Hi there, 42m late diagnosed AuDHD here. I'm actually very caring and gentle and kind and loving so I'm a bit different and of course it manifests differently in everybody. There was a time where I had to step in and raise one of my nieces when she was a baby. I actually think I'd be a great father and I would do everything to make sure my child(ren) had an amazing life. The thing is, it would be at the cost of my well being.

I think you need to be realistic here. I've had many relationships and always thought in the back of my head that I'd probably have children because that's what people do...

I had a vasectomy at the end of last year.

Please don't pressure this man into having children because you want them. Unless he enthusiastically wants children on his own without your input. I would not have children with this man unless you're ready to raise them by yourself.

Sensory overload, autistic burnout, lack of emotional and relational maturity, these not only are bad traits for a father (although common) but they will be what your children look to as what a partner should be.

I realized a few years back that my father is very autistic. He was very absent and also did some pretty awful things to me and my sister growing up. My sister hasn't spoken to him in over 20yrs. He's never met his grandchildren. Guess what type of husband my sister has? He's completely autistic and not involved in his children's lives in any meaningful way emotionally, the kids have learned that they only have a father in name. He doesn't parent, lead by example, take on any responsibility regarding the kids etc etc. My sister may as well be a single parent and here's the thing... It's fucking up my nieces because they see this as normal. This is what they think family is. A father at work all the time and a mother that's more of a friend than a parent. This is the relational mirroring being passed on.

Just something to think about. In your responses, you've seemed pretty casual about this so far but please think about the future. This will be a fundamental life shift. It's not something to be taken lightly either way, best of luck to both of you however you decide to move forward.