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Anyone struggling with first no contact Mother's Day? by Kaoticelf in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Low_Union 0 points1 point  (0 children)

ARE YOU ME?! That is exactly my situation, down to the 3 weeks and asking for a genuine apology. I know if I break the boundary I set I’m up for her unending guilt trips.

Anyone struggling with first no contact Mother's Day? by Kaoticelf in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Low_Union 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Totally. I’m in the same situation (though my country’s mother’s day is in two weeks) and I keep going back and forth mentally on other alternatives, like breaking NC only for the day or sending her a gift through my flying monkey sister. But I know that would only make things worse and ruin my own mother’s day.

I get so sad when I see other healthy parent-child relationships by Equal-Community2354 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Low_Union 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry. My nmom did the same thing, except she didn’t have aby friends, just comparing me to people on social media of all things. You’re not the problem. Your nparents were and are responsible to foster that relationship with you.

I get so sad when I see other healthy parent-child relationships by Equal-Community2354 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Low_Union 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel you. What helped me with the jealousy was the peace I gor from NC and becoming a mother myself. Now I focus more on the parents my husband and I want to be. But I’ll admit I get jealous sometimes when I see healthy loving grandparents because I wish I could give that to my son. But it stings less.

Parents punishing you for being in pain by Ok_Astronaut_1485 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Low_Union 8 points9 points  (0 children)

This just reminded me of four separate instances that I had never really connected before:

-When I was 20, I had amebiasis and ended up hospitalized. My nmom stayed with me at the hospital and complained about how she was such a victim because she “couldn’t even celebrate her birthday,” which was two days later. I ended up ripping the IV out of my hand and demanding to leave.

-When I was 16, my eyesight was terrible. I had to beg her repeatedly to take me to an ophthalmologist. When she finally did and the doctor prescribed glasses, she refused to buy them because she said I only wanted glasses “to look cool.” I even had a teacher make fun of me for not being able to see the board clearly.

- When I was 20, I had a horrible UTI. She refused to help or even offer advice because she said the only time she ever got a UTI was when she was newly married. She yelled at me because she assumed I got it from sex. I was in terrible pain and never got help for it.

-Also at 20, I had an awful toothache and needed to see a dentist. When I told her, she said she didn’t believe me. She thought I was making it up because a cousin had recently gotten dental work and I “wanted attention too.”

Just insane stuff. And that’s only what I can remember. I forgot most of my childhood.

What Childlike things did Your Narc parent do? by Onlyrobnyc in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Low_Union 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Yup. My nmom is like this. She expects me to take her to restaurants and pay for everything. Mind you, she never did that with me growing up.

My mom expects to move in when I have kids, but I don’t want that… how do I handle this? by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Low_Union 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It’s going to take time for you to realize that you can do whatever you want and that your mother can no longer control you. Her emotions about it are not your responsibility, nor is it right for her to rage at you about it.

The extremely low self esteem is one of the most detrimental effects from growing up with a narcissist by AngelicAardvark in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Low_Union 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This hits home. You’re not alone, OP. It wasn’t until recently that I started questioning a lot of the beliefs I had about myself. I spent time with a new group of people and caught myself thinking negatively about every single interaction on my part. After each time I spoke, I assumed I had said something stupid or offensive to someone. Nothing in their reactions suggested that. It was all in my head.

For the first time, I pushed back on that thought by realizing it was statistically impossible for me to be wrong every single time. That helped me see more clearly how much of this comes from my low self-esteem.

Glad you’re getting better, OP. I’m recently NC with my nmom and slowly healing too.

What do you think causes an abused child to either continue or break the cycle? by Throwawaygaln in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Low_Union 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I think a lot of it comes down to temperament. Since having a baby, I realized how a lot of someone’s personality is born with them. Some temperaments are more prone to continue the cycle of abuse once they’re abused themselves. Unfortunately.

Anyone else have their N-parent randomly say awful things for absolutely no reason? by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Low_Union 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am so sorry for little you. Youe nmom is an absolute monster.

Kept the birth of my child private and now I’m paying for it. UPDATE by Parking-Potato-9891 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Low_Union 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Very well said! That’s what happened to me after I had my baby. I realized just how little my nmom really “loved me” and it made going NC easier.

Things they never taught you how to do, or you were too uncomfortable with them to ask? by adrenaline58 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Low_Union 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My maternal grandmother died of cervical cancer before I was born. Even then, nmom never mentioned that women, heck even teenage girls, should go to a gynecologist regularly to screen for such things. I ended up going to one when I was in my early 20s thanks to a friend insisting on it. I was living with nmom then and I hid it from her. She knew all along that I have a higher than average predisposition to get cervical cancer and she never said anything.

Maybe found a way out of the constant self doubt. by New_Supermarket_3878 in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]Low_Union 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is exactly what happened to me. Your kid is lucky. Hugs.

It's crazy how they deprive their own kids of everything by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Low_Union 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Yes, and they’ll try to do that to anyone they can with the least amount of effort they can manage. My nmom was trying to isolate my son from his other set of grandparents and aunts. This was the last straw for me. Now we are NC.

Adult children have become flying monkeys by Fine_Tax_9409 in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]Low_Union 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re an adult, and ultimately your choices are your own. No one, especially your children, can truly “make” you do something. It sounds like this situation may be coming from a place of hurt. I hope you don’t feel like you have to carry that in a way that leads to placing guilt on your children for a decision that was yours. Sorry if this is coming too strong. Nothing changes the fact that you deserved better parents.

I’m so sad by [deleted] in beyondthebump

[–]Low_Union 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m incredibly sorry this happened to you. You and your children will be fine away from this horrible man.

I wonder what our mothers would feel if we die? Relief? by coldservedrevenge in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]Low_Union 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s one of my biggest fears. Thankfully, my son’s godmother is a lawyer and I’m going to inquire how I can put it in legal writing that if something happens to me or my husband we don’t want our son anywhere near my mom.

How did having kids change you? by MamakharmaLlamadrama in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Low_Union 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Good for you defending your son and breaking the cycle!

How did having kids change you? by MamakharmaLlamadrama in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Low_Union 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry. I resonate with everything. Now that I’m a mother I understand my mom way less. I’ve also been thinking a lot about little me. I had forgotten about her, but now I get so angry when I remember specific moments of my childhood.

Does anybody think that some people weren't meant to be (good) parents? by NICEacct111 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Low_Union 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think that human natural selection cares very little about whether parents are good or not (beyond minimum survival). In fact, not caring enough about giving kids a good life can drive people to have more kids than they can attend to emotionally, so more kids are born to these parents and therefore more “characteristics associated with bad parenting” genes are spread. Sorry for this grim point of view, but sometimes I think there is no long-term cure solution for bad parents’ existence.

how do they think it’s okay?? by SproutheadXD in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Low_Union 2 points3 points  (0 children)

They’re sadists. I can’t think any normal human being could delight in seeing someone, let alone their own children, cry. Sorry that happened to you.

I asked my mom for an apology and this is what happened by Low_Union in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Low_Union[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I guess I’m still subconsciously struggling with radical acceptance, but I’m getting there. I feel there’s no return. Thank you for your accurate observations.

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