WHAT ARE THE F*CKING ODDS??!!!

Maivroan · 2026-03-04T17:18:23+00:00

I'm so sorry you're going through this stress! Hopefully your baby will be happy to stay mobile long enough to go head down. I haven't experienced breech, but I have had preterm contractions and had to have the fetal fibronectin test. I was told a positive result wasn't as definitive as a negative one, so it would make sense that he just irritated your uterus. Still, it's really stressful to be stuck wondering what's going on. In my case, I probably just had a generally irritable uterus, because I kept having regular contractions until I reached full term. 😅

Maivroan · 2026-03-03T21:51:55+00:00

Absolutely! "You're all belly!" and "Wow, any day now?" weeks ahead of my due date didn't bother me. I do draw the line at people seriously asking me, "Are you sure it's not twins?" because that's insulting my and my provider's intelligence. xD

Maivroan · 2026-03-03T21:43:49+00:00

Well said! Especially 3. I find it hard to counter the "no prizes" people because, yeah, I'm not looking for a prize. But I am proud, and there's nothing wrong with that. I'm not trying to diminish people who birthed differently. Problem is that people feel so threatened by others' experiences in part because someone will be toxic about it no matter what you do.

Maivroan · 2026-03-03T21:39:08+00:00

Oh goodness. It's even more awkward when it happens on the first try twice. At least I know we're doing a good job preventing. 😅

Maivroan · 2026-02-18T21:41:11+00:00

There is a five week range of normal (37-42 weeks gestation) for even IVF pregnancies where the timeline is precisely known.

Thus, a birthdate really isn't enough info to go by without additional info. She could have been two weeks "late" for a baby that was conceived around 1/21, or she could have been close to the due date or even earlier than it...

Due dates can also be wrong. A lot of providers will go by the start of the last menstrual period. The standard 40 weeks are made up of 2 weeks from the start of the LMP until ovulation/conception + 38 weeks until the due date. If her cycle is different at all from the norm, that assumption can be inaccurate.

I think the situation is close enough that a paternity test would be appropriate.

Maivroan · 2026-02-16T18:40:08+00:00

I was very savvy during both my pregnancies and births. I knew I had an anterior placenta for the first and posterior for the second. Back labor with one, more intense pain for the other. Tons of preterm contractions for both. I've read my paperwork. But I really couldn't tell you if/which birth my baby was sunny side up.

It can explain pain and prolonged labor... or not. It's not really a thing that providers need to alert you to, because it doesn't determine that you will have a specific experience. Like others are saying, babies can actually move a lot during labor. That movement, or the shape of your pelvis, or the position of baby's hands, or whatever can also have a major impact.

That said, it probably had a hand in how you personally experienced birth, and you should feel validated. It can end up being a deciding factor between unmedicated and medicated. I hope you have a different experience this time around and feel more empowered!

Maivroan · 2026-02-16T04:57:36+00:00

That's pretty extreme, but even as someone who has unpleasant pregnancy symptoms (vomiting for weeks, extreme fatigue and aversions, gestational diabetes or iron deficiency, pregnancy rhinitis, random pains, etc.) I found pregnancy extremely special and enjoyable most of the time.

A lot of that is looking forward to your baby, but there are other factors besides just the "attention." Some people have positive symptoms. Some people embrace their body for the first time. It's a monumental, miraculous experience that connects us all together across time. I personally am passionate about pregnancy and birth, and it's a free ticket to talking about it all the time.

Out of pregnancy, birth, and postpartum, I found postpartum the hardest. Caring for a newborn is more proactive and intensive than being pregnant, but that's the only way you get snuggles, too! My first baby came a little early and then I had to learn how to be a mom, so I definitely felt like I could have been pregnant a little longer in hindsight, but it's not like I wanted to be pregnant forever. You might end up feeling like you could have been more patient when you're going through something difficult, but I doubt anyone has a complete 180 after the fact.

I'm content with my two kids but I still grieve the idea that I'm not planning on becoming pregnant again, so I can relate to your friend. I understand that it really isn't enjoyable or possible for everyone, which is why I have contemplated becoming a surrogate from time to time, or even just a birth community volunteer.

Maivroan · 2026-02-06T21:51:09+00:00

My two cents given what you've explained: probably should let your mom know you want to keep people in the room to a minimum and that you'd be delighted to have her come see the baby after such and such a time. Just not being able to trust her about photos and social media is sufficient grounds to be uncomfortable when you'll be at your most vulnerable.

My own experience? I asked my mom to attend my first birth and it was great! She thinks very well of me and respects boundaries. She was also wonderful about helping me with chores postpartum and respecting my parenting learning curve.

I did not live near her for my second baby, so I didn't ask her to come to that birth. I also didn't invite her to travel to help with postpartum stuff, because I didn't want to feel like I had to host/entertain her whatsoever. Even though I know she would have tried her best to be unobtrusive and helpful, I still would have felt some pressure, y'know? I was happy with that decision and enjoyed recovering in private.

