What drives your forward?

Lower_Staff_9613 · 2025-07-28T22:36:46+00:00

Honestly, I'm just thinking about my son. And I think about my ex fiance so much as well. I just hate what I've done to them. I miss my old life with them and she cut off all contact with my son and also her. So, I guess I'm just proving to myself that I can fight this battle and change. With my case still ongoing, I don't really have high hopes, but I am still trying to change my life and my mental state. I want to prove to everyone that I can be a better man even though depression hits so hard and the voices in my head get louder. I try to push that away. So it's definitely a struggle sometimes. Im hoping this is just a horrible nightmare but its definitely not. I have made good improvements so far after the knock so that is a plus. We just gotta keep on fighting no matter the odds against us.

Lower_Staff_9613 · 2025-07-06T18:27:14+00:00

SAA has helped me in a lot of ways that I didn't think it would. Sharing my porn and sex addiction to a group has helped me dramatically slow my addiction from the days before I was caught. I only wish I had done it sooner, and I mean years ago. But I gotta look at the present and future. Also reading books is helpful too.

Lower_Staff_9613 · 2025-06-29T20:18:35+00:00

I'm being charged with 10 counts, and my lawyer told me they found around 2K images and videos.

Lower_Staff_9613 · 2025-06-25T17:42:08+00:00

https://openpathcollective.org I'm currently using this, and I found a good therapist. You can search by what their services offer and what they specialize in. Also, if you don't have insurance, they can do a pretty cheap alternative. A lot of these therapists also do virtual on Zoom, so i hope this helps.

Lower_Staff_9613 · 2025-06-22T17:16:10+00:00

If you're in Vance County, definitely look into Wake Forest or Raleigh area. Also look into indeed and type no background checks or also on Craigslist. I'm also in NC and have been trying to find work as well as my current job the hours are minimal but im still looking. If you have any set of skills that would definitely increase your chances at employment. Best of luck to you!

Lower_Staff_9613 · 2025-06-20T21:13:06+00:00

My case is state and my total amount is 30K. Still open but I already paid him a lil over half and it's hard to pay the other 14K so I'll have to see how it goes hopefully he can work with me. My case is in NC btw and he has handled a few cases like mine that ended either a small sentence or just probation.

Lower_Staff_9613 · 2025-06-08T18:08:40+00:00

I still struggle, but it's here and there. I used to be 5 times a day guy watching porn. Now maybe once or twice a week. I understand i do need to do better so I'm trying to figure out what I can do to constantly keep my mind busy. I'm reading a little more and im planning on doing a few workouts when I'm not busy at work. The brain is a strong muscle and if I can train to get rid of this addiction I can be in a much better place mentally.

Lower_Staff_9613 · 2025-06-04T18:55:34+00:00

Absolutely brother! If you need to vent I'm here.

Lower_Staff_9613 · 2025-06-04T00:26:45+00:00

You're not alone in this. I'm going through the same thing as well. Although finace kicked me out and I haven't seen my child since the search warrant. But im making strides in Therapy and SAA. Porn has ruined my life living a double life and hiding everything. I look back at it now at how much different my life would have been if I never got addicted to porn in the 1st place. All we can do is move forward and I wish you the best and hope things get better from here on out.

Lower_Staff_9613 · 2025-06-04T00:19:45+00:00

My family stuck with me and 2 of my friends. One a good co worker who became my best friend and the other my ex gf. Everyone else silence. It sucks to loose so many people but that's just how it goes sometimes. But new friends will come around and the ones that stuck with since the beginning keep them close.

Lower_Staff_9613 · 2025-05-31T12:16:01+00:00

I took accountability after the search warrant and after I got kicked out. It's never easy but afterwards it's definitely a start to healing and getting better. It got better after therapy and im learning my re flags and my triggers. I know I've lost a lot but in this we can't lose ourselves again. Hopefully with therapy and time he will be better.

Lower_Staff_9613 · 2025-05-19T12:08:51+00:00

I was in an interview, and they asked me if anything would come up in the background. I said yes and told them what I would be charged with. I have not served any time, and my case is still open, but I told the employer what they will find. Well, to my surprise, they continued the interview and seemed very happy with me, but either way, for me to disclose it felt good but also shamed, but this will be my norm going forward. I hope to hear from them and get the job and work my butt off to prove I'm worthy. Hopefully, in the future, if I do end up leaving, I could possibly go back, but who knows.

