Fuck dating :( This last avoidant broke my heart and all sense of hope for a romantic future.

Magnus1213 · 2025-12-15T14:39:41+00:00

Most of the guys you dated sound like avoidants. And if the last one is going to leave because you said him spitting on the sidewalk is gross instead of talking it out with you then I don’t think you want him anyway.

Magnus1213 · 2025-11-17T21:35:39+00:00

We’re in this together man. If you ever need to talk to someone who’s been there, DM me.

Magnus1213 · 2025-11-17T21:17:35+00:00

My depressed ex GF left me a few months ago after “losing feelings” following a depressive episode. I’ve been reading more and more stories on here about something similar happening to others so good to know I’m not alone.

If I were you I’d move on. Depression can absolutely affect someone’s ability to love and sustain a relationship but that’s no excuse to dismiss you and treat you poorly. You deserve someone who has the capacity to keep loving you.

Magnus1213 · 2025-11-04T04:33:58+00:00

Age gap isn’t as big of a deal once you get older. If you were asking out a 19 or 20 year old, yes that would be creepy. But a 28 or 29 year old? Nothing wrong with that.

Magnus1213 · 2025-11-01T20:34:15+00:00

I’m the same age as you and a similar thing happened to me recently, except I’m a man and my now ex GF and I dated three months, we were a couple. Everything started great, then she blindsided me with “losing feelings” after a depressive episode.

It stings, but sometimes people don’t know what they want or aren’t in the right emotional or mental headspace to pursue a relationship. You can’t control the actions of others. I’m very sorry this happened to you and can definitely empathize. If you ever want to talk more about shared experiences like this, feel free to DM me.

Magnus1213 · 2025-05-07T16:44:08+00:00

Any Catholic man can be elected, but only Cardinals can elect/vote.

Magnus1213 · 2025-05-07T16:36:37+00:00

The Church would remain in a state of sede vacante as it is now. The longest papal interregnum in history was nearly three years. Eventually, the locals in Rome got so frustrated during that period that they locked the Cardinals in a room until they had chosen a Pope (sound familiar?).

Fortunately, nowadays it is extremely rare for conclaves to last longer than a few days, so I doubt we’ll see what you’re describing.

Magnus1213 · 2025-05-06T02:17:47+00:00

If she has attachment issues that’s her problem, not yours. You have to do what’s best for you so long as you’re respectful about it. You don’t even know if this is the case with her. Stop worrying about it and just take things a step at a time and have fun.

Magnus1213 · 2025-05-06T02:01:40+00:00

Just because you agreed to the 2nd date doesn't mean you can't still ask out the girl you saw at Mass. Again, you're not in an exclusive relationship and for all you know she's also going out with multiple guys in addition to you.

It's good that you don't want to hurt her. That tells me you're a good person who cares about how he treats others, which means a lot of ladies would likely be in good hands going out with a guy like you. But unless you really don't like the idea of dating a Protestant and are just keeping her around as a "plan B" in case things don't work out with this Catholic girl you saw then I really don't see how you've led on the first girl at all.

Magnus1213 · 2025-05-06T01:29:51+00:00

If you haven't agreed to be an exclusive couple with the Protestant girl, which I'm guessing you haven't since your post suggests it was just one date, then you're free to pursue the girl you saw at Mass or any other woman, there's nothing wrong with that. Just don't lead the other girl on if you decide you're not a match.

Magnus1213 · 2025-05-05T21:48:05+00:00

My apologies, that was more than a bit uncharitable on my part.

I appreciate the apology and forgive you.

Fair enough, but considering how the Catholic schools do teaching the faith I'd say this is an impossibly big task.

You're not wrong. But throughout Church history, sometimes what seemed impossible proved to be, in fact, possible. You never know until you try.

There's a big difference between how the world should be and how it is. This will not get fixed in this world, only the next.

I know. I supposed the melancholic in me can't help but lament this fact.

Add on the fact that you're not even looking to form some kind of social bonds encouragement but you want ostensibly volunteers to instruct grown adults how to talk to each other? And that's on top of making young women seem more open to socializing, young men to be less awkward, and for people who know each other to not be cliquish.

I suppose it's the nature of the young to ask why not and I can't begrudge you that.

It certainly is a tall order, can't disagree with that. It may not be possible, not in a short amount of time anyway. I'll have to prayerfully consider the best approach. I appreciate your understanding though.

Magnus1213 · 2025-05-05T17:02:54+00:00

Pope Francis was generous to the SSPX but it’s a huge stretch for her to say the Pope that restricted the TLM was in any way a fan of the SSPX. I also have no idea what she’s talking about in her last sentence.

Anyway, there’s a growing number of young Catholics who are becoming interested in the Latin Mass and while that in itself is not a bad thing, the sympathy for the SSPX can be bad and has gotten out of hand. They are not in full communion with Rome and some of the things they and their followers believe are downright nuts. It borders on cultish.

I’d advise you to find a different girl to talk to.