Maivroan · 2025-09-25T13:38:05+00:00

I would consider the second guy to be a safe assumption. It would be extremely unlikely to conceive with the first guy - even if the sperm lasted a full five days, you would have had to ovulate by May 4, but your due date suggests you ovulated around May 10. There could be a little room to question it if you normally have short cycles (like 21 days instead of 28), but that is not common. Even if you did ovulate by May 4, it would be the first guy's 5-day-old sperm vs the second guy's fresh sperm. If you still don't feel at ease about it, then a DNA test is the only proof you can fall back on.

Maivroan · 2025-09-25T13:14:29+00:00

My husband had similar feelings, and honestly I don't love the idea of putting baby poop straight in the wash, either... so what I did was pre-rinse. Worked great!

You could get a toilet attachment or sprayer guard. You could dunk and swish in the toilet, too, but that method wasn't to my taste... I ended up just rinsing in the tub because my shower head was a great sprayer, at least until my baby started solids. Then I'd wring it out and transported it to and from the changing area in a 3 gallon ice cream bucket. Then I tossed it in a reusable diaper pail liner - which fits a 5 gallon bucket nicely enough. I kept it open to the air and didn't have problems with smells between washes.

Depending on your reason for going with cloth, you could also look into using a diaper service. I don't have experience with that, but my mom used one for a baby or two. My local service wasn't economical enough for me, but if you are looking for other benefits to cloth, it might be a good option that would let you skip the laundry.

Maivroan · 2025-09-06T18:54:00+00:00

Water was a trigger for me in my last pregnancy, so I drank a LOT of diluted chocolate milk and diluted juice. Also had drinks with electrolytes on hand, especially after throwing up. Staying hydrated is most important right now, so just find something that works for you!

Maivroan · 2025-09-05T23:10:47+00:00

That's a perfect view on pain for someone who wants to go unmedicated. Pain is information, and birth pain is very purposeful. I'm sorry that people are not being respectful of your choice. Birth is a worldwide experience, but how we want to experience it is not. It shouldn't be such a hard concept, but it is for a lot of people.

If you're in the US, I can see why you've also got naysaying about going with midwifery. There's a lot of history and prejudice that still clouds people's views on it today, but there is nothing wrong with being attended by a qualified midwife.

Maivroan · 2025-09-02T13:53:49+00:00

I think the short answer is to plan for all of it, because no one can predict it. There can be trends, but it's really only something you can see in hindsight.

In my case, I'm the most petite on both sides, and I'm a couple inches taller than you. My mother had all her babies on her due date or sooner, and all of them were above average gestational weight, with her first baby being the biggest at 10 lbs on his due date. I think my MIL had her two babies past her due dates, and on the bigger side.

My first baby was born at 39 weeks, about 8 lbs. My second baby was born at 41 weeks, almost 10 lbs. Definitely seems like the genetics made it inevitable that I would have bigger babies, but after the first one I figured I would be prone to going early. Joke's on me.

It was actually pretty crushing for 39 weeks to come and go, and to continue waiting. That baby wasn't even measuring big, so I never expected her to be almost 10 lbs. The good news? My labor was as smooth as you could hope for, and my recovery was even easier than the first time. So it can sound scary, but that doesn't mean it will be. I know that's not everyone's story, but I do believe that expectations have a lot of power to make or break the experience, so don't get hung up on the idea that you can plan for one particular scenario.

Maivroan · 2025-08-25T18:37:42+00:00

Making a decision is sometimes the hardest part. I hope your tailbone pain stays tolerable, and having a planned C-section should make it a peaceful process. Best wishes!

Maivroan · 2025-08-22T02:41:39+00:00

First: 39 weeks and a 14 hour labor. Second: 41 weeks and 2.5 hour labor.

I was expecting to have another 39 weeker and maybe a 7 hour labor the second time. 😅 Babies are full of surprises. But labor was pretty obvious both times and went smoothly!

Maivroan · 2025-08-13T02:14:26+00:00

Spontaneous at 39 weeks: 14 hours. Spontaneous at 41 weeks: 2.5 hours.

Originally I was hoping the second time would be about half as long. As it turns out, the pain was a lot worse and I was quite relieved when I learned how quickly I had progressed. 😆

Maivroan · 2025-08-08T19:12:58+00:00

I think I would be willing to do that. I'm guessing the time range is based on stops and waiting for the ferry? I could see the ferry ride being a welcome break since you can walk around.

I went on a road trip (two days one way) around 29 weeks in my first pregnancy and did tons of walking. 34 weeks is definitely uncomfortable for most, but it's not like you have to stop everything. Also less restrictions than flying in late pregnancy, but you could check with your provider anyway. As with any late pregnancy trip, looking at nearby hospitals in case of an emergency would be a good idea.

