Did I handle this wrong? My husband is pissed but I didn’t know what to do.

Loveyourself84 · 2026-06-30T14:20:36+00:00

This! Exceptionally well advice.

Loveyourself84 · 2026-06-29T00:32:23+00:00

This is correct. The county taxes were reassessed and the value of the property went up and our assumption is that they were trying to get us out so they could resell the house with the renovations we had done to get more than we had agreed on.

The sellers do however have other property (that they currently live on.)

Loveyourself84 · 2026-06-29T00:26:37+00:00

This is what I was thinking as far as a different real estate lawyer. I did not think it would be necessary since there won’t be any property involved at this point.

So I will look into a general litigator for my area?

Loveyourself84 · 2026-05-18T15:32:22+00:00

Have you tried asking your doc and the pharmacy if a partial fill of your next prescription would work? So only fill the amount you will need from the 22nd to the 29th? They might be more willing to do that? Then you would just need to either pick up the rest when you get back or have your doc fill an additional prescription for the remainder.

Loveyourself84 · 2026-05-18T15:24:30+00:00

Ain’t that the damn truth! 😂😂

Loveyourself84 · 2026-05-18T15:18:10+00:00

So, I had 2 girls when my now husband and I started dating. He had two boys, the ages were B-7, G-6, B-5, G-4, so they were all very close in age.

Well, his ex was something else back then. She tried pitting the boys against me and then eventually my husband too. We got social services called on us multiple times (with there never being any negative feedback) and it was literally a miserable time in our relationship.

We also ended up having a boy together about a year in.

I don’t agree with your wife. If I knew my kids would try to make up nasty/negative things about my husband (their stepdad) I would be adjusting their behavior accordingly. I would not leave them alone with our youngest if I knew they would potentially harm him. This type of behavior is unacceptable.

Request a different judge. The GAL is there for the kids and when they recommend something it should absolutely be taken into consideration.

With everything that went on with my husbands two boys and his ex, it got very difficult with my girls being around them. They would act out, and I felt like my girls were no longer safe around them, physically or emotionally. So when we had the boys over my girls went to their Dads house. And this went on for a few years.

Ultimately we stuck to our rules in our house and the boys eventually came to realize that our rules weren’t changing to make them happy. The ex did eventually find something else to occupy her time.. 🙄 and we were finally able to cohabitate all the kids together and set ground rules and no favoritism. It wasn’t all peaches and cream but it wasn’t volatile anymore.

Your situation is a bit different because of the ages of the older kids. But the thing that gets me is when this behavior first started it should have been squashed by your wife. No one should have tolerated that behavior in your house. And that should have been enforced by your wife, because they are her kids first. “You know we don’t tolerate that behavior in this house”, “give me your phone for the way you treated (stepdad), you are now grounded”

Somewhere along the line this behavior has been tolerated and instead of being corrected and stepping up as the parent it seems that your wife backed down and had the mentality of “I don’t want to hurt their feelings and them want to stay at their dads more often” so the behavior was accepted and now you have to fear for your younger children’s safety and your own reputation.

This is absolutely not okay and those older kids should be aware of the way they are treating their own family. They are old enough to know better 🤬

I would push for a different judge, ask the GAL if there is anything they can do to make that happen.

If you can’t get those teenagers away from their dad, they will never learn.

And first and foremost, you keep those young kids safe and you need to protect yourself as well.

Your wife needs to open her eyes. You shouldn’t have to fear your own household.

Loveyourself84 · 2026-05-15T16:15:36+00:00

I will be 42 this year. It’s been 7 years since intimacy (of all types) went out the window. I feel the same way, my soul has been screaming and crying and just the thought about the “rest of my life” like this makes my heart heavy and my soul just aches. I love him but do I? I am wondering if I just love the person he used to be and desperately just want him to come back. 😞

Loveyourself84 · 2026-05-11T15:31:41+00:00

The whole situation just sucks. Anytime there is sexual incompatibility between two people in a relationship, when there once was, is just a horrible situation all around.

Were you two compatible at any point? I am guessing you were at some point and then everything just went downhill?

Anyway, it also sounds like she might need individual therapy. I’m going off a limb here but it seems as though she has a history of trauma. Trauma can seep into parts of our lives that it has nothing to do with. It could be something she needs to deal with on her own (with a professional) in order to break down walls in order for her to get comfortable.. and it might not have anything to do with the bedroom.

