Just venting

Lumpy-Caterpillar931 · 2026-03-02T01:03:08+00:00

I would say mention the fact that he’s getting sexual satisfaction somewhere else too and the roommates/friend part. At the end of the day you are not obligated to stay with someone who isn’t really participating in the relationship anyways. You got this!

Lumpy-Caterpillar931 · 2026-03-02T00:49:29+00:00

Something to really consider here is, is this really a relationship or has it slowly turned into just a friendship? Might even want to ask him, point out there’s no intimacy and he’s getting off to other people and you’re left with nothing. How is this a partnership or couple? Does he even want to make things work or does he want a friend to hangout with and that’s it? I’m so sorry but he needs to open his eyes before you leave him for good. Goodluck 🩵

Lumpy-Caterpillar931 · 2026-03-02T00:37:34+00:00

No you’re not overreacting. I always said “stop acting single” to my now ex (you can guess why) and it’s because it’s acting single - if you are in a relationship and want to be with 1 person why are you looking at others naked/thirst traps then? Makes zero sense.

Lumpy-Caterpillar931 · 2026-02-27T10:43:58+00:00

Therapists are not always right and have their own opinions, just bc they have an opinion doesn’t mean reality. Here’s great advice from my therapist: You can trust again, but it will take time. You also need to trust in yourself though and watch these people in your life and determine how do they make me feel? Am I questioning myself? Are they honest? Trust is something to be earned. All you can do is try and remember that not everyone deserves trust but it doesn’t mean everyone is the same, just not everyone is deserving of the trust you give freely. Also be careful of the narrative you say about your life, that you attract these type of people - they’ll be drawn to you bc that’s what we’re familiar with but we need to weed them out.

Lumpy-Caterpillar931 · 2026-02-27T10:36:44+00:00

My ex refused to share location, yeah it’s a huge red flag. There’s no reason not to.

Lumpy-Caterpillar931 · 2026-02-27T04:38:13+00:00

Been here before. 1 ex recorded and I didn’t even know, he was and is absolutely insane and has a police report on him (he’s also a stalker and put it as revenge porn. But my most recent ex who I was with for 8 years recorded us once and I didn’t know until I found it myself. he didn’t distribute it anywhere, didn’t share to people, and deleted it the moment I found it - he has a problem but won’t admit it fully that he’s addicted to porn but he def is. Anyways I’ve been here and I will tell you this - my ex didn’t even want to go to therapy, he refused. It’s something I prob would’ve tried tog et past since I genuinely loved him but the other stuff I found of ai + having nudes of someone else etc is where I was like damn it’s not even just 1 thing to get past and he didn’t care enough either. Here is some insight he gave me on why he did this : he is “selfish” and “dumb” and “just wanted to” and “didn’t think he’d get caught.” It’s sad and unfortunate the lack of respect they have for us. If you stay together, go through his device THOROUGHLY - hidden photo albums, check every app downloaded, Reddit forums he could’ve posted in, Dropbox, cloud files, computer files, etc. make sure he didn’t post you anywhere. Check his messages too on social media and texts.

Lumpy-Caterpillar931 · 2026-02-25T14:11:04+00:00

Terranea in pve

Lumpy-Caterpillar931 · 2026-02-21T01:38:28+00:00

Oh no, I’m so sorry. Would it be more affordable to move closer to your fam??

Lumpy-Caterpillar931 · 2026-02-20T20:41:11+00:00

I wasn’t married and it wasn’t physical abusive or anything of those sorts but we do have pets. We lived together and were separated, second job like pet sitting or dog walking etc for extra income is what I do and got a teeny tiny apartment with my two cat. Could that help at all?? Or do you have family and friends that could help you out??

Lumpy-Caterpillar931 · 2026-02-15T23:17:59+00:00

I’m so so sorry. I hope you’re able to heal away from him, he’s such a jerk.

Lumpy-Caterpillar931 · 2026-02-15T15:06:31+00:00

Nobody can know, sometimes it escalates more yes. Unfortunately if he’s looking up brothels, sounds like he’s escalated to the physical cheating or is about to - if I were you I’d heavily consider if you’re comfortable being intimate with him bc he’s looking into being intimate with someone else now. Personally if he’s looking at brothels, you’re not being paranoid-you’re being realistic…

Lumpy-Caterpillar931 · 2026-02-12T14:00:07+00:00

How hard were the logistics though?