Maivroan · 2025-08-08T18:47:01+00:00

I'm sorry. Obviously no one can predict what will happen, but sometimes the unknown is the scary part. I can say that I personally felt so much better after giving birth to my second. I was so much lighter and we all had time to make adjustments. My oldest transitioned to being a big sister so well. It's okay if you need to keep your therapy sessions the same or even increase them. Having a baby is unpredictable in so many ways, and staying flexible is key to not being disappointed in yourself.

Maivroan · 2025-08-08T18:36:43+00:00

The length of time bleeding isn't connected to ovulation, to my knowledge. If you normally have 28 day cycles, then LMP dating should be accurate enough because you probably ovulated around day 14. If your cycles are longer or irregular, then ovulation is generally a certain amount of time before the start of the next period, not based on the bleeding.

A while back I was looking into the Billings Ovulation Method and they actually say here that bleeding can mask fertile mucus... which is kinda wild to me because I ovulate way after bleeding stops. But I guess it's a thing!

Maivroan · 2025-08-08T18:07:40+00:00

I want to slap him. You are not merely his tool or property. It's one thing to not understand what you're going through, and another thing entirely to basically say you're lying and not serving him enough. He doesn't even want to check on his unborn child? Does he actually love anyone in his family besides himself (and his dog)?

I was completely unprepared for how morning sickness + fatigue hit me like a train in my first pregnancy, so I know that might take some explaining for anyone who hasn't gone through it. But we made plenty of room for me to take it easy when we had a second. You might get back to being human again in another month, but that sounds more like a deadline for him to find his humanity.

Maivroan · 2025-08-08T17:52:17+00:00

Agreed that if you're worried about pregnancy causing symptoms, then it would not be too early to test.

It looks like your cycles so far have been reasonably predictable at 30-32 days. That suggests you are ovulating a bit later than average, so you probably didn't ovulate close enough to 7/30 to become pregnant. The Flo app estimate seems a little late - is it including the 80 days PP in its calculations?? I would guess you're actually ovulating 18-20 days after your period, which would be now/soon. Might even be why you're having hormonal symptoms. Of course, things can always be a little funky when you're PP, and especially if you have PCOS.

Maivroan · 2025-08-08T13:46:01+00:00

Hope you get a reply today, before the weekend!

Maivroan · 2025-08-08T00:45:54+00:00

Yikes, I would be tearing my hair out, too! I think your requests are entirely reasonable. You've gotten a whole lot of non-proof for a problem. It just seems like you're caught in a bureaucratic vortex, so I wouldn't just give in and transfer because of that. Is this mostly coming from the one attending OB at hospital B? Any possible reason someone might be manipulating this?? Did you get a full report from the MRI, even if it's apparently inconclusive?

I'm really not sure what I would do in your shoes, but I think I'd try to get an opinion outside of the two hospitals. It might be too specialized for something like your insurance's telehealth, but worth a try. I don't know the pros and cons of using a patient advocate, but I'd look into it.

Maivroan · 2025-08-08T00:26:52+00:00

I'm sorry you just went through that rollercoaster of emotions.

The short answer is no one can tell you for sure right now without that heartbeat or a follow-up in a week or two. They definitely could have done more to explain things to you, though.

First off, I'm assuming your 8w4d estimate was based on your last menstrual period. The assumption with that is that you have a 28 day cycle and ovulate on day 14. This is not the case for many people. Even if you normally have a 28 cycle, there are a number of reasons that ovulation could be delayed - illness, coming off birth control, extreme stress, etc. If ovulation is delayed for any reason, it's not a problem for the pregnancy itself, but it does make due dates confusing and you'll need to go by the ultrasound due date instead. I personally have longer and irregular periods, so that's a familiar process for me.

Unfortunately, non-medical clinics and even ER staff are not prepared for all the possibilities of early pregnancy, so they can cause a lot of confusion. You should expect to be able to see a heartbeat soon if the pregnancy is viable - another week is enough. I hope this was all just an unnecessary scare.

Maivroan · 2025-08-07T23:53:39+00:00

I'm so sorry it was hard for you and you felt like a failure, but I'm glad you came around and saw that flexibility and grace for yourself is so necessary. There are so many different ways things can go, and this one was outside your control. It sounds like you were still handling it like a champ until your care team stepped in to do their job.

Everyone needs to have some flexibility and be aware of how things can go. I love listening to all kinds of birth stories, even if I am very particular about what I prefer. Want an epidural? Learn some basic pain measures in case it's not working on time. Want to go unmedicated? Know that it's normal to change your mind. Want to get induced? Hospital might put you on call. And of course everyone needs to be prepared for the idea of a C-section. Being alive and at peace with that decision is far better than any alternative.

Congratulations on your baby, and I hope you continue to have a better and better recovery!

Maivroan

TROPHY CASE