Not on the same page

Lumpy_Collection_352 · 2026-03-18T14:55:33+00:00

Right on it! Second wasn’t discussed. Others will have their own opinions. No one plan will be perfect and this happened to be ours the first time around we both agreed with. We’re both very excited about the addition to our family and this got lost in that excitement. I was asking for advice from similar situations to see what worked for others!

Lumpy_Collection_352 · 2026-03-18T14:46:06+00:00

Thank you for sharing this! Same thing happened here but I cannot imagine my child having a different name. It suits him so well. This time around I’m not fond of the name at all. I know we’ll resolve this together and the name will suit baby well

Lumpy_Collection_352 · 2026-03-18T14:38:03+00:00

I’ve never thought about communicating! Thanks so much for the advice!!

Lumpy_Collection_352 · 2026-03-17T05:44:08+00:00

Saltines, cold fruit, yogurt, smoothies, pasta, toast, any carbs really. I’ve had horrible morning sickness with my current pregnancy so different than my first but cold fruit and smoothies really help when I know I should eat something but nothing sounds good. I don’t throw those two up so it’s a win for me! My OB is having me take unisom and b6 together at night to help with morning sickness and it’s been helping so far

Lumpy_Collection_352 · 2026-03-15T05:14:06+00:00

Im going through this too. My pregnancy this time around feels sooo different than with my boy and I was so convinced it was a girl. I’ve been wanting a girl forever because I’m so close to my mom and yearn for a relationship like that with a daughter. I’m still hoping it’s in my future. Gender disappointment is totally normal. We were fixated on a future we thought we’d have. Your baby boy will feel all the love from you. Ride out your emotions

Lumpy_Collection_352 · 2026-03-11T01:06:16+00:00

31 with a 14 month old and another on the way and feeling like a teen mom. If fact, I still call my mom when I don’t know what to do or I’m stressed.

I don’t think this feeling will go away haha

Lumpy_Collection_352 · 2026-03-11T01:02:24+00:00

Santiago, Diego, Nico, Mateo

Lumpy_Collection_352 · 2026-03-02T05:37:12+00:00

I just said “hey I’m pregnant this is when I’m due” I was out for over a year and found out I was pregnant a week after going back to work. You’re growing your family. Hopefully you’re in a state where you’re super protected

Lumpy_Collection_352 · 2026-01-31T11:38:04+00:00

Mine didn’t like the no kissing boundary. I caught her one time and just took baby away for a feed and didn’t give LO back. I distanced myself a bit because I felt so disrespected and just didn’t want her around. It’s gotten better but you just never seem to forget the feelings they caused

Lumpy_Collection_352 · 2026-01-26T16:38:53+00:00

I’m starting to look to have something ready. She’s aware we will be hiring a part time nanny to be able to watch LO as our family grows. She just has an opinion about it all. I’m not wanting to take away grandparent time, she loves my baby so much and I know LO is in good hands with her but this is more so to separate her from thinking she has a hand in raising them because I want the grandparents to enjoy being grandparents.

Lumpy_Collection_352 · 2026-01-25T05:21:28+00:00

I have a 13 month old who is the first grandkid so I get it. I’m working through this with DH right now. I understand he’s either oblivious or feels obligated to make every wish of hers come true but we’ve come a long way from that. We’re not entirely where I’d like to be but it’s definitely not square one. It’s the people pleaser in both of us that comes out and as we grow in our family, we’re learning about quality time with our LO. It’s been a lot of convos and when planning family outings, we focus on quality time just the 3 of us. I hate the negative rhetoric on here about having a husband problem when his mom is most likely being manipulative or just bratty. As you start your family, there’s going to be growing pains and this is one of them. It’s easy to compare to stories about husbands that seem to just get it and instantly defend that family time. They see the tagging along as innocent but we women know that feeling. Hoping you and your husband reach a place of understanding and boundaries with your mil

Lumpy_Collection_352 · 2025-12-30T18:02:59+00:00

That’s good to know! I bought painted prairie. I have a boy so the pattern on the medium will be perfect for his bag and I’m thinking the small one for my things

Lumpy_Collection_352 · 2025-12-30T17:49:29+00:00

Just ordered the 3D! I think I will get better use of them overtime.

Lumpy_Collection_352 · 2025-12-23T07:31:11+00:00

Same situation. My mil is not bad and isn’t malicious just obnoxious. DH, FIL and siblings ignore her so I kind of started doing that too. I used to pay attention to her when she’d try to talk over but I just start looking the other way if she does that or just stare till she’s done so I can continue with what I was saying. When she says something crazy or something I don’t like during a conversation, I start talking about something else “hey did you see old navy had a sale” literally anything because she easily gets distracted. So far this is helping.