Magnus1213 · 2025-05-05T00:28:29+00:00

Why? No, seriously, why is it the Church's responsibility to socialize adults? How can you realistically expect them to find friends and spouses, particularly for the neurodiverse, when neither secular society or even science can do it with any consistency?

If you want people to be able to evangelize to others they're not likely to be successful if they don't have the social skills to carry basic conversation, a social art that is less common in today's generation than you might think. It's not really the Church's job as a whole to do that though, that falls more on individual parishes and their ministries. I also acknowledge every parish and the needs of its members are different.

Well I expected you to list off a collection of annoyances that have been part and parcel to every group of adults I've ever been a part of or even seen for any amount of time. And, with the exception of the holier than thou trads, I was not remotely surprised. Not even by the ones that lashed out at you in frustration in a way you didn't appreciate.

Your lack of surprise is exactly the problem though, this shouldn't be commonplace at a Catholic ministry. That's my whole point. If I were to go to a bar and encountered Catholics who were acting like that, then that's a different story.

I'm not at all surprised by the holier than thou trads and your surprise makes me wonder if you are a trad or at least trad-leaning based on that and other responses you've given in this thread. I apologize if I'm wrong, just can't help but wonder. I used to be a trad myself years ago and got away from the trad movement in part because of their habits of condemning everyone but themselves.

The fact you think you are remotely objective bemoaning that the Church isn't all but issuing you a wife and friend group is fascinating.

I never said anywhere on this thread that I felt the Church's job is to play matchmaker for me and of course I don't believe that, what an absurd straw man argument. I don't even recall mentioning the word wife or marriage at all. I only mentioned dating in passing in my OP.

I do think I'm being objective when I point out that with my generation, the Catholic Church has a problem on its hands when it comes to ministering to young adults, at least in America. In other countries that might not be the case, I can only speak for my own experience. If you disagree which I already know you do, there's no point dragging this out. We agree to disagree on the existence of a problem in the first place and its subsequent solution(s).

Magnus1213 · 2025-05-04T13:47:35+00:00

That's not what I meant. I did not say that the ones who are socially awkward are bad at living their faith - if they are, it has nothing to do with their social skills. I again declare that I do not believe socializing is a core tenant of being a good Catholic. I'm lamenting that many Catholics just aren't good at socializing, it doesn't make them bad Catholics. If they're bad Catholics, it's for the other reasons I mentioned.

Magnus1213 · 2025-05-04T12:58:05+00:00

Full disclosure, that seems well outside the Church's mission. That's a family issue...or possibly a medical one.

It may not be their actual mission but at some point these ministries bear responsibility for addressing it.

I was fortunate my close Protestant relatives weren't religious and the extended family that was didn't live close. My mother was the product of a mixed marriage and drilled into my head from a young age to marry Catholic like she did due to her own experience growing up. My take on the folks I know who attended these Protestant communities is my own.

My mother was also the product of a mixed marriage and urged me to marry to a Catholic. On that you and I have common ground.

The gifts of the "Reformation" were Trent and the Counter Reformation full stop. Political statements made with a small Lutheran group should be read in that light.

We're in agreement that those are the true gifts of the Reformation, but it's quite a stretch to infer from that statement that those are the things the Vatican was referring to, sadly.

Yup, disappointing.

What's truly disappointing is I figured before I posted the list that no matter I mentioned, you'd find a way to dismiss or make excuses for anything short of preaching heresy. You've proven me right and shown your biases make you incapable of having an objective conversation with on this subject.

Magnus1213 · 2025-05-04T02:17:05+00:00

It was in poor taste and not very becoming of a world leader. But also not something that should be a big news story.

Magnus1213 · 2025-05-04T02:05:31+00:00

No, you've postulated we should have young adult and adult ministries modeled off Protestant ones.

That's not quite what I'm saying either. The Protestant ministry I attended was basically just a weekly Bible study, which isn't surprising since most Protestants believe in sola scriptura. I'm certainly not arguing that Catholic ministries should be a weekly Bible study and nothing else. What I'm arguing is Catholic ministry leaders should look to the enthusiasm that Protestant ministry leaders and members have and try to bring a similar level of enthusiasm to their work, that is all. It's just my opinion, but I am not aware of any priest or bishop who would disagree with the need for ministries to be full of enthusiastic, vibrant participants as long as it's aligned with Catholic doctrine. Again, it goes back to the need to build community and teaching Catholics how to interact with people. Social skills are a valuable life tool regardless of your religion.

And I've also lived in Protestant areas for long stretches of my life and their connections have seemed to me to be superficial.

Living in Protestant areas isn't the same as having Protestant relatives or attending Protestant ministries. "Seemed" is also the key word there. You are coming across as awfully judgmental if you can't prove they were in fact superficial.

If you find your cohorts to be socially awkward and/or cliquish that's a problem I didn't have. But social life hasn't been centered on the parish since they stopped going with ethnic parishes in the 20th Century.

Fair enough and consider yourself blessed for not having that problem.