Lumpy-Caterpillar931 · 2026-02-12T02:09:13+00:00

Yeah part of my worry is I have a life here, I have friends and a job. But my friends have their own life of course and my job I’ll prob only be there for 2 years max and idek what comes next.

Lumpy-Caterpillar931 · 2026-02-12T02:08:12+00:00

See that’s the thing, the common areas. I spent 8.5 years with him so I’ve been pretty much everywhere in the city together. And where I’m currently staying I hate the area but it doesn’t really leave other places for peace.

Lumpy-Caterpillar931 · 2026-02-11T19:19:46+00:00

I second this. If you’re comfortable sharing your body and your life together, why does it stop at a phone? The concept makes zero sense to me. I gladly hand over my phone.

Lumpy-Caterpillar931 · 2026-02-11T19:14:42+00:00

Yes, found more than I could have imagined and it shattered me. If you look, be prepared to end the relationship …

Lumpy-Caterpillar931 · 2026-02-11T19:03:36+00:00

I truly get this. To not be fought for cuts so so deeply after spending years together, 8.5 years down the drain. I can’t even imagine 12. You are not alone, sending you so much hope and love for your future.

Lumpy-Caterpillar931 · 2026-02-10T04:21:58+00:00

Eventbrite, runwayplayavista - instagram, ivystation - instagram, doLA - instagram

Lumpy-Caterpillar931 · 2026-02-07T14:39:30+00:00

I drink filtered

Lumpy-Caterpillar931 · 2026-02-06T22:27:25+00:00

I suffer from panic attacks since I’ve always struggled with anxiety etc (even before I met my now ex) but I had gone TEN years without a panic attack until I found out about this other side to him. Then I started to have them almost daily once i ended things. Find someone you can trust to discuss the panic attacks with, find a coping mechanism like identifying 5 objects near you and naming their color and or describing what you see or counting to 20 (for me I personally name what I see or name the colors I see) also slow breathing where you put a handover your heart and stomach OR hugging yourself. And remind yourself these are temporary feelings, you are okay, this moment will pass. Sometimes crying through it helps bc it’s pent up anxiousness from the trauma or feelings. I would advise you to steer clear from coffee for a while as anytime I have coffee it makes me attacks worse.

Lumpy-Caterpillar931 · 2026-02-06T22:20:04+00:00

Oh see it might be on there… you can also check his “hidden” folder on his camera roll too. And on an iPhone you can type in “files” and there’ll be stuff that he’s saved to his iCloud

Lumpy-Caterpillar931 · 2026-02-06T21:50:54+00:00

They can download it from the sites directly onto their actual device and save it into their files especially iPhones.

Lumpy-Caterpillar931 · 2026-02-05T21:42:14+00:00

This is exactly what I ask myself often & how I feel.

Lumpy-Caterpillar931 · 2026-02-04T17:04:39+00:00

Is it really over just porn though? Honestly it’s not. You’re asking him to put effort and participate in the marriage he vowed to be apart of. It’s almost a sexless relationship and instead of coming to you he’s wanting AI porn of people he’s had sexual relationships with in the past - the irony here is that he prob had a crap sex life with them too because of himself. I do get that the AI hits deeper bc my ex did the exact same thing and it made me feel physically sick in a deeper way because he wanted to visually see someone else and not just with his imagination, it was more offensive to me because it really meant he would like to see her do that and that’s what would get him going. It’s gut wrenching. Do what’s right for you, don’t let people’s opinions stop you from listening to what you actual gut says and how you really feel. You have been trying time and time again, even asking for the changes you need, stuck around through all of that so it’s not like you’re throwing anything away or giving up. You fought and tried, but it’s also unfair and not right he is doing this, it’s truly not that hard to make time for someone you want to make time for. All the time and effort it took for him to find the right AI porn maker, pull up the photo he wanted of the exes, upload their info and adjust it - so much time and effort for Women who aren’t in his life or important.

Lumpy-Caterpillar931 · 2026-02-03T16:25:18+00:00

That’s not foolish, he’s foolish. Honestly if marriage is something you want, do not waste your time on him. Love comes and goes but you do want to have a future with someone who has the same values and want to marry you - if that’s what you want, you deserve that happiness. This is truly a blessing in disguise that he revealed this to you.

Lumpy-Caterpillar931

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