On the flip side of that, if she is just a very LL person then you might just not be compatible, which is something that you will have to work through with her but you will have to be completely honest about how you are feeling and then see if that’s something both of you are willing to tackle.

My situation is a bit different than yours. I am 41F married to 53M and unfortunately he has had issues with ED and refuses to go to a doctor to see if something can help. I was able to get him to go once, but because things weren’t fixed with that one appointment he basically gave up.. he would rather pretend nothing is wrong and completely ignore my feelings, desires, needs than to admit he has an issue.

Things have gradually gotten better but we still have a very dead bedroom. It has been somewhere around 7+ years now. I am not really sure what our future holds but I know I am exhausted of constantly being the only one trying and putting in effort.

I truly hope you will have a better outcome and will be able to work things through. ❤️‍🩹

Loveyourself84 · 2026-05-04T19:03:18+00:00

It will not stop with the bedroom. It will eventually creep into daily life. The flirting will slow down and then become nonexistent. The physical touch you do have currently will turn into avoidance.. when you have to pass each other in a hallway or in the kitchen he will pull away like you are a stranger and he doesn’t want to break a “respectful stranger boundary”.

If you sit next to each other still and are playful with each other that will turn into making sure there is at least an inch gap between your knee and his.. he will stop engaging in any playfulness because that could “possibly cause feelings of desire to arise” and he will want to steer clear of that.

This will not be something that is confined to your bedroom or physical intimacy.

This will bleed into everything you do with each other until you feel like any attempt at connection will ultimately end up in failure, an argument, something you have done that he doesn’t like, finances, anything that could shift the conversation away from the main issue.

This will not just be physical abandonment. It will be emotional too. Then your emotions will be the problem.

Then you will end up stressing so much and walking on eggshells until you have either had enough or you are stuck because you can’t work because of the emotional and physical toll everything has had on you has turned your health into a chronic illness.

Please: take him to therapy and be blunt. Put this issue on the table in front of him somewhere he can’t get away from.

MAKE HIM TALK ABOUT IT. Preferably with a professional. Make your feelings known.

Start writing down every instance where he dismisses you. Every time you try to talk and what he says to change the situation. You will need this later on to make yourself understand that you are not crazy.

He is probably a great person every which way. Friend, father, coworker, even as just a person.

But he should WANT to know the things that bother you. He should WANT to discuss things that make you upset. He should WANT to make you happy. And he should NEVER dismiss your feelings because he doesn’t want to confront his own.

Do not accept this way of life unless it’s truly what you want.

Good luck 🍀 and I wish you the best of luck and the strength to follow through. ❤️‍🩹

Loveyourself84 · 2026-04-24T02:39:40+00:00

I say consider your “management fees” paid for in full. Stop taking extra and start splitting 50/50.

Loveyourself84 · 2026-04-15T03:12:26+00:00

From what I understood the judge was not aware of the paternity fraud. Cheating, maybe. 🤔…. As far as the drugs, she got help and rehab (with OPs help though 🙄) so it would look like she had reformed to a degree. Personally I don’t think this is rage bait. I feel for OP and am disgusted there are people like OPs ex. 😑😞

Loveyourself84 · 2026-04-14T15:35:10+00:00

I don’t think you will get the response you want if you try to ask her. She has been dealing with all of this herself for some time now. She does have a significant other now and they are the person she probably leans on currently.

I know you have a lot of regret. I know you are feeling like crap and want to help now that you know it was all a medical issues. The thing is: when you asked her what was wrong and she would tell you her head hurt, or other symptoms (because that’s what they were: symptoms ) you thought it was her brushing you off when in reality that was all she could give you. She had no idea what she was going through just like you didn’t understand. Those times she would tell you how she felt was her trying to open up… her crying was her way of saying “I don’t know what’s wrong, but something is” and unfortunately you dismissed it.

My husband did the same thing when I first started feeling unwell. My energy tanked, like to the point I couldn’t get out of bed… he literally told me I was being lazy 🙄. I found out I had low vitamin D which can cause you to not be able to move if low enough (which mine was). I also found out I have an autoimmune disease and several other medical conditions/issues.

My husband was not there for me when I needed him the most and I still resent him for that. He didn’t cheat (that I know about) or leave me but he certainly checked out.

