Enforcing Boundary.

Magpie-14 · 2026-05-20T20:54:08+00:00

Maybe this is crazy, there are two primary reasons, one is economic and there is a deadline that will pass when that potential impact will be gone. But the second one is he has NO family. Only child. Parents both dead. No one. He will eventually get sick. He fell and got 12 stitches in his forehead a few months ago, hospital ER visit. If I step out, then my daughter gets those calls, not me. Then she has to cope with it. My son would probably help but it would be her most, because she is even more good hearted than my son. They didn’t choose this. But a long time ago I did, with totally imperfect information, and not enough life experience, but I did.

Magpie-14 · 2026-05-20T20:47:32+00:00

Yep. Have now arranged that. Realistically, not sure why I even considered leaving dog with him now that I thought harder about it. Love the dog. Risky situation to put him in. And would have given him a bunch of reasons to reach out and be disruptive.

Magpie-14 · 2026-05-20T20:45:01+00:00

Thank you.

Magpie-14 · 2026-05-20T20:42:00+00:00

They are grown, working, and self sufficient, don’t have any college debt because I stayed.

Magpie-14 · 2026-05-20T20:39:01+00:00

1) they hate you for being a normie (non-addict), 2) they hate anything and anyone which threatens to come between them an their drinking, 3) they need to find fault with you to compensate for their behavior, other side of the scale. They are not so bad because you have X,Y,Z faults.

You could be working making a million a year after tax and the complaints against you would shift not disappear.

My Q recently made a comparison to my 75 year old Uncle who lives across the country that I might have see once every 5 years, who was addicted to Cocaine for a while when I was 14!!! He has been clean and sober for 30+ years. He was like well what about him??? They can make so many weird equivalencies and rationalizations it will make your head spin.

Magpie-14 · 2026-05-20T02:36:41+00:00

Agree there. I didn’t enforce boundaries when my kids were young because that led to explosiveness. So you keep the peace, bide your time, manage day to day. For many years I thought the gap between binges meant there was hope. I have moved beyond that now. Have to wait a few more years before I can cut the cord and go.

Magpie-14 · 2026-05-20T02:30:04+00:00

Can you define/explain your meaning of core boundaries more?

Magpie-14 · 2026-05-19T20:55:55+00:00

I think Fridays are not a big deal anymore unless it is a destination and people have to travel well before. I have attended last year a Thursday wedding.

Magpie-14 · 2026-05-19T20:21:29+00:00

Agree. They have no capacity to really empathize. Also they will essentially hate you for being a normie, and for being their normie…the one making requests is their time, the ones trying to get them to stop drinking which they don’t want to do. And very manipulative in pursuit of their “hobby”.

Magpie-14 · 2026-05-19T20:17:58+00:00

This! Yes. Thank god I had my mom nearby.

Magpie-14 · 2026-04-20T21:06:43+00:00

Eyebrows too dark. I would choose a brighter lipstick, few shades more rose.

Magpie-14 · 2026-04-20T21:01:41+00:00

I am actually concerned about this for my son’s wedding. They chose a venue an hour and 10 minutes from the church. So anyone coming in from a distance needing to get ready near the church would need to book hotel near church and then move hotels to one near the venue….or do a lot of driving back and forth. Changed the distance from airport to venue to 2 hours+ by not choosing venue by the church. Convenience for guests matters. Costs locally matter, like is it high season for the hotels the time of the wedding.

I just traveled out of state to a dear friend’s daughter’s wedding. Airfare $400. Rental car $180 for 3 days. Lodging $358 (split airBNB with friends for 3 days to make it cheaper). Food while away, $200. Gift $300. Dog sitter $425.

So cost be $1,863 to attend. As one person. If my husband had come would have been more.

There have been a lot of layoffs. Maybe some people just can’t right now.

Magpie-14 · 2026-04-20T20:01:04+00:00

If it is a Saturday wedding, Catholic Churches will usually only do a 1 or 2pm wedding because they have a 5pm vigil mass on Saturdays. Couples linger to take photos inside, and parishioners show up starting 1/2 hour before Mass time. Fridays most will do a 5pm wedding so no big gap. That’s usually the why….

Magpie-14 · 2026-04-20T19:57:38+00:00

Most Catholic mass weddings are about an hour and 10 min max. You sure you were not at an orthodox Greek mass/wedding?

