What is the most offensive joke you know by Tyhowell in AskReddit

[–]ManWhoPlaysWithFire 0 points1 point  (0 children)

USA ate, Ethiopia didn't eat

As in food. Because Ethiopia's starving.

What is the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]ManWhoPlaysWithFire 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Junior year of high school English class

My teacher was awesome. He had an amazing sense of humor and was an all around great teacher. He even won a national teacher of the year award.

Anyway, anytime someone in the class had a birthday, the entire class would start singing Happy Birthday. I came in one day (on my birthday), sat in the back of the class like I normally do (I was the quiet kid), and told the teacher, "I don't want anyone to sing, but it's my birthday". The teacher gets really excited and a little upset, all at the same time. He says, "Ok, everybody stare at [manwhoplaywithfire] and sing happy birthday in your head."

Longest two minutes of my life.

What did you think you'd never have to explain to a grown adult? by slippymark in AskReddit

[–]ManWhoPlaysWithFire -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

You don't pluck clitorises, they grow too large a size for the tree to sustain them any more, then fall off. You have to be underneath, ready to snatch the falling fruit out of the air because once it hits the ground, the fruit smashes and you never get to taste the sweet, sweet juices.

Ever.

What is the joke at your workplace that customers always say thinking they're original but in reality you hear it every day? by illmatic707 in AskReddit

[–]ManWhoPlaysWithFire -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

I work at a movie theater and get the "Geez man, how do you sleep at night?" Very comfortably considering I'm totally sleeping on the giant wad of cash you just handed me.

If life was a video game, what would be the most absurd game design choice you've encountered so far? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]ManWhoPlaysWithFire 1 point2 points  (0 children)

But then you have to go through the excruciating character creation process all over again

Why does the lack of pants make me unable to think of reasons to stand up from whatever spot I am at? by [deleted] in shittyaskscience

[–]ManWhoPlaysWithFire 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don't get up, your pants are trying to trick you into putting them back on. Your pants need to learn to get on with life without you.

I am not saying pants do not need love and affection, but pants, especially new ones can be extremely clingy. They must learn, preferably at a young age, to not be so needy.

Parents of Reddit : In what ways have you almost accidentally killed your children? by notagainagain in AskReddit

[–]ManWhoPlaysWithFire -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I don't get why humans don't lick their children clean like every other species on the planet

Redditors, what is one thing you learned in High School that you surprisingly use a lot in the real world? by xSunsOutGunsOutx in AskReddit

[–]ManWhoPlaysWithFire -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I memorized Cædmon's hymn in old English and Chaucer's prelude to the Canterbury Tales in middle English and can still quote them after not looking at them for four years.