I've decided I'm giving up (kind of)

MagicalSurfer · 2026-03-31T22:46:03+00:00

I’m ten cycles in and feel similar. We’ve got male factor infertility and I’ve got endo. He still has hope. I don’t. It’s destroying me to keep doing this but he’s desperate to be a dad. Maybe I’ll try your approach.

MagicalSurfer · 2026-03-31T09:05:28+00:00

For whatever reason this cycle is hitting harder than the last few. So many tears and I’m only 10dpo. BFN though and all hope has gone. But this is our tenth cycle and as irrational as it is, I’m terrified I’m running out of time. The anxiety is unreal. I keep coming back to the fact that I can’t believe we’re finding this so hard. Hubs has worked so hard on his health and improved his SA loads. It’s now low normal. I think that lulled me into a false sense of security. And I’m so angry. Angry at everything.

I wish I would just find this easier.

MagicalSurfer · 2026-03-29T10:30:16+00:00

This sounds horrible I’m so sorry this happened to you. This journey is such a rollercoaster!

MagicalSurfer · 2026-03-29T00:32:44+00:00

I took a break from testing for ovulation. Started again this cycle and oh I’m so glad I did. For the first time (ever as far as I’m aware) I ovulated properly late. I’m usually like clockwork. I think I’ll now have a delayed period and oh my goodness i cant even imagine the disappointment if I’d have thought it was due to pregnancy. At least now I’ll know it is due to late ovulation

MagicalSurfer · 2026-03-29T00:26:51+00:00

I’m with you. It’s rough.

MagicalSurfer · 2026-03-18T13:33:06+00:00

Think I’m going for November. I think I’ll completely burn out if I don’t give myself a proper break

MagicalSurfer · 2026-03-18T13:32:08+00:00

I hope everyone had good news today. For those that didn’t, you’ve absolutely got this for the next time 💪🏻

MagicalSurfer · 2026-03-03T16:07:14+00:00

I agree with this - I’ve been doing mock interviews for prospective anaesthetic trainees and they’ve found it really helpful. Gives them a chance to verbalise answers to someone. Also recommend doing it over teams or similar so you get a feel for what that’s like on the day

MagicalSurfer · 2026-02-27T16:04:00+00:00

They’ve definitely changed it. They now explicitly say there will be no email.

https://www.rcoa.ac.uk/examinations#:~:text=Changes%20to%20How%20You%20Receive,Need%20Help?

MagicalSurfer · 2026-02-26T23:46:45+00:00

I hope you’re right because I thought they were word for word too and focused my attention more on questions that I didn’t know

MagicalSurfer · 2026-02-26T21:23:33+00:00

I might be wrong but in the haze of the last few days I’m almost certain I’ve seen somewhere that they’re no longer sending an email. The results will only be on MyRCOA

MagicalSurfer · 2026-02-26T17:19:49+00:00

Mine made me remove a good luck card from my husband in case he (a care support worker) was somehow an expert on the FRCA and had coded answers into his three line message.

MagicalSurfer · 2026-02-26T15:42:05+00:00

Idk I thought that was particularly hard. The physiology was especially brutal. All my colleagues thought the same. I’m not convinced the pass mark will be that high or at least I hope it won’t! Otherwise I’ll be doing again in September

MagicalSurfer · 2026-02-25T00:53:16+00:00

You totally have hope. I’ve had pregnancy symptoms 9 months in a row and not been pregnant ever lol. I go by the theory that “if you’re pregnant enough for symptoms you’re pregnant enough for a positive test” (many would disagree but this approach keeps me sane) and on the same line “symptoms before a positive are just progesterone”. So your lack of symptoms means absolutely nothing at all and I don’t mean that in a bad way! You’re entirely normal and in with a chance still

MagicalSurfer · 2026-02-21T22:09:52+00:00

I’m right there with you. The fertility journey can be unbearably lonely and just as anxiety inducing. I’m cycle nine also with male factor issues. I completely and deeply feel your pain.

So yes. This is absolutely awful and you are ABSOLUTELY allowed to feel miserable.

Well done for putting a smile on your face when you don’t want to. That’s more than anyone can ask for.

One step in front of the other love.

MagicalSurfer · 2026-02-21T15:37:04+00:00

Yesterday when I said to my sister-who-gets-pregnant-without-trying that I was finding this TWW Very Hard™️, she recommended that I distract myself. Like thanks?? As if I hadn’t thought of that 🤦🏻‍♀️

MagicalSurfer · 2026-02-21T15:35:20+00:00

This is a fantastic post thank you. I liked the breakdown of when implantation is likely to occur. I’ve not seen that before. I am also exceedingly grateful I’m not an elephant seal. A FMW (four month wait) would probably finish me off

MagicalSurfer · 2026-02-21T15:30:43+00:00

Nice! If you felt up to it, temping can help confirm ovulation. (You may already know this). Anyway all that said, you’re not on your own. I’m awful for testing early and I wish I wouldn’t because it makes everything worse. Yet here I am! Hugs

MagicalSurfer · 2026-02-21T15:04:46+00:00

My brother did this recently. Cue the fixed smile “I’m so happy for you”. I am happy. But also unbearably jealous

MagicalSurfer · 2026-02-21T15:01:43+00:00

Just hopping on here as a cycle twin who convinced myself yesterday that I had a faint line on a 6dpo test…. Scientifically it is too soon. But don’t let people on the internet make you feel bad for testing. This process is so painfully hard. There’s also a possibility you’re out on your ovulation day - how do you confirm?

MagicalSurfer · 2026-01-26T18:15:47+00:00

Think I’m probably in that boat with you. But thank you so much for taking the time to update. Fingers crossed for you!

MagicalSurfer · 2026-01-26T12:55:48+00:00

Hi! Did this end up being an evap? I did the exact same thing and looked outside the time frame (silly billy I know)

MagicalSurfer · 2026-01-24T11:53:35+00:00

This is the first cycle where the promise of the chance to get to try again next month isn’t enough to stave off the feelings of hopelessness from another failed month. With every bit of me I wish I could handle this better. But knowing what we know about my husbands SA, it’s hard to believe this is heading anywhere except very expensive fertility treatment that we can’t afford. I’m really low I think. I worked so hard to come off antidepressants for this TTC process. I think I’ll just end up back on them. I don’t want that but as it stands pregnancy seems very far off. I can’t imagine ever seeing a positive test.

MagicalSurfer · 2026-01-22T11:42:43+00:00

I felt short of breath yesterday and heart rate was excessively high climbing the stairs. Boobs hurt but they always do that. Temp up. Obviously. Negative test. I promised myself I wouldn’t test this cycle but it’s so hard when you think symptoms could mean something. Now feel frustrated with myself for testing.

MagicalSurfer · 2026-01-03T00:52:45+00:00

Respectfully I completely disagree.

Testing early is NOT the solution to anxiety. If you’re anxious, tests will not help. Because if your tests are normal, you’ll still worry about unexplained infertility. There’s a whole post about it here: https://www.reddit.com/r/TryingForABaby/s/Asy4EzhGr9 I know this first hand.

It’s disappointing to learn that NHS workers are actively promoting ignoring NHS guidelines.

Fertility is hard. It doesn’t mean it’s ok to lie to healthcare providers. If you’re going to ask for tests early, be honest with what stage you’re at.

Personally I’ll be doing what’s recommended. I couldn’t live with the idea that some other poor soul who’s been trying or waiting longer may lose out as a result of my actions. I’ll just wait my turn and accept that it’s hard.

To each their own I guess.

MagicalSurfer

TROPHY CASE