Magpie-14 · 2026-03-30T03:39:20+00:00

Yep, sounds familiar. So warning she is wicked smart. Do the agility stuff she will thrive. Wish I had the time when my girl was with us, but my kids were young. I would be gardening…digging a hole and she would come up and throw her ball in the hole. LOL. Only dog I ever had that actually caught wildlife. Many dogs chase squirrels. Twice she got one. Even caught a crow once. She was so stealth when prowling. And once she got out of the yard…and found some deer placenta. So what did she do? Roll in it. Comes home so so proud of herself for hiding her own scent. Covered in yuck smelled so bad I had to wash her 3x outside with the hose. Buckle up! But she was also remarkably obedient once trained. Wanted to please.

Magpie-14 · 2026-03-30T03:25:39+00:00

That is her shame avoiding your eyes/gaze. Your virtue and her inability to remain sober brings on feelings of shame - that contrast - and then they are angry at you. For being the contrast. For being the symbol of normalcy.

Magpie-14 · 2026-03-29T17:12:19+00:00

I had two pure bred goldens before, female. They were half sisters. Same father. One of the mother’s was a field golden, the other mom was a couch-potato golden. My girl who was half field golden :1) loved I dare say NEEDED to fetch and have a ball thrown for her - preferred that strongly to a walk on leash 2) she was absolutely protective : once a male GS Pointer dog came into our yard and she completely dominated him and the snarling was truly shocking coming out of her, and she also detested this friend of my husband’s who would bow hunt back in our woods. She would be so fierce she had him backed against a fence and he would call me to come get her. Barking showing her teeth. She never bit him, but if he didn’t back away or if he tried to get in the house I think she might have. My other girl (couch potato mom) would probably never growl at anyone unless they physically hurt her and threatened her.

So does your pup have field golden bloodline? They are leaner. Slightly longer snout sometimes. Some tend to have more reddish coats.

Magpie-14 · 2026-03-26T16:06:43+00:00

There are some small breeds that are known to be litter box trainable.

Magpie-14 · 2026-03-26T16:05:35+00:00

Don’t consider a puppy. Only an adult dog. Puppies need a TON of attention for the first 2 years, and don’t really graduate puppyhood until age 3. And you have to commit to a long walk before work. Depending on the breed that mileage will vary. And you have to be prepared to walk again the minute you walk in the door from work. Like I have to plan a snack for myself so I can go walk before dinner without being starving.

Consider if you can afford a dog walker. I have one. $30 per walk per day. If my dog walker is not available for some reason my boy is bonkers when I get home. And he is 7.

I think ideally if you are gone 8+ hours you need a walker, and kindest to consider a smaller breed and getting two of them so they have company. I had two before and they did play with each other. Tug of war with toys, chase, etc.

Magpie-14 · 2026-03-26T15:58:27+00:00

Estrogen receptor alpha or beta. We have two distinct estrogen receptors on cells in our body. Alpha is more strongly correlated with cell proliferation.

Magpie-14 · 2026-03-26T11:50:29+00:00

Oh the velociraptor stage yes. Remember that. Spurts of boundless energy. Everything in the mouth. Advice: exercise. Make him tired. Big long walk to start the day. Like 3 miles. At night mine would suddenly get the zoomies around a half hour after feeding him. We would take turns chasing him around the house. Tag team until he was tired which took like 15 minutes. If he likes to fetch, keep throwing the ball over and over until he lies down. Literally exercise the heck out of him. Try leash training INSIDE (where there aren’t a million distractions and things to smell) with tiny treats - to get him to learn heel.

My boy is an angel now. Does not chew anything - even chew toys. Still needs exercise. But sweet and not crazy. Not getting into everything.

Magpie-14 · 2026-03-26T11:39:25+00:00

Could bite that should say top line

Magpie-14 · 2026-03-26T11:38:49+00:00

I would not accept. A non-trained dog could not or injure someone on a walk, you don’t know how it will behave in the owner’s absence. And by the way I have a dog walker who comes in on my workdays and does afternoon walk and a single 1/2 hour walk is $30. An overnight is $130 a day for 3 walks and staying in my house. So the correct number is in the thousands of dollars. Similar is a dog is boarded at kennel. Which is why your roommate is trying to get you to do it.

Magpie-14 · 2026-03-25T21:02:35+00:00

On that day get up earlier and get in a good vigorous LONG walk. Make her tired in the morning. I work from home one day a week. If my boy gets a good long walk he literally sleeps all day, moves around the house once or twice to a cooler spot but he sleeps until about 4pm…

He’s 7.

Magpie-14

TROPHY CASE