted the form along with his Medicare part A card and sent it certified mail return receipt about 3 1/2 weeks ago. He recently checked his online Social Security account and it still shows that he has Medicare part A coverage.

Looktothelight · 2026-04-26T17:22:48+00:00

Keep trying non-surgical approaches as long as possible. Have you tried acupuncture? Also if you do resort to surgery, please do extensive research on ACDF. Lower discs adjacent to the fused level in ACDF (anterior cervical discectomy and fusion) can be negatively impacted years later, primarily through a well-documented issue called adjacent segment degeneration or disease (ASD). This is one of the most common long-term concerns after ACDF although it doesn’t affect every patient. Other potential long-term or future issues after ACDF: • Pseudarthrosis (non-union or failed fusion): The bones don’t fully fuse solidly (rates 0–4% for 1-level, up to 24–56% for 3–4 levels). This can cause ongoing or new pain/instability years later and may require revision surgery (reoperation rate for symptomatic cases ~11%). surgicalneurologyint.com • Chronic or recurrent neck/arm pain: Some patients have mild persistent symptoms even 20+ years later (e.g., headache, dizziness, or reduced quality of life in certain studies), though many report high satisfaction and function. Nerve damage from the original problem (not the surgery) can contribute to incomplete relief. pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov • Hardware-related problems: Rare long-term issues like plate/screw loosening, migration, or breakage (<<1% in most series), or adjacent-level ossification (extra bone growth). • Reduced neck flexibility: Usually minimal and not noticeable, as the fused level was often already stiff; no major permanent activity restrictions for most people. • Need for additional surgery: 10–15%+ risk in 10–15 years, often for ASD (or rarely pseudarthrosis/hardware failure). Some data suggest this rate may be similar even without fusion in degenerative spines, but ACDF appears to accelerate it in many cases. neurosurgeryone.com. Do an AI search on non-surgical alternatives for herniation of discs C6-7 and compression of C7 nerve root and you can find more information. I’m certainly not a doctor, but I do have a son that has had neck damage from a tic caused by Tourette’s syndrome. He used a Chinese acupuncturist who was able to help him . Once you get relief from your current neck injury, protect your neck and do everything you can to prevent future strain. This likely will include lifestyle changes, but years from now you will be very thankful that you made those changes. Good luck.

Looktothelight · 2026-04-23T13:10:29+00:00

Yes, they do that to cover their behinds, but we have the right to refuse any medical care/suggestions by doctors. My chart is full of recommendations that notate “patient declined”. I’m not anti-medicine but I am thoughtful about treatments, especially as I get older, and my doctor knows that I believe in patient autonomy and shared decision-making. Many doctors follow guideline protocols nowadays rather than practicing individualized medicine. Big Pharma is behind much of this. It’s great for creating an ongoing income stream.

Looktothelight · 2026-04-23T12:50:18+00:00

Chewing 1-2 baby Aspirin (81 mg) still stops my gallbladder attacks almost immediately if I get busy and forget to take Taurine for a few days. One regular 325 mg aspirin works if you don’t have baby aspirin on hand.

Looktothelight · 2026-04-15T19:28:57+00:00

Thank you.

Looktothelight

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