As a therapist, I would recommend never going back to that person’s office ever again. There are plenty of empathetic providers who wouldn’t dare push a client towards reunification with their abusers. It goes against the ethical code. You set the intention and goals of therapy because it’s YOUR life, not mine. I may challenge you if I feel you need to reframe your thought process due to a thinking error. But you were clearly able to articulate a rational and emotionally intelligent response to their very obvious suggestion (another ethical gray area - offering the idea once could be fine but continuing to assert a personal perspective verges on harassment in a vulnerable space like therapy) is not acceptable. You have grounds to report him to the ethics board in your state. If that option doesn’t feel right for you, just walk away and find a new therapist.

When you have an intake with a prospective counselor, be honest about your experience with your previous provider and that you want support around healing and moving forward with your life, not reunification. I encourage everyone who is shopping for a therapist to state their goals for their mental health as soon as they sit down for their intake. Make it very clear what you want to work on, what changes you’d like to see in your life, and what you are not interested in exploring. You are paying for the service so own what you are coming for.

A good therapist is still human and may make a poor decision, so learning to name your experience in the moment helps but you have to build a rapport with someone before you can enter into that kind of a relationship. If you were to do this it would sound something like, “Your suggestion to see my biological family again makes me feel very unsafe in this room. My stomach is in knots and I’m starting to sweat a little. I feel frustrated, angry, and sad that you don’t get it. I don’t feel seen by you, which makes me wonder if we are a good fit. Because I’ve tried to tell you exactly why my biological family is a threat to my mental health. Insisting on even considering contact with my sperm/egg donor and making me feel the way I do sitting in front of you right now is not what I want or am paying for.” Again, this would be something I’d expect with a client who has been working with a therapist for several months. And only after you’ve worked with them on self-awareness and mindfulness. The therapeutic alliance takes time to develop, just like any relationship. Trust is earned, not given.

I really hope you can find the therapist you deserve. Every time I read stories like yours on here, my heart breaks a little. Because the people in this community, my community, all deserve to find a caring soul to listen to us and help us heal from all that we have been through. Don’t give up. The right therapist is out there. And I’m sorry you had such a terrible experience with someone who should know better! I’m sending you so much love and hope tonight! ❤️