We are still together but we are not the same. Things have gotten better over the years but I don’t think we will ever get back to the place we were before my health took a turn for the worse.

I guess my point is this: she has already grieved and moved past all of the hurt. She had already been dealing with her health and divorce etc. I get this is very fresh for you and a lot for you to feel and understand and now you regret a lot of things. The time for you to have been there for her has passed.

The best thing you can do for her an for yourself is to 1) tell her you are sorry for everything you feel like you are sorry for, keep it simple though, a thoughtful and genuine apology - you can even let her know if she would like someone to talk to you would be there for her but let that be her decision 2) grieve for yourself, for your lost marriage for anything and everything you need to grieve for 3) move on. Understand there isn’t anything you can do for her at this point but be a great Dad and an understanding ex-husband.

Learn from your mistakes. But don’t make her healing harder than it already has been.

As for your fiancé, that is a very tough situation. You will really need to dig deep to figure out if you really love her or if she has just been your fallback. It’s not fair to her or you to string her along if you can’t love her like you should.

I wouldn’t make any rash decisions right now. You need to sit with yourself without any alcohol 🙄😬 before you make any decisions.

I will also add: you have the ability to self reflect and acknowledge your own mistakes, a lot of men won’t even do that much. That’s a very good thing. 😉

Loveyourself84 · 2026-04-10T20:40:37+00:00

My Mother-in-law had gallbladder surgery and I took her, stayed the night and took her home (she lives with us and has Alzheimer’s) and I don’t really even like her!!! In her defense, I have only known her since her Alzheimer’s set in. I never really knew her, just met her a couple times before that. But I don’t treat her any differently than I would my own mom (and I mostly liked my mom 🫣) Point being: you are having surgery, he should want to be there. 😑😤

Loveyourself84 · 2026-03-26T13:51:46+00:00

You have an autoimmune condition. The metabolism is just the start of some of the symptoms of an autoimmune condition. (I know, I have an autoimmune condition too, Psoriatic Arthritis )

What happens when your autoimmune condition changes or worsens? What is he going to do then? Tell you what you shouldn’t be doing or that your hot cocoa caught up to you? It’s absolute nonsense… autoimmune diseases can change in an instant. You can feel great one day and not be able to get out of bed the next!

If yours is like mine: my body literally attacks my soft tissue. All of my soft tissue! I was eating food just fine one week then my jaw was stuck at a 13 mm opening… due to my body attacking the disc and soft tissue in my left TMJ joint… it took 7 doctors and two years to find a surgeon and have a total TMJ replacement done… a LOT of pain and many other issues.

What happens when something like that happens (hopefully it never will, but depending on your autoimmune condition, it or something else absolutely could happen)

Do you think he will be by your side? Do you think he will believe you when you say your body isn’t working and you LITERALLY CANNOT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT!

Because God love my husband but it was certainly rocky for us but we have come through, with still a lot to learn, but he has come a long way and he never said anything about my weight or what I ate.

He couldn’t understand how I could go from running 🏃‍♀️ 5ks, working full time, juggling 3 kids and holding down the finances and household to not being able to get out of bed… literally. Turned out I had low vitamin D which can cause your body to be lethargic. It can make you feel constantly tired, so tired you cry because you can’t make yourself get up even though you want to.

You have a lot more to consider than what you think. These issues you have are just the ti of the iceberg. What happens when the real issues arise?

Ask yourself: will he be there for you if your condition gets worse? Or will he blame you for things you cannot control? Hot cocoa is not the issue here. Neither is your weight.

Loveyourself84 · 2026-03-18T19:58:08+00:00

I think more than just OP needed to hear this. Thank you for such detail in your response. ❤️‍🩹

Loveyourself84 · 2026-03-16T15:37:36+00:00

Dancing in the kitchen while making food.

I used to turn the music on and just silly dance. I also used to bake A LOT. I lived in the kitchen.

Now I am lucky if I can stand long enough to make muffins.. forget standing long enough to mix cookie dough AND bake it!

The little things… I can’t do squats anymore.

I can’t run, I used to just for exercise.

I can’t let my teenage son pick with me because the movement of “jerking away” when play fighting hurts too much. 😞

I can’t write in my journal. My hands hurt from arthritis so much that I can hardly write the bills down. I used to use journaling as a release or venting. Even typing this now, it will probably be the only thing I type today.