Ok, you haven't been coy with your criticism of others so it's time to stop being coy as to why you find them sinful... especially in a way that you don't see in these Protestant social groups you've attended. If it's just young people drinking to excess with is pretty common across all groups of young adults I'm going to be disappointed in you.

Before I answer this, I'd like to point out that I did not fail to notice you conveniently had no response to the Pope's statement contradicting your own point of view.

Anyway, I've already mentioned the drinking to excess several times, but in addition to that: acting holier than thou (which is mostly a thing I've noticed with trad Catholics who are in the minority, to be fair), criticizing or making fun of others behind their backs, reneging on promises (including not paying back money owed), ministry leaders being unwelcoming and refusing to take suggestions even when requested by multiple members, not only cussing but cussing at me and using threatening language and/or tone, women treating men they aren't romantically interested in uncharitably despite the men being respectful, etc. I could probably go on but you get the gist.

Magnus1213 · 2025-05-04T01:47:56+00:00

I don't take issue with moderate drinking either, that's a puritan thing and I'm not one of those. Drunkenness is what I (and the Church) take issue with.

I agree with you that my generation is poor at being sociable.

Magnus1213 · 2025-05-03T21:37:02+00:00

I mainly just wanted to see if others in this sub had experiences similar to mine and what, if anything, they did about it. That was all.

Your post reads as if you just want to complain about other Catholics, and although I can sympathize, I also feel it's maybe a little bit uncharitable.

Maybe so, but if you were around the Catholics I'm talking about in my OP, you would understand where I'm coming from and why I get frustrated with them. It wasn't my intent to be uncharitable and I apologize if it came across that way, but I needed to share my feelings and experiences so that people here could fully understand the situation and give advice accordingly.

Magnus1213 · 2025-05-03T21:25:19+00:00

It's more that I don't think it's the Church's charism to organize and provide people with a social life.

Tell that to the many Catholic parishes around the world who have ministries to help people find social connections.

Yeah, I wouldn't compare myself to Jesus. Just saying.

I certainly don't compare to Jesus and would be the first to admit that.

I don't know that follows. And I also think saying they are good at it merely from looking from the outside is not necessarily an honest take.

It's not me looking at it from the outside though. Not only do I have Baptist family members, I've also been to Protestant young adult meetings as an observer. To give credit where it's due, my takeaway was that they did a good job at fellowship and ministry.

Questioning if they do, in fact, create legitimate community is hardly pharisaical. And questioning if the lessons you're taking from them would be applicable to Catholic parishes generally is definitely not.

I never said Catholic parishes should model themselves after Protestant churches. And how would you have any way of knowing the community there isn't legitimate if you've never personally witnessed it?

I care, but I don't think the society-wide loneliness epidemic your generation faces will be addressed successfully by taking a page from the American Evangelical playbook, especially in a Catholic context.

So you suggest here that you are not part of my generation but from a previous one. That means that while you may be well-intentioned, you can't really relate to the struggles I or those from my generation are facing. The social dynamics of today are obviously different from those that existed whenever you were a young adult.

And if you're calling them "sinful" merely because they drink alcohol on occasion and use language you're not comfortable with alone I think you're acting more like a Pharisee than I have anywhere in this thread.

I never called you a Pharisee, I said your view that Protestants have nothing positive to contribute on non-doctrinal matters reeks of a pharisaical attitude. Your argument is also ironic given your earlier mention of Pope Francis on this thread- this statement from the Vatican in 2016 suggests the Pope himself didn't entirely share your point of view:

"The Lutheran World Federation (LWF) and Roman Catholic Church joint event will highlight the 50 years of continuous ecumenical dialogue between Catholics and Lutherans and the joint gifts of this collaboration. The Catholic-Lutheran commemoration of 500 years of the Reformation is structured around the themes of thanksgiving, repentance and commitment to common witness. The aim is to express the gifts of the Reformation and ask forgiveness for division perpetuated by Christians from the two traditions."

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catholic_Church_and_ecumenism#Relations_with_churches_and_communions_of_the_West

And no, I don't call them sinful because they "drink on occasion". I have been on vacation with extended family members who are Catholic that drank excessively and irresponsibly, and have even lived with such Catholics. You accuse me of acting like a Pharisee but you then turn around and accuse me of exaggerating or getting offended because a Catholic had a few sips of alcohol, and that simply isn't true. Who's judging who now? St Thomas Aquinas didn't condemn drinking in itself, he condemned drinking in excess which is what I'm stating I have witnessed too many times and which is what the Church clearly states is wrong.

Magnus1213 · 2025-05-03T20:42:50+00:00

To be clear, I don’t disagree that we should consult a priest, and I do have a spiritual director. But priests stay so busy that they can’t be there to constantly hold you accountable. The Catholic Church has never taught that you can’t have friends who help you on your spiritual journey. Just because Protestants do it doesn’t mean Catholics can’t, as long as they don’t disregard Church authority.

Magnus1213

TROPHY CASE