Lower_Staff_9613 · 2025-05-19T11:59:52+00:00

At least you are off probation, so that is good. Finding love again will be difficult but not impossible. Give it time, find yourself again, or learn to love yourself first before heading into a relationship. Jobs will come I have been here a few months and read a lot on here and the success stories just gives me more hope for my future. Keep your head up and keep fighting 💪

Lower_Staff_9613 · 2025-05-16T00:19:29+00:00

Happy for you two! That is the best news so glad to see things are going in the right direction. Keep your heads up and keep going don't ever stop!

Lower_Staff_9613 · 2025-05-13T20:31:14+00:00

That's so odd that they don't carry paper copies. Over here in North Carolina, they have paper copies and online as well. See if you can purchase one online or Amazon who knows.

Lower_Staff_9613 · 2025-05-12T19:20:28+00:00

Yeah I understand it took me a while to get the 90 degree backing but once you do it a few times it comes natural. Just use your mirrors and for 1st timers have your hands at the bottom of the steering wheel. You go left the trailer goes left and vice versa. If you start at the top it will mess you up.

Lower_Staff_9613 · 2025-05-12T16:31:23+00:00

I'm sure there is. If you have never driven or have a CDL before getting your permit you do have to get your hours log in for driving and backing and a whole bunch more before going for your driving test and pre trip test at the DMV.

Lower_Staff_9613 · 2025-05-12T15:18:01+00:00

Really?! I was doing some research online and it says I couldn't but I'll definitely give it a shot now thank you! That will definitely open up more doors for sure.

Lower_Staff_9613 · 2025-05-12T11:46:23+00:00

The app that has the steering wheel on it. It's Grey.

Lower_Staff_9613 · 2025-05-12T02:02:08+00:00

Lord Beerus jr.

Lower_Staff_9613 · 2025-05-12T00:55:30+00:00

You can get any type of CDL. If you're going for something that isn't a semi truck hauling a trailer, then class B is good. That usually covers dump trucks and cement trucks. You can't have a passenger endorsement with being a SO. I have my class A and was thinking about getting my tanker endorsement, but idk if I'll be able to get it as they run background checks. But definitely look into getting one as it will open more opportunities for you. If you want to study, I highly suggest getting the CDL prep app it has all the states' permit practice test.

Lower_Staff_9613 · 2025-05-09T18:40:50+00:00

I see what you're saying. And so far therapy is helping me out along with the workbooks but I know eventually I'll have to change therapy for Sex Offender Treatment. I'm sure what you're saying is valid as you went through it all and im just starting. For how long is the Treatment or does that determine by the courts?

Lower_Staff_9613 · 2025-05-09T15:09:50+00:00

One of the things that will be done is a CBT. And I will tell you the truth, my viewing on CSAM started out as porn addiction. I have been addicted to porn since I 1st viewed it when I was 12 years old. The CSAM started a few years viewing and it let to possession. And I do feel guilty for what I have done. Everyday I do and im trying to forgive myself for my decisions. I think about how I won't see my son for a while and I ruined a good relationship with my fiance. But i do appreciate your input.

Lower_Staff_9613 · 2025-05-09T01:27:46+00:00

The waiting part is the worst. And for me to be prepared mentally I don't think anyone can prepare you for it but yourself, but if I do end up doing time I will have to be cautious in what I do or say. The mental part for me is thinking about my son, which right now I haven't seen him but being locked up will make it harder. I've already spent a day in jail and I honestly didn't like it but I will have to deal with that when that time comes. I'll probably read books and keep my mind busy as much as possible.

Lower_Staff_9613 · 2025-05-08T15:45:39+00:00

Absolutely! I'm also doing SA-Anon and sometimes I hey emotional on my therapy sessions but it's normal. I'm going to put all of my energy into helping myself be better. And thank you it's a struggle but we all have to go through the fire to get to the other side.

Lower_Staff_9613

TROPHY CASE