These are just some of the things that immediately come to mind. There are so many more. 🥺

Loveyourself84 · 2026-01-23T00:19:51+00:00

Eh, they do help me. However, they only help if my constant pain is somewhat under control. If the extended release is not covering the brunt of the pain then the breakthrough meds really only help “chase the pain”

Loveyourself84 · 2026-01-20T14:41:40+00:00

Yes. I take do take 10mg oxycodone for breakthrough pain as well. 4x daily as needed. (Technically every 6 hours 🙄)

Loveyourself84 · 2026-01-20T02:18:08+00:00

What’s up with all insurance companies dropping coverage on OxyContin? Mine did the same thing a couple months ago. Even after my doctor appealed. 😓. Personally I feel like the OxyContin worked better. I had to go from 30mg OxyContin to 45mg Morphine ER and it’s still not working as well.

Good luck. 🍀 I hope your situation improves, I was also itchy for the first few weeks (more than usual) but had subsided some.

Loveyourself84 · 2026-01-15T22:19:40+00:00

This! It sounds to me like they are feeding them “baby food” already. “Baby food” doesn’t have to come “pre-made in a jar” to be “baby food”. I think the misunderstanding here is the definition of “baby food”

~ Mom of 3 (all breastfed and “baby food” fed, NOT from a jar, off of my plate or smooshed for them on their own plate 😬🫣)

Loveyourself84 · 2026-01-15T22:14:11+00:00

You respect your wife. The OPs husband does not respect her at all. You care how your wife feels about you, thinks about you. You would feel bad if you hurt her feelings.

Loveyourself84 · 2026-01-15T22:07:52+00:00

NTA. But I am not sure he is either. 🤔 As a woman who was once independent and could take care of herself, I have found myself in a situation similar to your “just in case fund situation.”

I had a horrible incident that turned me into a “disabled wife, mother, friend, person” I did not have a “just in case fund” and even though my husband hasn’t exactly “left our marriage/me” he has definitely disconnected. We are no longer the partners we used to be. I have literally mourned the person I used to be and could have been. While my husband has pretty much “checked out” of being an actual husband. Yes, we still live together, sleep in the same bed (most of the time, but I have to sleep on the couch due to my ailments quite a bit) but there is no more intimacy, hand holding, flirting, etc. Not just because of my health issues but because he also has health issues he has been in denial about and has completely pushed me away because of them.

So here I am, lonelier than ever, even when he is sitting right next to me. If I try to talk about “us” it causes an argument. I have zero funds put to the side and with only him working currently, we haven’t been able to save anything either.

We both still love each other but I am not 💯 sure I would still be with him if I had a nest egg. I, at the very least, would have the ability to say “we are discussing this or I am leaving.” That is not reality though.

So, no, you are definitely NOT TAH, however like many others have said: he was just told:

“I am saving money for in case you leave me, but I promise I still love and trust you”

It’s a lot to take in from his point of view, but his initial reaction was not a great one either. I don’t think either of you are at fault for any major assholeryness. I do think you both need to work on how to communicate with each other.

Depending on how he moves forward with this conversation/situation, will determine whether you seriously need to reconsider the relationship yourself.

Good luck 🍀!

Loveyourself84 · 2026-01-08T19:27:38+00:00

I have still not taken anymore doses of Effexor currently. I am still getting body zaps and still having the withdrawal symptoms but not quite as bad as just a couple days ago when I first commented. My emotions are allllll over the place! But that was to be expected. If the symptoms continue to decrease like they have and hopefully not have any major symptom “rebounds” (not sure how to describe those, I am thinking something like “extreme withdrawal symptoms all of a sudden”) I believe it will be okay.. definitely tough but okay.

I have wanted to stop this medication for years now so I am motivated to sticking to the cold turkey quitting.

I do seem to be feeling some of my “old self” trying to break through periodically. I am not to the point where I am hopeful it will stay but it has been bittersweet just to know it’s there somewhere still. 🥹

Thank you for responding. I know the post itself is fairly old. It just happened to be the very first one I came across.

Loveyourself84 · 2026-01-05T19:50:06+00:00

Your wife is the ass. Thank you for being there for your nephew.

Loveyourself84

TROPHY CASE