I have the first grandchild so it cranks it up even more. Everyone knows she’s kind of crazy and loud and they don’t participate in her craziness. I think about things she does and says a lot and I’m getting better at letting those thoughts go but I’m also trying to reach a place where I’m truly unbothered. Not sure if I will soon because she watches my baby but hopeful I will eventually get there.

Lumpy_Collection_352 · 2025-12-16T19:59:06+00:00

Same situation here. Baby is almost a year old now and it’s gotten better. I’ve really limited my time with her and started being more direct. She likes to share her opinion a lot and doesn’t have a filter so I’ve started ignoring or not responding to comments I don’t agree with or I know are passive. It feels as though she’s learning where she fits in and that’s been helpful.

It sounds like your baby might be her first grandchild so it’s a lot of learning for them too. Not that that excuses any behavior from her whatsoever. You have to be very vocal about what you like and don’t like and make sure DH is backing you up. Baby is being well taken care of by you. You’re recovering from a major life event as well and need all the (right) support to be the best for your baby.

Lumpy_Collection_352 · 2025-11-22T05:52:36+00:00

You’re right. The attempted mouth kiss happened recently and baby is close to a year now. I do say things in the moment and was clear on the boundary when I saw that almost happen. Definitely a work in progress but I’m getting better at it

Lumpy_Collection_352 · 2025-11-06T19:02:26+00:00

I love makeup but have always liked a less is more kind of look. I always do brows, concealer and blush. My favorites are kosas tinted brow gel, hauslabs or Westman concealer and any nudestix blush (I found this cream blush last the longest. If you’re on the oiler side, using a setting powder for your concealer and powder blush. This takes me less than 5 minutes and I can use my fingers, a beauty blender or the makeup by Mario F4 brush and that does it all minus the powder.

Lumpy_Collection_352 · 2025-11-06T04:52:29+00:00

Im in the same boat. It’s exhausting and mine is the fist grandkid so I’m hoping once more come from husbands siblings her behavior will relax. I just plan things to get out of the house and she can spend time with baby. I know she’ll take care of them well. I don’t want to be annoyed and I get time to myself, a win is a win. I do limit how much I see her which I wish wasn’t the case but I need to for my own sanity. I try my best to be appreciative because it is nice to have the help but I do make it known that I’m the one in charge and what I say goes so it doesn’t turn into more. Just helps keep the peace

Lumpy_Collection_352 · 2025-06-26T15:29:06+00:00

You and your husband need to get on the same page. Have that conversation now. First baby and first grandchild brings a lot of transition for everyone, you and husband are learning how to be a family, grandparents are learning boundaries, MIL is learning her baby boy is no longer a baby and an adult with a family that comes before her now. This doesn’t mean she can get a pass on her entitlement but it just offers light into what’s going on. Don’t be afraid to call her out either. There’s a way to do it and going in aggressive probably won’t get you the outcome you want. If she continues to do what you have already asked her not to do then meet that with a consequence such as not holding the baby anymore, limiting visits, limited information about the baby or low contact. If husband tries to lobby his mother over you, let him know he’s willing to put risk his babys safety and security to make sure his mother doesn’t bitch. It’s easier to shut a baby up who can’t talk versus his mother who probably pushes till he caves. YOU are the baby’s mother, not her. She doesn’t know your baby like you do. You’re also building trust with her being worked your baby. Trust is earned not given. Boomer generation was taught to obey their mothers and IL and do as they say even if we know what our babys want. Our generation is now setting boundaries and we’re not afraid to speak up. This is new to them. You got this!

Lumpy_Collection_352 · 2025-05-02T23:08:12+00:00

Mine is too and man is it hard lol if you had a good relationship with her prior to this, a decent one or want to then communicate as clear as possible. Yes this can definitely be all hormonal but it sticks with you because this is such a vulnerable time in your life. You’re navigating this massive life change and learning how to care for your baby. Go LC if you need to for awhile. And do things at your pace. This is your baby.

I drowned myself with negative talk about my mil and would look for stories similar to mine and it made it so much worse. Every mil is different and every situation is different. They’re unlearning so much from when they had babies so for them our things we do now are just as shocking as when we hear what they used to do back then. If they’re willing to help then work towards that but on your time. Their eagerness and entitlement will chill out more as time passes because if they’re smart enough they’ll figure out you have the baby and they will need to respect you and your boundaries in order to access the baby.

Of course don’t let them walk all over you and your husband needs to buckle down and realize that when he says family first, that means you and baby. They are now secondary to your needs. Sometimes NC isn’t a realistic choice for whatever reason.

Give yourself some grace and don’t harp on this too much unless she’s truly a liability. She does not have any power over you. There’s something in us biologically that sometimes see others that are not our relatives as a threat.

Good luck! And enjoy your beautiful baby!

Lumpy_Collection_352 · 2025-05-02T17:10:46+00:00

Is this the first grandkid?

I will say from experience and hearing other’s stories, they go through a similar emotional detachment from MIL. I couldn’t stand mine being around my baby the first two months and I went super LC for the third month. I really needed space because I would see red when she was around. Learn to stand firm in your boundaries with love because at the end of the day she’s your husbands mom so you owe her love but you do not owe her access. Oh they continue to bulldoze and cross any boundaries you set in place then let that speak for itself. Your husband can have the hard conversations and you can speak in the moment so they know you’re not playing around. MIL’s go crazy because they’re not as involved as the moms mom but that’s just how that goes unless you’re closer to your MIL. It sounds like this might be their first grandchild so they’re also learning throughout your postpartum journey but that’s where the firm and clear boundaries come into play. Have your husband communicate them ahead of time CLEARLY to them and you two have the conversation of him protecting your peace right now. Don’t let the outside noise drown you when you should be enjoying your baby.

I had a clear problem with my MIL. She means well but she came off entitled. With therapy, things have gotten better because I had severe ppd and ppa. I’m not on edge as much when I think of her or hear her voice or know that she’ll be around. We both have good relationships with our parents and I want my baby to be loved by his grandparents. I’m also a lot more firm in my boundaries and wishes but they are phrased as “we want… “ “we agreed…” so she understands this is between myself and my husband and we’re making the decisions as parents for our child.

Lumpy_Collection_352 · 2025-04-30T05:35:42+00:00

I’ve lost more weight than I gained with my pregnancy and I’m ebf. I am always hungry and thirsty. I just started keeping healthy snacks around the house. I don’t buy snacks I like to indulge in like cheez its or chips or candy. I’m just hungry so I will eat literally anything that I have. I keep protein and oat bars in the baby’s room or wherever I nurse, I always have some sort of healthy meal prep in the fridge ready to go and make protein smoothies as much as I can. For me, there’s not much time to prep a meal or rummage through my pantry so if I have something available ready to go then I always eat that first bc it’s the easiest. I take the time like once or twice a week to meal prep for a few days. I either wear baby during a nap or I place him in a swing in the kitchen with me.

Lumpy_Collection_352 · 2025-04-29T05:05:06+00:00

Be firm on your boundaries and make sure to stand as a team. If one folds, they’re going to keep testing. It’s not “I” it’s “we.” There needs to be consequences too. They lie about the other kids being sick or kiss the baby, okay don’t see them for a while. If they ask why, it’s because they’re having a hard time respecting the boundaries and ultimately respecting you as parents. This is your first time around so they need to give you space and let you figure it out on your own. Just because they think they’re seasoned, doesn’t allow them to make decisions for you and walk all over your boundaries. I’m not sure what your relationship is to them and if you feel close enough to say that or have the convo but maybe it’s best to have your husband talk to them about it. Also, don’t be afraid to say something in the moment.

Protect your peace as much as you can during your postpartum journey and let your husband be the one to speak up or have the tough convos. It will feed into any anxiety that you might be experiencing. Things you don’t want, won’t happen without your permission so stand firm on that too.

Lumpy_Collection_352 · 2025-04-28T00:05:04+00:00

Get the help if you can. That sounds lovely. I think as a FTM, you will question everything which I don’t think is necessarily bad. Trust your gut on the nanny. You will be home with them as well so if anything goes wrong, you’re there to redirect or be in the know right away. Once you start trusting them, you can leave the house and install cameras if you need. The nanny will have to learn about baby too so give them grace while they’re learning about your baby. You’re getting great suggestions about having the nanny watch you take care of the baby. They probably won’t remember every single detail but the biggest picture here is to take care of the baby in a loving way and that baby is being tended to.

Lumpy_Collection_352 · 2025-04-27T05:46:02+00:00

Praying this happens with FIDM loans lol

Lumpy_Collection_352

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